World Cup soccer is a sham! I am so angered right now and I am booing the referees!
Even though we don’t care about it, America is the greatest at soccer. We proved this fact when we defeated the ‘main’ country of soccer, England, only earlier this week.
Now we see Europe is still licking their wounds and have resorted to cheating us! Boo! Booooo!
In the match against Slovenia, a communist nation, America fell down early. We were down by the score of 0 – 2. God allowed this happen so the world could witness a miracle in the most boring of sports.
After falling down 0 – 2, the Americans gathered on the sideline and began to pray to God. I joined in the prayer from home, I says, “God, give us the strength and power to do your work here. Let America show these lesser nations how we can control every sport, all unto your honor and glory, Lord. Amen.”
It was beautiful. Instantly, as if they had eaten the best calcium-enriched orange slices and iced water, the Americans returned to the field with a youthful pep and refreshed step. It was God actively giving the American team more energy because we are favored.
The most obvious example of God empowering the Americans was seen in the power of the kicks. It was as if God inserted the power of 20 thoroughbred horses into the legs of everyone on our team. Look at the lowly Slovenian goalie cower before the might of a powerful kick from our forward!
Gooooooal! If you look closely, you’ll notice even the Slovenian defender has chosen to go all prostrate before the might of the kick, instead of risk being TKO by the ball as it divinely sailed into the goal to make it 1 -2.
This was just the tip of the iceberg. Amazing passes and great pacing typified the rest of the game for America, and easily we made the score 2 -2. Instead of running up the score on the Slovenians, who already don’t have much to look forward to, America decided to make a near-end game play to draw up dramatic tension and give the crowd a treat.
America was going to win the game 3 – 2, but an African main referee and the European attending referees stopped the process by cheating! Every continent is conspiring against America because they fear our team’s mighty legs powered by the chariot wheels of heaven itself!
That was not offside. I think the referee has gotten soccer mixed up with real football, the latter where offside is actually possible when the defending line moves before the quarterback on the offense accepts the hiked ball.
Whatever the case, I’ll be writing FIFA World Cup 2010 Association to order they fire these sham referees and give us back our victory!