I could only wish I was the Lord and Savior right now, because I would have a big red button on my throne and immediately cast all sinners into HELL!
Thank God you traiterous stiffnecks that I cannot be the judge of all for a day, because every second in your life that you use to betray America and God, I would make unto infinity of torture unto you!
America was founded as a Christian nation. Our monies says In GOD We Trust. Our pledge of allegiance to our American flag says we are One nation, under GOD! We are Christians and our Constitution proves the point!
There is no job in America more important than the media. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who watches the watchers?
Well my friends, it is supposed to be the media, so that means Christians in media are the most trustworthy and therefore most important!
So how sad is it that on his article, a professing Christian named Jonathan Acuff has caused my anger to be riled and therefore you can only imagine God’s wrath is boiling over and sizzling the oven burners! Look at these words from his blog masquerading as journalism. He has entitled this Why Are Christians Jerks Online and accuses all of us Christians of being “jerks” and “mean” with our articles when I only preach love for everyone: Look at this hellbound savage written nonsense from this turncoat, gayfont liberal tallywhacker! Look!:
Why Are Christians Jerks Online
So then why are there so many hateful Christian blogs? Why do Christians write bitter messages on Twitter? Why do we send hate mail?
I think there are two reasons Christians are jerks online.
1. The business traveler approach.
It’s unfortunately not that uncommon for business travelers to get in trouble when they’re on the road. With a “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” approach they tend to do things they would never do at home. “The rules don’t apply here. I’m a different person. This is ‘road me,’ not ‘home me.'” I believe sometimes Christians approach the Internet the same way. The rules of “real life” don’t count. Sure, I have to love my neighbor, but are people on Facebook my neighbor? The Internet doesn’t “count.” These are just words. Surely I can throw a missile of hate at someone on Twitter. And when we buy into this logic, we develop an unloving, anything goes, whatever happens online stays online mentality. We become two different people, “Offline Christian” and “Online Christian.” And we become jerks.
2. Room Cleaning Christianity
Why do Christians argue about drinking beer or why the tankini is the least slutty of all bathing garments? I think it’s because we sometimes practice “Room Cleaning Christianity.” Think of it like college. When you’ve got a final paper due Monday, you will be amazed at how energetic your desire is to clean your room. You will scrub tile with a slow toothbrush if it means avoiding the bigger, more difficult work of writing your paper. The same thing happens with Christianity. Loving your neighbor might be simple, but it’s not easy. Maybe my neighbor is a jerk too. Maybe they hate God. Maybe they are actively and violently opposed to everything I believe. And showing them grace feels impossible. So instead of dealing with that, we get online and police people. We find small things to focus on that will distract us. I think God wants us to discuss the little stuff, but we make it an idol when we practice room cleaning Christianity at the exclusion of love. And we tend to become jerks.
Hopefully you’ve never experienced either of these things. Hopefully this article feels like Amish Romance Fiction, currently a hit amongst Christians. But if it doesn’t, if you’ve been an online jerk, if you’ve acted like I have, there’s hope.
Jesus came for the mess-ups like us. Jesus came for the failures. Jesus came for the jerks. (That’s not in the King James version of the Bible, I remixed it like Timbaland.) And the truth is, grace is the antidote to being a jerk online.
So my hope is that you won’t prove my point in the comments section. My hope is you’ll accept my apology for the times I’ve been a jerk to you online.
My hope is that I’ll see Bono in heaven, or at the bare minimum “the Edge.”
You can see what’s going on here: liberal agenda. Satan loves to veil his agents. This is nothing but the work of a veil wolf in sheep’s skin, just like this danged commie Soviets they just found sneaking our secrets on the east coast!
My friends, God has something better than the electric chair for sinners! It is called HELL! There is no off switch and it shall burn all sinners forever! Glory!
Liberals try to accuse Christians of spreading hate, when all I try to do is show everyone God’s love and protect them from getting triton dabbled by Satan in the devilwhole for all eternity with hot coals and lava!
So no, Acuff, everyone should thank those who do the hard job of warning all sinners why they must change to how we know they should live, and then even give them examples and help remind them of their wrong sin whore antics!
No one likes a Judas! Turn back to the Lord before it is too late and you join Judas, Benedict Arnold and all other Johny Turncoats who have turned against their God and country with Satanic liberal agendas! Democrats.