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REVEALED – Morgan Freeman is A Secret Vampire
July 29, 2010 by Abe
Filed under Uncategorized
Only weeks ago I revealed evidence of how Lindsay Lohan is a lesbian vampire and as we can see, today she sits in a cellar and rots for her ancient sins! Now, today, I have more revelations. This time about Morgan Freeman.
Sure, in movies he always tries to play a chocolate version of God or sometimes even the kindly, warm magic negro (Bagger Vance, Bucket List, Ghost Dad), with an orange sky sunset-voice and smiling eyes, but deep down there is something tragic and sinister. There is that suspicious ear-ring in the left ear and a slight air about him that makes you go, hmm, perhaps this isn’t just a kindly grandpa. He dates younger womans and then can survive car wrecks, so hmm, perhapst here is something eternally supernatural afoot here and he really isn’t his age. That is how the inquiring scientific mind thinks when viewing this man and there is a reason why! I have the proof.
Notice in my image, how there are dark glasses and the dark cape outfit. He looks composed and smug, just like some other ‘count’ you may be familiar with. The ‘Count” Vlad of ancient lore! Dracula!
You may think this conclusion is drastic and out of place, and that’s because the liberal media has trained your mind to not be analytical and jump to reasonable gut-based conclusions. I am a man of God and of science, therefore can sniff these things out and do these investigations for those not of the same abilities.
We see in the image, Morgan Freeman has donned his black outfit and sunglasses to quite possibly blot out the Sun! The Sun would make him sparkle or even melt, according to vampiric sciences. There is no reason to dress like that as he’s not even making media appearances for his The Matrix movie trilogy anymore.
Now I know there are still those weak of mind and resolve out there, so to you heretics I present more proof though you should already be able to sense something is afoul!
In this following exclusive video, we see a ‘younger’ Morgan Freeman — perhaps this was shot 60 years ago or more — in some sort of crypt. He is laying in his coffin and singing, while taking a bath and extoling about how he enjoys BEING A VAMPIRE. Soulless Hollywood walks among us my friends, beware! Warning: The following video contains archived media footage of a vampire bath. First pray and put blessed oils on your doorposts, then appoint your wife and children to another room and order then to keep praying until you relieve them of that duty as you watch the video.
And he would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you pesky kids and your dog!
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“Only weeks ago I revealed evidence of how Lindsay Lohan is a lesbian vampire”
Evidence should always have merit. Ergo, what you revealed was not evidence.
“That is how the inquiring scientific mind thinks when viewing this man”
No, it doesn’t. I have a “scientific mind”. I thought nothing of the though.
“I have the proof.”
Sod off. You don’t have any proof. You have wild accusations.
“You may think this conclusion is drastic and out of place, and that’s because the liberal media has trained your mind to not be analytical and jump to reasonable gut-based conclusions.”
No, that’s because the conclusion is drastic, out of place and batshit insane. And ever heard of Occam’s razor? It’s the idea that the explanation with the fewest new assumptions is usually the correct one. That’s why people jump to reasonable gut-based conclusions.
“I am a man of God and of science”
Hardly. You can’t even spell.
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I do not even see pupils in his eyes.
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what the fuck…. no seriously how dare you rape my mind like that?
do you even understand what fiction is? are you even remotly capabel of deferinciating between reality and fantasy?
vampire sience? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!!? those are a fictional stories you retardet monkey.
there is no sience there is no analazys and there ceritanily isn’t anything reasonable about this shit.
this is by far the most batshit insane i have ever read.
if i didn’t know this was comedy i’d be scared shitless about now.
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