• The Fag Hag: How a Girl’s Misguided Friendship Choices Can Lead to a Lifetime of Loneliness

    July 27, 2010 5:56 am 375 comments

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    I received an impassioned letter the other day that I’d like to share with you. It reads, in part:

    My daughter surprised me by moving into an apartment in the city this summer with 3 gay men. I certainly don’t hate homosexuals but when I paid a visit we spent the entire weekend with these people. We went to a restaurant where the boys were very catty and drunk. Then I slept on their living room couch and that was interesting to say the least… I guess they all think their bedroom doors are sound proof. Next day one of them even came clothes shopping with us! So I’m worried about her finding a real man. She has assured me many times over that she’s a heterosexual but how is she going to find a man to marry if she hangs around these types of people all the time?

    This is an incredibly complex issue and to the letter writer and other worried parents out there I will say there is no easy answer. The psychological and physical relationship between heterosexual girls and homosexual males is many layered. It can begin at an early age but, tragically, the consequences can last a lifetime.

    PRINCIPLES, PIMPLES & POPULARITY

    It is common for young girls who have not socialized properly to seek solace in the company of outcasts. The problem begins in the teenage years when girls are intensely self-conscious about their looks. Not having the right clothes or failing to join a sports team can drive a young person inward and away from her popular peers. Pimples are also a big problem. A girl suffering from pimples feels ashamed and awkward, ugly and unloved. She will hide her face, sit at the back of the classroom and lose interest in meeting boys. Fortunately, pimples and acne are easily addressed by a good dermatologist and the right medications. If your child suffers from pimples, please get involved and monitor your girl’s facial care. It’s a simple thing to do and can really make a difference for her self-esteem and for her ability to meet your expectations. I should note, however, that pimples are also symptomatic of marijuana use so if your child is unwilling to talk to you about her pimples, you may have a far more serious issue on your hands.

    Despite the fact that these young female outcasts are on the fringes of school social groups, they still yearn for male companionship. Teenage macho culture may scare them, so they look for a softer form of friendship, one that is initially non-threatening. Homosexuals of all ages and young women share many similar obsessions– clothes, gossip and melodramatic TV shows– and this is what draws them together. As they become young adults, alcohol consumption is often added to the list. They also begin to lust for men who are, by definition, beyond their reach. This is why we have a culture of young people who idolize the “zombies” and “vampires” played by handsome actors. Zombies and vampires may be asexualized fantasy characters, but much of their practices on TV and in the movies are nothing more than simulated fornication. Naturally, this form of entertainment appeals to those unsuccessful at mastering their own bodies.

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    UNDER THE INFLUENCE

    The more time a girl spends with her homosexual friends, the more she will fall under the influence of their habits and mannerisms. She might pick up homosexual fashions and dress mannishly. Instead of cultivating a delicate, feminine look, many dress in black clothes and heavy shoes. Some keep their cheeks pale and wear not enough lipstick. Most mimic homosexual facial expressions, tending to frown and wince a great deal to evince a disdainful attitude towards the world. When this type of girl hears an off-color joke or some piece of gossip, she will shriek at absurdly high levels, levels that would be unacceptable in sober, polite society. She may also take up cigarette smoking to replace the heterosexual intercourse that her body so desperately craves, somehow equating a damp little instrument of cancer lodged between her lips with the act of copulation.

    All this time spent around gay men comes at a cost. When the firm, bass tones of masculinity command such a young woman, she will long for the shrill call of the homosexual. When asked by a heterosexual male to be the quiet but pleasant companion at business functions or family dinners out, the girl will rebel. This is a litmus test of just how far off course she has gone. If she is a fully formed “fag hag,” she will abandon her straight mate at these social events and lurch for the bar, ordering up a frizzy cocktail while seeking any hint of homosexuality in the bartender’s eyes. If she has come this far, she is now fully allergic to the requirements of being a wife and the bartender’s scandalous bits of gossip whispered over margaritas will only worsen the rash of autonomy that she has developed.

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    THE CARNAL CONUNDRUM

    Deep in the our female friend’s heart is a terrible contradiction. Many of these women secretly believe that a close relationship with a homosexual will blossom into a gender-bending experience. They hunger for the lean gym bodies that so many gay men spend hours pumping into glistening perfection. They crave the boy’s progressive fashion sense, how his tight shirts show off perky biceps and a hairless or freshly-shaven chest. They are lured into what passes for a “glamorous” lifestyle in the big cities of America– flashy friends, models and actors, days spent shopping at Bloomingdales, nights dining at exclusive restaurants, parties with guest lists, trendy discos in dangerous neighborhoods… The homosexual often uses his high degree of promiscuity to gain access to overbooked restaurants (slept with a waiter), private parties (slept with the host’s boyfriend) and expensive clubs (slept with the drummer playing that night). It is an astonishingly incestuous world.

    The reason for such incest? The homosexual is like a locust– limber, voracious and without conscience. They consume everything in their path, stripping the purest things bare, leaving them barren and alone in the cold night air. They will rampage through cities and cultures, whether it’s San Francisco or the Brazilians, the hallowed chambers of the Vatican or internet chat boards. Our straight women in love with gay men don’t seem to comprehend that once they’ve been dropped off for the night at their doorfronts, the homosexual’s adventure is really just beginning. More bars and clubs, the after-hours establishments, cocaine, crystal meth, sex bathhouses, motel room sex parties, tricking in truckstops, prancing in parks, the true nature of these men is now revealed. The lengths to which the homosexual will go to destroy any scent of propriety and humanity in themselves would shock their early-evening female companions and it begs larger questions about our culture.

    How can our masculinity survive in an era when it’s so abused, rushed into alleyways for repeated and foul violations that push into the darkest crevasses of humanity’s evil? As a society, we’re not just looking into the mirror, we’ve been pushed up against it, our faces sweating, our bodies naked, our hearts beating too fast, can we even make out our reflections as we’re crushed there, violated from the world behind us, painfully, incessantly, raped and violated in the most nasty of ways, that scruff of the devil’s chest hair chafing our backs, the heavy hot breath of society’s doom in our ear, as we plead for an escape, for freedom, for forgiveness from Jesus Christ for the sins we have permitted in our society, for not protecting our brothers and sisters, for not standing up for morality, for not pushing back and fighting, shouting? No we put ourselves here in this very place. Guilt! Our love for ourselves, our malodorous indulgence and narcissism drew us too close to that mirror. Guilt! We wished to see ourselves in all our glory. But in that worship of self we set aside the most important worship of all: that of our God. Have you truly no guilt for what has been done to you, my friends?

    Tragically, despite everything I tell you, our poor lady friend still suspects that maybe, just maybe, after a long drunken or drug-fueled night the homosexual’s masculinity may rise somewhere in the darkness to claim her. As they cling close together, bound by mutual neediness and emotional instability, hot wet tears and Egyptian cotton sheets, she dreams that he will be her man, abandoning his all-night sex raves to stay home and bounce children on his knee. But let me tell you this here and now, ladies: it was never meant to be.

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    HOPE GIVES WAY TO HIGHBALLS

    As these once-hopeful women age, they become far too accustomed to the homosexual male and far too unfamiliar with the heterosexual ones. They have false expectations for every straight man they meet. They demand these men take pleasure in shopping and watching shows like Glee. Instead of football games and grandpa’s cookouts, she’ll opt for spotting celebrities at high-end cocktail bars. No hosting bridal showers and Boca Raton weekends for them, no they’ll demand something more excessive– film noir movie marathons and New Year’s Eve parties at Mexican resorts. And to keep up with her aging homosexual peers, they will wear increasingly outrageous outfits. Big chunky bits of jewelry, hair dyed shocking colors, careers as art directors or café owners, all feathers of an exotic bird to attract the homosexual’s weary eyes.

    In her 30s and 40s, the female’s biological urge to be bear children will be forgotten in an alcoholic haze. She will only communicate with her child-rearing childhood friends via Facebook. Privately, she’ll scorn their balding, beer-bellied husbands and broods of jelly-smeared children. No, she will never have that home with a big lawn, the two-car garage and nicely pruned shrubbery, the rooms bright and airy, decorated with yellows and off-whites, floral chairs and the fluorescence of children’s toys.

    Visits to her parents will be bittersweet, full of awkward conservations and secret hunts through the homes of elderly relatives for vintage finds. And her mother, the poor suffering woman who had had such high hopes, will never be blessed by the cry of a red-faced child, suckling and smiling. Grandmotherhood denied to a woman who had devoted her life to love. What a reward! And mother’s fate? Game shows and loneliness, maybe even her own escapes into the alluring glow of the bottle. A sad, sad end to a proud American family’s ancestral line all due to the homosexual influence. How ironic that the gay lifestyle has not only prevented a percentage of America’s men from procreating, but also a large number of otherwise perfectly heterosexual women.

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    SODOM AND THE CANYON

    Old age comes swiftly for our female friend. The homosexual is the fairest of fair weather friends. Once another trend arrives, be it a twinky boy or some new disco drug, he has moved on. The “fag hag” is no longer useful cover for his forays into the straight world and the secret of his homosexuality has long ago been exposed. He will drop her for a miniscule and heavily mortgaged condo in Key West. And our ex-fag hag will be left with her knitting and her cats, posting their photos to obscure internet message boards with a plea for a reply. And maybe this will be her final chance for serendipity, the possibility that her old drinking buddy in Key West will post a witty comment about her snapshot of Mr. Whiskers. But will she even know it’s him, hiding behind that screen name that makes it sound like he’s a hard-bodied bi-curious soccer player born in 1982? Yes, the homosexual is even in his late days a chameleon.

    Parents, please, get involved early and keep your children on track. Sports and friends and dermatological care are so vital. Lead them down the path of inspiration and hope, marriage and parenting. Otherwise that horrific, damp world just off the edge of homosexual lust awaits. It is a precipice that your girl could fall into, drunkenly dropping from ledge to ledge as the decades fly by, her shrill laugh echoing off the walls as she descends deeper and deeper into a world most indulgent and obscene. And when she finally crashes, chain-smoking and howling on the dark canyon floor of spinster obscurity will her old homosexual friends still so busy in Sodom even hear that thud? No, I think not.

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    About The Author
    Stephenson Billings Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !

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