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Are String Bikinis And Speedos Ruining America’s Summer at the Beach?
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Recording-breaking temperatures and an economy in crisis have left us with a challenge to traditional morality that Christians need to address right now: too many of you are wearing your old bathing suits to the beach and it’s immodest to say the least. Indeed, in 1 Timothy 2:9, we are told, “Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.”
This past July was one of the hottest on record. Even in the South, where concerns over the Gulf Oil Spill are still very much in people’s minds, many remained fully committed to finding respite at the shore. In general, beach leisure is considered to have a negligible effect on the Gross Domestic Product (GDP). Unlike golf, tennis, camping and canoeing, a day at the shore does not require expensive new equipment nor a large service staff. Manufacturing of small products and the hiring or seasonal labor have thus fallen accordingly. Sales of new beach attire have also dropped dramatically as people live with less disposable income. These factors combined have created an influence which is steamrolling through our country: those with the least favorable job prospects and the least interest in helping our economy are the most likely to wear old bathing suits that they have long since outgrown. In effect, the longer you’ve been unemployed, the tighter your bathing suit.
Why this issue is of such relevance today is that our beaches have turned into veritable sex bazaars where flesh is peddled like last year’s fashions at a bankrupt outlet mall. Men imagine that their dark sunglasses hide their eyes as they leer at the items on display. But the angle of their heads and their sly smiles tell a different story. Do these people not understand that whatever they’re staring at is clearly reflected in their sunglass lenses, stamping their faces with two shiny billboards of desire? Yes, they stare at breasts and crotches and sometimes can’t even hide the excitement rising in them. Women only encourage this with their frequent strolls down the beach. “Let’s go for a walk” they say innocently enough but where in the world do they think they’re going? There is nothing at the end of the beach, we all know that! Beach volleyball is even worse, encouraging a sick form of mass voyeurism as women throw themselves down hard in the hot sand, grunting deep and long as if mired in the act of sexual congress. Lust, even with one’s eyes, is a sin. “Thou shalt not covet,” the Tenth Commandment states, “thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s.” James 1:15 warns us, “When lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.”
Christians always face moral dilemmas when they spend time at our oceans, lakes, rivers and even swimming pools. But this danger is heightened when you add three-year-old string bikinis and speedos into the mix. It’s truly an offense to be exposed to all that skin. And so many women have gained weight! Yes they have been eating well despite the recession! And here they are, squeezed into some outfit that barely fit them in the best of times. Now they’re bursting from the sides of their tops. The only thing keeping you safe from a sudden gunshot of bare flesh is that tiny loop of string. I refuse to swim near a woman in the rough waves for precisely this reason. Too many times on my recent trip to the Texas coast, did I emerge from a crash of water to see a woman frantically running after her bikini top as it floated gently to the shore. One arm is not adequate cover for your dripping, significant breasts!
Except for water sports, the male speedo doesn’t make much sense in America. They reveal far too much of the anatomy and they grip the body in ways that are detrimental for circulatory health. Some men seem to thrill in the speedo precisely because it shows off their manhood. They use it as a badge of pride, jockeying around the beach, always fetching balls and going to the boardwalk for bottled water, shirtless and tight in those extremely small articles of clothing. Could a man possibly wear any less without being nude?
The speedo has had an odd effect on the beach crowd. Some, the more traditional amongst us, find its influence a bit too effeminate and European. Yet there are others who delight in wearing these things and they always seem to find each other. Have you ever noticed how men in speedos feel it necessary to stand in groups right at the water’s edge, directly in the line of sight of everyone sitting on the beach? They stand in half circles, always stretching and reaching, turning sideways in those skin-tight garments so that others can glimpse an outline view, while concerned mothers look away and teenage boys grow flush at the thought of discovering a new trend that will upset their fathers.
That would be enough to scare many families away from beaches for good, but it gets worse. We now have a plague of men who are a few years behind updating their speedo selections. Without the slightest hint of shame, they will spill out like a garbage bag that doesn’t quite fit in the can. It must be nearly impossible for these people to squeeze into these things in the first place and once they’ve arrived at the beach they’re committed to wearing their faded, old speedos for their entire day. This certainly begs the question of how men in tight speedos urinate, since disrobing and re-robing must be excruciating. The obvious answer of using the sea or the pool as a place to relieve oneself is not something that brings joy to people’s hearts. If you do swim this summer, it is of particular importance to avoid men in very tight speedos, especially those who stand tucked down in the water with quizzical expressions on their faces. If you’re like me, you don’t want to spend your vacations stewing in the sour releases of unfashionable men.
** On an unrelated note, I would like to wish my good friend Peter LaBarbera the best of luck this week as he embarks on his ambitious program at Christian Liberty Academy. He is a man who truly loves his country and has dedicated his life to helping us all break free of the carnal clamp that radical homosexuals are tightening on our lives. In a roundabout way, he is also giving Christians a fabulous alternative to spending this hot weekend at the beach and for that I respect him. Peter, my friend, I humbly and lovingly dedicate this article to you.
http://collegecandy.com/2010/05/07/44-celebrity-bikini-fails/
4:45 pm
Stevie, Stevie, Stevie. You really are a lost cause, aren’t you?
Hot debate. What do you think?
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4:49 pm
Oh my gosh. You really think blogs are a legitimate source of information.
I used to have a blog too, you know
//This certainly begs the question of how men in tight speedos urinate, since disrobing and re-robing must be excruciating. The obvious answer of using the sea or the pool as a place to relieve oneself is not something that brings joy to people’s hearts.//
The CNN article you linked talked about urinating in pools and its effects, not who is more likely too. Simplest solution: go to the restroom beforehand.
Lets see…bikinis and Speedos have been around for how long? Why weren’t you complaining about them ruining the beaches decades ago?
//Could a man possibly wear any less without being nude?//
Yes, a thong.
//Lust, even with one’s eyes, is a sin. “Thou shalt not covet,” the Tenth Commandment states, “thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s.” James 1:15 warns us, “When lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” //
So where does that put you, in your ongoing quest to make everything porn. One has to have exposure and experience to be knowledgeable, yes?
Also, your descriptions about homosexuals or Glee characters or other people are way, way, way, too disturbingly sexual and carnal. Ew.
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4:50 pm
^*to
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4:57 pm
//Also, your descriptions about homosexuals or Glee characters or other people are way, way, way, too disturbingly sexual and carnal. Ew.//
I mean seriously, I’ve read or heard about freakin’ fan fiction that don’t go into the kind of depths that this man does, and yet he claims to be straight. Then again, let’s face it, we all know that the dude is a closet homo who’s afraid he can’t get a good lay. Ain’t it funny how the ‘sinless’ turn out to be the most sinful?
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8:47 am
Your methods of attack are getting old. And I find it highly hypocrtiical that you people celebrate homosexuality and suggest it’s normal, then turn around and use the label as an insult.
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11:09 am
it’s not an isult.
it’s makeing fun of the fact that you insult homosexuals whille most likely being one yourself.
it’s not the same.
but then again you are the expert on being a hypocrit.
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2:52 pm
Problem with your theory is I’m using the word ‘gay’ as an insult when I’m not. You really ARE a closet case who feels incredibly guilty of how you’ve been made to feel by God and feel that words that should no longer have any relevancy in this age should still apply, but because of that, you cast your hatred of yourself onto every other person.
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3:35 pm
Its true, its obvious, you are a closeted gay men! I read your article (very stupid by the way) about how to know your husband is gay and you said that when you are scared about gay men or talk to much about gay men, is because you are gay.
So is more tan obvious that you are an old gay closeted gag.
And BTW you also look like a sex depredator and a rapist pedophile hahahaha
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12:54 am
You are 1 funny dude!!! Seriously! I’ve laughted so much in ages!! I’ve got to invite you over for a party, would love to more hear more about the stuff that you believe in!
Seriously, how 1 person can be so screwed up is way beyond me, but each to his own! But this gay guy is seriosuly going to read all of this website, LOVE IT!!!
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12:57 am
PS, many thanks for the pics on your pages as well, the 2 gay guys in the speedos are HOT!!!!!
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5:37 pm
hmmm Bikini if the woman is Fat ( like on the last pic ) could be “gross” or a speedo for men as hairy and fat that the first pic Other wise I don,t see actual problem we are not in 1950 if you hate what yous ee Just close your eyes
On a side note why Hiding the masterpiece of God Our own Body ?
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5:50 pm
““Let’s go for a walk” they say innocently enough but where in the world do they think they’re going? There is nothing at the end of the beach, we all know that!”
Look, just because you’re adverse to exercise, doesn’t mean that other people are. There’s nothing wrong with taking a stroll to the other end of the beach when you’re tired of swimming or sitting on the beach towel.
“It’s truly an offense to be exposed to all that skin.”
It’s a beach, dude!
“And so many women have gained weight!”
Oh, like you’re not fat?
“Yes they have been eating well despite the recession!”
No, poor people are fat because they eat poorly. They’re forced to eat cheap shit like McDonalds.
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6:36 pm
I couldn’t agree with you more. You are the best member on the site Claire!
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9:05 am
Claire, you do have a point about poor people and poor diets. It is important for every American to be health conscious and avoid bad lifestyle choices. As for your comment about fleshiness at the beach– there is a level of decency here that has been crossed. Do you honestly want your children hanging around old ladies in thongs? Yes, that line has been crossed.
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11:11 am
“Do you honestly want your children hanging around old ladies in thongs?”
maybe not but i also don’t want them near christians. does that mean i get to ban you from the beach as well? or do i simply have to learn to respect the fact that we all should be alowed to be here?
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2:56 pm
“It is important for every American to be health conscious”
But not you, apparently? You’ve admitted to eating two cheeseburgers per meal. That’s not exactly health conscious. But, as usual, with you it’s “do as I say, not as I do”.
“Do you honestly want your children hanging around old ladies in thongs?”
I wasn’t aware that I had children.
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3:05 pm
I’d make a joke about how Stevie wants to see old women in thongs because he’s got no other options, but then I remembered how he craves the cock and since he’s gay he can’t get off on a woman, regardless of age.
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3:12 pm
Not funny, guys.
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3:47 pm
Oh please, you’re the laughing stock of religion. It’s people like you that others can’t take Christianity seriously because they think you’re all one in the same in thinking shit should be like it was back in the 1500′s because you can’t possibly fathom the idea of non-White straight rich men having any sort of power or control whatsoever.
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6:08 pm
You’re pretty much saying that flaunting the beach body is bad but being fat is hard on the eyes as well. Make up your mind.
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7:14 pm
Sometimes, I wonder if Claire is part of the parody; to stir up tensions in the comments. Another possibility is that she encountered a headcrab on the far-side of a combine portal. Quick!!! Get me my crowbar!
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5:35 pm
Just don’t hit Lamar!
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9:53 pm
If we just take marriage out of the government it would be better, maybe?
Given the weight and importance it places on other people’s opinions about who we (as people) are or should be. The direction and outcome that two people’s relationship will take is entirely up the two people involved, and it’s no-one else’s business. I’ve always taught my children not to put any stock in what other people say about them or believe about them, especially if those people are bullying them or saying less-than-nice things about them. We as individuals and as couples should be driven by what we know and feel in our hearts to be right for ourselves, not by what others try to force on us based on their own beliefs.
For me the bigger question in this whole same-sex marriage debate is, *Why in the hell does anyone care if same gender people get married?? Who does it hurt?? What does it take away from anyone??*
There’s plenty of marriage to go around so that everyone can have a slice of happiness. Let’s be compassionate and kind and inclusive and behave as one tribe. Let love rule.
A federal judge has OVERTURNED Proposition 8, finding it is unconstitutional! I’m asking all Christian divorcees to take to the streets and DEMAND that the gays stop undermining your many marriages! Protect the sanctimony of divorce!
In the past people got married as a contract between two families and to insure that property would be passed on to legal heirs. Quite often only nobility were married “legally” and with official ceremonies. Now marriage has its legal aspects, which should not be denied to homosexual couples, but marriage is also an expression of approval by the community of a relationship, another reason to extend this right to homosexuals.
Time WILL prove who’s right and who’s wrong here my friends. It may take a while, but mark my words, marriage WILL one day be available to all people who love each other enough to make that commitment. Haters will have to find themselves an island to move to, as by then they’ll surely be outnumbered, endangered and obsolete.
Loving V. Virginia. The case that struck down the law against interracial marriage. In that case an argument said : “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, Malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement (slavery) there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.” This is a fine example of why the masses shouldn’t vote on a civil rights issue. Stupidity.
Eve had sex with her own son in order to obey God’s command to “Be fruitful, and multiply”. Show me a passage in the Bible where it says that marriage is between one man and one woman. I’ve read it 4 times front to back and have never found it.
America’s Best Christian takes time to explain to less informed Christians the curious details of the Lord’s concept of marriage.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFkeKKszXTw
Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian Unlike
the Lord, I’m not given to gloating, but I wanted to send a message of
Christian love to all those folks in that crazy cult in Salt Lake City.
I know they must be upset about their Prop 8 and I hope this will cheer
them and their wives up.
America’s Best Christian, Mrs. Betty Bowers, calls out Mormons and schools all Americans on the unconstitutional craze of doling out civil rights by popular vote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9E4M39FRIGc
I know of plenty of people who don’t approve of Straight Marriage.
Most of them end up divorced,
leaving generations of children,
who end up not giving a sh*t about how to treat others kindly.
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9:07 am
Betty Bowers is a scam and you should know better. It’s just a way to insult Christians on the internet and almost everyone knows this, and it’s not funny anymore. You can read my discussion of why promoting hatred of Christians online just fails:
Landover Baptist Profits From Hate, Violates the Laws of Comedy
http://stephensonbillings.wordpress.com/2010/08/04/321/
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2:17 am
if it’s so much of a problem how about banning christians from all beaches? there problem solved now fuck of.
you do fucking realise that not everyone agrees with you? that not everyone is a praticing christian.
sure america has quite a few christians but at most 10% of those really does any thing special out of it more than say go to church.
if you are unhappy with what you see on the beach have it then ever occured to you that maybe you shouldn’t go there?
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10:21 am
Has it ever occurred to you that this site is a parody?
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10:11 am
yes it have… does that mean i don’t get to try and start the comment arguemnts that make the parody far more fun?
and even if it is a parody some of the rightwing nutjobs that see this might be close enough to the edge to follow some of it… need to put up some fight just to be sure.
but then again you just did that to look smart right? too bad it didn’t work seeing as you might aswell have pointed out that it’s an article about going to the beach.
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1:43 pm
Totally busted, Stephenson you fool
You and your speedo are 90% visible behind the viking
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5:33 pm
“Recording-breaking temperatures and an economy in crisis have left us with a challenge to traditional morality that Christians need to address right now: too many of you are wearing your old bathing suits to the beach and it’s immodest to say the least. Indeed, in 1 Timothy 2:9, we are told, “Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.””
Yay citation! Nevermind that it’s from a storybook, at least you cited a source!
How is wearing a bathing suit immodest? Thongs are, but not 1-pieces/ bikinis.
“This past July was one of the hottest on record. Even in the South, where concerns over the Gulf Oil Spill are still very much in people’s minds, many remained fully committed to finding respite at the shore. In general, beach leisure is considered to have a negligible effect on the Gross Domestic Product (GDP). Unlike golf, tennis, camping and canoeing, a day at the shore does not require expensive new equipment nor a large service staff. Manufacturing of small products and the hiring or seasonal labor have thus fallen accordingly. Sales of new beach attire have also dropped dramatically as people live with less disposable income. These factors combined have created an influence which is steamrolling through our country: those with the least favorable job prospects and the least interest in helping our economy are the most likely to wear old bathing suits that they have long since outgrown. In effect, the longer you’ve been unemployed, the tighter your bathing suit.”
What about sunscreen, towels, etc, where the profits go to the store owners?
And transportation to said beaches.
Your bathing suit rule doesn’t apply for everyone, such as the top 2%, whose income has skyrocketed.
“Why this issue is of such relevance today is that our beaches have turned into veritable sex bazaars where flesh is peddled like last year’s fashions at a bankrupt outlet mall. Men imagine that their dark sunglasses hide their eyes as they leer at the items on display. But the angle of their heads and their sly smiles tell a different story. Do these people not understand that whatever they’re staring at is clearly reflected in their sunglass lenses, stamping their faces with two shiny billboards of desire? Yes, they stare at breasts and crotches and sometimes can’t even hide the excitement rising in them. Women only encourage this with their frequent strolls down the beach. “Let’s go for a walk” they say innocently enough but where in the world do they think they’re going? There is nothing at the end of the beach, we all know that! Beach volleyball is even worse, encouraging a sick form of mass voyeurism as women throw themselves down hard in the hot sand, grunting deep and long as if mired in the act of sexual congress. Lust, even with one’s eyes, is a sin. “Thou shalt not covet,” the Tenth Commandment states, “thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s.” James 1:15 warns us, “When lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” ”
And if people would learn how properly to ogle, that wouldn’t be a problem!
And you point out the fact that women make grunting noises while exerting themselves… why?
Don’t covet your neighbor’s ass, everyone!
“Except for water sports, the male speedo doesn’t make much sense in America. They reveal far too much of the anatomy and they grip the body in ways that are detrimental for circulatory health. Some men seem to thrill in the speedo precisely because it shows off their manhood. They use it as a badge of pride, jockeying around the beach, always fetching balls and going to the boardwalk for bottled water, shirtless and tight in those extremely small articles of clothing. Could a man possibly wear any less without being nude?”
Yes, people do put on speedos for water sports, which includes swimming, which you can do at the beach.
Yes, there are things more revealing than a speedo. A thong, for example.
An article by Billings that was actaully researched? I might actually have to start trolling on priniples!
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5:45 pm
//An article by Billings that was actaully researched? I might actually have to start trolling on priniples!//
Nah, he just learned it from his boyfriend, it doesn’t count.
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7:12 pm
If I were you, I’d be grateful you can go to the beach at all. It’s still raining ’round my neck of the woods.
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4:30 am
I wouldn’t mind string bikinis as long as it doesn’t say something else. Some are wearing it for a difference reason while others are for proper attire.
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6:55 pm
bikinis… no
speedos…. YES!
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3:29 pm
I am simply stunned at the commentary on written on this site! I find it extremely disturbing that someone would feel the need to write such irresponsible articles, that lead people to a complete false impression of others, by stereotyping and by speaking of issues that clearly are misguided and uninformed.
This website is loaded with fear based propaganda and is simply designed as a form of brain washing people into be intolerant and painfully judgmental. If you would like to do right in the Lords eyes, simply love others and worry about your own actions. Passing judgment on anyone by profiling appearance and behavior is also a major sin in gods eyes.
Go forward in peace!
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3:44 pm
I think you are a closet gay!
You a closet gay and I think you could be a pedophile in your avatar you look like one hahahahahaha!
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1:28 pm
Yes I think it is.I had to buy a better pair of glasses.
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9:04 pm
Deaaaugh graaaakkkk’ eaugh!!!!
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2:06 pm
WOW…what a topic!! You can definitely tell this is one sided all the way. I never wore a pair of speedos until last year. I took them to the beach, and wore them all week–I didnt care, and neither did my buddies!
Oh..and im a straight guy..the gay fetish is crap (just like the author of this story!)
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7:31 pm
Everything about that hair chest guy made me so hawnee! I would fist that poopie hole elbow deep and lick of the delicious corn laden goodness off my fist! I love to fist fat asses because they jiggle the most!
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7:42 pm
Those fat chicks in bikinis in that last picture really did it for me! I wouldn’t even need to lift their bellys up to fuck’em; I’d just find a sweaty roll and go to town! And then drop them off at Wan Foo’s All You Can Eat Chinese Smorgasbord.
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2:19 am
Enjoyed reading the post. I am currently working on my frozen yogurt site at: http://www.frozenyogurtrecipe.org/frozenyogurtrecipe/. In fact I got some great design tips here at Are String Bikinis And Speedos Ruining America’s Summer at the Beach? | ChristWire. Looking forward to reading future posts.
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8:17 am
What about the part in Genesis where Adam and Eve were unashamed in their nakedness? They only became ashamed after the first sins were committed. Thus we can infer that people unashamed in their nakedness are less sinful. Since the sinning is what caused the shame of being naked in the first place.
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