Children Now Using Vegetables To “M”: New “Vegetable Delight” Trend in High Schools
Several months ago, a very concerned mother wrote into our friend Amber Cooper. This mother was concerned because she found a phallic object in her child’s drawer: it was quite possible that the girl was using it to “M”.
This is a nightmare scenario and finding for any parent. To think that your child, your very own child, could be so psychologically disturbed to do such heinous things to his or her body is beyond heartbreaking. Thankfully, Amber was able to help that mother out and many others by a frank discussion on the topic.
Unfortunately, there is another trend quickly gaining in populartity. Children in high school are calling it “Vegetable Delight” and it involves using vegetables to “M”.
On popular children chat site, Yahoo! Chat Questions, we see a high school girl is very concerned about her new sin. She is a virgin and wants to wait ‘until I am at least 18′, which is disturbing and scary in itself. After talking to her friends, who advised her to use a cucumber to ‘get a feel for it’, the girl instead used a carrot as that was the only produce her mother had available in the refrigerator crisper.
Naturally, the girl did not feel right. She felt ashamed and since her body is so young and not ready for such things, it traumatized her. Her mind is not ready for such things and she is not married, so this was all wrong and she only did it due to media, music and peer pressure.Â
This scared child wrote into Yahoo! Chat Questions and asked this of the community:
How tragic and sad. Your heart must go out to the girl and all the others who are being influenced by this new high school trend. Last year, girls had “Pregnancy Pact Parties” where they all agreed to go to parties and then become pregnant.
Now we see, it grows even more perverse with the “Vegetable Delight Game”.
Parents, have a talk with your child about the dangers of “M” and what this sick, twisted action will lead to in your life. Christian child counselor, Amber Cooper LCSW, cites:
“Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication. ”
Cooper goes on to warn:
“Masturbation will make your daughter very comfortable exploring her body, and it will not be long until she begins to envision other people partaking in the deviant behavior with her.
This will of course lead to your daughter seeking out a male companion, or even female. As a teenager, your daughter’s mind is not yet developed enough to handle the pressures and responsibilities of being sexually active. It will lead to great sorrow in her life if you don’t put a stop to it right now.”
As you can see, “M” leads to very dangerous things in a child’s life. It is already advised that you seek the help of a Christian counselor and your local church if your child starts to fall into this lifestyle.
How much sadness will you have in your heart when you get a call from the police or local morgue, telling you that your daughter has turned up dead, a diseased prostitute finally done off by her dan for the night, and could you please come to ID her body.
You will cry and as you look up her ravaged body, in your heart you will know all of this started because you didn’t talk to her about the dangers of ‘Vegetable Delight’ games and that one odd carrot or missing cucumber; you missed the signs.
Parents, beware the trends that will affect the life of your child. It is your jog to lead and guide them, so they may have a great life for themselves and of Christ.
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Author: Pat Heinkel
Pat Heinkel is the senior church organist for Shellington Pres., where he also proudly serves as a volunteer firefighter, distinguished lecturer and has the town's (maybe region!) largest collection of Coleoptera. Email Pat
8:31 am
People, teens in particular because they are too young or too afraid to purchase a real dildo, have been using produce to masturbate for hundreds of years. They’ll use any type of phallic food, particularly hot dogs. In fact, there are many variations of an urban legend about a girl who masturbates with a hot dog but it breaks off inside of her and she can’t get it out. When I was younger I attempted the hot dog thing, but the only thing I had to cover it with was plastic wrap, and plastic wrap clings to the skin, so I gave up. I also tried small cucumbers but they weren’t small enough so I couldn’t get them in, and they were also freezing cold.
So, just so you know, there is nothing new about kids and teens using produce to masturbate.
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1:13 pm
That’s just gross and illegal.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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1:26 pm
It isn’t, but this website probably is.
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1:49 pm
“Oh noez, things related to girls AND sex, ewwww!”
Congrats Adam, you’ve proven your homosexuality by finding the female body disgusting.
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2:03 pm
what law is broken in that case captain dumbass?
as for gross so is your relegion.
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3:29 pm
Since when is self-pleasure illegal, dipshit?
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10:40 am
You said you were a teenager, making it illegal and to talk about you sicko. You said you had lesbian neighbors? Looks like they wore off on you, if you get my drift.
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6:07 pm
“You said you were a teenager”
I’ll be 20 in less than a month.
“making it illegal and to talk about you sicko.”
1. Masturbation is not illegal, not even amongst children
2. Talking about masturbation, even with a child, is ALSO not illegal
“You said you had lesbian neighbors? Looks like they wore off on you, if you get my drift.”
Have I developed an interest in other females? No. So no, my neighbors have not worn off on me.
Why are you such a fucking whore, Adam?
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4:15 pm
Not even In vatican is illegal
it’s even called the right of privacy you know ?
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1:56 am
That’s because The Vatican has those Catholics – nonChristian pretenders. It is not surprising it wouldn’t be illegal there.
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9:36 am
Gross? Arguable…
Illegal? Definitely not…
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1:29 pm
I just got really horny.
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8:14 pm
i can’t tell if this website is meant to be a parody or not, but either way it’s hilarious.
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8:43 am
http://christwire.org/2009/02/is-it-ok-for-my-christian-daughter-to-masturbate/
Those “facts” you quoted at the end came from the above article right here on Christwire. That’s basically saying “it’s true because we say so” (which is, come to think of it, the basis of your entire religion, but I’ll save that tirade for another day).
Aaaanyway, a cucumber seems like a much safer alternative than going out and getting gang-banged at 15. Or climbing in Stevie’s van.
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9:00 am
So wait, you’re quoting another article on Christwire, one that lists absolutely no sources at all. What you’re essentially saying is “it’s true because we say so” (which is, come to think of it, the basis of your entire religion, but I”ll save that tirade for another day).
And anyway, a cucumber seems like a pretty fantastic alternative to going out and getting gang-banged (or worse, climbing in Stevie’s van)to satisfy some perfectly normal teenage curiosity.
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9:07 am
Wow, that is extremely upsetting and graphic. I cannot believe that a child could be so foolish to put the health of her family at risk. I hope she feels ashamed for what she did. Too bad kids today aren’t getting the proper discipline they deserve. How sad for the parents, I hope they eventually discovered what she did.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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9:48 am
And how would they discover what she did? Will the carrot become reanimated in their stools and tell them about its little vaginal adventure?
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11:29 am
I don’t know how they’d discover this but maybe her parents read her emails? Anyway, it’s just a bit disgusting. I read somewhere that kids do this with watermelons (not sure, are they vegetables?).
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11:44 am
“I don’t know how they’d discover this but maybe her parents read her emails?”
First of all, reading someone’s emails is a violation of trust between parent and child. Second, what do emails have to do with this? Granted, you can opt to have answers to your yahoo questions sent to your email, but many people don’t.
“I read somewhere that kids do this with watermelons (not sure, are they vegetables?”
Did you honestly just ask if watermelons are vegetables? They have seeds, therefore they’re fruits. Are you truly that far removed from healthy foods that you don’t even know what’s a vegetable and what’s a fruit?
Also, only boys can masturbate with watermelons. They cut holes in them and then stick their dicks in.
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4:39 pm
You sir are a dipshit. I bet your closet is full of interracial kiddie porn. Usually the louder someone is shouting against something, the more likely it is that they themselves are guilty of it. Got any gerbils stuck in your ass lately?
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1:59 pm
I would actually worry about this girl. It is the type of things you would hear from a serial killer’s background: murdered squirrels and birds, decapitated toys and so on.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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12:01 am
Hmm, I see no mention of murdered squirrels and birds or decapitated toys…
You, on the other hand, seem to take great pleasure in having innocent kittens put down.
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2:07 pm
putting the health of her family at risk+ what the fuck kind of drugs are you on?
oh wait sorry i forgot you have had no education at all at the subject here.
the girl is a virgin. there is nothing she can have and as such there is abseloutly nothing she could pass on.
it is no more irresponsible than you are when you risk everyone getting lepracy when you walk out the door. you don’t have it so you’re not gonna pass it on.
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11:09 am
Someone should remind the girl how islamic countries punish masturbating sluts. She should be grateful for the Christian love and prayers that will save her and stop her disgusting acts.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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10:26 am
Are you fucking kidding me?. Redneck asshole
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11:51 pm
You honestly think FJ was serious? lol
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2:10 pm
if that last part is so likely to happen if you masturbate why isn’t 95% of the current generation dead allready?
oh and you are incorrect again this has been around for centuries and it does not have name. at least not one that is videly known.
also you claim she was traumatized but she herself simply said it hurt a bit.
if this is being traumatized we need to ban all contact sports imediatly as they are all far more traumatizing.
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2:45 pm
This is either the saddest Christian site on the web (I’m Christian) or the best trolling site I have ever seen.
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2:49 pm
Sorry about the double post here, but if the girl is a virgin and afraid to masturbate, how did she become infected by A.I.D.S.; Did she shoot up heroin first? Think people think!
Just so everyone knows that question was written by a troll, someone who attempts to ellicit emotional responces over a controversial, but plausible, issue.
SUCCESFUL TROLL IS SUCCESFUL!
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4:44 am
she never said she had aids. she said she was afraid she had infected her family.
the complete lack of sexual education might have made her completly unaware of the fact she couldn’t posibly have it and as such not pass it on.
though it could easily be a troll.
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11:39 am
Even if she DID have AIDS the likelihood of her passing it on in this manner would be astronomical. HIV, the virus that causes AIDS (the effect of the virus, or the disease), cannot survive very long in the open environment. Hence, AIDS is a SEXUALLY transmitted disease.
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7:13 pm
I find the carrot incident kinda kinky
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7:17 pm
this has got to be the most ridiculous site i have ever come across.
i hope that those who author articles on this site cannot have children, their stupidity is astounding.
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9:42 pm
So you use scare tactics to keep people from masturbating.
Oh, you’re real good.
Burn in hell Christian intolerant ass holes.
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10:48 pm
That poor girl will never forget feeding that carrot to her family. Of course they will find out; she will TELL them! Just like John Edwards told Elizabeth when he was overcome with guilt for cheating on her while she fought cancer.
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4:27 pm
ROFL
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9:14 pm
This is the kind of sad, 17th century, Puritan logic that gives the Christian faith a bad name. The author is so uptight that even the usage of the word “masturbation” is taboo and considered obscene, requiring a childish substitution by using the label “M”. I will not even dignify commenting on the unfounded, ludicrous conclusions and ill-conceived “logic” of how masturbation is a gateway to death and prostitution. Ignorance and poor economic conditions will more often play a hand in prostitution, while faith-based oppression and lack of good family support for individuals with low self-esteem come in at a close second. Any intelligent reality-based study or psychologist will tell you this.
This poor girl is obviously so ignorant that she doesn’t even know how AIDS is transmitted or contracted. And at 16 years of age no less! That is the tragic result of when proper sex education is kept out of schools on “moral” grounds and parents do not take the responsibility to talk to their children about sexual relations, contraception and the risks of pregnancy and STD’s. It is why the rates of teen pregnancy and STD infection are so high in this country.
Stop scaring your children with your Hellfire and Brimstone rhetoric and come into the 21st century. Masturbation is perfectly healthy and arguably practiced by 99% of the human race as well as most mammals. Hence the percentages of women who had masturbated in their youth – regardless of whether they become pregnant in their teems or became prostitutes. Using the same idiotic argument one could also say that 87% of women who practiced “unbridle masturbation” also became senators or doctors and led perfectly happy lives. This “counselor” should have her license revoked and should choose an alternate career such as bagging groceries and stay away from children.
I would much rather prefer that my daughter was fulfilling her perfectly natural hormonal urges through masturbation rather than having a sexual partner at that age. More importantly you should be explaining the possible health risks of using various food or household items for these activities, as opposed to something safe such as her hand or an auto-erotic “toy” designed for safe usage.
Such persistent and passed-down ignorance in the U.S is maddening.
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1:45 am
Why do you have to say ‘M’? What’s wrong with the word ‘Masturbate”?
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1:57 am
Um… okay God freaks… Would you rather a kid masturbate, or go and have ACTUAL sex? It’s a goddamn way AROUND sex, for a lot of people. Way to jump to conclusions and damn anything that isn’t taught in a church.
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3:17 am
Christian blogs are more interesting than family sitcoms, and just as stupid.
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9:20 am
This is a parody website right?
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10:27 am
its articles like these and the people who write them that cause children to exhibit deviant behavior. Those studies about “m”ing (are you seriously so afraid you can’t even say MASTURBATE???) Are completely made up…I want sources. If amber cooper was legit and did research, she would find that masturbation is actually healthy and allows people to become more acquainted and comfortable with themselves. Its when they ARENT comfortable with themselves that they start with deviant behavior. And that kind of behavior starts in the home- homes where open mindedness is discouraged and where parents are completely unaware of reality. The reality is jesus won’t keep your child away from dangerous sexual behavior. As a matter of fact MANY prostitues and other “deviants” come from overly religious parents who only consult the bible and don’t actually know what’s going on. This article and overall outlook makes me very scared for our children today.
Jesus isn’t the answer people. Wake up and listen to your kids.
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11:48 am
Deviants like Ed Gein…
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10:44 am
Billings, I’ve been peeking through you’re site here, and I have to say- this place is a goldmine of good ideas. I mean, vegetables, I never would have thought of that!
Have to go buy a cuke, ta!
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11:28 pm
Sex nooooooo! Evil! Bad!@!#^$%*&!)(&@(!!!!!!!!!
Sex nooooo!
Nooooo!
Sex NoOoOoO!
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11:42 pm
The best part is that she asked if she could give her family AIDS when she used the carrot to pop her cherry. LMAO
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12:03 am
Did nobody else notice that the top of screen cap image of the Yahoo Question says “YOUR resolved question”?!?! Most likely meaning that the writer of the article (or someone linked to him) was the one who posted the question and was LOGGED IN to their Yahoo when they took the screen cap picture to paste in this article?!
Wow. Really sloppy work there, Pat.
Besides, if you’re going to masturbate (yes, I said it) with produce, you should at least make sure it’s organic to reduce vaginal/other internal membrane exposure to harmful pesticide residues, and in the case of carrots you should at least bite the pointy end off to make it more comfortable. I mean, common sense people.
I’ve been masturbating since the age of 6 and I never turned into a pregnant diseased teenage prostitute with ‘loose morals’. But that was because my mom taught me about the reproductive system and birth control, not because she tried to prevent me from masturbating.
And yes, masturbation DOES make you more comfortable with exploring your body, but guess what the result of that is? Instead of being some meek, inexperienced, helpless little virgin-girly-baby on my perfect little wedding night, I’m a strong, experienced and sensual young woman who knows how to work my body and get my man to give me a good orgasm!
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9:05 am
This has got to be the most moronic website Ive ever been on. I keep thinking this cant be real, this has to be some kind of religion The Onion type of website.
But sadly you guys are serious about all the dumb closed minded articles you write. BTW- “Pat Heinke” What are you 6 years old??!!?? You cant say the word masterurbate??!!?? I feel like im getting dumber just being on this site, and I know it will do no good to post this but whatever, Im out of here.
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10:36 am
Is it weird If I prefer to “M” with sausages? Warm them up in the microwave for a few seconds and then jam them inside me with vigor?
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1:47 pm
M = Masturbate. Why don’t they just type it?
Christian question: Vegetables, Sex Toys, or Boys? Which one is the biggest sin?
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4:53 am
Carrots and cucumbers are fine. But getting creative with an electric toothbrush is even better… It’s ok though – God approves – I’ve been doing it for ages and he hasn’t struck me with a lightning bolt yet!!
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11:52 am
This site has some of the best satire I’ve ever read. I hope you people don’t think this stuff is real. The yahoo chat thing is obviously fake.
Nice touch, using “M” for masturbate. So cute!
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8:36 pm
omg this is the most hilarious thing i have ever read… do people actually believe this stuff? women become prostitutes because they masturbate? really this is the most hilarious article on the most hilarious website…. is this site real – it has to be a joke right? do people really believe this kind of stuff? seriously?
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11:59 pm
Lol at those who ACTUALLY believe this is a TRUE christian website!
I wish I had the time to imposter someone and make a false website!
This is like The Onion, minus good writers
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2:51 am
I’d rather see them masturbating with vegetables than going out and having sex with the real thing.
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2:57 am
… I would prefer a clean, hygiene-conscious male to a filthy one.
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2:59 am
… Well, that last comment of mine was certainly on the wrong page. X_X
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5:09 am
what amuses me is the girl in question, at least shows enough maturity to ask a serious, albeit naive and uninformed, question about something sexual, whereas the author of the article can’t even bring himself to write out the word masturbate. Oh, and also how in the last sentence of the article, it apparently requires going for a jog in order to guide your children. “. It is your jog to lead and guide them, so they may have a great life for themselves and of Christ.”
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8:59 am
Most of all, the misinformation of what AIDS is is the problem.
Well that and that no one told that poor girl that she has a clit and don’t need to insert things inside her vagina to reach orgasm.
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7:27 pm
Damn. I need some carrots. Hence my name.
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8:37 pm
Are you crazy? Paul said “husbands, love you wife as Christ so loved the church” Did our Lord “nudge” his disciples? Did he rap the knuckles of his followers when they were “naughty”? Christ NEVER advocated violence. This kind of propaganda that gives men the license to physically harm his wife and children in a quest to keep them “in line” is criminal and for good reason. Why don’t you talk about all the people in therapy now from the use of this tactic in their own families? How many women are eventually killed by their spouse after years of abuse that starts with a little “nudge”. Rethink this position. God is watching…
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3:23 am
My god,i hope this guy isnt serious.
Just in case this is serious: I am a child psychologist, and this article is wrong in every aspect. For a start, there is no psychological damage done by masturbation alone, UNLESS the child is made to feel ashamed about it, such as by this article. A child made to feel embarassed about their sexuality will develop unhealthy attitudes towards sex.
Masturbation is how a child explores their sexuality, and many start at pre-school age. They don’t even understand the sexual implications; it just feels good.
Masturbation is normal.
Masturbation is healthy.
Now lets all masturbate
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7:34 am
Hahahahahaha – you guys are still keeping this crazy humour up. Vegetable delight – freakin hilarious. Seriously you guys, come clean and tell people that this is a joke site. Can’t you see people are taking you seriously – and its distressing them? Gotta go get a warmish carrot out of the microwave.
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4:49 pm
better a beanstalk than jack right?
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10:07 am
lets all calm down and bring it together for a nice circle jerk. lets just talk it over..
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10:20 am
This site MUST be a parody. Brilliant. No?
I do not believe in God, but should he (she) exist he (she) should be thanked for creating delicious fruit and masturbation.
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8:43 pm
I knew this female who “M’d” with a pumpkin. I was so disgusted. I’m gonna vomit thinking God’s precious in her “V”. May God have mercy on her soul.
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8:43 pm
I knew this female who “M’d” with a pumpkin. I was so disgusted. I’m gonna vomit thinking of God’s precious in her “V”. May God have mercy on her soul.
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