Chinese Scientists Create Pandagators
Genetics is a burgeoning field of science that is allowing mankind to do unnatural things.
Last week a mother wrote into us, because her son had to go to a specialist for hormone therapy. The beta cells in his pancreas were failing and instead of going the route of diabetes, the mother and son tried out a new experimental drug. Long story short: the boy began growing a pig snout from the swine recombinant DNA, cut with the restriction enzyme EcoR1.
Day after day, there are more stories like this. Scientists have the ability to somehow use drugs and direct injections of codons into split genetic material to create hybrid animals. They are so good that now they can somatic cells or germ line cells: it doesn’t matter.
Due to the GOP, America has retained morality and not fallen into the trap of decadence. We have refused sin and declined to participate in bizaree genetic experiments. There was the scare of the Borneo Montauk Monster, but through investigative research we were able to track this animals creation down to a Canadian-lead endeavor, aboard a research ship on international waters.
The worst culprit in genetic perversions are the Chinese. The Chinese already worship mythical creatures such as dragons and anime chinchillas, so it is no stretch to see they are trying to create new beasts. The Chinese dream of the day when they ride their cache of bizaree animals into America and their beasts are able to rip our ecosystems asunder and then do all sorts of nasty things to our people like eat us.
Here is their newest monster: they call it a pandagator in Cantonese (and in Mandarin it translates allanda). This animal can climb trees, which aleady makes it dangerous enough.
It can also swim but has the combined strenth of a panda bear and a bayou gator! There is nothing more dangerous in nature that I can think of other than a satanic housecat, so please pray that all of these animals are wiped out because I will be shining my shotgun and ready to send them back to hell should we cross paths. Amen.
This is also more proof of why we should make it law for it to be illegal for China to:
1) have nukes
2) have science
3) factories
4) cities that are too big
5) armies
If they violate any of these things, we should reserve the right to nuke them and every other country in the UN/NATO should be required, as they are right now, to follow our command and do as we tell them in war. It is how we operated in WW2 and it is how we operated in Iraq. We defeat terrorists through unity, with America leading the way,
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- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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4:57 pm
blatant lies and everyone who have the sligthest clue about genetics know that they don’t work like this.
you can’t simply change physicly unless you altered the DNA something we are not able to do at all.
no drug can do that.
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3:58 pm
And anyone who understands satire would know that this site is…well…
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11:36 am
Oh the Irony!
Genetics was pioneered by an Augustinian priest (Gregor Mendel). You crazy christians.
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5:04 pm
That is all.
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6:31 pm
Not this shit again.
You don’t know how genetics works. Stop writing articles about it.
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6:38 pm
I agree that we should limit China’s technological ability. They should be monitored regularly and be limited in nuclear, chemical and aeronautic technology.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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6:40 pm
You think EVERY country that isn’t called America should be limited and that America should rule over like a damn kingdom. Exactly what do YOU bring to the table with your hatred and bullshit?
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6:56 pm
China’s army is too big.
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7:02 pm
And that’s a problem because? Are you saying that only America should be able to defend itself? Are you saying that everyone has to just take it whenever another country decides to declare war on them, or if we decide to just up and blast someone, that their only logical response should be to toss up their hands and say “we give”?
You’re a racist slimeball that needs to be kept as far away from humanity as possible.
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11:18 am
China’s army is big because of people like you threatening them.
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2:01 am
GF troll.
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7:08 pm
I’m saying America has the right to be the only military power in the Western Hemisphere as declared in the Monroe Doctrine.
I’m saying all of our allies are either with us or against us, they agreed to it when they signed NATO and when they signed to be part of the UN.
I’m saying that America invented the nuke and it is our technology by patent. As the one superpower, we get to say who can access our technology and who cannot and China has stolen our ability. God gave us this ability during WW2, to protect the children of Israel and everyone else the Asian-NAZI alliance tried to exterminate like bugs.
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7:25 pm
//I’m saying America has the right to be the only military power in the Western Hemisphere as declared in the Monroe Doctrine.//
You don’t know jack shit about history do you? The Monroe Doctrine only dealt with COLONIZATION, and stated that we keep to ourselves and everyone else leaves us only, as in that we stay on one side of a line, and the other countries stay on their side of the line. The Monroe Doctrine doesn’t deal with military power. AT. ALL.
//I’m saying all of our allies are either with us or against us, they agreed to it when they signed NATO and when they signed to be part of the UN.//
Because everything you say is the only truth, right? It’s not like you can be friends with someone and if they do something stupid that you have no other choice than to back them up or else you’re not friends anymore, right? It’s not like there’s such a thing as a MIDDLE GROUND where you can be allied with someone, yet still hate their current course of actions, right?
//I’m saying that America invented the nuke and it is our technology by patent. As the one superpower, we get to say who can access our technology and who cannot and China has stolen our ability. God gave us this ability during WW2, to protect the children of Israel and everyone else the Asian-NAZI alliance tried to exterminate like bugs.//
Technically, there was never a patent on it, otherwise there’d be a bigger shit storm going on at the moment. You also have no proof that China stole it. What if they bought the plans and wanted to make their own reactors to power their own country? As for ‘God giving us this ability’, the only thing America did was house the place where nuclear energy was first produced, there are several people who spread out over the world that put in various bits and pieces as to the discovery of this power.
Not only that, you want to use this ‘god given ability’ to do something so horrendous, you’re hell bound just for thinking of it, you want to annihilate EVERYTHING that’s not American. Someone produces amazing technology elsewhere? Nuke’em, only America should have technology what so ever. Someone post a picture of their kid in a Halloween costume that looks like a robot? Nuke’em, they’re building robo-babies. Someone photoshopped alligators to be panda-colored? Fuck it, nuke everyone, someone has to be responsible, right?
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5:54 am
hmm nuclear power was created by a german called albert einstein actually has no Patent
you saved einstein and he “helped you” in other way
china has many nuclear power plant Japan has it france too even In canada so what ?
their army is Big OH MY GOD they are now Busy with their search and rescue about the flooding of the yantze river
so what don’t tell me ya scared of their “ÉBIG army” if they had SMALLER army could annihilate them easier right adam
oh and by the way you can’t use Nuke anymore just to said it your Nuke are actually more radioactif and more dangerous then in WWII
and also China and japan are part of the UN just saying (actually China was one of the founder of it)
maybe to solve the world problem is to Nuke america sadly we can’t do that neither even if many people (99% of the world) hate you there is still Nice people in USA
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2:42 am
so you’re assuming that if the bomb was invented in the U.S. it should be covered under U.S. patent law and nobody other than the scientists involved in the manhatten project should be able to make more nukes. sorry, this isn’t how patent law works. is sony the only company allowed to make cd players? how bout maytag for refrigerators. secondly, if someone in china makes a nuke are you really going to bring him all the way to the U.S. to put him on trial? remember, he’s got a NUKE.
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9:43 pm
its why we said Nuke doesnt have an actual Patent
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10:56 pm
It’s a vast conspiracy to overtake the west via cuteness! Thanks for sharing this!
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9:46 am
This is not genetic manipulation, nor is it photoshopped. Unfortunately I can’t find the article, but these gators are painted to look like pandas as part of a zoo attraction.
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11:21 am
Yet another “article” of proof that these people are both insane, and rasicst against chinese.
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11:24 pm
Peoples funny. Make laugh ha! Stupid American.
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11:43 pm
I think this is proof that this is parody. Nobody can be this dumb.
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1:23 am
I am glad you shared this with us. I’ll be praying for those evil communists in China. They need our prayers, and we need to go tell them what science really does. Texas has it right!
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2:16 am
After reading the “Is my Husband Gay?” article, I wept for Christians. After reading this article and realizing that its a ridiculous (although extremely clever) parody site, I wept for all of those commenters.
Amusement on both ends – good job, sirs!!!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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4:20 pm
Clearly this article is meant as a joke, just for entertainment, so everyone should calm down and not get their knickers in a twist about a comedy riff.
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1:58 pm
TRUE! NOBODY could be that freakin dumb and still be able to sign his name.
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8:22 am
ok is this whole website a joke or not? I can’t tell!
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2:52 pm
this comment proves you’ve got it just right. well done.
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3:02 pm
Tell me right now – is this website for real, or is it run by http://www.theonion.com. You don’t really believe this, do you?
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3:43 pm
Dear Abe, I share your concern about the creation of pandagators by rogue Chinese scientists. It’s all so confusing! I regularly have gay sex with pandas, but my doctor has warned me that gay sex with alligators could be dangerous. I don’t know how to think about the pandagator. Its black and white coloring gets me all turned on, but those jaws and teeth look like they could do some damage to anything I put in this pretty creature’s mouth.
I’m booking my trip to China now. Please pray for me. And for my private bits.
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2:54 pm
no pain, no gain baby! once you’ve had pandagator ass, you’ll never go back!
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8:06 pm
This whole site is a joke, right? “They call it pandagator in Cantonese”?? You are out of your Jesus-freak mind dude. Thank you so much for the hours of entertainment I’m going to get from your ignorant ass.
The sad part is, your writers are talented as hell. If this was a comedy site, it would win awards.
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11:07 pm
Not My fault if Abe doesn’t know that cantonese are spoken in HK and Macao
and in china mainland they speak Mostly Mandarin
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2:48 pm
How embarrassing for you to be so ignorant and not even be aware! There are many of you, but you struck me as the most serious case. Bless your heart honey. Maybe someday when you grow up you’ll understand big boy humor. For now, go have a cookie and lay down for your nap.
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11:02 pm
I gotta admit that it took me a few minutes to realize that this is a satirical site. Photo of pandagators is awesome!
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11:41 am
These fiends have clearly been at work before…
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1:44 pm
hey demented dropout from humanity,
what other lowlife is ghostwriting this vile garbage for you? trouble is this:
there are enough idiots in America to elect Palin in the Presidential primary and add this incredible swill to her campaign platform!!!
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10:32 pm
Praise the Lord! I gotta get me one of those to deal with my coon problem… little critters won’t know what’s bit ‘em. Can I get one in red, white and blue for the 4th July?
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12:07 pm
Are you freaking people That Stupid!!!!! It’s a fake photo! The Alligators painted black and white, The “Tiger Dog”. Its’ called Photoshop! I can create a picture of a winged pig and post it on the Internet. It doesn’t make it real. China is not creating mythical creatures in a lab. You will believe anything! This whole site is full of disinformation.
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2:51 am
Shawn, you can create winged pigs? I’m glad you’re on our side.
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11:52 pm
These creatures are grotesque, you would think the Chinses would better spend their time trying to make better exports for us to use here
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10:30 am
“they call it a pandagator in Cantonese”
These clever Chinese, they even adapt their language so that their compound words look exactly like English so that, when any brave blogger unveils this scandal, he’ll be thought to be a humorist.
Clever indeed. I wish we had them in “ar” side.
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9:23 pm
Grew a pig nose? Why don’t you show a non-photoshoped picture of that?
This looks more like spray paint than genetics.
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1:52 am
what a fucking retarded website. lemme guess, fox “news” too liberal for you? christwire to the rescue. China and Obama and liberals OH MY! keep living in fear and fantasy, the rest of the world has moved on without you anyway.
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2:24 pm
No, the pandagator his real! Here is the proof: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/satire
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3:49 am
ah now I get it – this site the a supermarket tabloid parody withe a crazy right wing theme. I mean really, nobody would be stupid enough to actually believe a shopped photo like this would they?
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11:12 am
This is a joke — isn’t it?
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12:06 pm
Do they eat bamboo?
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3:45 pm
Abe piddled on his keyboard “we should make it law for it to be illegal for China to…”
By what authority does the US have to make laws for China?
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4:06 am
Ok, now I get it. I thought it must be the case that this site wasn’t serious, but this article just confirmed it. Such dedication to satire is utterly impressive. Whoever painted those poor alligators needs a smack upside the head though.
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8:42 pm
Ugh, what the fuck do you know about chinese people? And what is your problem with China anyway you douche bag?
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8:43 pm
And you do know this is shopped, right you idiot?
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10:38 am
WTH???
there is no such thing! this image is shopped!
i can;t believe you would be dumb enough to believe that this is a genetically engineer pandagator??!!!
if this experiment is successful, it would’ve already been on the news!
but hey… WHY ISN’T IT STILL ON THE NEWS??
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3:45 pm
are you joking
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