Shark Week 2010: Crazed Sand Shark Walks on Beach, Attacks People!
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. We must wipe out every shark possible because they are a danger to man. Each and every year, over 500,000 people worldwide are eaten by sharks.
Sharks sniff out anything on the surface of the ocean and with no concerns, just try to eat it. Imagine the horror of being on summer vacation with your family, when suddenly a pack of sharks decide that your precious little girl Sally is going to be their next meal. In the ocean, there is nothing you can do about it but cry salty tears which just helps refresh the sharks even more.
Well, now I have something even more scary to show you. There are now sand sharks: sharks that have somehow been mutated, perhaps by radiation or far more likely, Satan, to be able to walk on land with their fins and then eat innocent people just trying to lay on the beach.
When I saw the following video I immediately cancelled my vacation plans to the relaxing beaches of Malibu. These new sharks are popping up everywhere and gobbling people right up off the beach, and officials do not even really know what is happening or how to file the missing person’s report.
Liberal animal rights extremists will try to cover this up with a pile of media lies and deception, but I have video proof! These sharks must be wiped out or more people are going to get eaten and their numbers will spread, building up deep in the bowels of the ocean and then exploding everywhere, boat, ships, the back seat of your car or maybe even your open back patio! Shark attack everywhere!
They no longer need the water and can now pop up anywhere: you could just be getting home after a long day at the office and a few drinks with your friends at the local bar and grill, then suddenly, you go home to use perhaps your bathroom. Lurks in the shadows one of these sand sharks and it snuck in through your open patio door or even attempts to jump through your rooftop and waits to eat you! I’m now displaying the media footage and we need to go ahead and wipe these lowlife animals out while we can.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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6:11 pm
“There are now sand sharks: sharks that have somehow been mutated, perhaps by radiation or far more likely, Satan, to be able to walk on land”
For God’s sakes, man. You keep insisting you’re a man of science. Why is it, then, that you don’t appear to have a clue what the hell you’re talking about?
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6:41 pm
“Imagine the horror of being on summer vacation with your family, when suddenly a pack of sharks decide that your precious little girl Sally is going to be their next meal.”
Did your “god” not put the sharks in the ocean and the humans on land for a reason?
“When I saw the following video”
What video?
For your information, “The sand shark’s mouthful of teeth can send chills through you. Still, this is not a man-eater. Instead, it is somewhat sluggish and lives on the bottom of the sea or close to it.”
http://www.beach-net.com/Sharksand.html
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7:58 pm
So if that’s the case, why is it on land?
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8:12 pm
Because you’re retarded. Any more questions? No? Then go back to your corner.
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8:22 pm
So are you saying there’s a possibility that my son may be attacked by a shark while he is at the playground? Even if we live in NYC
Can Sharks hail cabs?
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9:38 pm
No but watch out for tramway and Train
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10:11 pm
What the hell is he smoking? and why isn’t he sharing…
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10:19 pm
Never mind the animal rights activists; if this is so the Darwinists will blow a gasket.
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11:20 pm
You want to kill all sharks? Do you know anything about ecosystems, food chains, etc?
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11:38 pm
Sharks are God’s creation.
GodsWord: Genesis Chapter 1
[20] Then God said, “Let the water swarm with swimming creatures, and let birds fly through the sky over the earth.”
[21] So God created the large sea creatures, every type of creature that swims around in the water and every type of flying bird. God saw that they were good.
[22] God blessed them and said, “Be fertile, increase in number, fill the sea, and let there be many birds on the earth.”
[23] There was evening, then morning–a fifth day.
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1:18 am
You know nothing. on average only 15 people worldwide are killed by sharks not 500,000. You wana know where i heard that from. The Discovery Channel!
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7:06 am
wikipedia says 5 per year. my guess 5 is avarage and 15 is a bad year.
or maybe wiki just failed again… though not nearly as epcily as monkey boy here did.
hey dipshit don’t talk about things you don’t knoiw shit about. i know that leaves nothing but really just shut the fuck up you are not qualified to have an openion.
sharks can not live on land. the fucking shark stranded if you didn’t fucking notice. it didn’t crawl around it waited for a new wave to bring it back in the ocean.
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1:51 am
I wouldn’t trust wikipedia. There is a lot of false infomation on there.
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1:38 am
Ah, thanks. I wasn’t sure that this site was satirical or not until this one. I’m glad to see it is.
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8:16 pm
Ok… so I’ve read a bunch of these posts now. And I am convinced after reading this one. This site is a big joke. I mean…. I thought it was, but was on the fence. There is no way that this can be real. Please…. just tell me I am right on this.
“They no longer need the water and can now pop up anywhere: you could just be getting home after a long day at the office and a few drinks with your friends at the local bar and grill, then suddenly, you go home to use perhaps your bathroom. Lurks in the shadows one of these sand sharks and it snuck in through your open patio door or even attempts to jump through your rooftop and waits to eat you! I’m now displaying the media footage and we need to go ahead and wipe these lowlife animals out while we can.”
That is hilarious
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9:05 pm
If you care about Conservative values, you can show it with our new line of Momma Grizzly apparel. Also, get Grizzly Cub clothes for your little one. Show that you are protecting them from the Socialist agenda.
http://www.cafepress.com/TwenTea12
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2:48 pm
“Each and every year, over 500,000 people worldwide are eaten by sharks.”
WOW, this is entirely untrue. Each year, there are approximately 50-70 shark attacks WORLD WIDE.
“cry salty tears which just helps refresh the sharks even more”
This totally just made me laugh. lmfao
“perhaps by radiation or far more likely, Satan”
But no way it could have been evolution!
“cancelled my vacation plans to the relaxing beaches of Malibu”
Aw, poor you.
“Liberal animal rights extremists will try to cover this up with a pile of media lies and deception, but I have video proof!”
Yes, you have proof that sand sharks, of which have been around for thousands of years, will swim right up to shore chasing after small fish, and turn back around and swim away without attacking a single human. Congratulations.
“They no longer need the water and can now pop up anywhere”
They STILL require water to live, and aren’t going to pop up in your back yards to eat you, because they have PLENTY of food in the sea, as long as people like YOU don’t kill it all. Even in this case, they wouldn’t be able to survive on land because they could not EVOLVE fast enough.
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2:45 pm
This. Was. Hilarious. I feel bad for the shark though.
People are taking this site much too seriously, I might add. This is a SATIRE site, people. It’s designed to poke fun at die-hard conservatives/Christians.
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