The Golden Girls 25th Anniversary Collection Promises a Sickening Display of Humanity’s Bitter End
“One of the great ideas of Western civilization,” philosopher Ross Douthat recently wrote, “is the celebration of lifelong heterosexual monogamy as a unique and indispensable estate.” Tragically, that celebration is winding down as more and more Americans sneak off to the afterparty of carnal depravity. Lured into the dark, humid spaces of homosexual relativism by activist judges and Hollywood stars, these people are now embarking on the complete reëngineering of society’s basic tenets of marriage and family. It is the culmination of a decades-long campaign that can be traced back, in part, to the messages broadcast in the 1980s by television programs such as The Golden Girls.
There was something subversively tawdry about the programming from that era. Whether it was Designing Women or Spenser for Hire, Hotel or Murphy Brown, each sketched out a flamboyant worldview in pastel hues that was specifically targeted at the confused and awkward. But there was one show in particular that recklessly upped the ante in this high stakes poker game of modern morality. What The Golden Girls postulated for America was nothing less than a neo-socialist landscape populated by same-sex “family” units composed of jobless predators whose lives revolved around food, clothes and brawny men. The women of this series embodied the antithesis of traditional marriage, publicly decrying that institution while reveling in divorce and sex. They spawned an endless cycle of Sexy and the City and Housewives of New Jersey types of shows and invented the idea of “cougars,” i.e. older women like Demi Moore who wear young mates on their lapels like fancy diamond brooches.
This Golden Girls ideal of a same-sex household got passed along like a venereal disease until it landed in the lap of the nascent “gay rights” movement. Unsurprisingly, young homosexuals fell in love with this booze- and fornication-laden ideology. For them, Betty White became the forgiving mother they never had, Dorothy Zbornak the father whose expectations they could fulfill. Maybe Blanche was the bartender in their fantasy lives while Sophia sat on the next stool over, offering up pointless stories to pass the time like some gassy drunk. In the ensuing years, gays spread their vicious seeds far and wide and today we are seeing the musky fruits drop from those aging trees. Yes, those fruits are falling all over in the form of legislative and judicial maneuvers to redefine marriage, from Judge Vaughn Walker’s denial of Proposition 8 in California to the legalization of same-sex nuptials in Catholic Spain. In essence, this trend of “homosexual” marriage is nothing less than a cruel testament to the power of that loathsome foursome of libidinal Floridians.
In such troubling and shocking times it should come as no surprise that gay activists have decided to resuscitate that ever-frustrating television show. In November of this year, The Golden Girls 25th Anniversary Special Collection, containing each and every episode, will be released to the public in a frenzy of unscrupulous marketing and self-congratulation. Bossy Bea Arthur may have passed away. The old lady Sophia is no longer around to scare us with her thyroid eyes. Rue McClanahan is not driving us true Southerners into agony with her fake antebellum shtick. And maddening Betty White may have moved into a gated mansion with her windfall of residuals and half dozen BMWs… But with this sticky DVD release, these ladies will be right back in our faces, looking young and fresh-faced at 60, promoting their “unique and indispensable” excavation of every foul cranny of elder sex, tract infections and mental decline.
If you imagined that this modern-day Achille Lauro incident could not possibly get any worse– and how could it be more horrific than Bea Arthur enthusiasts rearming their cannons with vintage sass?– you need only to look upon the packaging for this whole outrageous project. These packagers surely have experience packaging (and “packing”) a “package”! It is modeled on Estelle Getty’s infamous golden purse, that place of crusty makeups and pharmaceutical escapes. The giant cardboard box may look harmless enough, but it is meant to be the Golden Calf of the homosexual set. Surely it has been created so that purchasers can place it directly on top of their tv sets like an idol of worship, forever reminding you of the Golden Girls gay agenda and demanding your kneeling penance. Think of Moses returning from the mountaintop to see that his wanderers had crafted such a thing! Someone needs to create a Ten Commandments box set out of actual stone so we could obliterate this idolatry.
Please count me out of this upcoming holiday-season psychological warfare. The Golden Girls was an unsophisticated and unfunny show. It sought to profit from the senility of old people, mocking the gentle nobility of our grandmothers and mothers, our aunts and neighbors. Their Florida was not a place of family and faith, but rather of comfortable chairs creaking from the weight of matronly narcissism. It recast our retirees as horny hedonists who lived outside of the mainstream of traditional families. These uncoupled old women lusted after handsome men with a leaky abandon. They consumed every half-baked liberal concoction that emerged steaming from Tip O’Neill’s Congressional ovens, from artificial insemination to condom distribution. They even went so far as to openly embrace their vulgar but timid homosexual fanbase, stealing our promising young men far away from the loving, paternal wisdom of Ronald and Nancy Reagan.
Yes, the 80s were a strange time for men in America. It was a time when barely-buttoned shirts and untamed forests of chest hair seemed appropriate. We listened to Top 40 on the radio and were grateful that it was “Morning in America Again.” We had our big plastic combs in the back pockets of our Wrangler jeans, spending Saturday afternoons smoking Marlboros in domestically-manufactured cars and arm wrestling on picnic tables in local parks. We wore giant white sneakers unapologetically! At night, we feel asleep with the windows open, pondering the latest Stallone movie or else dreaming of nuclear warheads violating Soviet airspace, showering those soulless, square-jawed Dolph Lundgrens with the sweaty strength of democracy. We were men and we loved it!
That was the dream we deferred, the promise we did not keep. Maybe we just got lazy or lost our faith in Jesus. Now, we are entering into a new phase in the battle not only for marriage, but for decency on television, for the legitimacy of the views and values of the American people. This is a fight we cannot dodge, and must and will win no matter what people are doing with their DVD players. Buckle up, it’s going to be a ride to Miami!
http://www.amazon.com/Golden-Girls-Anniversary-Complete-Collection/dp/B003YKDPCI/
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Stephenson Billings
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !
9:53 am
“These uncoupled old women”
And you’re an uncoupled old man, you hypocrite.
“They consumed every half-baked liberal concoction that emerged steaming from Tip O’Neill’s Congressional ovens, from artificial insemination to condom distribution.”
I fail to see what’s wrong with artificial insemination and condom distribution.
“We wore giant white sneakers unapologetically!”
Good god!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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9:35 pm
Claire, the 80s were a different time and this issues were incredibly controversial. Just goes to show you how far to the left we have veered since the Clintons came to power.
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9:57 pm
old unmarried women hanging out was considered controversial back then? Shit, how conservative ARE you that you think that people should be forbidden from hanging out with others?
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10:01 pm
This show was almost exclusively about SEX in case you’re unfamiliar with it. Go read Wikipedia or any other source you trust.
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10:20 pm
The fact that you’re having to tell your readers that they need to do the research when you should have is unbelievable retarded on your part. And apparently their issues couldn’t have been too controversial if these shows were on at the same time:
Cheers
Married… with Children
M*A*S*H
Roseanne
Seinfeld
Taxi
And that’s just counting comedy television, never mind any movies or other shows that weren’t listed under comedy.
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4:00 am
What I am pointing out is so widely known that your retort is just a waste of everyone’s time. Those shows were not sexual, but The Golden Girls surely was. As I said, please check any reference you select, you will find me entirely correct.
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2:49 pm
//What I am pointing out is so widely known that your retort is just a waste of everyone’s time. Those shows were not sexual, but The Golden Girls surely was. As I said, please check any reference you select, you will find me entirely correct.//
Then you never watched television as a child. Married with Children was almost nothing BUT sex jokes, the main male lead was constantly complaining about his sex life with his wife and how it resulted in their kids who sometimes define stupidity, and every other episode or so ended with him and his wife getting looks on their faces and rushing upstairs to go bang each other. M*A*S*H, while not as sexual as Married with Children, had Frank Burns and Charles Winchester constantly lust after the head of the female nurses when they were off-duty (during separate seasons, one of them left the show and was replaced by the other), and Hawkeye was occasionally on the prowl as well. That’s just two of the shows I listed with heavy and mild (respectively) sexual themes, let alone the others which are about the same wave-length as M*A*S*H.
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8:21 pm
“There was something subversively tawdry about the programming from that era.” –Stephenson Billings, “The Golden Girls 25th Anniversary Collection Promises a Sickening Display of Humanity’s Bitter End.”
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11:26 am
So I guess Stevie’s pissed that he doesn’t have enough money to run out and get this dvd-set, right?
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12:02 pm
Just another purse for the homosexual to carry. Why do men want to carry purses? Their closets are full of them. “clean out your closets, don’t come out of them!”
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11:55 pm
No.
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6:55 pm
You have to be kidding me! I suppose you believe it is decent for all the “clergy” on television to be raping all their veiwers of a boatload of money! Living lavish lifestyles at the expense of their followers? Is that Christianity? Something tells me you are a terribly frustrated human being who doesn’t know his ass from his elbow or should I say his penis from from his nose. Obvioulsy you have seen the Golden Girls otherwise you wouldn’t know the subject they covered. Perhaps you’re in the closet! Why don’t you just come out and free yourself.
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9:37 pm
That’s surely your opinion, but the vast majority of churches are charitable and just. Even if people do live well, there is nothing wrong with that. Wealth is not a sin, and sometimes it’s a sign of God’s favor.
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9:59 pm
//That’s surely your opinion, but the vast majority of churches are charitable and just.//
And yours is obviously not if they taught you the crap you’re spewing all the time.
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10:03 pm
I defer to the Focus on the Family experts on this question!
Do you think it is wrong for a Christian to be unusually wealthy?
http://family.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/family.cfg/php/enduser/std_adp.php?p_faqid=1096
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10:14 pm
And how is mentioning them supposed to help you?
As for your link, it’s busted. If you’re trying to use that as your backup, then it’ll either have to wait until the site works, or else you’ll have to pull something else up. For whatever reason, it’s not loading correctly.
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4:01 am
Site works for me, maybe you have a parental block on your PC?
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4:03 am
“Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”"
yes billings it’s wrong for a christian to be unusually wealthy because that means you can be more chairitable but aren’t.
oh and the problem discussed here was the christians who are getting wealthy by useing others.
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4:07 am
“No, wealth is not an evil in itself. Abraham, David, and other great men of the Bible were blessed with riches. In fact, the Scriptures indicate that God gives to some people the power to get wealth (see Deuteronomy 8:18 and 1 Samuel 2:7).” — Focus on the Family
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3:12 pm
//Site works for me, maybe you have a parental block on your PC?//
I’d tell you how the internet works, but you’re beyond help since you think one person saying something on a website means it’s 100% true and that you think information on a blog is also completely true, AND that everything that you search for on YouTube or Google is completely relevant to the search terms you put in.
The site is working now, and just like Jazze said, you can’t seem to keep a track of what parts of the bible you follow. It seems as if you’re saying that only YOU are allowed to sin and be wealthy and not give it up (isn’t that part of being a conservative? to hold onto your precious money?) while everyone else has to be poor in order to get into heaven. Sorry asshole, but that’s NOT how your Bible works at all, you’ve been told repeatedly that you are not exempt from following your own teachings while everyone has to bow down and be forced to. You are not allowed to judge sins, you are not allowed to condemn anyone, you are not allowed to be wealthy if your book says you can’t, you can’t just pick and choose whatever YOU want to follow and ignore the rest, and assholes like you do that CONSTANTLY with hate attached to yourselves.
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2:17 pm
“Even if people do live well, there is nothing wrong with that. Wealth is not a sin, and sometimes it’s a sign of God’s favor.”
Jesus was poor.
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7:34 pm
“Yes, the 80s were a strange time for men in America.”
It was the last time men could be men, and get away with it.
It was the last time that being a man was not a crime or mental illness.
“It was a time when barely-buttoned shirts and untamed forests of chest hair seemed appropriate. We listened to Top 40 on the radio and were grateful that it was “Morning in America Again.” We had our big plastic combs in the back pockets of our Wrangler jeans, spending Saturday afternoons smoking Marlboros in domestically-manufactured cars and arm wrestling on picnic tables in local parks. We wore giant white sneakers unapologetically! At night, we feel asleep with the windows open, pondering the latest Stallone movie or else dreaming of nuclear warheads violating Soviet airspace, showering those soulless, square-jawed Dolph Lundgrens with the sweaty strength of democracy. We were men and we loved it!”
And we knew how to treat women, manfully, with just a little force, and a great deal of chivalry. We dealt with our own rapists, psychos, perverts, and other faggots. And kept the streets safe at night for real women.
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9:19 pm
Is this cunt serious?
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9:32 pm
Bea Arthur had a voice you could shave your balls to. And her own as well.
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9:34 pm
Yes, she was a difficult person. You could even see that on All in the Family.
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8:44 am
“Those shows were not sexual, but The Golden Girls surely was.”
M*A*S*H was sexual. Hawkeye and Trapper were constantly having rendezvous with nurses, Margaret and Frank were fuck buddies (even though Frank was married), Colonel Blake had several girlfriends despite his marriage, there was one episode centered around BJ’s infidelity, there was an episode where Hawkeye sent Radar to Seoul specifically to lose his virginity, Margaret went to Tokyo, met a guy, they tore the shower curtain, and THEN they got married. So yeah, M*A*S*H was plenty sexual.
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8:27 pm
I never said Mash didn’t have sexual components to it, but surely this show revolved around the single idea of sex far more than any other, particularly “elder sex” which many find unseemly. Please don’t be so nitpicky, it undermines your credibility.
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11:13 pm
“Please don’t be so nitpicky, it undermines your credibility.”
And your failure to provide your credentials undermines YOUR credibility.
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2:30 pm
This whole article, which was suggested to me, seems quite unnecessarily bigoted and ranting. Again with the politice, who’s right and who’s left, and who’s in the middle. Who cares? Have we not learned that religion is tearing this world apart? Have we not learned that as far as people go, we just need to respect each other as humans, that we are as diverse and singly unique as the stars in the sky? And if you believe in a single Creator, then He or She created each person on this planet-gay, straight, good, bad, and in between. It is not up to us to judge that individuality and persecute based on those individual traits. I would think that the more religious would view that as possible a test of their humanity, compassion, and ability to accept rather than condem. I suppose if you came upon a horrific accident, you would probably try to get a response from the conscious victims of their sexuality and religious beliefs before offering aid. I suppose you do not donate to charities unless you confirm that they are not aiding people you consider to be immoral or heathens. How very sad to see that people have not advanced beyond the small-mindedness that also kept women from voting and owning property, kept people of color from working, getting an education, voting, owning property-all this in the “land of the free” that we like to tout to the rest of the world we are trying to convert to our religious beliefs because we think the rest of the world is wrong with how they worship, do business, raise a family, etc. Move forward and accept diversity and individuality that is obviously a creation of your God.
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8:25 pm
//“There was something subversively tawdry about the programming from that era.” –Stephenson Billings, “The Golden Girls 25th Anniversary Collection Promises a Sickening Display of Humanity’s Bitter End.”//
What’s with all of the unwarranted self-importance you got Stevie? You got some kind of superiority complex goin’ on with you.
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8:29 pm
I am simply pointing out the fact that you have failed to read the article above and that I have clearly VERY CLEARLY stated an obvious fact that you are either purposely disregarding or just too stupid to comprehend. Yes, shows from that era had sex in them– that is MY POINT!!!!
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8:53 pm
So you go from just The Golden Girls to all of 80′s tv programming once two
people told you that you were wrong.
//Yes, shows from that era had sex in them– that is MY POINT!!!!//
And I quote (and I DARE you to scream “taken out of context” and have a shred of credibility left over even to your own peers):
//Those shows were not sexual, but The Golden Girls surely was.//
Yeah asshole, you can’t keep heads or tails of what you’re saying. You’re just nothing, admit it and move on, get your head out of your ass and get rid of your damned superiority complex.
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8:57 pm
You’re so incredibly confused. One show revolved simply around sex, the others had sex as a subject matter. Does that make sense to you?
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9:08 pm
That point isn’t hard, but you’ve already gone and said one thing, then tried to refute it in the same damn blog post and you’re STILL trying to act all high-and-mighty about it. You’ve bounced your points around, and yet you don’t know what you actually want to say.
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6:45 pm
Thank God for the Golden Girls.
“mocking the gentle nobility of our grandmothers and mothers, our aunts and neighbors” …somewhere in the Universe, my grandmother is laughing. My mother is laughing in Florida – probably out on the lanai
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7:09 am
I might be mistaken but wasn’t The Golden Girls a sitcom about four retired women in an old people’s home? I think he’s reading far too much into it.
A review that would be a work of comic genius if it weren’t serious… and written by perhaps the biggest gay of them all. You can almost see his erection getting bigger and bigger as he talks about Stallone and tight jeans and sweaty men.
Poor old Demi Moore, how did she get shoe-horned in for a bashing? That seemed to come out of nowhere. Her acting isn’t great but I’m sure she has a nice enough personality.
They should print this on posters for the DVD, it would sell millions… it certainly made me want to run out and buy it, lol.
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11:40 am
LOL LOL LOL LOL omg. really? this entire article was the funniest thing i’ve read in a long time and i’m currently reading Kathy Griffin’s book Official Book Club Selection. Ignorance is bliss, right? What a fool.
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2:26 pm
I thought I was reading the Onion, this article was that funny! This idiot ought to get a job writing Saturday Night Live skits.
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5:17 pm
Billings, what do you make of the fact that no one at all seems to agree with your assertions? The comments on all of your outrageous “articles” are overwhelmingly negative…
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2:30 am
Possibly the most ignorant website I have ever seen, but fuck funny. If I was Jesus I would be pissing myself laughing at this retard. And if Jesus does that he could be a Golden Girl to.
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4:16 am
Now, there’s two ways to look at the above article. Either, I can take it seriously, in which case I am SEVERELY concerned for the mental health of the author, or I can take it as a sarcastic piss-take of the sentiments the author purports to support. I hope with all my heart it’s the latter, and I fear for the wellbeing of our world, our children and all that is holy that it is not the former.
Although I agree wholeheartely with the concept of freedom of speech, if authors such as this one had anything to say about it, they would oppress, suppress and limit the spirits of millions. Shame on the publishers of such phobia-laden twaddle.
And to the author, I can recommend this organisation:
http://www.psychologyinfo.com/directory/state-links.html
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6:26 am
“At night, we feel asleep with the windows open, pondering the latest Stallone movie or else dreaming of nuclear warheads violating Soviet airspace, showering those soulless, square-jawed Dolph Lundgrens with the sweaty strength of democracy. We were men and we loved it!”
This is one of the most homoerotic passages I’ve ever read. Quite brilliant.
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6:55 am
A friend of mine directed me to this article because I’m Christian, and my family and I were fans of this tv show -so he thought I’d get a laugh out of it, and OH was he right. This is absolutely ridiculous. In my (albeit limited) experience with gay culture -I have a few gay friends- I find that the people who are most paranoid about the “gay agenda” (Remember Falwell’s accusations about the Teletubbies?)are the folks who are secretly struggling with their own sexual identities. Yet rather than facing their demons or confronting their true selves, they find a scapegoat in the parent who was either too clingy or too distant, the mean school teacher, or the popular television program that pushed the “alternative” lifestyle. In this very modern society, it has become painfully clear that while we have made many great steps toward mutual understanding between different groups, we also LOVE to play the blame game -because maybe that’s easier than accepting responsibility with who we are…. (Side note: for someone who abhors the television show so very much, Mr. Billings seems to know an AWFUL lot of details about it….. Much like the “Christian” professor who demanded that one of his students be expelled from college for having participated in gay pornographic films -yet how did this professor find OUT about this student’s porn past? hmmmm.)
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6:55 am
Hmmm. What would Jesus do?……
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11:07 am
“At night, we fell asleep with the windows open…dreaming of violating Stallone with [our] ‘nuclear warheads’ and showering the sweat off of soulless, square-jawed Dolph Lundgren. We were men and we loved it!”
That’s really what you meant to say, isn’t it? Come out of the closet, already.
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1:34 pm
Mr. Billings, you have absolutely made my day. I only recent discovered christwire.org and have been tickled to read it. Thank you for gorgeous irony.
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1:42 pm
You people do realize that you’re all completely out of your minds, right?
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2:37 pm
Keep speading the hate…good job Christian church! I think you are missing the part of the bible where Jeus comes to the world to save it not condemn it…John 3:17. Maybe you should put your nose in the bible versus others peoples problems!
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10:07 pm
i think that stephenson billings should come out of the closet. he sure knows alot about golden girls for “straight man” by his definition.
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11:58 pm
You lay off my Bea Arthur and Betty White! This show was a great show when I was growing up. I am a devote Christian, straight as they come and by no means am I some sex crazed loon.
The author is stretching. Really stretching and it saddens me that he would think this about such a sweet show. Mr. Billings, you are entitled to your opinion. But you sir, you disgust me. Get your dirty mind out of the pile of filth that it’s been laying in. Find Jesus, let Him into your heart, heal you of this illness. I will pray for you.
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12:09 am
At first I was shocked to read such a perverted and twisted point of view towards The Golden Girls, arguably one of the greatest shows of all time. Then once I was finished and took a look at the authors picture, it all made sense. The author is just bitter because the show cast him in a horrible light. Is it just me or does the author bear a striking resemblance towards Stan Zbornak!? I guest that look of a “dolt” is universal!
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1:00 am
Greg
So I guess this guy didn’t watch the show. If he did he would know that Dorothy was the only one divorced and the other three were widows. The only one that didn’t have a job was Sophia (cause she wa so old althoush she did work in a few episodes.). Rose worked at the counseling center and at one point the museum. Blanch worked at the museum and Dorothy was a substitute teacher. And all 4 dated men (Blanch more so than the others). Sheesh since when is having best friends of the same sex a gay thing? Shit if anything guys with girls as best friends and girls with guys as best friends is the gay way.
It worries me that there are still people this ignorant in the USA.
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1:29 am
Before you to write something and publish it you should have all your facts straight like everyone is saying you cant make your point because you keep yo-yoing around obviously you dont know what you’re talking about and should be banned from even publishing anything! you’re in the wrong and cant accept it!
get a life
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1:30 am
also i found that show entertaining
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10:05 am
One of the best pieces of satire I’ve read this year. Shame it wasn’t intentional.
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7:51 pm
It saddens me that someone could take such a beautiful faith, a message of peace and acceptance – my faith – and turn it into an ugly, blunt instrument of judgment for no other reason than to puff up his own lagging self esteem. God loves you, sir. It breaks my heart that that is not enough for you. It is my sincere hope that you find the fulfillment you obviously feel you lack. I shall pray for you to find your way back to Christ’s teachings and for His love or anyone’s to fill the void that tortures you so.
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9:54 pm
Wow!! Stephenson, i would sincerely, undoubtedly have to refer to you as an Ideological idiot, who obviously had a work assignment, and had to come up with some propaganda on the fly. And subsequently based it on a show you had never even seen. Also, reading your wordy fanciful prose, i though you were GAY, and writing a satire initially!!! What does that tell us about you?
The main reason Golden Girls is still to this day a relevant and lasting show, goes well beyond it’s award winning writing and performances. It opened up society a view of seniors that did not really exist previously. Elderly people were often portrayed as incompetent, lonely, and sometimes unable. Golden Girls renewed a sense of vitality for people close to or after retirement age, with employed, socially conscious characters. Dorothy, trying to move past her failed marriage to a Stephenson lookalike! Rose hesitantly trying to move on after the death of her long, loving marriage, to the point where she considers marriage with Miles after a considerable time. One of the few suitors she had. Blanche being the the only real example of any sexual tension, was also a widow who had a long, devoted marriage and had reverted to her youthful ways, in an attempt to move on, wanting the love she had with her previous husband. None of these suggest anything to do with Homosexual relationships!
Further proof of your rambling, nonsensical point, is your rebuttals to those who have commented. To claim that none of the other 80′s/ 90′s shows were about sex, is just plain ridiculous! Best example being Married with Children, with the vacuumed-sealed tops on the two lead female characters, and it’s constant jokes regarding sex, and overall attitude with Al’s wandering eyes and libido, that marriage is a prison!!!
Did you also know that Golden Girls had a spin off show Empty Nest? Dealing with an single, older male trying to raise his two daughters alone, and moving on from his previous marriage? Did you see that one? Or were you too busy stroking your balls while watching Married with Children?????
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9:13 pm
I used to love the Golden Girls, until I started I getting sinful thoughts about my Golden Girls “friend,” Jim. We would sit on his red sofa every Saturday night and eat popcorn and watch Blanche, Dorothy, Rose and that sassy Sicilian Sophia spew Satan’s silver-tongued slop. We all know where this led with my “friend”. I thank God every day for ending that show and now this.
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9:06 am
Hey Stephenson
Young and gay here. Fancy a blow job? Promise I won’t tell xxx
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3:41 pm
I don’t know what planet this author comes from, but it sure is a scary place. This is the most ridiculous piece of trash I have ever read. Mr. Billings must be totally afraid of his own shadow, let alone every other thing/person in the world. Whatever happened to “judge not” and “love thy neighbor”??? Who is this person????
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5:44 pm
I just want to say that I am LOVING this website! I’m a big fan of satire (when done right– and you are definitely doing it right), and I think it’s absolutely brilliant what you’re doing here. You’re doing for the ultra-Right, Fundamentalist contingent what Stephen Colbert does for Neo-Conservatives and the Onion does for, well, journalism in general. My first exposure to your website was the piece on Bill Murray… that one definitely gets two thumbs up from me; I’m a big Bill Murray fan so I really enjoy the roast-like lampooning of the guy. His career has made quite a comeback in recent years, and I’m glad to see him getting a little more attention for it via your site. Same for Betty White; I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many of my friends get as excited about an SNL host as when she hosted recently. And yet if not for this article, there would be a lot of people who would completely miss out on this Golden Girls box set. I’m glad you’ve found a clever way to honor some of these talented folks. It’s a very smart move to use demonization and vilification to push someone into the spotlight… Marilyn Manson did a great job of it, he calculated anticipated public response into his art, and let the opposition actually propel him to a higher profile. The difference is, of course, that was part of Manson’s plan, whereas you are creating that profile-booster for these people. I think it’s great. Even the spelling errors add to the overall joke, that’s a nice touch!
Well, keep up the good work… I’ve been telling all my friends about this site, and the consensus is that it’s the most brilliant and hilarious thing we’ve seen in a while. Keep ‘em coming!
Your biggest fan,
Derik Hefner
P.S. I know you can’t really break character to reply to this “thank you” comment with a “you’re welcome”, but I would be thrilled if you lambasted me in character!! I know all about commitment to the gag, I’ll play along.
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4:26 pm
“At night, we feel asleep with the windows open, pondering the latest Stallone movie or else dreaming of nuclear warheads violating Soviet airspace, showering those soulless, square-jawed Dolph Lundgrens with the sweaty strength of democracy. We were men and we loved it! ”
Not gonna lie… that is the gayest thing I’ve ever heard. Normally people who are so vehemently against something usually hate themselves for BEING it. I’m totally supportive of everyone’s right to love… so it’s okay if you’re gay. Just admit it to yourself and then do something more productive with your time other than spreading hate and over-analyzing TV shows because you think it’ll make more people gay. It ain’t the TV, it’s the DNA. Thank God there are TV shows that deal with sexuality so that people can see that they’re not alone. Now all they need is a show about a bigot and you’d be all set… oh wait! Glenn Beck! You’ve found your soulmate!
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12:14 am
I am sickened by reading yet another article by another ignorant, and clearly unintelligent man. Anyone in this day and age who thinks homosexuality is a choice simply lacks intelligence, and it extremely embarrassing to them to think that way. Given the choice, who would choose a life full of discrimination, and who wants to have hatred thrown at them for a lifestyle different to others? It’s crazy to think that anyone would ‘choose’ that kind of lifestyle. People are gay because they are born that way, and no religion has the right to say otherwise. Religions are created by humans, humans are created by god, gay or straight.
Homosexuality is NOT a choice. In the same way, heterosexuality is NOT a choice.
Religions are meant to be about spreading the message of love, tolerance, acceptance and peace. But some people, like the writer of this article, choose to use religion as an excuse to teach hatred and intolerance. Religions who don’t accept people the way they are are often to blame for suicides. Is that what God wants?
Shame on this writer and any other person who uses ‘religion’ as an excuse for hatred. These people are the ones who should go to hell, where they belong.
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8:42 pm
test
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3:03 pm
Is NOBODY else incredibly amused by the fact that the thumbnail photo of the writer of this piece is a dead ringer for the actor that played Stan on “The Golden Girls”?
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10:56 am
WTF?
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