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Vatooing, New Freshmen Female Trap For Upstanding College Men
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Only weeks ago did our friend Derek Van Buren warn about Vajazzling, the newest threat to your college son.
As collegiate campuses wind up for a new school year, rest assured that over the summer many vajazzled faux-academia women have buffed and shined their bejeweled crotches, all in efforts of picking ripe from the new freshman class of talented young men.
While the cougars of the upper-class compare their gemstones down below, there is a new threat that is being brought in with the class of freshman females: that threat is called vatooing.
According to trends extrapolated from internet and cell phone data, the trend of vatooing started somewhere around Seaside Heights, New Jersey. Several young Italian-American girls of that area, mostly of high-school age, decided to get suggestive tatoos, placed as near possible to their pubic and compelling sin regions.
When showing off their new tatoos, they are ‘forced’ to give a full-frontal crotch flash to whoever asks to see where they put their new ink. By such forward moves, they can readily entice — with an excuse — any guy they want. This trend was picked up by the show ‘Jersey Shore’ and now, is a nationwide epidemic, with freshman girls getting their otherwise pristine pubic regions armed to deceive and distract young men at college.
Vatooed girls are being very coy about this new trend. Several have went on record as calling vajazzling, “Crusty and obsolete”, mocking the upper-classmen at campuses nationwide, citing that having jewels attached in such areas will make maintenance, such as regular shaving and thorough cleaning, a very tedious, industrious task. Vatooing, on the other hand, is flush with the skin and does not impede shaving, cleaning or sexual fornication: it is the new ultimate weapon.
As documented on theluxuryspot.com, the vatooing process is quick and straight-forward. All women need to do is come up with a design, color scheme and then shave before heading into the nearest woman, or man they think they can trust, to vatoo their peri-vag region. In some cases, they even color their seperator flaps so as to really catch the eye of whoever they flash.
This year’s combined college matriculation and continuing enrollee rates for men vs women continued in the alarming, shocking trend. While the number of enrolled women has increased another 6%, the number of men enrolled has dropped an alarming 8.7%. These data indicate the worst: vajazzling and now, vatooing, are distracting men from their studies.
The antics of sorority girls were enough, tempting men with alcohol and raunchy parties that lead men to acadmic probation and being fathers, all while the sororities and feminine-oriented USDE help cover the tracks of the very harlots who lead America’s bright young men to such a sad, fizzling demise.
Parents, it is your responsibility to have the tough talk with your son, before he heads off to college. As a graduate film student, I’ve seen the raw, raunchy tactics girls will use to distract us men first hand. It is a far more rough world then when things were proper and we had far more men, than women, in college. In the droves they are in, women are teasing men with all of these sensual things and tempting them to be distracted from their field of passion, the true reason they are in school and trying to become America’s future.
It is tough and it takes good parenting, constant reminders and prayer to deny the many wiles of these whores of Satan. Such brash measures, to decorate your secret place to look like a delictable piece of soft purple-and-pink cake, then after you get a guy well-snockered at a party, to just say ‘wanna see my ink?’ and just flash him and grind those sintreats on him at a party, shows the resolve of these women. They simply just are not going to take no for an answer and do everything in their power to attack our college men with sex and more sex, until one of them are forced to drop out.
Parents, and men who will be freshmen this year, I leave you with this final image and haunting scenario.
Imagine being up late, studying one night. Your eyes are groggy and you have your first Midterms in two days. Suddenly, a knock on the door. It is those two cute girls who sit in front of you in Freshman Bio 101. They came by to compare notes from lab and go over a few things that will be on the test.
These girls get comfortable and the night goes from midnight to that awkward 2 am. They brought brownies, and you eat some. Your head is swimming and the next thing you know, ‘wanna see my ink’. You nod yes and you see the abdominal-pubic image up above, with the suggestive number 69.
The next think you know, in confusion your mouth is now filled with sin and from groggy, syncopol eyes you see this girl who for some reason has sat upon your face is now messing with your pants, but instead of mouth-dabbling as she’s forcing her victim to do, instead the friend sits her sin down upon your erected pole thingy.
This is the traps you face, men. These are the trials and tribulations facing all college freshmen this year. 69 attacks, SN2 Neutrophilic backside attacks. They have codenames for them and these are just a few we’ve learned about from reports of freshmen orientation. These stories are true and this is why so many men are now not able to complete college and have to drop out.
Parents, the honus of responsibility is upon you. Make sure if you send your girls to school, they are not sluts who will ruin the lives of good young men. Fathers, do not be afraid to take your sons aside and give them the talk about these new attacks, as best you can.
Most importantly, college freshmen. Guys, these girls are on the prowl and they are toned. They are tanned. And they crave one thing: fulfilling their darkest desires and ruining freshmen lives. It gets them excited and they have the support of every goose-stepping feminist in America and in the highest echelons of goverment. Say no to them and be focused, my friends.
Vatooing, it is the newest threat. Beware, beware.
9:22 pm
Not long ago a PA-student told me she was vajazzled and asked if I wanted to see. I said no and told her that is not appropriate.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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9:39 pm
Like any woman would go up to you and ask you if you wanted a peak at her panties.
Hot debate. What do you think?
27 
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9:46 pm
What do you want, a freaking medal?
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5:57 pm
No, just for women to stop trying to attack me with sex. They want me because I’m am MD, and girls love cars and money.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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6:34 pm
You’re not an MD, you’re a quack.
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6:37 pm
and we want you to stop “attacking” us with christianity but does that hold you back?
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7:02 pm
Again, what woman would go up to you and say these things? You’re giving yourself unfounded credit.
As for this comment: //Claire wants me because I have doctor for a title.// you’re just reaching because you’ve got a fetish for people who call your shit out.
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7:14 pm
Yeah, just like Billings, Adam seems like he’s probably into BDSM. They both read hateful comments directed towards them and they take them as compliments, similar to how people into BDSM find pleasure in pain. Either that, or it’s just because they’re both so starved for friendship that they pretend that even their worst enemies are their friends. Pretty sad. They should both just be shot and put out of their misery. Of course, then they wouldn’t suffer, and anybody who devotes their lives to demonizing innocent gays and kittens deserves to suffer.
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7:18 pm
I thought they demonized everything that wasn’t a white, Christian, conservative, rich male? Either way, they’re still scum for spreading all kinds of misinformation around.
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12:15 am
yea an MD – Major Dickhead
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7:51 pm
You said “no”?
Fag.
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9:45 pm
“Only weeks ago did our friend Derek Van Buren warn about Vajazzling, the newest threat to your college son.”
That article was written on March 5th. It’s now August. I believe you mean “months ago”.
“placed as near possible to their pubic and compelling sin regions.”
Wow, did Dan actually work up the courage to use the word “pubic”?
“they even color their seperator flaps so as to really catch the eye of whoever they flash.”
Oh Christ on a stick, here we go with the “seperator flaps” (you spelled sepArator wrong, by the way, dipshit). Are you referring to the LABIA – the external “lips” of the vagina? Or are you still going to try to claim that it is literally a “flap” that separates the vaginal canal from the colon, as you tried to do in that old article?
“These data indicate the worst: vajazzling and now, vatooing, are distracting men from their studies.”
Why do you always blame women for the problems of men? You fundies try to claim that everything wrong in this world is the fault of women, right down to Eve.
“The antics of sorority girls were enough, tempting men with alcohol and raunchy parties that lead men to acadmic probation and being fathers”
Ever heard of fraternities? College males throw their own raunchy parties and screw themselves over.
“It is a far more rough world then when things were proper and we had far more men, than women, in college.”
And why, pray, is it more “proper” to have more men in college than women?
“In the droves they are in, women are teasing men with all of these sensual things and tempting them to be distracted from their field of passion, the true reason they are in school and trying to become America’s future.”
Oh, and what, women aren’t in college for the same reason as men? You think that females only attend school to lure men into “sin”, and not to pursue their OWN fields of passion? You’re fucked up.
“instead the friend sits her sin down upon your erected pole thingy.”
I believe you mean “sits her VAGINA down upon your erect PENIS.”
“These stories are true and this is why so many men are now not able to complete college and have to drop out.”
No, men drop out of school because THEY decide to throw their OWN parties, THEY invite the girls, THEY urge the alcohol consumption, THEY initiate the sex.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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11:58 pm
Heh, I went through and copied as many lines, but then I noticed that you have already done it. Good work Claire.
This article is the biggest load of utter bullshit I have ever read. I have never had a girl lure me in this way… I wish they would! But to state that it’s the girl’s fault, and is the *reason* for males dropping out is absolute crap.
Men and women both make their own choices. If I want to stay up late to have sex, that’s my own choice. Not because a woman has “lured me in”.
For the record: homosexuality is fine with me. People from other races only bother me when trying to communicate important information and we don’t have a strong common language. I masturbate daily, and enjoy it. I don’t practice any religion, I’m an Atheist. I’m extremely happy, and when I pass away I won’t go to heaven or hell, because neither exist – I’ll simply decompose underground.
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5:04 am
oh no no no no no.
it’s notthe womens fault that the men are distarcted.
the men chosses to be distracted it is a CONCIOUS choice. just like being gay right? because they both work on attracion. and you chosse who you are attracted to. therefor if this distracts you you chose to let it distract you.
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7:00 pm
Well said, Jazze!
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6:39 pm
Claire wants me because I have doctor for a title.
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6:59 pm
No, I want TO KILL you. Have you failed to comprehend the fact that I’m a FEMINIST who knows that women can become successful ON THEIR OWN?
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6:59 pm
I knew it! I remember the first time I saw a pic of you and right then and there I said to myself that girl is a feminist. When the lord messes up making someone they call themselves feminist. Poor soul.
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7:51 am
Is your doctor male or female. Dr. Pepper? Dr. Ruth? Doctor Who? Does your doctor also shy away from clinical terms while writing the best unintentional satire I’ve ever read in my life?
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7:27 pm
“I thought they demonized everything that wasn’t a white, Christian, conservative, rich male? Either way, they’re still scum for spreading all kinds of misinformation around.”
You’re right, they demonize:
-women
-gays
-blacks
-kittens
-asians
-muslims/arabs
-latinos
-liberals
-hollywood
-atheists
-harry potter
-poor people
the list goes on…
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2:38 pm
I’m all for it. I like to have something interesting to look at while I’m down there taco munching!
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2:26 pm
lets try this. men of the world, stop treating women like sexual objects. then maybe young girls will stop acting like whores.
just a thought.
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1:37 pm
You are hotlinking copyrighted images from theluxuryspot.com. You need to remove those images immediately or risk a DMCA violation.
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8:29 am
This article is such utter bilge. It seems designed merely to allow the author to titillate himself and his readers.
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12:24 pm
It’s “SN2 nucleophilic,” not “SN2 Neutrophilic”. But hilarious all the same. I love this site!
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12:33 pm
I don’t believe Adam Nelson is a doctor. I do not believe he is an MD. As a matter of fact, I am accusing Adam Nelson of fraud and impersonating a doctor.
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9:50 pm
Wonderful – now men have found ONE MORE THING to condemn women for.
This attempt to warn young men of the dangers of “vatooed” women simply enforces the stereotypical image of Christian society as one locked in biased, outdated beliefs that do not correspond with our post-sexual revolution era. It is an embarrassment to those that truly follow the beliefs of Christ. When Jesus said to “love thy neighbor,” he did not include the footnote, “*only if that person is a heterosexual, white man.”
Speaking of men, this article implies that men can only think with their little heads. If these boys were taught some self-control, maybe they wouldn’t get themselves into those situations in the first place. It would also help to stop brainwashing them into thinking their PENISES were irresistible, because, believe me, they are, especially when they’re attached to such moronic little cumwads as the author of this ridiculous piece of shit.
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10:14 pm
Exactly how can you explain your apparent belief that women are so obsessed with sex? This is especially interesting to me as in my experience, it is in fact men that are more interested in sex more of the time – whereas all my post-pubescent male friends have searched for or seen pornography before, hardly any of my female friends have. That is just one example of how men as a whole are obviously more sexually oriented than women. There are sluts out there, I know, but there seem to be a lot more “manwhores.”
There is also the fact that a promiscuous woman is considered to be far worse than a promiscuous man in our society, which would indicate that fewer women would be inclined to sleep around, so as to not tarnish their reputations.
I come from a devoutly Roman Catholic family, and my grandfather has to be one of the worst adulterers I have ever heard of. My grandmother would simply grin and bear it – rather than sleep around herself, she would behave as if nothing was wrong while he was out drinking with his secretary. But, of course, he was always sober for mass.
Men can blame women all the want for “enticing us with their wiles,” but when it comes down to the facts, it is obvious that men have been fucking women over for centuries, and just can’t handle the idea that women are becoming more successful than them.
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2:55 am
1. My first instinct is that this entire article is a joke. No logical person could seriously believe this nonsense.
2. This article appears to be written under the assumption that men who enroll on college have absolutely no minds or will of their own, and who are helpless victims of the insatiable sexuality of women who attend college for no other reason then to plot downfall of such young men. Because no woman would ever attend college for any other reason.
3. I can’t comprehend a situation in which a college age man would passively allow himself to be seduced by two women, all the while feeling bewildered, confused and unhappy about it. Any man I have ever met, in college or not, would stop a situation like this if he wasn’t enjoying it. In fact, he would not even allow it to begin. A situation like this would be a fantasy come true for most of the young men I know and have known, and if it happened to them they would be very much enjoying it! For those I know who would not enjoy such a situation, I feel confident that they would be more then able to stop it easily, by saying no.
4. I can’t believe the author of this thinks so little of his own gender (himself?) as to portray men as blithering idiots, incapable of any kind of ability to perform basic organizational functions of academia such as time management (there’s a time for work/study, and a time for play), assertion of one’s academic wants and needs and removing himself from situations that interfere with them, and not behaving as if testosterone controls his every action.
5. I could go on, but it’s bedtime and I’m not as eloquent as I’d like to be. The author of this article obviously hates sex and women, and fears his own sexuality. Ah, the joys of christianity!
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8:56 am
exactly! And thanks for pointing this out. I’m beginning to discover what all of the articles on this site have it common: they are the deepest, darkest, most perverse fantasy of the author — and exactly — they would NEVER happen — not in a million years. It’s almost too obvious to point this out. Another user on here (or another article) noted this reads like a porno magazine forum. Probably! i’ve never been to those places but I’m positive they are alike. The author here illustrates his deepest, darkest fantasy and masks it in reality in the form of Fear. Because fear is his window to his reality, his only real tangible emotion he can relate to in a real way, he equates fear with his fantasy and it makes it all very real and true for him. This author obvious gets-off on the possibility — however slim of a possibility — that this scenario might happen.
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9:01 pm
//Claire; Don’t wear yourself out; these people are morons. Look at how badly written the piece is. You and I are slumming here. These people think this place is for real. It isn’t. It’s too crazy even for the Tea Partiers. Let’s you and I leave this place. All sensible people leave this place. It was funny for a while to wallow in the brain-swill. But now all sensible people really should depart.
PS: Those are sexy shots in the piece, no? You see, that way they can get off and fantasize about women–while also condemning them and their “compelling sin regions.”
All day, I’ve not seen pictures as sexy as that. Thanks, Jesus dude.
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3:50 am
This is freakin’ HILARIOUS! Do you, Dan, believe saying the word “vagina” is a sin? How about “penis”? You write like a ten year-old. And your threatening end scenario reads like something out of Penthouse Forums. I spent many years in college and graduate school, had plenty of sex, but never had a woman drug me, then force her pussy into my mouth while her female friend raped me. And, even with all the sex and parties, I earned my Master’s Degree with a 3.74 GPA. Those photos, though? I wouldn’t drop out, hell, I want to go back to school.
You truly sound like a man who is afraid of cooties, or perhaps a man who is just afraid of women. And to say such things under the guise of Christianity? “Whore of Satan,” indeed… for that is what the author is.
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4:40 pm
Harbinger;
If that happens to a man. Two things; he is god among men and a god among women.
All he would have to do is tell that story to his friends(and back up becuase its so unrealistic) and he is automatically ahero.
For two women to do that; he must the PERFECT penis, PERFECT body, perfect everything and the features and personality of every woman’s idol rolled into one perfect piece of man. Author; please find me a man of this caliber and set me up on a date. PLEASE, I’ve been looking for that man in your article my whole life!
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4:31 pm
I haven’t laughed so hard in a minute. That story sounds like it is narrated by playboy.
If two super attractive girls come over and say that to a college man by himself with 2 girls he finds cute in his dorm , “You wanna see my ink?” and he is like no, that is not appropriate,vagina and breasts are for after marriage only. Its time to get on your knees because vagina is not for you. These girls sit in front of him every class too according to the story and he thinks they are cute but have NEVER thought of them in a sexually suggestive way.
By the time you find that man who is not already openly gay who and calls himself straight and saying that I bet I can find a flying pig.
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5:59 pm
There’s an interesting tendency as regards obsession that can be found in not only fundamentalist religious groups – but in any extremism.
While claiming a higher moral purpose, or perhaps calling restrictive behavior healthy and normal – it isn’t – intense restrictions on natural behavior have as negative an impact as overindulgence.
Who obsesses over what?
Like an anorexic obsessing over his or her food intake – there seems to be on this website a terrible and damaging obsession with sexuality- no doubt because it is so incredibly restricted within some sects of the Christian faith, possibly that one to which the author ascribes.
Raised an RC myself I had conflicting ideas about sexuality and how to express it – but never did I hear anyone try to claim that young women deliberately use body art to make men drop out of college! The idea is absurd. Much like the language used in this article.
Moderation always serves us well- and practicing it allows for maximum mentally sound enjoyment.
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8:48 pm
Just a side note, if all of these “Whores of Satan” are trying to get pregnant and all, why would they want these guys to drop out of college? The degree does make more money to support that baby… Just sayin’.
And Adam Nelson is NOT an MD. MDs know how to spell.
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10:36 pm
I honestly thought I was reading the Onion. From the crazy “women are responsible for the ills the world,” to the grammar mistakes, I thought that surely this was a satire. Nope!
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1:59 am
Hahah, ‘Neutrophilic SN2 backside attacks’….classic.
Yes, the SN2 mechanism involves stereochemical inversion at the chiral carbon, and the NUCLEOphile (not Neutrophile) attacks 180 degrees away from the leaving group (i.e on the opposite side of the carbon atom) – this is the ‘backside attack’.
Backside attack has nothing to do with sex or human anatomy.
SN2 refers to the ‘nucleophilic bimolecular’ reaction.
So an SN2 mechanism does involve backside attack.
But the girls aren’t using it as a temptation for guys. It’s part of organic chemistry.
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6:22 am
“sits her sin upon your erected pole thingy”?
I think the words you’re looking your looking for are VAGINA and PENIS. Obviously, you need to get some of the first and stop touching your own of the second.
Also, since when did a natural, god-given, god-designed organ become “sin”? A vagina is not evil. A vagina is a vagina.
And once again, that scary word: vagina.
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5:38 pm
Ella are you questioning the good “doctor’s” medical terminology?
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1:56 pm
Well, Adam Nelson has to justify his sexual fantasies, not to mention how he gets to post all those pictures of sexy young women!
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2:00 pm
Correction: Dan Nordgren, not Adam Nelson. (But I am sure AN also got turned on by Dan’s article.)
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2:01 pm
From what I know, Dan isn’t a doctor but a film student. I enjoyed his ochem reference and thought it was clever, albeit technically a bit incorrect.
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12:47 am
on a side note, did anyone notice how adam apparently refers to himself as a fag in his comment on august 15, 7:51pm, in response tohis posted comment from two days earlier?
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2:50 pm
“Erected pole thingy”?!? Just saying that negates everything the author wrote.
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10:15 pm
Since when is a vagina called sin?
And why is there no accountability for the men?
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6:27 pm
You are giving Christians a bad name. You and people like you make us sound judgmental, sexist, and condemning. Yes, there are ways we are told to live our lives, and yes, I think all of this genital decorating isn’t in line with what Jesus taught, therefore we should not do it. However, to make the harsh judgments and stereotypes you did, is obscene. There are loose women, there are loose men. They are prostitutes, and there are rapists. And just for the record, it is more often that women have to drop out of school when they have a child…even if they are lucky enough for the father to stick around. Your views on the real world are shockingly skewed, and so please keep your opinions to yourself, instead of saying things that turn people away from Christ and His followers.
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5:22 pm
I think everything I’ve read on this website shows the world how crazy some of you are. 1st- if you don’t want your oh so holy son to deal with sex, send him to an all boys college. 2nd- fraternity is code for drink and have sex. 3rd- men aren’t getting raped, woman are. 4th- these woman are not whores, they are going to college to learn, and if they want to have fun while they’re there that’s their decision. If you read your bible you should know that if you truly believe they are at fault you are supposed to PRAY for them, not condemn them. 5th- to the oh so perfect guy that thinks woman want him? Quit trying to make yourself feel better, sounds to me like you need to get some counseling and come out of the closet. And last of all but not the least- The author of this article and the vadazzling article both need a shrink, because something in your brain is just not firing right. My grandfather and three uncles are all preachers, and I have never once heard them be so rude or condescending when speaking about something they were against. If you were a true ‘christian’ you’d be trying to help people, not write articles putting them down and criticizing them. Pull your head out of you know where, you are NOT high and mighty, you are nothing but another human on this earth. And you need to learn to practice what you preach or shut up.
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2:08 pm
Thanks, this made me laugh so hard! What a perv the writer is! Sounds like he’s mad about his own mistakes as a freshman, perhaps?
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2:15 pm
This is why people don’t like Christians!
Religion is like a PENIS,
It’s alright to have one but we don’t want you cramming it down our throats
Waving it in our faces
Or forcing our children to see it everyday.
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12:30 am
Those weren’t tattoos. Those were airbrush designs.
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