Only weeks ago did our friend Derek Van Buren warn about Vajazzling, the newest threat to your college son.
As collegiate campuses wind up for a new school year, rest assured that over the summer many vajazzled faux-academia women have buffed and shined their bejeweled crotches, all in efforts of picking ripe from the new freshman class of talented young men.
While the cougars of the upper-class compare their gemstones down below, there is a new threat that is being brought in with the class of freshman females: that threat is called vatooing.
According to trends extrapolated from internet and cell phone data, the trend of vatooing started somewhere around Seaside Heights, New Jersey. Several young Italian-American girls of that area, mostly of high-school age, decided to get suggestive tatoos, placed as near possible to their pubic and compelling sin regions.
When showing off their new tatoos, they are ‘forced’ to give a full-frontal crotch flash to whoever asks to see where they put their new ink. By such forward moves, they can readily entice — with an excuse — any guy they want. This trend was picked up by the show ‘Jersey Shore’ and now, is a nationwide epidemic, with freshman girls getting their otherwise pristine pubic regions armed to deceive and distract young men at college.
Vatooed girls are being very coy about this new trend. Several have went on record as calling vajazzling, “Crusty and obsolete”, mocking the upper-classmen at campuses nationwide, citing that having jewels attached in such areas will make maintenance, such as regular shaving and thorough cleaning, a very tedious, industrious task. Vatooing, on the other hand, is flush with the skin and does not impede shaving, cleaning or sexual fornication: it is the new ultimate weapon.
As documented on theluxuryspot.com, the vatooing process is quick and straight-forward. All women need to do is come up with a design, color scheme and then shave before heading into the nearest woman, or man they think they can trust, to vatoo their peri-vag region. In some cases, they even color their seperator flaps so as to really catch the eye of whoever they flash.
This year’s combined college matriculation and continuing enrollee rates for men vs women continued in the alarming, shocking trend. While the number of enrolled women has increased another 6%, the number of men enrolled has dropped an alarming 8.7%. These data indicate the worst: vajazzling and now, vatooing, are distracting men from their studies.
The antics of sorority girls were enough, tempting men with alcohol and raunchy parties that lead men to acadmic probation and being fathers, all while the sororities and feminine-oriented USDE help cover the tracks of the very harlots who lead America’s bright young men to such a sad, fizzling demise.
Parents, it is your responsibility to have the tough talk with your son, before he heads off to college. As a graduate film student, I’ve seen the raw, raunchy tactics girls will use to distract us men first hand. It is a far more rough world then when things were proper and we had far more men, than women, in college. In the droves they are in, women are teasing men with all of these sensual things and tempting them to be distracted from their field of passion, the true reason they are in school and trying to become America’s future.
It is tough and it takes good parenting, constant reminders and prayer to deny the many wiles of these whores of Satan. Such brash measures, to decorate your secret place to look like a delictable piece of soft purple-and-pink cake, then after you get a guy well-snockered at a party, to just say ‘wanna see my ink?’ and just flash him and grind those sintreats on him at a party, shows the resolve of these women. They simply just are not going to take no for an answer and do everything in their power to attack our college men with sex and more sex, until one of them are forced to drop out.
Parents, and men who will be freshmen this year, I leave you with this final image and haunting scenario.
Imagine being up late, studying one night. Your eyes are groggy and you have your first Midterms in two days. Suddenly, a knock on the door. It is those two cute girls who sit in front of you in Freshman Bio 101. They came by to compare notes from lab and go over a few things that will be on the test.
These girls get comfortable and the night goes from midnight to that awkward 2 am. They brought brownies, and you eat some. Your head is swimming and the next thing you know, ‘wanna see my ink’. You nod yes and you see the abdominal-pubic image up above, with the suggestive number 69.
The next think you know, in confusion your mouth is now filled with sin and from groggy, syncopol eyes you see this girl who for some reason has sat upon your face is now messing with your pants, but instead of mouth-dabbling as she’s forcing her victim to do, instead the friend sits her sin down upon your erected pole thingy.
This is the traps you face, men. These are the trials and tribulations facing all college freshmen this year. 69 attacks, SN2 Neutrophilic backside attacks. They have codenames for them and these are just a few we’ve learned about from reports of freshmen orientation. These stories are true and this is why so many men are now not able to complete college and have to drop out.
Parents, the honus of responsibility is upon you. Make sure if you send your girls to school, they are not sluts who will ruin the lives of good young men. Fathers, do not be afraid to take your sons aside and give them the talk about these new attacks, as best you can.
Most importantly, college freshmen. Guys, these girls are on the prowl and they are toned. They are tanned. And they crave one thing: fulfilling their darkest desires and ruining freshmen lives. It gets them excited and they have the support of every goose-stepping feminist in America and in the highest echelons of goverment. Say no to them and be focused, my friends.
Vatooing, it is the newest threat. Beware, beware.