With Barack Hussein Obama in office, the enemies of America are emboldened like never before. The Axis of Evil works meticulously, their crafty little hands and scheming minds doing their best to destroy America and her freedoms.
There is only one thing that can save us: our American army, comprised of our troops of righteousness.
America was shy in taking the mantle of humanity’s guardian, but as God first proved to us during World War I, and then definitively in World War II, Earth will fall to the hands of genocidal tyrants without the leadership of America.
Our troops have a daunting task. Every day, the Asians create more impressive droid robots to fill their armies. It is no secret that the Soviets can clone humans and create genetic hybrids to compete in the Olympics, so you can only imagine the monsters they would unleash on a field of battle. The terrorists fight dirty and not by the rules of war!
For this reason, God has blessed America with no weapons. Last year, we witnessed the world cower before our might as we added EATR robots and faster-than-light pulse lasers to our national arsenal. This fall, God is granting us a gift for each and every troop: HULC technology.
This new common uniform for the American soldier will allow our troops to hupt quintiple time, all while carrying 200 pounds. Look upon the new technology of America and cower, our enemies. Let those who call themselves our allies rejoice!