• God, our Great Navigator

    September 21, 2010 8:17 pm Comments Off

    Friends, I am breaking my self-imposed internet vow of silence today to write to you with an important message, taken from the road map to World peace, as provided for us by the ‘Great Navigator’ Himself- Almighty God.

    Very shortly, his Gloriousness the Pope will be embarking on his first trip to the United Kingdom in decades- and his first ever visit in his current, Germanic, manifestation! As a frivolous aside, I’ve been told that one of my favourite televisual productions has recently been reanimated, the amazing ‘Dr. Who’. Who better to fulfil the lead role than the Pope? He has recurring manifestations, all of which are different but basically look alike, and he has been literally sent directly from heaven with a message for lowly mortals like us. If anyone knows the man who organises the BBC, then perhaps they could print this article and fax it to his offices?

    As you well know, this Pope has habitually made something of a habit of canonising people and things. The heap of his saintly movements has reached above and beyond that which has been previously seen up until this most sacred of centuries. And the very path that his Holy steps shall follow is itself soon to be blessed and consecrated, with a view to beautification.

    A recent clip from the Gatwick Evening Gazette, a generally tawdry rag, brought this to my attention as I was going through the newspaper recycling bins outside my local ASDAs.

    “Pope’s path to stay trodden” and “Papal message to teach us how not to back down” it read, and it really made me think. Isn’t God so wonderful, so as to use the lives of mere humans to further Glorify Himself?

    The very steps taken by the Pope as he disembarks from the PopeJet2000 are to be recorded, by way of a thick white powder which shall be placed on the soles of his shoes. Once he has passed by, the steps shall be permanently outlined on the runway in paint, for future generations to enjoy and venerate.

    You know, I’ve read reactionary articles about this Holiness- articles that use disgusting terms for disgusting acts. Reporters raging on and on in their self-serving anger, with words like ‘abuse’, ‘molestation’ and ‘protection of pederasts’. It should be pointed out that this Pope has done much more to cover up the abuse than many before Him. He has also gone to great pains to ensure that victims are encouraged to follow biblical teaching, which leads to forgiveness, and – most importantly – the ability to move on and NEVER DISCUSS IT AGAIN.

    Does not the Bible state, quite clearly, in the book of Job,’ Let me have silence, and I will speak, and let come on me what may. Why should I take my flesh in my teeth and put my life in my hand? Job ch. 13, vs. 13-14.

    As is often the case, God sums it up perfectly. If it was good enough for Job, then it certainly is good enough for a few children in Belgium.

    This same God that brought us through the Desert to the Promised Land. This same Navigator that created an Arc with which to preserve all life on the planet- doth He not know best? Go in peace, brethren, and remember in all humility to treat the media with a decency filter.
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    About The Author
    Non-conformist Jack Raised on a Grace Baptist farm in the wilds of East Anglia, England, I have now walked forth from that province on an internet journey (inspired by the early gospel-spreading trips of St. Paul round Asia Minor) to tell the World about the Glory of Christ. Interests include: Spotting and isolating any deviance from the Holy Scriptures. Meditating on the name of God (but not in an incense and rice grains for lunch kind of way). I look for beauty in everything, because everything comes of the Holy Spirit- the author of the World. I enjoy village fetes, and often attend wearing my now-famous T-shirt which features the hilarious slogan 'Go to church TODAY! Avoid the Christmas rush!'. I like children's Hanna-Barbara cartoons about stories from the Old Testment. Especially if there's plenty of action. Personal role models: Jesus. Samson (but not Delilah). Joshua. Rev. Falwell. Al Sharpton- I'm pro-minority. We're all bondservants to Jesus, bretheren.

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