Hangovers Are God’s Punishment For the Sexual Sins of the Young
Just waking up and thinking of a cup of coffee or maybe a plate of greasy eggs? Do you even remember what happened last night or how you got those bruises? Maybe you’re in bed with someone right now, someone whose name you never bothered to ask, someone you met at a dark party or walking down the street at 2am… Do you dare slip back the covers and try to glimpse the face of that person snoring so slavishly? If you’re a man, what would you do if you pulled the pillow away to discover an unkempt goatee on the person beside you? If you’re a woman, what if it was heaving, perspiring cleavage? Anything can happen when you’re a needy drunk.
For centuries, wine was an integral part of Christian ceremony and celebration. We were told how the blood of Jesus is incarnate in the frothy juices of luscious grapes rightly blessed. But overindulgence in anything is a sin and today the sin of overdrinking is epidemic in America. “Run away from infantile indulgence,” as 2 Timothy 2:22 warns us, “Run after mature righteousness—faith, love, peace—joining those who are in honest and serious prayer before God.” Children are the worst offenders, particularly teens and college students (1,825 die each year from drinking, according to one study). It seems like a rite of passage for them to drink to mental obliteration, as if they need some excuse to be sexually promiscuous and intensely loud in doing so. They have forsaken wine for cheap beers and grain alcohols, their vodkas and whiskeys and odd creations like Jägermeister and Jell-O Shots. Marketers are no less to blame, for in crafting sugary drinks that mimic the fruit punches of adolescence they are giving our young people plausible deniability for their transition into full blown libertines. The life of the Bowery Bum beckons these young and irreligious hedonists.
But God is righteous and in His love He gently reminds these youngsters that they are crossing the line into reckless sin. Hangovers! It’s as if He is beside them, sitting on the edge of their beds in the morning beating into their heads with a rubber hammer– beating into them the idea that they are terrible people for their drunken and obnoxious ways. You men who spent the night prowling the depths of your failed ego for something to prop up your limp sense of manhood, God is there telling you that the firm embrace of Jesus is all you need to make you stand tall and righteous. You women, with those vicious, gossipy empty caverns of feminine frustration, the Lord is thrusting you back to consciousness with the overwhelming Love of the Creator to fill you! That is, in essence, why the hangover is there beside you in your musky morning sheets. “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings,” –1 Peter 5:9.
The caveat here is that YOU are the one ultimately responsible for what you did last night. Why did you drink so much? Why did you feel you needed to drink so much? Do you really think you’re fun when you’re a drunk? Do you think people don’t notice how obnoxious you are when you start screaming stories no one wants to hear and telling everybody that they’re your best friends forever? And when you start feeling that emptiness inside and you feel the throb of libido pulsing along with your disco music, do you honestly believe a brief (and often fruitless) carnal encounter will make you happy? 1 Samuel 15:23 teaches us, “Rebellion is as bad as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as bad as worshiping idols.” It is truly the love of your Creator you crave, not some frantic bathroom groping with a coked-up teen. Your lips need to wrap around the verses of the Good Book and not the possibly venereal appendage of a bushy-chested man you met in a public park. And what if you got so irrigated with alcohol that you had a same-sex act? How could you handle the shame knowing that you let the grungy male genitalia of one of your college buddies rub against your face like the teddy bear you snuggled with as a child? How can you repent for letting the firmness of another speed down an avenue otherwise used solely for the excavation of human waste? Yes, in the darkest hours of last night, maybe in some fraternity basement, maybe in front of all your friends, you became a pathetic spectacle as Satan drove his sports car up that autobahn to your soul and you (yes you!) whimpered out for more and more!
For women after hours and after cocktails, things often go too far. They start with the seeds of mental experimentation planted by their liberal professors and then egged on by desire and a loss of moral inhibition, they turn to soft feminine bed sharings. “Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem,” The Song of Solomon notes, “Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.” With so many of the boys around them indulging in their own egos, testing out the limits of effeminacy and bodily excretions, these coeds get drunk to convince themselves that they are ripe and ready. But sadly, instead of marriage, they find themselves in the bitter grasp of lesbianism, unable to break free from that muscled Sapphic grip. It seems like an easy answer to the confusion of their own bodies, hormones and estrogen raging through their gentle brains, they steady themselves on a close friend, maybe the girl they share their dorm rooms with. The night gets later, they have stripped down to their collegiate underwear and suddenly a bare and vibrant chest rubs mistakenly, something grows pert and a long fingernail traces the outlines of lust on another’s back, reaching around to the stomach, exploring a sacred crevice where such beautifully polished nails are never meant to go. From there, wet lips may meet, fluffy comforters hide graceful legs pressing masculinely hard… A friction fecund and forlorn erupts and a life forever damned ensues… Was it worth it? No matter how much yoga you do or how many margaritas you drink the next night, you’ll never be able to forget that you wiped your body across the slimy countertop of sin like a rancid, damp rag.
Children, please remember that your sickness of lust will not be cured by a night in some strange, crusty bed. Nor will it be cured by a lifetime of jumping from one crusty, bug-infested bed to the next. You may have forgotten what you did last night, but hangovers are there to remind you that whatever it was, it was bad. You young people will get old and crusty yourself someday. The crust forming in the corners of your eyes and lips, the ear hairs growing, the wrinkles of your face matching a broken antique soda bottle inexpertly repaired, your pores opening up like the craters of the moon, the blue veins of your nose flashing like a lighthouse, directing all those other bulky ships of hedonism into your ports… No, the aging alcoholic savaged by corporeal desire is a not a pretty sight.
“And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah, and all their goods. They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation. And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also. And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense.” –Numbers 16:32-35.
http://collegecandy.com/2010/08/27/friends-dont-let-friends-hook-up-drunk/
- Sinful
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- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Stephenson Billings
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !
3:28 pm
If you escape from the grip of homosexuality with just the Irish flu and galloping dandruff, consider yourself lucky.
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4:07 pm
i am still pretty much everything you despise on this matter but i never ever drink.
if god is so bad at punishing that he has to do it through such a system then once again i’m very unimpressed.
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4:47 pm
I was going to read the whole article, but I am still hungover.
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7:24 pm
Actually, hangovers are simply dehydration.
“Just waking up and thinking of a cup of coffee or maybe a plate of greasy eggs?”
Greasy eggs? Yuck. Eggs shouldn’t be greasy. A simple spray of cooking oil on the pan is sufficient. Or you could just have them hard-boiled – no grease involved.
“If you’re a woman, what if it was heaving, perspiring cleavage?”
Well I’m not a lesbian, but it’s a hell of a lot safer to wake up in bed with an unknown female than with an unknown male.
“We were told how the blood of Jesus is incarnate in the frothy juices of luscious grapes rightly blessed.”
And you believed it like little sheep…
By the way, doesn’t that make you a cannibal?
“But overindulgence in anything is a sin”
Including food. Your body type indicates that you are a sinner, Billings. Of course, you don’t like how your own medicine tastes, so you’ll deny it to the end.
“But sadly, instead of marriage, they find themselves in the bitter grasp of lesbianism”
And what’s YOUR excuse for not getting married, Billings?
“The night gets later, they have stripped down to their collegiate underwear and suddenly a bare and vibrant chest rubs mistakenly, something grows pert and a long fingernail traces the outlines of lust on another’s back, reaching around to the stomach, exploring a sacred crevice where such beautifully polished nails are never meant to go. From there, wet lips may meet, fluffy comforters hide graceful legs pressing masculinely hard… A friction fecund and forlorn erupts and a life forever damned ensues… Was it worth it? No matter how much yoga you do or how many margaritas you drink the next night, you’ll never be able to forget that you wiped your body across the slimy countertop of sin like a rancid, damp rag.”
I’m sorry…was this an article about hangovers or was this the preview for your next lesbian erotica novel? Are you aware that you only had two sentences related to hangovers in this little writing piece?
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11:01 am
Claire, of course I understand the physiological underpinning of alcohol dehydration, but this article is meant to explore the broader meanings of this type of suffering and how indulgence in drinking (binge drinking which truly is a genuine danger for young people today) represents their own failures at self control and sexuality. Many young people drink too much and end up in sexual situations they later regret.
If you look at college life today, so many children are reckless and forget why they are attending higher education in the first place. College life should be a time where you prepare yourself for a career and adulthood, but many are just partying for four years, eating up their parents’ savings and learning nothing.
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2:15 pm
“Claire, of course I understand the physiological underpinning of alcohol dehydration”
Suuuuuuuure you do…
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2:06 pm
@Claire
‘Actually, hangovers are simply dehydration.
“Just waking up and thinking of a cup of coffee or maybe a plate of greasy eggs?”
Greasy eggs? Yuck. Eggs shouldn’t be greasy. A simple spray of cooking oil on the pan is sufficient. Or you could just have them hard-boiled – no grease involved.’
are your eggs hard-boiled Claire? are you lacking grease?
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2:15 pm
It sounds as if she speaks from many years of experience; so sad in such a young person! By now her eggs must be pickled…
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2:17 pm
“It sounds as if she speaks from many years of experience; so sad in such a young person! By now her eggs must be pickled…”
Many years of experience doing what? Boiling eggs?
And if you’re referring to sex, I’m a virgin.
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2:20 pm
” ‘We were told how the blood of Jesus is incarnate in the frothy juices of luscious grapes rightly blessed.’
By the way, doesn’t that make you a cannibal?”
No, if anything, it would make someone a vampire. Cannibalism is the eating of the flesh of the same species. Please get your facts straight. And, re: your pic, YOU HAVE A NICE PUSSY CLAIRE!
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7:18 pm
Hell of a lot safer to wake up with an unknown female than an unknown male? Sexism is never attractive Claire…
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10:02 pm
Hangovers are caused by alcohol, not sex.
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10:55 pm
So Stevie puts up another piece of total bullshit, not realizing just how wrong he is in every conceivable way. Guess he figured “my gay husband post is so popular, I’ll try to out do it” and wrote this little number up. Problem is, everyone already knows that he has no knowledge of any kind other than where the nearest liquor store is and how to please his momma or where to pick up dudes, so it makes his bitching that much less potent.
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11:24 pm
This has nothing to do with the Gay Husband article. it’s the weekend and the start of the school year, so many young people are dealing with binge drinking and subsequently hangovers. You have once again completely missed the point, my friend.
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6:11 am
maybe but that comeing from a guy who has never been near any point…. yeah you should just shut up
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11:19 pm
This has EVERYTHING to do with your gay husband article, you’re just bitching a fit like always. You don’t have any point to make, you’re not intelligent enough to make a point, and you just want to throw a tantrum all the time. Not only that, you like to assume that ‘children’ (who as you’ve claimed several times is a person who is younger than 30) seem to do nothing but terrible things and once they become 30 they somehow magically turn into full-fledged adults, like they’re a fucking Pokemon or something. Considering your wanting of as many children as possible (though, none your own or to raise), that actually sounds appropriate for you.
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7:45 am
Jesus loved all, including prostitutes (Mary Magdelene). Maybe these poor young people drink because they were ignored or abused as children. Maybe they need a free cup of coffee and a loving shoulder to cry on rather than judgement from a man.
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11:05 am
“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.” –1 Corinthians 6:9-10.
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11:57 am
Idiots like you who quote the bible in a directly in a dogmatic way undermine the positive underpinnings of religion for everyone else. For every single one of your quotes, there are at least two others suggesting tolerance and acceptance, rather than judgement and indictments. You are a boring individual.
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8:32 pm
You obviously have no idea what you’re talking about or who you’re talking to.
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11:12 pm
I gotta give you that much, if he knew who he was talking to, he’d know that that’s all that you can come up, random bible quotes and call it a good day. You’re an incompetent fool that believes everything you’re spoon fed and the moment someone tries to say ‘no, that’s not how it is’, you throw a bitch-fit and call people names and insult us by calling us a ‘liberal’. I ask you, what the fuck does that have anything to do with anything? I know liberals who hate gay people and so on, so what the fuck is the difference?
Get back to me once you can read a fucking dictionary you twit.
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1:43 pm
I only have one thing to say to that and its vrystal clear..
But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: That no flesh should glory in his presence.
I Corinthians (ch. I, v. 27-29)
surely even an athesit can understand that..?
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9:09 am
Another GREAT article, Stephenson! As an Investigative Reporter you have plumbed the depths of social depravity to expose the hidden problems of America society. You stand on the shoulders of giants; Ida Tarbell, Lincoln Steffens, Seymour Hersh, and Woodward and Bernstein!
While this subject (collegiate binge-drinking) is occasionally in the news- usually when there is a death or a new study- you have brought this out in a timely fashion to warn young people of the danger to which they expose themselves by subjecting themselves to this practice.
As a recent TV show reminded us, 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted during 4 years of college. Adding excessive quantities of alcohol to your body lowers resistance, not only making for a hangover, but for a morning of regret.
Kudos!
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11:06 am
Thank you for the kind words, my friend. I am always grateful to see those who share in the Spirit.
“The LORD bless you and keep you;the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.” –Numbers 6:24-26.
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2:14 pm
@brother Robert
‘As a recent TV show reminded us, 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted during 4 years of college. ‘
so in the 4 yrs then every single sister will be defiled… how can we stand and let this happen? because if all sisters are ruined beyond cleanliness then marriage as an istitution wil grind to a halt well done President OBama you’ve managed to create a society where procreation will be impossible!!
’22. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savoir.
24. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
33. …and the wife must respect her husband.’
Ephesians – Chapter 5:22-24,33
is alcohol worth forgoing all of this beauty??
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9:30 am
Wow you are so helping to win souls for the kingdom of God with this one.
Now granted I won’t set here and say that all of the Gospel is lovey-dovey, and roses. But you are way off base with what you are talking about. No where in the bible does it mention that people can not drink alcohol. However over consumption thereof can lead to sins and sinning. Overindulgence could lead to hang-overs this is not a means for God to punish people. It is a consequence of drinking to much alcohol and nothing more. God’s does not punish the wicked on the earth, God allows consequences to come unto or into our lives based on our choices, both good and bad. Punishment is for those that do not repent from their sins and accept Jesus as their one and only savior. They receive their punishment on judgment day. Their is also no punishment in heaven.
It would do you (Mr.Billings) well to turn away from the Internet and turn to your Bible and to the Lord himself.
Now as for sexual depravity in any shape, form or fashion, has it’s own consequences. So while one may go in hand with the other, they are two totally separate actions, or choices.
Please do yourself a favor and stop writing articles condemning the choices people make. It is not your right nor place to judge the choices of others.
Hate the sin love the sinner. That is what Jesus would do.
Try teaching why Jesus would not approve of the actions that are contradictory to his teachings. That would be a better argument and much better received article.
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11:14 am
First of all, I am speaking of my faith and my passion and if that honesty helps souls or not, at least I am being righteous before God so i see no cause for your disdain. Secondly, you are childishly wrong about what the Bible says about Alcohol and indulgence. Of course we all know that the first miracle of Jesus was to turn water into wine, but see the Corinthians passage I quoted above (which every Christian should know by heart). The message about alcohol there is irrefutable. Furthermore, Galatians 5:21: “envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” There are literally thousands of Christian websites out there which address this topic and it’s insincere of you to suggest that binge drinking is somehow allowed in the Bible. See also:
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT ALCOHOL AND DRUGS?
http://www.jesusisthelight.net/ALCOHOL.htm
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10:24 am
In the picture to the right, two normal women are tricked into lesbian sins due to alcohol.
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11:07 am
Yes Adam, both first two pictures represent before and after, from left to right.
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11:55 am
Ecclesiastes viii. 15 (AV) Then I commended mirth, because a man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry ‥ and isaiah xxii. 13 (AV) Let us eat and drink; for to morrow we shall die.
There you go, your bible says it and that settles it.
As an atheist there can be no doubt that the bible is much like the LDS watchtower, there is an answer for every contradiction.
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2:19 pm
@Matt says
‘There you go, your bible says it and that settles it,there is an answer for every contradiction..’
What brother you mean like this…?
Proverbs 20:1 “Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.”
Isaiah 5:11, 22 “Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning, that they may follow strong drink; that continue until night, till wine inflame them! Woe unto them that are mighty to drink wine, and men of strength to mingle strong drink. ”
Hosea 4:11 “Whoredom and wine and new wine take away the heart.”
Thank youu for accidentally making our case..
‘it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.’
Acts (ch. IX, v. 5)
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11:17 am
Exactly Mr. Deb, your bible says whatever you want it to……….. no worries!
Um.. I didn’t know you had a case to make? Perhaps we could find a verse to justify abortion and stem cell research then I really would be impressed, otherwise your book is just another one that lays next to loo waiting for the toilet rolls to run out.
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1:35 pm
ABortion: “because they have rebelled against their God. They will fall by the sword; their little ones will be dashed to the ground, their pregnant women ripped open.” so clearly only those whove rebelled against our Lord undergo ‘the sword’
Hosea 13:16
Stemcells (ok our forefathers couldnt have expressed this as elquolently as us, but by ‘blood’ read ‘stemcells): “For the life of a creature is in the blood…” Leviticus 17:11 [Our blood permits physical life; His blood heals and gives eternal life.] so clearly to remove ‘blood/stemcells’ is removing life ie murder – case CLOSURE
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1:50 pm
Hardly closure Mr. Deb.
You forgot to add “in my opinion”.
Stem cells can be harvested from adults thus there is no embryo used, look it up.
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12:11 pm
Mr. Billings! Photo four is completely inappropriate. I mean, two naked, hairy men lying on a child? Really? You should be ashamed!
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2:25 pm
@Matt
not my ‘opinion’ it is the opinion held by 2.1 billion faithful:
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_Christians_are_there_worldwide
note the growth in this paragraph:
“in the East the numbers who are becoming new Christians daily is astronomical.”
we should be aware of this.. the Jesus Army is growing!!
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3:39 pm
What a bunch of stupid pigs
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12:07 pm
dude!
You’re a fucking joke that noone takes seriously – just to human kind a BIG favor and go live under a rock – cus’ that’s were you belong.
/ Erik who actualy studies in college… somethin you obsiously haven’t
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12:30 pm
Sir, I am a christian. I am (i guess) a strong christian. But Im confused on how you find bad in everything, I have read a few of your articles and find that you found bad in a commercial. Yeah people are sick, people have sick fantasies…so what, if they want to live their life that way ,let them, but remind them that God will be there in the end. All you really can do is pray for them
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12:30 pm
Sir, I am a christian. I am (i guess) a strong christian. But Im confused on how you find bad in everything, I have read a few of your articles and find that you found bad in a commercial. Yeah people are sick, people have sick fantasies…so what, if they want to live their life that way ,let them, but remind them that God will be there in the end. All you really can do is pray for them not shove it in their face
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