• Sexual Puri-Tea Party Wins in Delaware

    September 21, 2010 8:14 pm 7 comments
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    The Sexual Puri-Tea Party scored a major victory on Tuesday, helping to propel chaste Republican, Christine O’Donnell, to an upset win over homosexual marriage supporter Michael Castle in the race for the United States Senate nomination in Delaware.

    Mr. Castle is the Representative who crudely joked about consummating a relationship with a chicken on Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report.”

    Watch here: http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/255199/november-09-2009/better-know-a-district—delaware-s-mike-castle

    With 53 percent of the vote, Ms. O’Donnell was able to beat off Mr. Castle. Her victory provided a glorious bookend to a tumultuous primary season for Republican incumbents, which was clouded by concerns about Republicans who failed a so-called purity test developed by conservative candidates.

    Long before she became the cause-of-the-moment of the Sexual Puri-Tea Party, Ms. O’Donnell was crusading against not just premarital, non-missionary position sex, but masturbation.

    Back in the 1990s, Ms. O’Donnell was the president of a Christian-right group called Saviors Alliance for Lifting the Truth (SALT). As president of that group, Ms. O’Donnell made an appearance on the MTV series “Sex In The 90s.” Entitled “The Safest Sex Of All,” the episode was geared toward understanding the importance of abstinence. During her interview, Ms. O’Donnell argued that masturbation is not a moral substitute for premarital sex. Instead, “the Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can’t masturbate without lust.”

    Watch here:
    httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UFn_DoaSKw

    During this year’s race, Ms. O’Donnell came into her own with the help of Sarah Palin, Bristol Palin, Bristol Palin’s illegitimate son Tripp Palin, Bristol Palin’s Playgirl model boyfriend Levi Johnston, as well as other leaders of the Republican party’s conservative wing.

    In Dover, aroused Sexual Puri-Tea Partiers began chanting “Masturbation is adultery! Masturbation is adultery!” as returns began to slowly trickle in and Ms. O’Donnell’s lead steadily began to grow bigger and bigger. A little more than an hour after the polls closed, the race was called for Ms. O’Donnell. She immediately praised Sarah Palin and wrapped her hands around Johnston.

    Throughout the campaign, Ms. O’Donnell was dogged by reports — many of them generated by members of the Republican party — that she had trouble with personal finances, had lied about her educational history and was not fit for office.

    Ms. O’Donnell promised that if elected in November she will immediately introduce federal legislation which will outlaw masturbation. According to Ms. O’Donnell, manual stimulation is only meant to be performed by “one married woman on one married man.” According to Ms. O’Donnell, “manual stimulation by one man on that same one man or one woman on that same one woman is the ultimate act of self-abuse.”

    She said that other acts of self-abuse include contributing to or voting for Chris Coons, the Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate in Delaware.

    So whatever you do, do not contribute to Chris Coons at this website:

    http://www.chriscoons.com/splash/https://docs.google.com/document/edit?id=1W9wo02VnNtKIwp0iLLbsAwjy-GFHIcIfGLUM5LocSsE&hl=en

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