The 10 Worst Masturbation Propaganda Films on the Internet
When was the last time the people of this nation had a frank discussion about personal bodily morality? Christine O’Donnell aims to change all that. As Delaware’s Tea Party candidate for Senate, O’Donnell has inspired many to revisit an old debate about the spiritual and physical unhealthfulness of masturbation. Her inflexible advocacy for abstinence as president and founder of the Savior’s Alliance for Lifting the Truth is truly invigorating. It also serves as an excellent response to the contamination propaganda that the champions of self-pollution cling to so readily in our culturally divided times.
For Christians, it’s now more important than ever that we look back on the fascinating and tortured history of self-gratification. We need to educate ourselves about the sad methods that scientists, socialists and sexual adventurers employ to spread their disease of disinformation. In Genesis and Matthew, Colossians, and Leviticus, the Bible beseeches us to embrace purity and cleanliness over all evil habits. You will see that those wise commands are criminally absent in the videos below. The level of unrepentance and pride is truly gruesome. To finish off the field, we have included some scholarly insights after each film to counterpoise these warped diatribes of redolent perversion.
1.Sex Education for Trainables (1975)
An intrusive mother (father is oddly absent) encourages her young son Ricky to play with himself. The “Make Love, Not War” sticker on the bedroom door and the woeful guitar solo in the background are clear indications of bygone, indulgent era.
“Masturbation is an intrinsically and seriously disordered act. [...] It lacks the sexual relationship called for by the moral order, namely the relationship which realizes ‘the full sense of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love.’” –Franjo Cardinal Seper, The Vatican’s Official Position on Masturbation.
2. “Every so often I get a strong sex urge” (c. 1960s)
A teen athlete questions his need to masturbate incessantly and is harassed by doctors in skinny ties and shirtless boys in the locker room.
“We need to address sexuality with young people and masturbation is part of sexuality, but it is important to discuss this from a moral point of view. The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery and you can’t masturbate without lust. The reason you don’t tell [young people] that masturbation is the answer to AIDS and all these other problems that come with sex outside of marriage is because again it not addressing the issue.” –Christine O’Donnell, Republican Senatorial Candidate From Delaware
3. Every Boy Gets Hard (1975)
If you’re looking for the definition of a “dirty old man” you need go no further than this video, replete with pornographic pictures the mustached elder pulls from his pocket to show the youth on a stained, saggy couch.
“Masturbation is reported in all countries as a frequent cause of insanity; sometimes it is the prelude to mania, to dementia, and even to senile dementia; it flows into melancholy, leading to suicide. It is more fatal in men than women.” –Dr Robert P. Ritchie, “An Inquiry Into a Frequent Cause of Insanity in Young Men”
4. As Boys Grow: The Wet Dream (1957)
An older boy lures a younger one into talking about sperm.
“Masturbation is one of the scourges which secretly attacks and destroys humanity. It is the destroyer of civilisations.” –Dr Reveille-Parise
5. Am I Normal? (1979)
Homoerotic high school locker room moments and the unapologetic use of the word “penis” make this one an offence to all the senses.
“How diffused secret wickedness may become in schools appears every now and then in scandals so dreadful, that the natural tendency of all concerned is to hush them up and forget them as speedily as may be.” –William Acton, “The Functions and Disorders of the Reproductive Organs”
6. Boy to Man (1962)
Despite the clinical look of this film, the subversive idea that self-masturbation is an “outlet on the way to maturity” is a repulsive one, particularly with how the film ends (a teen wanders over to his bed, the room quickly darkens and the voiceover notes, “it takes time”).
“Habitual masturbators have a dank, moist, cold hand, very characteristic of great vital exhaustion; their sleep is short, and most complete marasmus comes on; they may gradually waste away if the evil passion is not got the better of.“– Dr Claude François Lallemand
7. Just Started Masturbatin! Chewin’ the Fat (2000)
An unnecessarily crude and Scottish attempt to find humor in masturbation addiction. No surprise that Mother is so loud and overbearing!
“It is time for me to tell you, that the Crime against which I warn you, is that Self-Pollution, which from the Name of the Person that stands for ever stigmitz’d for it in our Holy Bible bears the Name of ORANISM. Among the Libidinous Practices of the who do Evil With Both Hands earnestly, they have the cursed way of procuring a Discharge, which the God of Nature has ordered only to be made in a Way which a Lawful Marriage leads unto.” –Cotton Mather, “The Pure Nazarite: Advice to a Young Man”
8. Masturbation with Dr. Ruth Westheimer (2009)
The salty senior of sex science takes to YouTube to promote hardcore pornography, dildos and self-gratification.
“Miserly bachelors, hermits, and often widowers resort to self-pollution when financial affairs prevent their visiting houses of ill fame. I am credibly informed that the vice of self-pollution, by the hand, prevails largely among soldiers, as well in convents, and public schools.” –Dr James Tyler Kent, “Sexual Neuroses”
9. Weeds: Masturbation Lesson (2006)
A confused child is shocked into silence by a foul-tongued hedonist offering tips on lubricants and microwaves in this clip from one of cable’s most offensive shows.
“To prevent the immense evils of self-pollution, therefore, in our boys and students… They should always subsist on a plain, simple, unstimulating, vegetable, and water diet; and care should be taken that they do not eat too fast, and are not excessive. They should never be kept too long a time in a sitting, confined, or inactive posture. They should never sleep on feathers.” –Sylvester Graham, “Lectures on Chastity”
10. What the Heck is Happening to My Genitals? (2008)
An odd example of contemporary sex ed that uses cartoon graphics to familiarize children with the mystery of their genitalia. Describing a female body part as, “a special place that smells like the sea” many will find particularly reprehensible.
“As a society, this degree of self-manipulation goes too far in familiarizing men and women with their bodies. These people become less active in their communities and begin to see themselves as sexual predators whose sole purpose is to climax at the end of the night. Masturbation has had a ruinous effect on the institution of marriage. Countless couples have been destroyed by porn addiction, many other men have just given up on the idea of marriage because they prefer to pleasure themselves whenever they choose, free from the interruptions of family life.” –Christwire, “How To Spot a Masturbator.”
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Stephenson Billings
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !
10:29 am
“Her inflexible advocacy for abstinence”
She’s one to talk about abstinence, considering how she was basically a slut throughout college.
“You will see that those wise commands are criminally absent in the videos below.”
There’s nothing “criminal” about not including biblical scripture in something.
“An intrusive mother”
Oh, so that’s being intrusive, but taking your advice and sniffing your son’s bedsheets and saying “this smells like semen” isn’t intrusive?
“(father is oddly absent)”
Why do you have a problem with that? You seem to think that it should be the mothers who teach their sons about puberty.
“If you’re looking for the definition of a “dirty old man” you need go no further than this video”
No, you need go no further than this: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001366922231&v=info&ref=ts
“An older boy lures a younger one into talking about sperm.”
Heaven forbid a boy should be aware of what comes out his penis when he has a wet dream.
“Homoerotic high school locker room moments and the unapologetic use of the word “penis” make this one an offence to all the senses.”
Dear god, not PENIS!!! MAN THE LIFE BOATS!
“Describing a female body part as, “a special place that smells like the sea” many will find particularly reprehensible.”
Perhaps you mean VAGINA.
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8:53 pm
Hi Claire, I think you’re wrong to throw out false accusations against O’Donnell. I have never heard anyone say she was difficult in college and whoever told you that is simply wrong.
I labeled the mother as intrusive because she stomped right in to tell that boy Ricky to keep on doing what he was doing. That’s not a mother image I think we should be spreading around.
And yes, I do find the unnecessary language in the third video offensive. It’s not helpful to use gutter talk around children, esp. when you’re trying to get them to learn.
Once again, you seem to have truly suffered because of all the foul language you picked up in the school system and around your “radical” friends. If there was ever a better example of a foul-mouthed rebel teen, I’d like to see it.
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11:08 pm
“It’s not helpful to use gutter talk around children, esp. when you’re trying to get them to learn.”
So…it’s wrong to use the anatomical word “penis” when trying to educate kids about their bodies? You make no sense.
“If there was ever a better example of a foul-mouthed rebel teen, I’d like to see it.”
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12:20 pm
Claire, that video was sick and I think you’re sick for spreading that garbage around. Aren’t you ashamed?
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9:25 pm
“Claire, that video was sick and I think you’re sick for spreading that garbage around. Aren’t you ashamed?”
You told me that you would like to see a better example of a rebellious teen. I showed you. What are you bitching about?
p.s. aren’t you ashamed of putting pictures of your ugly face on the internet? They make people quite ill.
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1:23 am
“Penis” is the anatomically correct and professionally used word for denoting a part of the male genitalia with the other part being the testicles. These words are not slang they are medically technical and are no more offensive than saying “clavicle” or “Phalanges”. its not a “dick”. its not a “tallywacker”. its not even a “cock”. it is a PENIS
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11:33 pm
I came here expecting free nudes, you owe me an apology, sir.
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11:37 am
too many jokes to make…. must make fun of retardet christian *head explodes*
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12:20 pm
Oh, please. Masturbation is 100% normal. The tragedy here is that you people will never understand how much damage you’ve done to society by turning sex into something shameful. Even Islam, with all of its strict rules about adultery, doesn’t vilify sex as much as Christianity does — it actually acknowledges that sex is a vital part of a marriage, and should be enjoyed for its own sake. Hell, I’ve met a 7th Day Adventist who wasn’t as prudish as you people. You’ve created a world in which the vast majority of the population feels guilty for basic instincts that they have zero control over, leaving them feeling as if they’re perverts simply because they occasionally get turned on. Sex is intrinsic to our nature, hardwired into every single one of us, not due to “sin”, but because it’s part of nature. Demonizing sexual impulses is every bit as ridiculous as demonizing the need for socialization; badmouthing masturbation is akin to calling someone a degenerate for writing in a journal when they feel lonely.
Stop worrying about what everyone else does in private and focus on your own life.
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9:46 pm
I am sorry m’am to hear you say that. Maybe you will change your tune once you have little kiddies of your own and are faced with this sort of tragedy. I know that it’s easy for you to spread you lies from you little corner of the internet, but for many concerned about the soul and physical health of their children, this is a critical issue. It’s very important that parents be involved in their children’s lives and keep them away from bad habits and sin. Would you also condone drug use and homosexuality? See, it’s a slippery slope from self-pollution to other vices.
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6:18 pm
http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/slippery-slope.html
Your arguments would be a lot more convincing if they reflected some understanding of logic and rational thought.
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2:41 am
Masturbation is basically as “normal” as it gets, and there’s no chance of passing any diseases or getting anyone pregnant. Think about it, it’s pretty great – give it a try sometime. Hey man, I’ve got a few “kiddies” of my own and – guess what? – they masturbate, and it’s pretty much okay with my wife and me. We’re both highly educated religious republicans (she’s a PhD from Harvard, I’m a PhD from Carnegie Mellon), but we don’t suffer from your special variant of “crazy”. I just hope you people don’t infect too many more people.
I really love this website. It’s just the kind of humor that pisses me off a little bit while I roll on the floor laughing. Keep it up!
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12:34 pm
I can’t believe what they are teaching our children in schools these days.
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1:05 pm
Thank you very much for this article, Mr. Billings. I wish there was a way I could have the teens and parents coming through the clinic to see these videos and your words with them to put some of these myths to bed.
I also want to remind everyone out there that masturbation is not normal. It can lead to gender confusion and diseases, both physical and psychological.
It can strike anywhere, even in a Christian home. I remember the article Amber gave some sound advice to mom:
http://christwire.org/2009/02/is-it-ok-for-my-christian-daughter-to-masturbate/
Hopefully that can also be a help to some confused parents out there.
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2:32 pm
“I also want to remind everyone out there that masturbation is not normal.”
This just proves that you’re a quack. Any real doctor would realize that the urge to attain pleasure through masturbation is just as normal as the urge to have intercourse. Surely you learned about hormones in your classes. If not, you might want to look them up. They’ll provide you with all the answers you need.
“It can lead to gender confusion and diseases, both physical and psychological.”
Really? I’ve been masturbating since I was 15. I’m now 20, and I gotta tell ya, not once has playing with my vagina and clitoris made me think that perhaps I was actually a male. As for diseases, I do have two disorders of my reproductive system, but they came about long before I began masturbating or even knew what masturbation was. I also suffer from anxiety, but again, that arose when I was quite young.
“Amber gave some sound advice to mom”
Haha! Was it your mom, Adam?
“Hopefully that can also be a help to some confused parents out there.”
Doubt it.
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9:01 pm
Claire, I guess you missed the 10 quotations above from doctors and spiritual leaders identifying the incredible dangers of self-gratification. Adam is correct and you people need to stop abusing yourselves.
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11:21 pm
Then you need to stop abusing yourself by cramming so much food down your hole. From your picture, you clearly eat more than you need to, which is a form of indulgence and shows a lack of control over your desires. That indulgence packs pounds onto you, which has been PROVEN to contribute to:
-heart disease/attack
-diabetes
-cancer
-depression
-arthritis
-hypertension
Of course, being the hypocrite that you are, you’ll just say “Food is necessary for survival, I’m not overeating, yadda yadda yadda…”
WRONG.
The proof of your overindulgence is in the pictures – you’re fat. That means you eat too much. Why do people eat too much? Because it tastes good. That’s a form of pleasure. You don’t stop eating when you should because you don’t want the pleasure to end. The pounds pack on and pretty soon you’re on insulin because you just couldn’t deny yourself that pleasure, you sick, sick man…
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2:17 pm
Hey Claire,
Looks like Stevie B. has been working out really, really hard!
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8:17 pm
I won’t deny that I had a physique like that in my younger days!
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3:38 am
you are right adam masturbation is so uncommon that only 96% percent over the ageof 15 admit to have done it. i mean how more unnormal could it be. it’s like those sick people who think it’s normal to have hair.
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1:16 pm
can give disease either physical than Psychological … are you sure you are In medicine Adam I’m pretty sure you have Failed your entry exam
seriously who in his sane mind would Believe you to be a doctor or any sort of medical assistant
first you will kill any people who are not white christian and american and just to be sure you will ask them if they are christian
You are a shame to any sane man and humanity
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6:49 pm
Seriously? You Christians are so messed up. You believe in imaginary sky daddys but you think human nature is evil. You deliberately trying to make people ashamed of normal healthy behavior is true evil. The world would be such a better place is you all went ahead and killed yourselves, especially since you think this world sucks so much but ‘the next one’ will be so wonderful.
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9:53 pm
So just out of curiosity, Billings, what are the 10 BEST “masturbation propaganda” videos? You are the leading authority on the subject, after all… I suppose for you #1 must be the clip of Christine O’Donnell talking about having “dabbled in witchcraft” as young woman. Me too, dude! Damn, thinking about that sweet young trailer-trash back-birth in a long black hooded robe, standing in the center of a pentagram on top of a tombstone, in a deserted graveyard in the dead of night, rubbing a good one out of her sweet little Christian cooch, while hot demon winds blow her sleek black tresses around and the whispered voices of the eternal damned cheer her on… damn, that is just such a perfect turnoff that it’s possible I may never masturbate again.
Jebus wins again!
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11:47 pm
I am currently working on that subject so you’ll see the answer next week.
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11:53 pm
You have to jack off to them first, right? Nothin’ turns you on like the mention of sex, right? Dear god you’re desperate.
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5:19 pm
Which (witch) subject, ‘jebus wins again’ or Christine O’Dumbfuck rubbing a good one out of her sweet little Christian cunt?
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8:54 pm
I don’t want to give away the subject matter, but it will be about Christianity’s response to the masturbation epidemic. Lots of photos.
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11:54 pm
//I don’t want to give away the subject matter, but it will be about Christianity’s response to the masturbation epidemic. Lots of photos.//
Stevie, we don’t want to see your god-damn porno collection, alright? We want you to realize you’ve got a superiority and god complex that you need to sort out. You have a ‘holy than thou’ attitude with everything, even with other Christians who have called you out on your bullshit, and you refuse to believe that anything you say is wrong. You refuse to do actual research, you just look for pictures and say that it’s a good job and leave it at that.
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10:27 pm
Can Stevie type up ONE blog post that ISN’T filled to the brim with stupidity? Just one? That’s all I’m fucking asking here man!
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8:57 pm
If you have any constructive criticism, I would be more than happy to hear it. You immature attacks, however, do not contribute anything to the conversation here and many people find such crude and cruel attacks offensive and unfair. You have to remember that parents and Christian educators alike visit this site, so please stay on your best behavior.
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9:12 pm
I hope you know that most of the “christian counselor” and Parent doenst visit ehre just for a Good Laugh at your stupidity if any people follow everything written on this site they will have to Lock their kids in Basement until 30 and not told them to masturbate neither
Tell me while we are on the subject what does its affect you if teenage or any people masturbate
oh and your pseudo doctor can suck ass if you want My opinion
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5:31 pm
Don’t forget about the hairy palms you will get!
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9:57 pm
I must admit; I’m disappointed. I was expecting a bunch of Christine O’Donnel vids. Nothing makes me want to jack off more than watching Christine O’Donnel from 10 or more years ago talk about resisting her urges. You know she’s gotta be into that freaky shit!
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2:09 am
For christianism and catholism, masturbation is wrong BUT pedophilia is OK.
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12:35 pm
anyway its the altarboy who do the masturbation to the priest
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9:37 pm
masterbation is really just a crutch for bored teens, and victims of a latch key culture.
i mean, there are much more health activities a teen or anyone could be involved in.
personally i prefer to row my boat, or playing with my little man in a canoe (seriously i have a model canoe i made – boys play with model airplanes, i like canoes – what about it)
they could be helping their dads waxing the weasels i mean weasels are really bad pests!!
they could help their neighbous flogging logs – logs make for great firewood.
they could be husking the corn – especially in midwestern states where there is a lot of corn to be husked.
they could find a genie lamp and rub it, peel a banana – fruit is good for you!
they could get a job choking chickens – someone has to do the dirty work before dinner ends up on the table!
they could take the poodle for a walk, do a Backstroke Roulette, bait a hook – any of these i’m sure boy scouts could help with
there’s also cleaning the pipes, cleaning the rifle, burping a worm, batting practice, drain the vein – hospitals always need help!
they could take up flute soloing, get some hands on training with a clarinet, grease a bone or hack a hog, especially if they live in a rural environment.
they could learn to make some nut butter, do a manual override or learn a secret handshake – then show it to a friend
there are many many activities one can do other than masturbate, even romance – you could always date mother palm and her five daughters.
remember healthy activity is always a better option than something evil like pleasuring oneself.
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12:35 pm
Anyone seen this publication
“Why I masturbate in front of small children” BY S Billings
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10:18 am
Guys, please! Can’t you see that this is a joke site? It’s an anti-Christian propoganda set-up (which I am totally in favour of, by the way.) Christwire is a way of showing, the savage, ignorant, Bronze age, sinister cult nature of the Bible to the world.
Perhaps it should go into how many times the God of Love, Compassion and Great Kindness ordered his men to rape innocent women, to force a rape victim to marry her rapist, endorse beating a slave to death and the slaughter of countless innocent children.
Of course Jesus changed all that right? – whilst he was threatening people with everlasting torture for daring to disagree with him, encouraging men to castrate themselves and how they must HATE their families.
What a wonderful example to us all!
Keep it up Christwire! Show the World the true nature of this ghastly cult!
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5:39 am
Hi there! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My blog looks weird when viewing from my iphone 4. I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to resolve this issue. If you have any recommendations, please share. With thanks!
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8:04 am
Get off this site you creepy tech bigot.
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7:01 am
But he might buy your app.
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7:20 am
Steve Jobs is dead. iPhones are irrelevant now. Have you not heard the news yet?
http://christwire.org/2011/10/steve-wozniaks-ghost-can-finally-rest-in-peace-because-satan-has-downloaded-steve-jobs-soul-to-hell/
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1:15 pm
I can’t believe I have found this website only now – some of the best jokes on the web, absolutely hillarious!!!
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3:31 pm
Like many of your readers,I believe that masturbation is an unhealthy sin,and must be prevented.That means that children and single people be required to wear chastity belts,and also married couples,if it is a problem.
Both my wife and I have chastity belts and wear them when we are separated from each other
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