• Daily Mail’s Mark Pain and Redcoat British Cheat American 2010 Ryder Cup Team

    October 3, 2010 3:15 pm 9 comments
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  • The British are an arrogant people who think their nation’s long history of looting, plundering and disrespecting burgeoning cultures gives them a title of aristocracy. The fact of the matter is simple: British people are a droll, lifeless lot who do not respect core values such as determined work and personal hygiene.

    I’m terribly vexed after watching yesterday’s opening round of the Ryder Cup. Our American team is solid this year. Even with the controversial wildcard addition of Tiger Woods, team America is clearly superior to the ragtag group of cheap charlatans that is cheating us on the links.

    The latest offense came in yesterday, as our prize golfer Tiger Woods was taking on Europe’s Steve Poulter and Ross Fisher. Woods approached the 18th to deliver his final shot on the par 4 for birdie. The shot magnificently sailed toward the hole, Tiger already in his poised victory stance to which Americans are so accustomed.

    Then, like a galloping dandy secretly stealing upon an American homestead on a cold colonial Boston’s night, a British photographer slipped into the fray and stood the direct path of Tiger Wood’s shot.

    The British are now regaling the photographer, Mark Pain, a hero. They applaud his ‘bravity’ for standing in the line of the shot for “The Good of England, the Queen Mother and the E.U.” I hope Britain understands that there is one other who claps for their ‘depravity” and his name is Satan.

    Much like the clambacks, Satan adorns himself in a fiery redback that reflects the very essence of hell itself. There is no honor in cheating and swindling, though the English are pros at such.

    How pathetic do you have to be to hire a Slavic French freelancer to do dirty work?

    You can see the shock of the crowd. Even a suspicious terrorist, with head topped in a turbin and fellating mouth smoking Fidel’s illegal cancer sticks of communism, has a countenance of utter shock and awe. Could the British truly be so low?

    Another photo shows that after the cheat, Mark Pain runs away and Tiger Woods angrily looks upon him with a typical rage of which he is genetically predisposed. The photographer was smart to run, but really, this just looks bad on the British.

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    About The Author
    Derek Van Buren

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