• History of The Beatles Haircuts: Hairstyles Directly Correlates Approximation of Drug Use

    October 28, 2010 9:10 am 10 comments
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  • The Beatles started off as a pure and innocent band, whose singers brought excitement to the world of music.

    Sadly, like all rock bands, the Beatles’ constant reference to Satan and his vices (e.g., drug use, atheism, fornication, communism) lead each and every Beatle to a dark place.

    What started off as clean cut and innocent became mangy and depraved.

    The lead singer of the band, John Lennon, grew up in a foster home and had strong work ethic. When debuting with the Beatles, the boy looked proper. The deeper he got into writing songs and doing back room deals with Satan, however, Lennon fell to a dark place with drugs such as acid cocaine and even worse, magic marijuana (‘magic mint’ in today’s hedge shops).

    Lennon went on to became an atheist and communist, for which he was assassinated because he tried to help a Chinese transgender, Yoko Ono, steal nuclear secrets from America.

    Next, there was Ringo Star, the pounding drummer. In the cadence of every beat he struck, you could hear the heartbeat of Satan himself.

    It is no surprise that Ringo was made to suffer and even though he started off as a great concerto singer, his voice was stripped and even in a song he asked everyone ‘What they would do if he sang out of tune’. Their reply, do drugs. And that they did and Ringo died from marijuana related causes later in life.

    George Harrison tried to act like he was clean and hide behind his base guitar, but it was no secret less that his hands were just as dirty as the rest.

    Then we get to the grandmaster of the Beatles, “Sir” Paul McCartney. The one remaining Beatle. The man who cheated on his wife and is now somehow British royalty and a billionaire from just writing a few songs. Clearly a deal with Satan was struck and forged under the influence of who knows what drugs.

    There is a distinct pattern to the Beatles and their main failing point: drugs. You can tell how many drugs they consumed since their innocent start by the levels of slovenliness and unkempt hair.

    You can tell Satan really got a hold of them in 1967, when they all decided to grow out the quintessential pornographer mustache. Mustachioed in sin, the Beatles really did hit their lowest points starting that year and from then on out, in their music you can always hear the faint sound of Satan laughing at his ignorant minions.

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    About The Author
    Bren Langford Born and raised in SoCal, Bren Langford is currently a student, lifeguard and lifestyle editor for ChristWire Campus Weekly.

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