• Musician Jack Johnson Arrested

    November 12, 2010 4:18 pm 15 comments
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  • There is a hipster surfer and singer named Jack Johnson and he has finally been arrested for all his songs about wooing young girls and then smoking magic mint with his little thug friend Ben Harper.

    It is about time we started to put these musicians behind bars.

    Johnson has long been on the radar, using minor harmonics on a traditional Hawaain scale combined with rhythm guitar to draw liberal college students into a glaze-eyed spell.

    Johnson’s music is all about wooing women and then hidden drug references, cleverly disguised as film-noire appreciation.

    Any residential advisor for a freshman living facility can tell you the stats. Most frehmen males will buy a cheap guitar and learn how to play Jack Johnson’s very simple style.

    They will sit around campus or any open common area, rolling their eyes around like a catatonic child with mild autism, all so girls will think they are engrossed in the music when in reality they are only wanting to do gross things with the girls.

    College men have a 32% chance of a girl trapping them with pregnancy, and Jack Johnson’s music is a core problem. These young men get caught into the idea of being a ‘cool surfer dude with drugs and chicks’.

    While all of these facts are horrible,there is one sad reality: it is mostly legal. Where Jack ran into trouble is when he started peddling his cds to children, spreading these dangerous messages. Let’s look at a few of his ‘children’s’ releases:

    Upside Down

    This is a song where Jack Johnson uses Curious George. While Johnson is only trying to peddle music meant for adults, he’s guilty for creating songs with subliminal, latent messages. Homosexuals eagerly exploit these songs to get kids, and Curious George is their second favorite weapon right after “Winnie the Poo Bear”.


    Johnson had to know gays could twist these lyrics and tell children it was okay, because it had a Curious Monkey on it. Gays all have a ‘curious monkey’ in their pants and they want everyone to play swing rope with it.

    Look at a part of the lyrics:
    I can feel a change in everything
    And as the surface breaks reflections fade
    But in some ways they remain the same
    And as my mind begins to spread its wings
    There’s no stopping curiosity

    I want to turn the whole thing upside down
    I’ll find the things they say just can’t be found
    I’ll share this love I find with everyone
    We’ll sing and dance to Mother Nature’s songs
    I don’t want this feeling to go away

    This song is scary. Look: “I’ll share this love I find with everyone”. Why are kids being encouraged to be promiscuous.

    Then look: “We’ll sing and dance to mother nature’s song” – Advocating Pagan moon worship

    Then there it talk of doing ‘curious things’ and ‘feeling don’t go away, upside down’ which is just more revelations of how gays are horrible and scary, trying to lure our children.

    If these crimes were not enough, look at the next expose:


    This song sounds like a love song, so why is it written to our children?


    Outrage! The lyrics here:

    Fall is here, hear the yell
    Back to school, ring the bell
    Brand new shoes, walking blues
    Climb the fence, books and pens
    I can tell that we are going to be friends
    Yes I can tell that we are going to be friends
    Walk with me Suzy Lee
    Through the park and by the tree
    We can rest upon the ground
    And look at all the bugs we’ve found
    Safely walk to school without a sound
    We safely walk to school without a sound
    Well here we are no one else
    We walk to school all by ourselves
    There’s dirt on our uniforms
    From chasing all the ants and worms
    We clean up and now it’s time to learn
    We clean up and now it’s time to learn
    Numbers letters learn to spell
    Nouns and books and show and tell
    Play time we will throw the ball
    Then back to class through the hall
    The teacher marks our height against the wall
    The teacher marks our height against the wall
    And we don’t notice any time pass
    Because we don’t notice anything
    And we sit side by side in every class
    The teacher thinks that I sound funny
    But she likes it when you sing
    Tonight I’ll dream in my bed
    While silly thoughts run through my head
    Of the bugs and alphabet
    And when I wake tomorrow I’ll bet
    That you and I will walk together again
    Because I can tell that we are going to be friends
    I can tell that we are going to be friends

    Secret walks to school? Playing ‘bugs’ with strangers? He’ll lay in his bed and dream of Suzie Lee?

    My anger is riled. No wonder when you see guys around campus, the fans of the music always look a little girlie and then even though they are men, they have no bass in their voices and sing like little constipated Nancy’s.

    It is sad what happened to proper college music these days and I am so proud that there is Jack Johnson arrested for drug induced music.

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    About The Author
    Tiernan Kincaid

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