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Why is Pet Turtle Masturbation One of the Internet’s Hottest New Trends?
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Popular American culture reveals much about who we are as a people. Sometimes our fascinations can lead to inspiring moments, such as the national movement to rescue homeless man Ted Williams once it was discovered that he had a beautiful singing voice. Other times, our obsessions shine a light on the darkest corners of our souls. Recently, a father expressed concern to me about the videos he found on his son’s computer. They were sexual, animalistic and graphic, yet they were freely available without parental warnings on Youtube.
The films in question depict pet turtles in multiple acts of masturbation. On grassy lawns and in luxurious sand lot cages, they abuse abandoned human shoes in ways that most people would describe as rape. Did their upright masters drop these articles of footwear before their jaded terrapin eyes to tempt them, to prod them into an erotic peep shows the likes of which offend and outrage the moral amongst us? Are the turtles themselves aware of their audience, intentionally displaying their best techniques of savage love to satisfy owners and friends recording from behind a nearby bush? We may never know…
As you watch in horror, these pets mount their prey with an insatiable determination. Sneakers and clogs shift out of their reach, yet again and again the hard-shelled heathens return to these acts, forcing their unwitting podiatristic concubines to submit to slimy reptilian investigations. Once clenched unapologetically in the throes of chelonian carnality, the turtle will lift his scaly face to the sky and roar, roar with a mighty barbaric cry of conquest, announcing to the world, “Climax will be achieved!”
In the background of the Youtube scenes, young people are often heard laughing and cheering. They are thrilled to partake in the titillation of testudinal erections! The jolty camera action betrays their filmers’ shared excitement. The surprising “money shot” close-ups are the icing on the cake of their unrelenting depravity. Who are these people? What do they hope to gain by spreading this message online? Is there more than the perversion for profit motive here?
The Bible reminds us to treat our bodies as temples, to cast out the evil temptations in our hearts. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body,” Corinthians 6:19-20 implores us. God also recognizes the threat that the animal kingdom poses to human lifestyles, encouraging us to hold dominion over the lesser creatures of this earth. Indeed, in Luke 16 we are told, “And he called him and said to him, ’What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your stewardship, for you can no longer be steward. He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous in much. You cannot serve both God and mammon.‘” We are to lead, not be lead by turtles.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Z1MygrkDSI
It’s a sad state of affairs that this turtle film trend passes for entertainment nowadays. As has been discussed before, this type of casual sexual activity is confusing for young people. They may be bothered or they may be physically excited. Whatever they are, they lack the moral foundation to understand what’s happening in their gentle, developing bodies. It may cause them to act out, to lash against the society that has labored so hard to protect them from the vilest aspects of the unethical kingdom.
It’s almost a certainty that young people will be tempted to experiment with masturbation after watching such shows. Studies have long shown the connection between images seen by youths and their real life activities, most notably in the case of violent video games. Furthermore, they run the risk of introducing our children to illicit voyeurism. Teens and twentysomethings who watch these self-pleasuring pets may feel pressured into filming their own masturbation escapades with little fear of social ostracism. And in this morass of misinformation, is any Christian counterpoint offered? Of course not. The fact that the health and moral risks of emissionary addiction are absent from these films is offensive to all of us in the faith community.
In an age when child pornography is seen as a legitimate art form on programs like MTV, maybe we shouldn’t be so shocked. Corporations have long embraced the profitability of pornography. Censorship has become a dirty word in our culture. Barack Obama has done little to slow this trend. Indeed, the president feels the need to discuss male on male sexual intercourse at every turn. This widespread abandonment of premarital chastity also fits into the liberal push to discredit traditional marriage. When one looks at these videos, they can be seen as yet another underhanded attack on the wisdom of our Christian forefathers. Ultimately, the liberal agenda shares much in common with the endpoint of turtle masturbation pornography.
For the edification of responsible adults, below is a sampling of turtle gratification videos. I would encourage all of you with Youtube accounts to write in personally to corporate management expressing your pain and horror at the spread of this shocking epidemic of profanity. Remember, we must always be vigilant when it comes to the education of our most precious children. Warning: the first one has a shocking ending!
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntsbJ8xEzDw
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIoeA0IwkjM
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEACZ9pFTMQ
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R3BYCT5oWw
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jmm45Kup5eU
3:59 am
errr did I miss something or what ???
I hope you know that turtle lay eggs ?? like most if not all reptilian
and american culture ?? you have that a culture most of the american doenst even know where their own country is they don’t even know the real meaning of communism … oh wait you are one of them
or doesnt even know that other countries and other culture exist
so as far as your culture goes is only : Rape, pillage, stealing , war, chaos , poverty , desolation , propaganda , lies , spying , and so On
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11:11 pm
Your comment doesn’t make much sense, my French friend. Clearly, the creatures are attempting to gratify themselves and in several of the videos above you can see erections. Do we really need to argue of this? It’s basic biology.
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2:19 pm
Excuse me? Who cares if it is trying to gratify itself? It isn’t any of your business if a turtle masturbates or not. Is there something wrong with masturbation? Especially “turtle masturbation”? I don’t think that you are a qualified zoologist, so your opinion of what is physiologically happening with that turtle is irrelevant.
I have never understood what the issue is with the right-wing and their fascination with what happens with anyone else’s (or any other animals, apparently) genitalia.
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5:03 pm
“Is there anything wrong with masturbation?”
Why yes, if you knew anything about anything masturbation you would know it poses genuine health and spiritual risks. Read up!
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5:44 pm
So you want your readers of your blog to do the investigating for you…ya know, that’s not how it works Stevie. YOU actually have to put in the effort to do so.
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5:53 pm
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6:00 pm
Bad Stevie! You do not quote yourself to prove anything! Bad! Now go in your cage!
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7:20 pm
“Why yes, if you knew anything about anything masturbation you would know it poses genuine health and spiritual risks. Read up!”
I’ve been masturbating for years now and I’m perfectly healthy. It certainly is healthier than your lifestyle of overeating.
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7:47 pm
In talking to other people I have come to understand that when you masturbate you often picture someone else in your head. You probably dont have that persons permission and you are committing rape.
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12:56 am
Actually you show a serious lack of knowledge about… well, everything. You are so repressed. If you would lighten up and actually try it for yourself you would see the benefits first hand.
Yes there are people addicted to masturbation or sex, but there are also people addicted to gambling, eating, and shopping. That doesn’t mean everyone who does these activities gets addicted to it. And hey, you know what else causes low production at work? All of the aforementioned in addition to trying to preach to other workers about their personal religion. This is something I’ve seen first hand; a guy I used to work with did nothing but stand around trying to talk to other people about their “godless” ways. He was eventually fired for not doing his damn job. It’s not that masturbation makes people lazy, people ARE lazy, whether they masturbate or not.
Anyways, here’s a list of benefits, from Fox News at http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,401722,00.html
Health Benefits for Men
Research summarized in a 2007 article in Sexual and Relationship Therapy found that masturbation may help men by:
— Improving his immune system’s functioning.
— Building his resistance to prostate gland infection.
— Making for a healthier prostate.
Australian researchers have reported that frequent masturbation may lower a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. A survey of men found the more frequently a man masturbates between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to get prostate cancer. In fact, those who masturbated more than five times a week were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer.
Health Benefits for Females
When it comes to a woman’s health, self-pleasuring serves her well by:
— Building her resistance to yeast infections.
— Combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with their menstrual cycles, like cramps.
— Relieving painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region. This will also reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches.
— Relieving chronic back pain and increasing her threshold for pain.
Health Benefits for Both Sexes
Masturbation rewards both men and women because it’s:
— The safest kind of sex, keeping you free of sexually transmitted infections.
— A great form of stress relief.
— A mood booster in releasing endorphins.
— A natural sleep sedative.
— A mechanism for building stronger pelvic floor muscles, which can lead to better sex.
— A natural energetic pick-me-up.
As Sigmund Freud once remarked at the Vienna Psycho-Analytical Society, “the subject of masturbation is quite inexhaustible.” While he wasn’t getting at the benefits (Freud saw self-pleasuring as harmful to the genitals and one’s psychosexual and moral development), the same can be said in how it can improve one’s sexual relationship.
For couples who masturbate on occasion or regularly, sex with yourself can:
— Be empowering, especially by helping you to feel better about your body, genitals and sexual response.
— Deliver some of your most intense orgasms ever, which you’ll now know how to recreate with that special someone!
— Increase your sexual awareness, giving you the opportunity to discover what turns you on – the sensations and movements that work best to give you the greatest of sexual gratification.
— Have the potential to enhance your sex life in general, boosting your sexual confidence and turning you into a better lover.
— Get you or your partner off the hook if neither is available or not in the mood.
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1:10 am
Yes there are people addicted to masturbation… You should have stopped right there. What does this have to do with gambling? You’re using a slippery slope philosophical argument. There should not be a “sliding scale” when we talk about immorality. A sin is a sin. And is your evidence actually verifiable? Is it nothing more than heresay? Plenty of scholars have written extensively on the dangers of indulgence, yet you conviently ignor them all.
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6:57 am
For the record, that would be an analogy, not a slippery slope argument, as I’m not saying that one thing could lead to another, only that masturbating will lead to sex addition as much as shopping will lead to shopping addiction or eating leads to food addition, i.e. it’s a symptom, not a cause.
I like how you completely ignore my link and everything after it while accusing me of exactly what you did in your articles.
It’s so very Christian like.
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1:18 am
“Providence did not bestow her reward on the victorious sword, but followed the law of eternal retribution”
Fight the good fight mein brother. The lord will punish these satanic jewish commies for playing with their god given private parts. Heil Lord Jesus and heil the National Socialist movement.
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5:22 pm
its a joke you retard. i dont know any real christians who would do anything but laugh or maybe blush a bit. But of course to you its a chance to bash the so called right ring for your own numb conscience and hatred of all things that tell you your dying.
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12:41 am
You’re right, most reptiles do lay eggs, but some give birth to live young, such as garter snakes and rattlesnakes and in the past, the extinct ichthyosaurs. Evolution of such reproduction is actually being observed in the process with the three-toed skink in Australia: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/09/100901-science-animals-evolution-australia-lizard-skink-live-birth-eggs/
I digress, reptiles fascinate, but when it comes to this article I was fucking laughing my ass off! I’m really not sure what to make of it; is this guy serious?! The second and third paragraphs alone make me think this guy is secretly a satirist as the hyperbole is just hilarious. It’s an animal with a brain the size of a pea acting on animal instinct alone and the author makes it out as though the creature is capable of making conscious decisions to “rape” a shoe and to “perform” for his masters. I just stopped taking the whole thing seriously after that.
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1:07 am
What’s with all this propaganda? Even most scientiists admit that Darwin’s natural selection is nothing more than a theory, with very debatable proof. A tooth from a long time ago is not enough to prove one species “evolved” into another, etc. Creationism, on the other hand, offers the only valid and thorough explanation of our planet.
You should check out the Creation Museum. They also have a website.
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6:33 am
You should check out real museums. They have websites too.
Really though, I stand by my original conclusion: you are quite the clever satirist. It’s hard to tell the difference these days. This site is like a blog version of Conservapedia, except the writers don’t actually believe it.
But because I hear it so much by people that really do believe it, just let me say this: It is propaganda to say that most scientists think of natural selection nothing more than a theory. For one thing, Darwin’s Theory of Evolution explains the FACT of evolution, just like how the Theory of Gravity explains the FACT of gravity. For another, the definition of “scientist” varies a disturbing amount with true creationists: a denist is no more qualified to comment on evolution than an evolutionary biologist is to say whether or not your tooth needs to be pulled. Lastly, I agree that a single tooth is not enough to say that one species evolved into another; that is a straw-man argument that is set up to be easily knocked down. In reality, scientists use evidences from multiple sources: not just fossils, but comparative anatomy, embryology, molecular biology and DNA, etc etc.
Basically a copy/paste from the most common replies I give, lol.
And you realize that when you say “creationism” you could be referring to any number of mythologies out there, as each has his own special creation story. I’m partial to the Greek version myself, that out of Chaos came everything (oooerr).
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11:50 pm
You are aware that gravity and the elements are also theories correct?
May I suggest you create some thermite, place it on your hands, find a strong enough heatsource to light it and as it melts your bones, you take a leap off a building and simply walk home?
Allow me to shed some light on what I am suggesting:
If I choose not to believe in your God, I will live a happy life the way I wish to, ruled by my and the country I serve.
If I do, I obey any doctrine placed upon me by said God and shatter my privacy with the local pastor who may or may not attempt to molest me, psychologically disturbing me and causing me to reenact those events with my future children. I will also learn nothing about my own body or what goes on “down there”, and when I wake in the morning covered in magically appearing semen, I shall be terrified, for my body sinned in its own nature.
If I choose not to believe in gravity, I will attempt to travel faster by driving off a cliff and getting to the other side instead of traveling those 16 miles to find the nearest bridge. Of course, in my mind I replace “I” with “Mr. Billings”.
If I choose to believe in gravity, life goes on as it has thus far. It’s going good if you’re wondering.
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2:57 pm
@Millennium. Before you bash Americans for ignorance, please know that the way you depicded the United States is highly biased. Anything that negitive is irrational and reactionary, and no different than the things that you are bashing. I am not saying America are perfect, in fact we are far from perfect, just like every other nation on earth.
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4:47 am
Hey, Billings?
Most of your “links” are to other articles on this site. Explain to me how turtles and shoes have to do with gay marriage? And why are you so vehemently against gay marriage and masturbation? There’s nothing wrong with either.
Besides that, “Skins” apparently involved underage actors and actresses in scenes involving drug use and sexual content. It was not “child pornography”, exactly, but was decried as a POTENTIAL violation of child pornography laws because of the ages of the actors and actresses involved in the show.
Why do you feel so compelled to restrict teens and young people from virtually everything? Would you rather that they be as ignorant and useless as you are? What is wrong with information and knowledge?
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5:39 am
Thanks for the hawt videos to fap to! Mmmmm…. I love turtles and those turtles humping remind me of my daddie has he is humping my poo hole. MMMMMmmmm…. HOLY SHIT!!! You are making me so hawnee! I want to put a turtle next to my poopie hole and see if he’s hump that!
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8:01 am
How very mature.
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8:07 am
Thanks, Setevenson!!! Heyw when you were uploading the porn to this site, did you fap? Or did you just whip your dick out and try to spin it around like it was a helicopter?
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10:12 am
Stephenson,
Thank you for your insightful and well-penned article on terrapin gratification picture shows found on YuTube. You are an envoy for the skittish among us that lack the brazen fire to explore the abyss of depravity found in our own backyard.
Grace be upon you for your tireless pursuit and bringing a much needed Christian viewpoint to this relevant woman’s issue.
Douay-Rheims Bible Leviticus 12:8
“And if her hand find not sufficiency, and she is not able to offer a lamb, she shall take two turtles, or two young pigeons, one for a holocaust, and another for sin: and the priest shall pray for her, and so she shall be cleansed.”
Praise be,
BB
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10:27 am
“Sometimes our fascinations can lead to inspiring moments, such as the national movement to rescue homeless man Ted Williams once it was discovered that he had a beautiful singing voice.”
Um, Ted Williams was discovered because of his great “advertisement” or “radio” voice. I’ve never heard him sing once. Get your facts straight.
“they abuse abandoned human shoes in ways that most people would describe as rape.”
You cannot rape inanimate objects.
“Once clenched unapologetically in the throes of chelonian carnality, the turtle will lift his scaly face to the sky and roar, roar with a mighty barbaric cry of conquest, announcing to the world, “Climax will be achieved!””
Um, maybe in YOUR wildest fantasies…
“They are thrilled to partake in the titillation of testudinal erections! The jolty camera action betrays their filmers’ shared excitement. The surprising “money shot” close-ups are the icing on the cake of their unrelenting depravity. Who are these people? What do they hope to gain by spreading this message online? Is there more than the perversion for profit motive here?”
They are simply curious and amused to learn that yes, reptiles do indeed partake in such activities.
“The Bible reminds us to treat our bodies as temples, to cast out the evil temptations in our hearts. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body,” Corinthians 6:19-20 implores us. God also recognizes the threat that the animal kingdom poses to human lifestyles, encouraging us to hold dominion over the lesser creatures of this earth. Indeed, in Luke 16 we are told, “And he called him and said to him, ’What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your stewardship, for you can no longer be steward. He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous in much. You cannot serve both God and mammon.‘” We are to lead, not be lead by turtles.”
Why are you spouting this nonsense? Why are you under the impression that videos of turtles masturbating with inanimate objects will cause humans to treat their own with less respect?
“Indeed, the president feels the need to discuss male on male sexual intercourse at every turn.”
So do you! You’re practically Mr. Homoerotic Author Extraordinaire! All you write about is sweaty male bodies gyrating and thrusting, pulsing and ejaculating…
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10:32 am
Do you own a turtle, Claire?
ps. is it snowing in Boston?
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10:47 am
Yes, I have a red-eared slider named Coco, and why do you want to know if it’s snowing?
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12:30 pm
coco is not a good turtle name. That sounds like the name of a street hooker.
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12:34 pm
Well, I’m not the one who named him. He already had a name when we got him. I figured it would be mean to change it.
p.s. Tyson sounds like the name of a street pimp.
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1:15 pm
Or an illegal alien houseboy
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12:34 am
Oh Tyson, you cad! When are you going to teach me to play golf, anyway?
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11:13 pm
Every time I extend a hand of friendship, you swat it away Claire.
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11:30 pm
Why would she want the friendship of a sexist, xenophobic, racist asshat like you?
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10:56 am
“Every time I extend a hand of friendship, you swat it away Claire.”
And every time I explain to you WHY I do not want to be your friend, you laugh it off.
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10:53 am
Billings, here is PROOF that the ads on this website are not personalized based on our common searches and site visits, but rather of the material displayed on Christwire articles themselves:
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2qtbb0k&s=7
I have never done ANY searching for turtle information online, because we have received all the info we need via Petsmart and our veterinarian. In fact, I’ve never even put pictures of my turtle on facebook. Just goes to show you that you don’t know jack.
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5:03 pm
I too used to think this site had been hacked by heathens. My ads were for things like unholy gay sex toys, hot male on male action, and beatiality etc. Now I realize they got them off of my cookies. I was going to these sites to research where not to go.
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11:14 pm
I’m not sure how this is at all relevant to the discussion at hand.
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11:27 pm
“Shit, she’s got me on a subject I was just talking about…wait, I’ll say it’s irrelevant, that’ll shift the subject! Haha, good one, no one shall ever prove that I’m a total nutjob!”
Stevie’s inner voice.
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12:39 am
Comedian, when are you and me going to sit down for a serious talk?
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12:49 am
When you stop being such a damned creepy paedophile.
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1:02 pm
I don’t see any advertising on ChristWire. No banner adds, nada. I have to side with Stephenson on this one and add that Claire may be searching for turtle toys and what nots for her pet.
If any one with some technical background can help I have an issue that needs immediate attention. I suspect my well intentioned, albeit liberal, grandchildren set the parental controls on my DVR to block out Fox News. I can’t fix it and have no idea how these things work. May I trouble some kind soul to help a technologically challenged lady?
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1:10 pm
Red eared sliders are aquatic turtles, meaning he can’t exactly have toys. So you’re 100% wrong.
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1:14 pm
Fear the turtle. FEAR IT.
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2:00 pm
Stevenson – I cannot thank you enough for exposing this dangerous and blasphemous new internet trend of jerking off turtles. This poses a serious threat to the misguided youth of this nation. Once again your research is saving lives and making sure that no turtle semen is wasted in such a foul and undecent act of depravity. Stevenson, you are my hero once again. Christ be with you and may god save the souls of everyone who drinks turtle semen for fun.
Sincerely, Karl Hungus
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3:47 pm
With due respect, Mr Billings, your article is unjustly condemning the God-made creatures and I am concerned with how it will prevent our young from doing the right thing.
The Holy Book says, “But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee: Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee.” (Job 12:7-8) It is not in our nature to question the teachings of the Lord. He, in His infinite wisdom, designed shoes, turtles, and all; we need to learn from the turtles despite not understanding why it is that we should satisfy our lusts with shoes. “A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9) May the Lord be with you.
In Christ,
William Stephens.
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11:23 pm
Hi William, thank you for the comment. By no means do I wish to condemn the work of God, but clearly we are to occupy the role of stewards of nature as the Bible spells out in detail. Genesis 1:26: “Then God said, Let us make man in our image, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” The key here is that we hold ourselves superior to nature, for we have moral consciences, and not let ourselves be influenced by the beasts around us. That is what is so important about creating a spiritual approach to pet ownership. We let these raw, untrained creatures into our homes to be our pets, not to influence us in our personal lifestyle. Unfortunately, many humans become slaves to their animals and even start mimicking their odd ways. When this comes to sex or masturbation, it is indeed critically dangerous.
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5:23 pm
Religion has caused more wars than it has good, why bother with it, especially when being a child in yours means you get your butthole widened every so often by your local “god telephone bloke” so personally I will stay away from your religion, as I don’t wish to be butt raped
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6:03 am
seriously?
brother, in all your work here on your website, I fail to see one thing that edifies Jesus Christ, builds Him up, or offers guidance as to how we can get closer to Him.
Praise JESUS! HE is COMING SOON!
DO not waste you time worrying and fretting, have FAITH IN HIM and WORSHIP JESUS, and PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME!
Taht is your calling brother! Spend your time Honoring JESUS only! HAVE FAITH HE WILL TAKE CARE OF US! HE WILL!!
PRAISE THE LORD!
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6:08 am
I feel a special calling on this place, and this calling is to turn to Jesus in prayer and supplication, fasting and earnestness. SEEK THE LORD!!
He will set you free!
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11:02 am
I don’t care a straw for your newspaper articles, my constituents don’t know how to read, but they can’t help seeing them damned pictures. They are fucked up!
– Boss
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7:29 pm
Well, fancy that! It’s turtles all the way down… up down up down up down up down up down up down up down up down up down up down up down
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11:15 pm
Ah… now I understand why congress want to build a turtle fence.
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5:04 pm
So turtles need to treat their bodies like temples, just like any other good upstanding American Christian, animal or human.
Right. Got it.
Really just wanted to say thanks for including literally every video of turtle humping that exists on the nets. No more pesky searching around when I want the good stuff. Bookmarked!
PS. Heeeeeee! (that is the sound of a turtle getting is fuckin dick wet, baby, yeeeeah!)
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3:40 pm
I have dozens of other turtles videos, for your information.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jmm45Kup5eU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHqcCbFGQIU
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3:44 pm
Even more!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqhufKvaaHk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa1_K_Su1BA
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5:09 pm
This is a joke, right?
Turtle sex is fucking hilarious.
Love,
The agnostic child of a Southern Baptist preacher
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5:01 pm
This is so hilarious. I am CRYING with laughter. You should seriously write for Cracked.com or something, this was beautiful. I don’t care if it was supposed to be serious or not, all I know is that it was SO FUCKING FUNNY.
“Once clenched unapologetically in the throes of chelonian carnality, the turtle will lift his scaly face to the sky and roar, roar with a mighty barbaric cry of conquest, announcing to the world, “Climax will be achieved!””
I cannot even deal. Bravo, etc.
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6:01 pm
It is the best! It is not serious, and as a Follower of Jesus I can tell…while finding it absolutely hillarious! This to me teases the the wild scripture twisting legalists out there that tend to give Jesus a bad name not Jesus himself.
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3:16 pm
Masturbation made me go blind. It also made me want to try harder drugs like LSD and crystal meth. I ended up selling my body to strangers for money to buy crack, and stole from my friends and family.
I have all but one regret: Finding Jesus. He showed me the path to being a better person. Amen.
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