• Are You At Risk of Being Poe-Holed? Lessons from Wisconsin (VIDEO & QUIZ)

    February 27, 2011 12:50 pm 15 comments

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    Wisconsin Governor, Scott Walker, innocently accepted a call from whom he thought was a conservative supporter, but in fact was a poe-holer. Because conservatives and fundamentalist have a built in immunity to poe-holing, much has been written and reported regarding the 20 minute conversation between the Wisconsin governor and Ian Murphy, editor of Buffalo Beast. While the threat of being poe-holed is miniscule for Chris†ians and conservatives, it is prudent to review the ways one can prevent being poe-holed in daily life. After reading, take the quiz below to test your risk level.

    WHAT IS POE-HOLING?

    The first step is to understand what poe-holing is and is not. The term is a street savvy derivation of the Law of Poe which states that the satirical expression of extreme views is indistinguishable from those that hold those views as truth when the expression is made sans some sign, symbol or “tell” (such as an emoticon) that lets the recipient know it is in fact satire. Note the Wiki definition of Poe refers to fundamental Chris†ian views as target subjects and should be interpreted as a satirical Wiki entry for the liberal throngs that visit the site regularly for instructions on homemade abortions.

    Swimming with Dinosaurs as Christ did.

    A poe-holer is the person or persons (usually a liberal) that through deceit and contrivance willfully poe-holes one (also a liberal) who is unable to discern the difference. The mark or target is a vacant, lubricated hole to be filled with the foul steaming seed of the poe-holer. The purpose of poe-holing is one of both near orgasmic pleasure and pandemic reproduction of liberal idea-jism leading to liberal chaos.

    WHO IS AT RISK OF BEING POE-HOLED?

    Poe-holers and their victims are normally liberals feeding on other liberals’ extreme ideas. Examples one can read on the internets would be Keith Olbermann’s new web site, FOK News. The big bespectacled maroon might use a big liberal college vocabulary, but his site is pure satire. Another internets example of liberal poe-holing is a recent article on the Huffington Post (will they ever start checking their facts) which claims Nuclear War is the cure for Global Warming. I laughed so hard I gave myself a coffee and cream sinus rinse. How can nuclear war be a cure for something that does not exist?

    Hipsters, there is no hope

    CHARACTERISTICS of POE-HOLE VICTIMS

    Poe-hole victims include the liberal educated, un-churched atheists wandering the countryside raping domesticated livestock, performing or receiving abortions and collecting welfare checks. They believe that reason prevails above all, yet are gullible to the sweet teat milk of poe-holers. These mind-candy jism gypsies are vampires of order, hate Jesus and will trick bankers to stall foreclosure as shown in this video clip.

    ARE YOU AT RISK FOR POE-HOLING? (QUIZ)

    Prevention is the key to staving off the threat of poe-holers. Here is a quiz to test one’s current immunity to poe-holing.

    Do you attend an Evangelical Chris†ian Church regularly? Add aggregate monthly attendance multiplied by 10 to your overall score. For attendance every Sunday, add forty. Bonus points if you attend both Sunday school and General Worship Service. If you are a pastor, add 50 bonus points. If you are Atheist, you may stop taking the quiz.

    Do you have liberal friends, family or business associates? Subtract ten points for each liberal you interact with on a regular basis. Remember this was the crack in the resolve of Governor Scott Walker. He trusted his staff, but did not adequately gauge the liberal agent provocateurs in his midst. Don’t forget your twitters and facebook friends! Examine them closely for signs of liberal crudity.

    How many times have you visited a Creationist museum? Multiply the number of visits by ten and add to your score.

    Did you vote for Obama in the last presidential election? Subtract 350 points for yes, add 300 points for no.

    Do you have a degree from Bob Jones, Oral Roberts or any other Evangelical Chris†ian college? (Notre Dame or other Catholic colleges do not count) Add 20 points for yes, subtract 20 points for no.

    Do you watch Fox News exclusively? 100 points for only Fox, 80 points for only 80% of the time and so on.

    Are you or have you ever been a Union member? Subtract 30 points if yes, add 50 points for no.

    For men only, Do you own a pair of “jeggings” or slim fit jeans? Subtract 50 points for yes, add 50 points for no.

    For women only, Have you ever had an abortion on your lunch break? Subtract 200 points for yes, add 30 points for no.

    Do you masturbate? Add 200 points for no, subtract 500 points for yes.

    INTERPRETING YOUR RISK

    Negative score to 100 – You are in a very high risk group for being poe-holed. In addition to greater church attendance, you might want to schedule an alter call or contact your pastor for an additional baptism. Additional study of the Bible and creationist viewpoints as well as intensive study of Chris†Wire.org and the conservapaedia is recommended.

    Score of 101 – 200 – You are world savvy, but still at moderate risk for poe-hole strategists. Installing a net nanny nazi on your computer to limit web site access to known liberal poe sites is a start. Setting Chris†Wire.org as your home page and deleting your facebook account are also recommended. You might also consider greater involvement in conservative issues such as union busting, lower taxes for the rich or reproductive “freedom” for women.

    Score of 250 – 350 You fly with the eagles for justice and freedom from the tyranny of oppressive liberal shenanigans.

    Score of 351 – 1000 You are within a very select group of bloodhounds that can spot poe-holers without the taint of exposure. This group includes the likes of Tyson Bowers III, Jack Gould and Stephenson Billings. With proper encouragement, you can cure homosexuals and liberal wastrels like Charlie Sheen. You are a hero.

    It is recommended that for those concerned with their poe-holing risk potential take this quiz monthly and record scores for signs of progress.

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/weigel/archive/2011/02/23/did-scott-walker-reveal-his-crisis-ending-ruse-to-a-prank-caller.aspx

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