• Biographies of the Christwire Authors!

    February 10, 2011 7:19 pm 131 comments

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    Abe Goodman

    Mr. Abe Goodman was born and raised on a cow farm in Goatlove, Arkansas and currently resides in a trailer next door. At the age of 18 he attended the Goatlove School for Mental Handicaps and received a degree in Oatmeal Spitting. At age 20 he married his sister and long-time sweetheart Daisy. The couple at the time already had an eight-year-old son, Abe Jr. Abe Jr. is currently attending Harvard’s Special Needs Program. Abe Sr. couldn’t be more proud.

    Tyson Bowers III

    Tyson, also known as TB3 on Christwire, was born in Death Valley, California, the only son of a Turd Miner. At age 9, Tyson ran away and joined the circus. He spent the next 28 years of his life traveling as a clown, until he got one of his fellow clowns, Betty, pregnant in a freak accident involving an elephant and a leaking condom. Little Ty Bowers IV was born premature as a result of his father beating Betty during the 30th week of gestation. Nevertheless, Ty is thriving and Mr. and Mrs. Bowers couldn’t be happier.

    Stephenson Billings

    Mr. Billings was born in Dyersburg, Tennessee to Oprah and Jim-Bob Billingsly. At the age of ten Stephenson changed his last name to Billings, as he deemed Billingsly to be too homosexual of a name. At age 15 he took on the alter-ego of Hobo the Clown and started his own clowning business. At age 19 he enrolled at Dyersburg Community College with the hope of obtaining a Journalism Degree. However, he was asked to leave after two weeks when he was caught trying to lynch a fellow Journalism student. He currently resides in his mother’s basement.

    Coming up next week, Pat Heinkel, Jack Gould, and Amber Cooper!http://www.abefuckshorses.com

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    About The Author
    Claire "Arr Spongebob, yer spendin' all me money!" – Spongebob Squarepants

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