“Carlos the Jackal”: How Carlos Estevez, AKA Charlie Sheen, Has Fooled The World

Carlos, making fun of our Native American brethren.

I am going to tell you a story about a man named Carlos Estevez.   He was born in New York in 1965.   Although he grew up in a prominent family  (Liberal of course)  Carlos had a penchant for trouble.   He was headed down a bad path.

He had the charisma of Stalin,  learning to be an actor at a young age.   He had some success which allowed him to get away with his fast lifestyle.   His true colors began to show early,  however,  when at age 25 he shot his fiancée.   She didn’t press charges because she was probably scared.

By this time,  if it weren’t for his most clever name change,  he would have been in prison doing 25 to life.   The idea, no doubt, was to cover up his foreign heritage.   ‘Carlos’ changed to  ’Charlie’  and  ‘The Jackal’,  I mean ‘Estevez’,  changed to  ‘Sheen’.

But Carlos didn’t go away with a mere change of a license.   Like a foreign name would imply,  he continued his life cavorting with hookers and overdosing on cocaine.   His second wife divorced him due to his alcohol,  drug,  and rage problem.

Carlos wasn’t a mere criminal though.   He was also a traitor to his country.   He blamed America for 9-11.   He supported the gays by trying to thwart God’s wrath of AIDS.   Then,  after overdosing on cocaine again,  he had the audacity to ask fans to ‘pray for him’.   A lot of good that did,  as he just went right back to his heathen ways.

It finally landed him in jail,  faced with felony domestic violence charges.   It appears his second wife was right to leave him when she did.   A liberal judge,  however,  let the criminal walk with probation and community service.

Flash forward to 2011.   He has overdosed for the second time after keeping company with more hookers and reportedly carrying around a staggering amount of cocaine. Yet the liberal media still supports him.   Did I say  ‘yet’?   I meant  ’of course’.

He still has everyone fooled.   Despite carrying around an amount of illegal drugs that would get any other citizen locked up for a very long time,  and only months after he got of his probation during which he learned nothing,  he faces no legal action and hordes of fans still flock to his defense.

His latest antics to keep himself in the spotlight after not having real movie work in years was to bash the only people in the broadcast industry that would dare give this drunken weasel a job.   How long before he runs out of money and starts stealing props from the sets to get more cocaine?

In the end Charlie Sheen has proven to the world that he is still Carlos Estevez the Cocaine addict,  drunk,  traitor,  possible communist,  and woman beater.   When will he stop hiding from who he is?