Shame upon you, for you have tried a communist searching trick that betrays the very essence of capitalism and Democracy!
You have tried to escape the words of your Pastor or your Loving Wife, in order to sneak a flesh peak of Super Bowl XLV coverage upon your iPhone! Be shamed, whore of Soviet morality!
The Super Bowl is an American game, so guilt should be upon the heart of anyone who goggle searched “Watch Super Bowl 45 Online Now”! Because of your greed and impatience, the American economy crumbles more and NFL players lose contract money, putting us all at risk of a 2012 player/owner blackout!
Joe Namath wags his head in heaven above, as the great Mike Ditka growls with a constipated bear’s anger! Today, the fans of football will do anything to catch the big game, but I ask you this:
Do you know there is another Super Bowl being played out, one where the victor gets rights to your soul?
Make no mistake, Satan is throwing a tailgate party right now and licks his chops through the chip salsa of spice fornicated halftime shows and sizzling hellmeats of cheerleader backsides, as millions of men will join old college friends in drunken sodomy and fuzzy revelry as they drink beer after beer at a Super Bowl party.
Satan’s advertisements are more than just the camera tricks being played on screen. He may have someone lace the “beer keg” with a magic mint plant! What will happen when your wife finds lipstick on your neck, and you know not where it came from or why your shoe smells like tuna cob tequila!
The Super Bowl has become a fishnet of West Hollywood prostitution. During the halftime shows, a black saucer may appear and child’s eyes will forever be scarred. The commercials are raunchy, with the parties surrounding the game full of scented adultery and designer drug needles.
And in the midst of all of this confusion and chaos, you violate the principles Laissez-faire to stream pirated sin on your cellular phone.
Socialist sodomite, take heed! The cornerstone of America is loyalty and trust, but what we find everyone involved in bathroom orgy dances in the intestinal endzone, all to the applause of whooping demons and the scat loving Steelers fans.
Yes good readers, there is more than one Super Bowl being played. Know there is also a championship for the soul! Be warned, friends, that Satan has a strong arm and is constantly in shotgun formation, ready to snipe you down with unexpected bullets of frustration and temptation. Cry Hail Mary and to God himself, for the play formations of the wicked can only be overcome by the prayers of the righteous.
Receive this blessing: Be coached by God and follow the playbook of the Bible.