Dallas, Texas. In this Christwire special, William (Bill) Stephens caught up with a long-time Editor with Conservapedia, the online collaborative Christian encyclopedia. Citing Christian humility, the Editor has requested anonymity.
BS: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day for an interview with Christwire.
Ed: My pleasure. Many of us at Conservapedia are admirers of the work Christwire does – please extend my greetings to Billings and Amber, who practices outstanding, thought-provoking journalism.
BS: I shall relay the kind words. First of all, to our readers who may not be familiar with Conservapedia, how would you describe it in one sentence?
Ed: One sentence? I’d say, “Encyclopedia Britannica written in a House of Worship”. We are the Trustworthy, conservative encyclopedia that uses Fair and Balanced sources – when printed out on paper it is fully Two Meters thick.
BS: Praise be to the Lord. How did you personally get involved?
Ed: Well, I was a choirmaster for 25 years: being around young impressionable boys give me so much pleasure. It was so exciting teaching them how to tame that ring of smooth muscle – and the serene angelic sounds they make the first time! After, well, after I was retired from the school I thought I may get the same thrill at other educational sites. I was an editor at Wikipedia for about 8 years, rising rapidly through the ranks. It was only when I became one of the, well, one of those in the inner sanctum so to speak, that I found out what it is all about.
BS: Tell us more about it.
Ed: The Wikipedia is a very deceptive enterprise. On the surface they pretend to be sponsored and written by Americans, but they’re secretly supported by anti-US atheist Muslims like Osama and (Hussein) Obama…
BS: I’m going to interrupt for a moment. Surely this would have been reported in the news?
Ed: The lamestream press? Of course not. Which is why Christwire and FOX News have such a special place in our hearts. You know that Wikipedia is actually operated in the background by the liberal Finnish government in an organization called the Wikia – chosen to rhyme with Nokia – which also run about a dozen other operations like Wikileaks…
BS: Is that true? Many of our readers have been told that they are unrelated.
Ed: It is absolutely true. I don’t even know why they try to deny it when the name obviously give it away. Let me show you the title page of an earlier conference.
BS: But it is clearly stated on Wikipedia that it is not related to Wikileaks.
Ed: Bill, lying is one of the strategies the liberal atheists uses. It gets my righteous fury fired up every time. There was a Finnish parliament member that was implicated with Wikileaks…
BS: Icelandic, I think -
Ed: Iceland is a province of Finland. I added that myself to Conservapedia.
BS: I really need to spend more time reading. You know, editor, I think our readers ought to know about what else the godless socialists do to undermine Christian organizations.
Ed: There’s so much material here that I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s just talk about lying. There’s the obvious ones like denying that Wikipedia and Wikileaks are related when anyone with a right eye can see that it’s a lie (BS: the liberals aren’t exactly the sharpest tools, aren’t they?) Then there are more deceptive ones. Have you looked at the Wikipedia entry for Christwire lately?
BS: No – I bet it’s slanderous and says that we’re inaccurate and biased?
Ed: Ha! No – this is where they get clever. They claim that Christwire is satire written by parodists.
BS: No way!
Ed: Now normal Americans with no inside knowledge just begin to question their faith. For example Billings say that we should not have sex with other men…
BS: It’s so sweet that you’re blushing.
Ed: I was just angry thinking about it. Anyway – the innocent boys in my choir now think: if Billings is a parodist, then he is not real – then we should have sex with other men and so changes their mental makeup. Follow the logic?
BS: Right – sowing dissent among the faithful.
Ed: Exactly. Real Americans get confused by this because they think that Wikipedia, like the Federal Government, act in their interests when they don’t. For Christ’s sake, it’s ran by an ally of Nazi Germany! And now that we’re talking about governments: the Wiki-empire also have spies trying to infiltrate the Christian organizations.
BS: Just like the Russians have KGB to spy on the CIA.
Ed: Right. Their team is called RatWiki, short for “The Rats of Wikipedia”. Members of their team pretend to be real conservative Christians writing articles for Conservapedia. Sometimes they solicit places like Facebook or Reddit to recruit homosexuals and other deviants.
BS: But obviously you smell… rat.
Ed: Good one. It’s actually a panel of Elders who sniff them out and report the to the FBI. It’s not hard to tell. If they write with a liberal POV, they’re Rats; if they can quote the parts of the Bible which no one reads they are probably spies too.
BS: Like Satan quoted the Bible in the temptation of Christ.
Ed: (nods enthusiastically) They try too hard. You should see the face of this one black lesbian. Took a solid hour of work before “he” started spilling the beans. (chuckles) Nothing illegal, of course.
BS: Certainly not after president Bush. Getting back to Wikipedia: couldn’t I just go and correct that it’s NOT satire but serious journalism?
Ed: You can try, but they are just going to revert it and ban you “by consensus“.
BS: That’s awful. Let’s hear more about Truths like the Conservapedia. How has it been progressing?
Ed: It’s pretty great. Since our inception, Wikipedia has seen a colossal drop in enrolment (people coming to the side of the light).
And we now have almost a million edits. The CBP…
Ed: Conservative Bible Project. We translate the Bible and its parables according to a conservative viewpoint.
BS: Great idea. Some of our readers and journalists may be interested in it – what languages do you need to speak to do the translation?
Ed: English suffices. We are simply translating Jesus’ sayings from King James Version into a more conservative English. For example, the myth that Christ forgave an adulteress cannot logically be true – how can He be light on crime? – so we removed the passage.
BS: I’ve always thought that story sounds like something the bleeding heart westcoast democrats would write.
Ed: So do we. The CBP has translated the New Testament and we’re getting it printed. In a month I’ll be travelling across the country, going to schools and playgrounds to distribute it. It is going to be a real fulfilling and fertile trip.
BS: Christ be with you. Thanks again for taking the time to speak the Truths to our readers, and all the best to you and the Conservapedia project.