• 101 Ways To Spot A Communist Liberal

    March 6, 2011 2:00 pm 15 comments

      Obama now campaigning in the frozen north

      1. They like to eat Borscht. They may smell of it.
      2. Evolution textbooks may be hidden on their person or in vehicles they drive.
      3. Said vehicles run on Satan’s electricity.
      4. Along with stealing electricity to blasphemy, they steal more by growing pot.
      5. Which is the way they afford to plaster Satan’s electric drug-mobile with Obama stickers.
      6. Then cut you off in traffic without a wave.
      7. They love blogging.
      8. Their blogs have clever names, like “The Huffington Post”.
      9. Their blogs contain communist themes and liberal bias.
      10. They use their blogs to spread lies about Reagan and Jesus.
      11. They have an American flag in their office they throw darts at.
      12. Sources? They don’t need sources…
      13. They tend to hate Sarah Palin.
      14. They tend to be jealous of Sarah Palin.
      15. They are gays
      16. They spread gay
      17. They gave Magic Johnson the gay
      18. They are Celtics fans.
      19. They are Chinese
      20. They are Asian
      21. They drive Hondas.
      22. They try to race you when you are just trying to drive to work
      23. They think they are black.
      24. They tend not to shave, male and female.
      25. Thereby not buying razors and hurting our economy.
      26. Instead spending money on marijuana and supporting terrorism.
      27. And offending the public with their putrid stoner smells.
      28. And hair poking out of their *ss cracks.
      29. The women have multiple children by multiple men.
      30. They needlessly spend tax dollars trying to hunt down and pinpoint the fathers.
      31. Then spend the Welfare check and child support payments on make-up and shoes.
      32. Or they travel to Kenya and get knocked up by a local goat herder.
      33. And have a son that sneakily becomes president.
      34. They may speak with a foreign accent.
      35. Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn’t count, he idolizes Nixon.
      36. They may very well be here illegally.
      37. They may try to sell you tacos.
      38. They look like they may have just gotten back from some ill gotten work.
      39. They tend to keep Pit Bulls, which are Satan’s lapdogs.
      40. You can see them congregating at flea markets.
      41. And shuffling out good Americans in labor circles by working for less.
      42. Or forming unions.
      43. And destroying Wisconsin.
      44. Proving that Packer fans are dirty communists.
      45. And the Super Bowl was a fix to get Brett Favre to retire.
      46. They don’t believe in Nazis.
      47. They don’t believe America single handedly defeated the Nazis.
      48. They are British.
      49. A large group of them live on the fringes of civilized society and call themselves “Canada”.
      50. They play soccer, unless they are a girl because it is a girl’s sport.
      51. Charlie Sheen.
      52. They listen to rap music.
      53. For free by stealing it on the Internet.
      54. And listen to it at full blast.
      55. Driving around menacing children.
      56. In the suburbs.
      57. Where they grew up and live with their parents.
      58. And reduce my property value, hindering my capitalist right to compete in a free economy.
      59. Muslims. Period. There should be no argument here.
      60. Russians. See above.
      61. White people with dreadlocks. See previous.
      62. You may spot them stealing stuff from your lawn.
      63. You may spot them stealing stuff from your car.
      64. Wearing a T-shirt with Obama on the front and Putin on the back.
      65. They frequent Celtics games.
      66. They often support sports teams that wear red, such as the Chiefs.
      67. Which starts with a ‘C’, just like Chinese and Communist. And Cracked.com.
      68. They frequently smoke marihuana cigarettes.
      69. They brag about being stoned when they voted for Obama.
      70. Which explains a lot.
      71. They believe we shouldn’t have to pay doctors.
      72. They want free health care in case they get shot trying to rob a liquor store.
      73. They support the space program.
      74. Liberals want to colonize Mars.
      75. Even that won’t save them from the rapture.
      76. Bush wanted to colonize the Moon for national defense purposes. They are against it.
      77. You may spot them not going to church.
      78. You may spot them not cheering for Duke.
      79. They frequently eat foreign food, American food is not good enough.
      80. They steal Twitter time from Christwire.
      81. Charlie Sheen rears his ugly head again.
      82. You have to be not only communist but drunk to think Kesha isn’t an ugly beast.
      83. If a picture of Reagan isn’t prominently displayed on your desk, you hate America.
      84. They spend hours playing the Devil’s sport, World of Warcraft.
      85. If women won’t let them fornicate in the real world, they do it in the game.
      86. With each other.
      87. Using their neckbeards as code for “I’m a commie”.
      88. Neckbeards are also code for “I’m a gay”.
      89. And tells other hippies they sell marihuana.
      90. They may be spotted riding bicycles.
      91. Cutting people off in traffic.
      92. Not purchasing fuel from local vendors.
      93. They are vegetarians.
      94. Vegetarian food is often foreign.
      95. They buy it to support Kim Jong IL
      96. They listen to Little Wayne, Justin Bieber, and Lady Gaga.
      97. They use Facebook for sex.
      98. They use Craigslist for gay sex.
      99. They give money to bums holding signs
      100. For gay sex.
      101. And finally, Charlie Sheen.
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        About The Author
        Alex Keating Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.

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