Blacks Invent New Zipper Hairstyle
Say what you will about my good friends the black community people, but they sure do enjoy life. It must be really fun being a black, because somewhere down in their genes they have the ability to turn off regimented sense of time and responsibility. They can just lay back and that’s pretty neat.
It’s nothing like white people. When we wake up in the morning, we brush our teeth and take a bath. We have to worry about paying bills on time and if the kids have the cars in the driveway, blocking our way from the garage to go to work. There is so much to balance like eating proper, non-greasy foods and where to go for next vacation.
The Mexicans are actually not much different. They have big hugs and big families. Though many of them sneak here illegally, there are some proper ones but they keep those same family-centered habits that leads to their litter children family. They have them at least 6 at a time. The Asians are disciplined too. Just look at Japan. The nation has rebuilt many roads and they pull together nicely in a time of crisis.
But the blacks. Just look at Africa. The people there are so carefree, they still let their women walk around with flapping milksacks and everyone gets the same haircut. They just sit in the dirt and wait for us to bring them some food or hunt it themselves. You can see when we even go over for Safari, they don’t even built any roads for us to drive on!
These are great, carefree people who love to eat their greasy chickens and sweet pies, then not worry it will ruin their heart with blood pressure issues and sugar diabetes of the, beta pancreatic cells. They don’t worry about sciences, just appearances and fun.
So it should be no surprise to see these people have unveiled yet another hairstyle. They call this one “The Zipper”. When they go to their barbers, they just say ‘give me an zipper do’ and presto, the barber will cut it.
The Zippa (Zipper in properly American enunciations)
Let’s not forget a few months ago, they created the Merrydoo Christmas. This powered the economy in many urban areas and gave many chocolate smiles over Christmas because the community college salon mommies were able to buy their children some gifts.
- The “Merrydoo Christmas”
A few years ago, another one they made that was very popular is the flat top helmet. Many celebrity blacks still use this one, like the King Steve Harley and even Will Smith.
Unknown Afro with Flat Top
-Will Smith with Flat Top
This is just a small look into the classic and rich culture of the African Americans. As with every group, there are some rebels who want to grow their hair out long and listen to heavy metal. They love to whip long hair around and listen to the devil’s music. Now for blacks, this was not possible for a long time because they can only grow puffs of hair, resulting in their name “Afro” Americans or Afros when they are unclaimed and just from unknown places.
When researching if the blacks can grow long hair, I came across a new company created by a man named Eriq Lasalle. He owns a company that is named Soul Glows and they sell hair product that makes a black man’s hair like a juiced Mexicans. It is a dripping Afro.
- Eric LaSalle, CEO of Soul Glows
You can tell Michael Jackson must have been affiliated with him because the hair stylings are the same.
- Michael Jackson with Soul Glows Hair
Now as we all know, Michael Jackson’s hair tragically caught on fire during a commercial and too bad it didn’t remind him that God loves us for who were are, not what we put in our hair.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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9:04 am
what the hell is so evil about hairstyles?
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11:21 am
Did you NOT read the article?
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12:53 pm
That was really sad when MJ’s hair caught on fire. I think his drug addiction started not long after that.
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1:08 pm
Your stupidity, ignorance, and bigotry never cease to amaze me.
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1:19 pm
“They have them at least 6 at a time.”
Mexicans, like all other human races, only have multiple births of such a high number if they have in-vitro fertilization.
“You can see when we even go over for Safari, they don’t even built any roads for us to drive on!”
Why should they? They’re not zoo exhibits for you to gawk at, you inbred freak.
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2:39 pm
“Mexicans, like all other human races, only have multiple births of such a high number if they have in-vitro fertilization.”
You need to get out of your parents’ house and see the world. These Mexicans use the metric system, not in-vitro.
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4:11 pm
errr you know taht In vitro and metric system are different ? Metric system is about Heigh while in vitro is about fertilization and pregnancy
and ther eis Nothing bad about metric system
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5:50 pm
And you need to learn some goddamn biology.
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6:06 am
YOU A NEGRO LOVER? HOW DISGUSTING!
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2:40 pm
“Will Smith with Flat Top”
Hmmm, No. It’s not. That’s Christopher Reid of Kid n’ Play.
And dredging up a picture of Eric LaSalle from the 1980′s? Really?
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2:42 pm
That looks like Will Smith to me.
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11:25 am
Why? Because all black people look alike to you? Or because you’re just a racist, douchebag, homophobe? Or because you’re a racist, homophobic douchebag?
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6:02 am
NEGROES……..WHAT CAN YOU SAY? THEY’RE HOLDING EVERYONE BACK. WORST THING OUR ANCESTORS DID WAS BRING THE ‘MUD PEOPLE’ TO AMERICA!
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5:23 am
choke on a dick and die you fucking racist.
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2:42 pm
They all look very angry and threatening.
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2:44 pm
You and Adam are more threatening than any of the people in those pictures.
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4:13 pm
and ya Not racist and hateful right Mister august ?
seriously Most black are much more friendly than thoese redneck christian Inbred that you are
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8:24 pm
Black people are entertaining.
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11:53 pm
So are inbred rednecks like you.
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6:04 am
NO, THEY’RE ANIMALS.
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10:04 pm
“These are great, carefree people who love to eat their greasy chickens and sweet pies, then not worry it will ruin their heart with blood pressure issues and sugar diabetes of the, beta pancreatic cells. They don’t worry about sciences, just appearances and fun.”
According to NewScientist March/April 2011, a cure for diabetes is entering clinical trials. Maybe black people are smarter than you. Oh, wait, make maybe definitely.
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1:22 pm
To the writer:
You are very weird. Uhm, disturbingly weird! Get some help, please as you are obviously a mental case. uhm-K! Weirdo
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9:50 pm
hahahahahahaha!!! I love how you think “Soulglow” is a real company! That’s a fictional company from the movie “Coming to America” with Eddie Murphy. Do you even bother to Google the things you write about???
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9:46 am
You are so ignorant and stupid. You can identify a tree by it’s fruit and you clearly have no identification representing christ. Remember God made all people. So when you judge remember you judge his creation. IDIOT YOU SOUND SOOOOOO STUPID !
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6:10 am
NOTHING IN THE BIBLE SAYS WE HAVE TO ASSOCIATE WITH THEM! SOME ARE CHRISTIANS? GOOD, BUT STAY AWAY FROM ME AND ALL WHITES.
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9:55 am
Black, white, you Christians seem to be closely related to Australopithecus than to Homo Sapiens Sapiens. The young of both species taste the same though, trust me.
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9:03 pm
Come in my van and get some candy.
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5:20 am
Whoever made this article is racist as hell. Nobody fuck with you white motherfuckers when you all are leaving the house lookin like prostitutes and drag queens. Nobody fuck with you all when wou all are enjoying your spinach casserole. While you all are out there eating people, practicing cannibalism and you have daddy’s molesting their little girls and serial killers ending up on SNAPPED, we don’t mess with you all. For you to speak about Africa like it is uncivilized is a joke and it is taboo. This article is ridiculous and I cannot believe it was even printed. You have a lot of nerve talking about what ‘blacks’ have done. At least we’re not murdering our friends and chopping them up into little tiny pieces and throwing them in the dumpster or even better, storing them in the freezer. We’re not on Dr. Phil crying about how our children don’t obey us and runs all over us and the majority of the trash on Jerry Springer, are you motherfuckers. I am extremely outraged at that section on the zipper cuts and I want my opinion to be heard. Sincerely- Mad BLACK woman.
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6:37 am
ummm. Two names… Biggie and TuPac. Your rant makes the point that was being presented. I love the blacks in my community because they try to make it better, where as other afro-saxons basically just rob, murder and rape.
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2:36 pm
What are you talking about Standayasia. First, your English skills are horrible and you cobble together your struggling mastery to sling insults.
Second, most cannibals are black people. There are entire islands of cannibal blacks and the only way they stop eating each other is when WHITE Christian missionairies have mercy on their poor, pathetic hides and cleanse them of disease while teaching them the peace of Christ.
If you don’t like how things are done here, you can always follow the advice of the brilliant, black man Marcus Garvey. : )
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2:44 pm
There are very few cannabalistic islands left
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2:51 pm
What can an emo raver possibly tell me about sociology? There are plenty of savage black packs of cannibals roaming the globe, waiting to eat a summer school Wiccan like yourself. Be gone, child, and let the discussion to adults.
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3:17 pm
I can tell you
1)There is a lot of controversy over the idea of sociological cannibalism, mostly because reports of its existence have been greatly exaggerated. Ever since human society expanded past the tribal stage, the charge of cannibalism has served as a primary justification for one social collective (European nation, Western religion, Aztecs) to annihilate another, usually militarily inferior social collective (aborigines, pagans, Mayans).
In many cases, these charges were wholly fabricated. Reports of social cannibalism are mostly pointed at the Americas and Africa, since these were the primary continents subjected to European killing and conquest sprees from the Middle Ages through modern times. Despite the political convenience of these claims, there are documented examples of cannibalistic cultures and practices.
2)I’m not a raver
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3:19 pm
I can also tell you that Jesus has some cannibalism issues of his own. Most Christians engaged in ritual cannibalism of Jesus on a regular basis, and the Catholic Church insists that their version is actual literal cannibalism, and not just a symbolic gesture.
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3:32 pm
And Alison Manson said, “i see right through u now burn in hell!”
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8:59 am
Your replies mean nothing and are now considered jibberish due to the mention of Alison Manson. You had some interesting thoughts, but then you quoted the single dumbest human on the entire planet, and that ruined everything.
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9:32 am
Strangely, I haven’t seen sign of Blood on Satan’s Dance Floor Lauren in quite some time. I wonder if she has wandered from our flock? So sad. I thought we had her convinced of following a Christly path…
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2:26 pm
It’s terrible that something like this would actually be published on a so-called Christian website. For your sake, I hope this is a joke. I love how people can voice such racist opinions behind the anonymity of there computer. How many of you would actually go up to blacks or any other race you dislike and voice such stupidity to their faces without fearing for your lives. I’m pretty sure…ZERO. I hope God has mercy on your soul and whoever else feels the same way you do. There are people of all different races that do the exact same things i.e. rob, kill, steal, rape, eat greasy and sweet foods, and sit around and do absolutely nothing all day! Clearly, this isn’t a valid argument against black people and yes it is great to be an African American. None of us asked to be here and we still know we are unwanted, but we still continue to push forward.
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5:37 am
Enjoy your sickle cell. <3
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9:07 am
It’s a joke! How can you guys not see the satire? No one is this crazy/stupid/ridiculous! Well, clearly some people are, but they aren’t running websites with a readership in the tens of millions. Want to see carzy and offensive – but real> The Westboro Baptist Church. Not this satirical site.
Quote from a Mark Oppenheimer article with an interview with the creator of the site:
“Now, Mr. and Mr. ChristWire have decided to give up their anonymity. We can only hope that public exposure does not undermine their project, eloquently summarized by Mr. Butvidas: “Let’s write stuff to expose how stupid people are.”
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9:34 am
You, sir, have been duped. You doubt from reading too much of the Wikipedias, which is well known for erroneous reporting.
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12:17 pm
First of all, I’m a woman. You just called me “sir.”
Second, I don’t know many religious right wing zealots who name themselves after South Park characters, TIMMMAY! (or vanilla ice for that matter, like Ice Van Winkle.)
Wikipedia is not a source of reliable information, I’ll give you that.
You and all of these other constant commenters & posters are just fuel to the fire of this satire and spoof. It’s fine, really, it’s funny. Makes me laugh, anyway. Hours of entertainment.
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12:34 pm
Actually, I have explained before about my unfortunate naming. My mother (who is very Christian) wanted to name me Timothy, a godly Christian name. My father, on the other hand, decided on a “compromise” solution. I assume as a not-so-Christian man he found this an amusing solution, at my eternal expense.
As for calling you “sir,” my apologies. “Namnasty” isn’t even a real name.
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12:40 pm
Sigh. No, it’s not. It’s something you say at the end of a damn yoga class.
Keep it up, you guys are doing awesome at this spoof shit. People really are stupid. All the outraged comments above prove it.
I’m dead serious. This site has me cracked up. Best spoof site since The Onion.
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12:43 pm
Someday may the veils be lifted from your eyes. You may be surprised!
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12:50 pm
Clearly, as I am not a journalist, I did not write the following (and I also have no idea why I’m still arguing this, even I’m being silly. Of course no one will say it’s a spoof. I just don’t get how people can think it’s REAL):
From the NY Times (excerpts with main points only)
Christwire owners Bryan Butvidas and Kirwin Watson, after fielding press queries and book offers for months, have finally decided to go public. In an interview with New York, Butvidas said the site’s basic concept is to “see what Glenn Beck is talking about and then make it ten times worse.”
“We’re not trying to promote hate, we want to show how fake the world really is,” he said. “We write to see how far we can get people to believe our nonsense. People believe anything they read on the Internet.” Do readers get the joke? Just like with the media, not always. Butyidas, who usually pens columns under the name Tyson Bowers III, said some of the people who leave vituperative comments don’t get the irony.
“Christwire thinks anyone who isn’t a hardcore Christian conservative is a communist or secretly gay, or working for the Chinese or the Russians,” Butvidas said. “When we started, we didn’t realize that there are zealots and political sites out there who really do believe that.”
Will the hoaxes be harder to come by now that the site is receiving more public attention? Not necessarily, said Watson.
“People have these preconceived notions about how certain people are supposed to act, so if a conservative Christian has a website, there are certain things you expect to see,” he said. “No matter how many times you say it’s satire, people will still buy it.”
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12:58 pm
Yes, I’ve seen the link to that nonsense on Wikipedia also.
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1:07 pm
The persistence of keeping up the perception of reality is totally impressive too.
I mean, what would a satire site be worth if it admitted to be satire? Nothing. Although, even though everyone knows the Onion is a spoof, people still read it in droves. Even if it was widespread knowledge this site was a spoof, I think people would still visit based on the outrageousness of the articles.
Again, awesome job to everyone! The little hints with the names of posters & commenters, the fact that little old ladies are so versed in the ways of internet-speak and current tecnology, along with youth slang & references- the obviously on-purpose misspelling and rampant grammatical errors…the joke really is on the people who think this shit is real! The world is just about crazy enough to make it plausible.
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5:32 pm
you redneck bastard, you have allot of fucking nerves commenting on African Americans altogether, you redneck motherfucker’s sit and fuck your own daughters nieces dogs etc. you comment about African people and their tribes didn’t one of YOUR redneck forefathers go over there and take their fucking land from the same people and make them come to this country because they were too lazy to do the work themselves? didn’t those same black women have your forefathers suck on their tits because their mothers were to lazy to take care of their children? and you sorry bastards fucked with the red men too. you think you somebody now, you want to sit and talk about black people. I’m black and i HAVE hair not with oil dripping, not in an Afro, no zippers in my head, LONG BLACK HAIR THAT CAN SWING BACK AND FORTH not kinky, but why?! BECAUSE ONE OF YOUR FOREFATHERS FUCKED ONE OF THOSE AFRICAN WOMEN WITH THEIR “MILK SACKS” HANGING!! just so you know Eriq LaSalle is an actor/director in a movie making fun of how WE used to style our hair. Steve HARVEY has made more accomplishments than I’m sure you will ever make in your life, but that’s neither here nor there; but on that note i don’t dislike all white people i make friends of all nationalities ignorance in every group (you of all people should know)and i say to you, your dumb ass can keep on wearing white sheets in the dark but in the end God will do you in and you can kiss the innermost parts of my black ass…oops i forgot your forefathers already did that
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