• Bronx Cobra Opens Twitter, Facebook Accounts

    March 29, 2011 10:12 am Comments Off
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  •  NEW YORK (CW NewYork) – The Egyptian cobra who used unprecedented skill and deft planning to escape its prison at the Bronx Zoo has now found a new place to enjoy freedom:  the internet.

    Sprawling an impressive 20 inches, the cobra has wasted no time making headlines all across the nation.  Zoo officials report that they believe the reptile is entrapped and will eventually come out when hungry enough.  Hopefully, the zoo’s IT department or missing iPhone afficianado is not currently a digested meal.

    Lastest reports reveal the clever reptile has managed to open a Twitter account, ironically tweeting up a storm about his days and likely trying to lure a few new birds with his stories of machismo and winning against human impressors. 

    The snake’s first tweet:  “I want to thank those animals from the movie ‘Madagascar.’  They were the real inspiration.”    The cobra continued by pondering the deeper meanings of freedom:  “I should take in a Broadway show.  Anyone heard anything about this ‘Spiderman’ musical?”was captured in 2010 after crashing a plane in the Bahamas – but his Facebook fan page had about 20,000 members.

    All Twitter miracles aside, zoo keepers advice that this cobra is not big enough to strangle anyone, but remind everyone that its venom is poisonous enough to be deadly to even an adult.  For any person bit by this online combra commando, their lifeclock would start counting down from 15 minutes.

    In light of these reports, do not come visit the Bronx Zoo’s reptile exhibit, even if the cobra Tweets he’s throwing the best party and everyone is invited.  It remains unconfirmed if the fish from Finding Nemo take offense to not getting a shout-out alongside the Madagascar gang.

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    Dean Miller God is all I have and I hate emotions.

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