Chinese Scientists Unleash Supermoon
BREAKING
Beijing, China – Scientists in Beijing have caused a Supermoon. This is terrifying and more details as details emerge…
UPDATED:
Every 18 years, the Chinese flex their ability to control the skies. It remains unknown how China is able to harnass this ancient power, but they unleash it as a reminder of what they can do if we just outright nuke them due to their scariness to us.
Do not look into the sky tonight. For if you do, it will be just like staring into a complete solar eclipse. As you wander out late, you will see even the night ground shines a deathly bright red under the power of the communist moon rays. The Chinese have not only brought this moon closer, but have also caused it to reflect the red shining skin of the great dragon, Satan himself.
As you know, the Chinese have a deep seated sexual infatuation with dragon worship. They call themselves the “commie red children of the dragon moon” and all that title truly means is that as America is one nation under God, China is one nation under the beast of Revelation!
Be warned, friends, and do not go out into this full moon tonight. Ask any nurse or doctor that works in an ER: the full moon is dangerous and scary. All sorts of crazily bad things will happen and if you don’t want to have your twaddle tangled in a metal clenched grip of desperation and despair, do not go out. The grounds of Earth will be bathed in the reflection of Satan’s smoldering blood.
Everyone knows Satan’s original name is Lucifer Morningstar. It means “The Morning Shining Light” and Satan was meant to be an angel of heaven, but turned gay and fought for homosexuality agenda even before the throne of God. Satan convinced other angels that gay harping and worshipping and dallying in the powdered puff cheeks was okay, and they fought God and tried to overthrow him for their gay rights. You wonder way gays are vicious little chihuahua terriers, yipping and won’t hesitate to bite you with their mean little mouths? It is because their leader dared tried to bite the hand of God himself, the creator of all and tried to create a war in heaven, but sickened by it all God threw all the gays in Hell where he continues to throw them this very day. And now every 18 years, they somehow turn the moon closer to Earth and red like an inflamed bowel, to let us all know that Satan plots his revenge and he has claimed a dragon nation for himself.
Maybe it is why all Chinese look the same: he is trying to confuse our gender radars! Trying to make us confuse a beautiful, giggling Chinase women for a man. It is a sick plot and now you know the history behind this Supermoon, an ancient power of Satan that somehow the Chinese can now muster. The gays are to blame of course, but at its roots, Sashay Satan is dancing a mean tango and causing it to come 17,000 space miles closer to Earth, where he wishes it would fully strike us like a meteorite up the fecal sin hole, killing us all in fiery rage and explosive pain.
The Supermoon can cause great tsunamis and tidal waves, great storm to fill the skies and even cause the Earth to shake. Satan is a vile beast who we will all dance on, but even the beasts of hell have supernatural powers and this is his night to let out his sassy gay fuss with the help of Chinese. They are mixing science and spirituality, a nasty tango that can only result in great and bad evil.
These are photographs being tweeted and emailed live to the HolyMailbox. If you have new pictures of the supermoon, send them in and they will be featured. Be scared, friends and do not be a hero. Take pictures from a safe place and do not die in tonight’s supermoon. It can only be hoped that the headlines tomorrow are not too bad, because the gay spirit of satan colludes with the dragon children tonight. It is going to be a night of wild, crazy meth face scratch misery and you will be sucked right into it if you do not stay in, good friends. Supermoon, beware. Beware.
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- The moon shines bigger than a city, this is midnight and you can see Satan is shining unnatural lights upon the cityscape.
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- Chinese Supermoon dwells over the skies of Eastern Europe, reminding all that Satan has a gay agenda and plans to bring destruction to Earth and the Chinese are his merry children.
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- As the sun sets in the distance, the Supermoon opens its eye over Australia.
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- Satan’s blood drenches the night time moon, basking the people of Earth in a sea of crimson as they look skyward.
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- Supermoon reveals itself in the Eastern horizon.
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- Supermoon hides in secret behind trees, much like Satan in a marijuana masked urban home. The symbolism is clear.
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- Greek bows before the power of the Supermoon, their ancient gods and deities of couse no match for even God’s outcasted homosexual angel Satan.
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- Africans use primitive 5 megapixel camera to send images of Supermoon over Djibouti, Djibouti.
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- This is an image of the Supermoon rising Sudbury, in Canada.
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- Supermoon causes ocean to madly crash and thrash, yet somehow scientists say the supermoon has nothing to do with the tragedy in Japan.
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- It is a sign. A black crow represent death. The moon represents night time sins. Death at night for America, is what Satan is saying here.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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1:18 pm
This may be it…RAPTURE, baby!!!!
Oh LORD, I’m ready!
(don’t have any groceries in the house, anyway!)
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8:15 pm
I hope you’re right. My mortgage is late and I don’t want to cut the grass, either.
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2:29 pm
The “supermoon” of which you speak is a naturally occurring astral phenomena. It usually occurs every 20 years or so, but there can be anomalies. It can’t be “unleashed” by anyone, you idiot.
Besides that, do you even have a source for that claim? No? Okay then.
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9:09 pm
You have no idea what’s going on here.
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9:14 pm
Well, excuse me for reading about this from multiple scientific sources, instead of believing whatever bullshit gets put on this website.
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3:46 pm
The Lord is shining his light on all the nasty dirty things that go on at night!
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9:29 pm
“Everyone knows Satan’s original name is Lucifer Morningstar. It means “The Morning Shining Light” and Satan was meant to be an angel of heaven, but turned gay and fought for homosexuality agenda even before the throne of God. Satan convinced other angels that gay harping and worshipping and dallying in the powdered puff cheeks was okay, and they fought God and tried to overthrow him for their gay rights.”
Um, no.
Lucifer was actually the strongest of the angels, and was one of the archangels. He was hurled down from Heaven, according to the Bible, because he aimed to raise his throne higher than that of your God’s. He got cocky, got kicked out. The end. Nothing about homosexuality IN that, you dumbfuck.
“And now every 18 years, they somehow turn the moon closer to Earth and red like an inflamed bowel, to let us all know that Satan plots his revenge and he has claimed a dragon nation for himself.”
Science, you dumbfuck, says that it is a NATURALLY OCCURRING ASTRAL PHENOMENA. No one can “control” the moon.
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9:34 pm
He did get cocky and he did it with all the other homosexual angels in heaven. You see that got cleansed all the fecal matter off them, with the burning fires of hell. The Bible says that gays are offensive to God’s nose and Satan is the most offensive.
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9:41 pm
I just checked three different translations of the Bible; none of them said ANYTHING about homosexuality or “the gays”, nor did any of them say anything about Lucifer or the angels aligned with him doing anything even VAGUELY homosexual.
I do believe that you’re delusional. What translation of the Bible are you using?
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9:50 pm
The version he made up of course, he believes he doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone.
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9:57 pm
I guess Abe must use that version as well.
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10:20 pm
Demons can fornicate with humans, either through possession or outright manifestation. It is in the Bible. Satan’s main sin was homosexual pride and it caused God to create a new storage spot for him and all his same-sexed loving offspring.
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10:26 pm
Remember what I just said, about none of that being in any of the three translations of the Bible I own and checked in?
Prove it. Tell me what translation/version you’re using, give me the exact verse and number of the bit where it says that Lucifer and his performers were thrown out of Heaven for “being gay”. If you can’t, then you’re lying.
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10:55 pm
RD, About 75% of the battle against your inner lesbian homosexuality will be fought in your own MIND.. since this spirit is linked to your soul.. The less you yield to your sick perverted thoughts.. The more ground you will gain.. after you gain it you must HOLD it by not slipping back.. This is direct combat with the homosexual demon.. It will increase its attack on you when it realizes you are fighting it.. So it will get worse before it gets better… when this happens rejoice! the demon is is starting to worry about losing its control.. Keep fighting! And using deliverance prayers on the demon itself.. This is like hand to hand combat on the demon. God will help you fight this battle.. Remember that you were not born a homosexual.. And by fighting this Demon you’re choosing LIFE and saving yourself from a deep pit filled with HELLFIRE!
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11:04 pm
//RD, About 75% of the battle against your inner lesbian homosexuality will be fought in your own MIND.. since this spirit is linked to your soul..//
How RD’s mind works when it comes to said ‘battle’: “Hey, you’re a lesbian” “I know” “Well ok then”. Not exactly a battle if someone’s come to grips and enjoys their sexual preference now, is it?
//The less you yield to your sick perverted thoughts.. The more ground you will gain.. after you gain it you must HOLD it by not slipping back.. This is direct combat with the homosexual demon.. It will increase its attack on you when it realizes you are fighting it.. So it will get worse before it gets better… when this happens rejoice! the demon is is starting to worry about losing its control.. Keep fighting! And using deliverance prayers on the demon itself.. This is like hand to hand combat on the demon. God will help you fight this battle.. Remember that you were not born a homosexual.. And by fighting this Demon you’re choosing LIFE and saving yourself from a deep pit filled with HELLFIRE!//
Sounds a lot like you’re talking about your fight with sanity instead of RD’s sexual preference.
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11:06 pm
Yeah, see, you haven’t actually proven your ridiculous claims about the Bible specifying that Lucifer was gay. So I don’t believe you about anything, especially since you’re a paranoid quack with designs on murdering cats.
I don’t believe in hell or a god or anything; I’m agnostic, and penises are repulsive to me. I was born as the person that I am, and that includes my sexual identity.
If your religion is to be believed, then your god made me and who I am. That means that he made me a lesbian AND an agnostic. Since I’ve yet to see any consequences for kissing girls, or asking them out on dates, I highly doubt that any “god” (if any exists) cares.
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4:28 pm
this is a parody site, you moron.
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11:10 pm
Adam, do you have any friends at all, or is your only friend your left hand?
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11:10 pm
You claim that a penis repulses you and try to take the high road? You are a woman. You should desire to one day be a mother. It is not natural for you to want to lay with a woman, it is abomination. You were designed to be a help meet for man and you are failing in your role.
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11:15 pm
“You claim that a penis repulses you and try to take the high road?”
Having seen a penis before, I can guarantee, it is a fact that penises repulse me.
“You are a woman.”
How astute of you to notice.
“You should desire to one day be a mother.”
Not really. My parents encourage me to do whatever I think is right for myself. If that means that I won’t be a mother someday, then they won’t care. My older brother and his wife aren’t going to have any children, either, purely by personal choice.
“It is not natural for you to want to lay with a woman, it is abomination.”
Yeah? Is it? Well, I guess I should go explain that to the girl I’m going on a date with next weekend. It should make for some good humour over dinner.
“You were designed to be a help meet for man and you are failing in your role.”
I was designed to be a person. As one of my closest friends recently said, “I’m a lesbian because God decided that the human race was in danger of overpopulation, and made it so I wouldn’t want to have kids or have sex with men.”
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11:18 pm
“You are a woman. You should desire to one day be a mother.”
And many lesbians do. It’s called artificial insemination. Somebody claiming to be a doctor should know that. That being said, just because one is a female doesn’t mean that one has material instinct. Many women do, granted, but some don’t. I, for example, like kittens and puppies a hell of a lot more than human babies. I feel very awkward around babies, and have my entire life.
“You were designed to be a help meet for man and you are failing in your role.”
Why do you fail to comprehend the fact that RD is agnostic? She doesn’t give two shits about what your precious bible says in regards to the role of women, and neither do I. So shove it.
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11:24 pm
Well, see, he isn’t a doctor, for one.
For another, I find that what the Christian Bible says about the role of women to be remarkably offensive and antiquated. Most intelligent people don’t cling to the book like a life raft, but then again, this IS Adam Nelson we’re talking about.
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11:24 pm
Claire, do not be sassy. As I said before, lesbians need semen to have a child. That should be proof enough that lesbianism is not natural. If it were natural, lesbians would not have to go semen hunting to just have a child, to be a proper mother. Lesbians turn their back on men, but the second they want a child they have to go male seeking, just like you’d see a crackhead staggering to an ER to get a fix of Percocet. We should start telling lesbians, “No, seeker”.
“No seeker, go get your life STRAIGHT and maybe you will find what you need, naturally.”
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11:32 pm
“Claire, do not be sassy.”
Oh forgive me for being a female who has the gall to speak her mind. Jackass.
“Lesbians turn their back on men, but the second they want a child they have to go male seeking”
Male seeking? No, they go sperm bank seeking.
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11:35 pm
Adam, a lot of things aren’t natural in this world. We are able to communicate from miles and miles away, yet our messages now a days are instant. We have technology that allows us to be entertained in many ways, yet none of it existed during the time that Jesus was around. We have an incredible amount of knowledge at much younger ages, so much so that our ancestors would seem borderline retarded to us nowadays.
Considering how so much has changed within the past 2000 years, is it REALLY that much of a stretch to say that the Bible DOESN’T have all of the answers? Considering how many liars and such exist within the confines of religious sects, is it REALLY that much of a stretch to believe that not everything in the Bible is true? Considering the amount of changes, additions, and subtractions from the bible there have been over the years, is it really that far from the realm of possibility that the word of the lord are corrupted?
You cling to teachings from 2000 years ago that have false information, that have old information, that have been altered to a point where you would not recognize the original writings; yet you do not question them what so ever.
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11:35 pm
And sperm banks get their sperm from men, little buckaroo. Anything else you need me to teach you, woman?
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11:38 pm
Congrats, you know basic knowledge. Now answer my question: just what makes you think that a book with outdated information should hold up in this day and age, regardless of the amount of alterations to it and what makes those responsible for the writings worthy of telling us how to live our lives?
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11:39 pm
Are you done trying to be an ignorant, patronizing cumsack, Adam? Claire and I already knew that.
You seem to require an education as to the laws and rights granted to women, minorities, and homosexuals in this country, though. I’m sure someone’ll teach you that in prison during your stay.
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11:40 pm
No, really? I never would have guessed that the sperm in sperm banks came (pardon the pun) from men. My point was that in sperm banks, the sperm is already there, thus eliminating the need to go man-hunting, you sexist prick.
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11:39 pm
And nothing your rambled about has to do with a woman sticking her tongue in between another woman’s legs and calling that natural. If it was, maybe you’d magically shoot out little spittles of sperm into your partner and you could be two happy little mommies. When that happens, let me know and I’ll buy you a nice baby shower gift.
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11:41 pm
If it wasn’t “natural”, then it wouldn’t be pleasurable for both partners involved; the same goes for oral sex between two males, or between heterosexual partners. Why don’t you try explaining any of that?
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11:46 pm
RD, go bump and grind with your lesbian concubines all weekend. Let me know how many of you got pregnant. Go have a giant week of lesbian orgies with dozens of your lesbian friends. No men allowed!
Write us in few months to let us know how those baby bumps are coming along!
The point is that you sick lesbians are just that, sick lesbians. You cannot have your own children from your relationships without forcing the rest of society to accept gay adoption or semen seeking. No matter what, you cannot deny the fact that to have children you need men. For men to have children, we need women. That is the way God designed it.
So you are violating nature and you will burn in hell if you don’t turn around.
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11:55 pm
“RD, go bump and grind with your lesbian concubines all weekend. Let me know how many of you got pregnant. Go have a giant week of lesbian orgies with dozens of your lesbian friends. No men allowed!”
Lesbians aren’t “concubines”, nor do we have sex for procreation. Most people, regardless of sexual orientation, do not find orgies, much less threesomes, to be enjoyable. I wouldn’t have sex with my friends, anyway; that is something reserved solely for my girlfriend, and only when we are both in the mood for sex.
“The point is that you sick lesbians are just that, sick lesbians.”
Says the paranoid man who is excited by the idea of euthanising all cats.
“You cannot have your own children from your relationships without forcing the rest of society to accept gay adoption or semen seeking.”
So, does that mean that heterosexual couples without children are “sick”, too? Couples where one or both partners are infertile or medically incapable of having children, or couples where the partners CHOOSE not to have children?
“So you are violating nature and you will burn in hell if you don’t turn around.”
Except that I think that homosexuality is perfectly natural, and I’m agnostic, too.
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2:12 am
You’ll burn in hell and heterosexual couples aren’t denying the facts of nature. Also, if you want to compare yourself to women who can’t bear children, fine. Maybe your lesbianism is genetic and is a disorder we can one day fix.
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2:53 am
You can’t cure a barren womb, nor can you ‘cure’ homosexuality. Not only that, but you have yet to define what exactly is natural. When you consider a lot that people are capable of nowadays to the ones from the time the Bible was written, there’s a lot that’s ‘unnatural’. Hell, the basic ability of swimming is a major one, since back then if you were able to keep afloat, you were believed to be a minion of the devil or some nonsense, so swimming was considered ‘unnatural’.
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2:58 am
Homosexuality was removed from the psychiatric Diagnosis and Statistics Manual in 1973. It’s not a “disorder” of any sort.
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12:01 am
“The point is that you sick lesbians are just that, sick lesbians.”
The only sick one here is you, for having the gall to tell people who have never hurt anyone that they are sick and going to hell. RD isn’t the one who boxes up sweet kittens and then jacks off to the news that they were euthanized. RD isn’t the one who would give Haitians the plague if she had the power of god. So you’re in no position to call others sick, Adam.
“That is the way God designed it.”
Wow, we’re so proud of the fact that you can read the bible, but once again, RD doesn’t give a shit about the bible.
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6:50 am
Riddle me this, Claire. How do you know those kittens are sweet, if you’ve never tasted them grilled with some Cheddar and Mango Chutney?
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12:03 am
Define what’s natural without looking at the bible or using the definition provided from it.
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12:03 am
I think the hysteria and emotional excesses we see posted here make a good case for Adam.
I think the moon is exacerbating the uterine imbalance a couple of these posters have contracted from their Chinese vibrators.
It is such a twisted web with the Chinese. Sun Tsu has a pamphlet on this “Win Your Enemy with Dongs for Crazy Women” or something like that.
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2:20 am
Even within these vile lesbians, you can see gravitational forces are throwing off the hormonal imbalance. It’s good to see your beautiful faith and spirit is keeping you of sound mind though, Blanche.
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2:50 am
Shouldn’t you be telling her to get off this site and make her husband a sandwich or something like that?
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9:45 am
i’m shocked as to how ignorant this old fool is. is he serious, is he smohing crack? what’s the deal here? get out of my country, indeed! fearmongering (aka propaganda) is what nearly exterminated an entire race of people 70ish years ago, which you probably cheer about in the privacy of your own home.well congratulations, as you’ll get to see your mentor, (adolf hitler, that is,) in hell. whatever happened to love thy neighbor as thy love thyself? oh i’m sorry, i must have overlooked the fine print that says ” unless thy neighbor has different ideas, that you dont necessarily like or agree with, in which case PERSECUTE THEM!) such hypocracy
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3:55 pm
None of this truley addresses the ridiculous statement that china pulled the moon closer to earth. I mean are you kidding me? I thought I was reading an “onion” article.
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10:36 pm
wow Adam Nelson and his sexist homophobia diatribe
seriously sperm bank doesnt require sexual Intercourse between men and women but jerking off men
also a Lot of thing like you said is Unnatural you should stop typing on your keyboard its evil
oh and your Bible as well is Unnatural Man Made, you really Think God will use paper and pen to write racist homophobia and sexist thought in a Book ?
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10:51 am
Is this site a joke? Or are there actually people who think the Chinese control the moon and bring it closer every 18 years for Satan? Considering most Chinese people are Buddhist or Taoist I don’t think they’re too concerned with “Satan” anyway. Hey Adam Nelson, it’s quacks like you who drive people away from Christianity, not scientists or atheists.
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10:13 pm
Just thought about this:
Satan’s name is Lucifer Morningstar. When he was cast to hell, you can imagine the extreme jealousy and hate that brewed. He now probably hates the morning star, the sun, and is trying to pull the moon closer to Earth so that we all die by the ‘night star’. Of course the moon is a satellite, but the fact is that Satan only goes for symbolic jestures and cannot create a new star, so he settles for that. It makes sense and praise God for protecting us from having the moon not crash into us. Scientists say it is an orbital issue, but like many other issues of science, there is a spiritual aspect to this. It’s just like with genetics and medicine, and even though I go along with it in profession, outside that realm you have to admit there is just something not ordinary about these things and that is because it is spiritual. Satan tries to reach out and use even humans to pull the moon to us, closer, to wipe us out. Amazing and evil, but we are protected by the strongest force possible.
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10:22 pm
Thank god for the Caucasian sun. It was good to see it still shining this AM.
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9:05 am
Little correction.
The next Supermoon is scheduled for 2012… and it will be the LAST ONE.
Wuahahaha!!!
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