Beijing, China – Scientists in Beijing have caused a Supermoon. This is terrifying and more details as details emerge…
Every 18 years, the Chinese flex their ability to control the skies. It remains unknown how China is able to harnass this ancient power, but they unleash it as a reminder of what they can do if we just outright nuke them due to their scariness to us.
Do not look into the sky tonight. For if you do, it will be just like staring into a complete solar eclipse. As you wander out late, you will see even the night ground shines a deathly bright red under the power of the communist moon rays. The Chinese have not only brought this moon closer, but have also caused it to reflect the red shining skin of the great dragon, Satan himself.
As you know, the Chinese have a deep seated sexual infatuation with dragon worship. They call themselves the “commie red children of the dragon moon” and all that title truly means is that as America is one nation under God, China is one nation under the beast of Revelation!
Be warned, friends, and do not go out into this full moon tonight. Ask any nurse or doctor that works in an ER: the full moon is dangerous and scary. All sorts of crazily bad things will happen and if you don’t want to have your twaddle tangled in a metal clenched grip of desperation and despair, do not go out. The grounds of Earth will be bathed in the reflection of Satan’s smoldering blood.
Everyone knows Satan’s original name is Lucifer Morningstar. It means “The Morning Shining Light” and Satan was meant to be an angel of heaven, but turned gay and fought for homosexuality agenda even before the throne of God. Satan convinced other angels that gay harping and worshipping and dallying in the powdered puff cheeks was okay, and they fought God and tried to overthrow him for their gay rights. You wonder way gays are vicious little chihuahua terriers, yipping and won’t hesitate to bite you with their mean little mouths? It is because their leader dared tried to bite the hand of God himself, the creator of all and tried to create a war in heaven, but sickened by it all God threw all the gays in Hell where he continues to throw them this very day. And now every 18 years, they somehow turn the moon closer to Earth and red like an inflamed bowel, to let us all know that Satan plots his revenge and he has claimed a dragon nation for himself.
Maybe it is why all Chinese look the same: he is trying to confuse our gender radars! Trying to make us confuse a beautiful, giggling Chinase women for a man. It is a sick plot and now you know the history behind this Supermoon, an ancient power of Satan that somehow the Chinese can now muster. The gays are to blame of course, but at its roots, Sashay Satan is dancing a mean tango and causing it to come 17,000 space miles closer to Earth, where he wishes it would fully strike us like a meteorite up the fecal sin hole, killing us all in fiery rage and explosive pain.
The Supermoon can cause great tsunamis and tidal waves, great storm to fill the skies and even cause the Earth to shake. Satan is a vile beast who we will all dance on, but even the beasts of hell have supernatural powers and this is his night to let out his sassy gay fuss with the help of Chinese. They are mixing science and spirituality, a nasty tango that can only result in great and bad evil.
These are photographs being tweeted and emailed live to the HolyMailbox. If you have new pictures of the supermoon, send them in and they will be featured. Be scared, friends and do not be a hero. Take pictures from a safe place and do not die in tonight’s supermoon. It can only be hoped that the headlines tomorrow are not too bad, because the gay spirit of satan colludes with the dragon children tonight. It is going to be a night of wild, crazy meth face scratch misery and you will be sucked right into it if you do not stay in, good friends. Supermoon, beware. Beware.