Churches across the US have reported facing a pandemic of Biblical proportions. Jezebels, hussies, tramps and even prostituted women of the night are flocking to a pew near you. While these “visitors” have always routinely appeared in hot spots like Chicago or Peoria, they are now using social networking to strategize efforts and infiltrate evangelical congregations of varied denominations across the country and even Europe. Their purpose is clear, to destroy Christian Marriage from inside the church.
What Is Being Done to Stop This Threat?
The Lutherans, while hardly evangelical, specifically identify the threat of church tramps and prescribes a healthy dose of serious worship. Many of the evangelical churches with “modern” or “contemporary” services offered are clear invitations for the wandering Jezebel or wayward prostitute. The Lutheran observance is these congregants are more than worrisome; they drain needed ministry resources from the faithful, tithing members and demand special status and attention with no intent to contribute to the church.
The Methodist and their small group study and basketball leagues are hopelessly drowning in the harlot-tramp mindset. One pastor even shamed his congregation by dressing up as a vagrant tramp! These modern vicars are destroying the mores of many congregations and their evangelical heritage in the process.
Baptist Doin’ It Right
The Baptist, true evangelicals, host “Tramp Roasts” with a hayride for the kids and young at heart so the whole fellowship can have a family-value themed gathering of fun and worship. Tramp Roasts are valuable because they put the loose morals on notice and serve as a mores binding activity for the laity. The Baptists are graced with excellent cooks in every congregation I’ve ever had the pleasure to visit for fellowship. These “Tramp Roasts” are truly inspirational and tasty solutions to a growing problem.
Here we see young men of the church cutting up some Hussy Jezebel for the grill.
How Do You Spot a Floozie Tramp in Church?
The church harlot will surround herself with male companionship. Like a spider she spins a web of deceit and insurrection in Christian marriages (her favorite target).
Can you spot the Church Hussy? She smiles coyly to a male passerby while holding court with another eager male congregation member. With her arms mid-bare in periwinkle blue (it matches her eyes) she is a consummate flirt and home wrecker. Oh, she puts on a show with those hands folded primly on her sinful thighs; make no mistake she knows she’s being photographed. She beckons all to come into her web of desires and carnal congress. Find the one with all the men, and you’ve found your harlot.
Church Tramps like to perform and be in front of people. The jezebel will make quite a show of themselves to gain your confidence and trust. Keep a critical eye for those that are a little too taken by the spirit and show their feigned sexual surrender to the men of the church. They raise their hands a little higher so everyone can see them and be mesmerized into thinking same marriage is holy.
Church jezebels will wear a little too much animal print than is acceptable. They will bling-bling and bedazzle everything they touch with some flair or “look at me” attention getting hussy scheme. She how Ms. Scarlet letter here ties her Cheetah-Cheater scarf when the ladies of the church clearly are mortified with scarves untied as is the appropriate custom for Southern Missionary God’s Will Baptists when those coffee filter or doily thingys aren’t available.
Another trend to sway the young and impressionable is the pervasive and persuasive use of “Bible Bling” in the horrifying form of crystallized and shocking colored Bible covers, bookmarkers and “charms”. This is a dangerous habit that should be addressed by every preacher and pastor that has spotted this trend. Bible Bling distracts from God’s Word and serious study of the Holy Scriptures and instead says “Look at Me, Sailor.” Charms are something witches and wizards use to summon the Devil, not worship God. They have no place on zippered coverlets or dangled from ears.
Christian marriage between a one man and one woman has been shown to reduce poverty, something these tramps would like everyone to experience because they hate America and promote evil. Using facebook, twitters and the interwebs these harlots of discontent have united to destroy difference marriage.
One “pastor” writes of trying to convert a common whore by throwing her a birthday party. Anyone reading it can clearly see this as a satirical ruse.
The author paints the hardened prostitute with a heart of gold that only needed a birthday cake for her transformation to the church and salvation. The purpose of the story is to entice the reader to begin suggesting bringing prostitutes to church! This is just an example of how the interwebs are used to promote lies.
In conclusion, beware the hussy, tramp, jezebel and prostituted in your congregation. Look for the Bible bling and point it out to other church members. My only fear is that it is too late for some.