Excerpt from “My Name is Unique – The Autobiography of Adam Nelson”
Chapter One: The Early Years
Ma and Pa went to their graves swearing to the Lord that I came out of Ma’s bum. It wasn’t until I turned 23 that I learned that they weren’t joking. According to the hospital records, Ma’s separator flap became dislodged during delivery, and I wound up coming out of her behind. Imagine that! Instead of being covered in amniotic fluid and flap secretions, I was born covered in poo.
But enough of those gruesome details. I doubt you’re reading this autobiography in order to become versed on the fecal aspects of my delivery.
I wasn’t named until five days post-partum. My mom was recovering from getting stitches in her ass and my dad quite frankly didn’t care, as I was the end result of a gang-bang with a broken prophylactic of which he was the owner. It was his mother, my beloved Grandmama, who finally beat him hard enough for refusing to take responsibility for his spawn.
I’ll never forget being held in my father’s arms the very first time. The smell of whiskey was overwhelming and the cigarette burn marks impossible to ignore, even for my newborn senses.
When they finally took me home they decided to name me Adam, after TVs Adam West, and promptly used me as a placemat while they sat in front of the tube and watched Charlie’s Angels.
To be continued…
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Claire
"Arr Spongebob, yer spendin' all me money!" – Spongebob Squarepants
12:55 am
How come my christwire dial up modem doesn’t block this filth? I need to call tech support.
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1:02 am
Claire, I applaud your research abilities. You are, truly, a wonderful, wonderful young woman.
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1:06 am
The only reason she had time to write this is because she couldn’t get her gay friend drunk enough to impregnate her tonight.
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1:09 am
Claire doesn’t want to be pregnant. She has said as much on a NUMBER of occasions.
Her remark earlier was meant to offend Adam, who is very much against homosexuality and abortion, and sees women solely as incubators for children.
Besides that, Claire doesn’t drink alcohol, or smoke, or have sex. She masturbates on a healthy, regular basis.
I think you’re just annoyed that she can write better than you can.
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1:12 am
So she’s a liar too?
Like you even read my articles…
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1:30 am
I read your articles; I often comment on how ridiculous and unfounded they are.
Claire is as much a liar as you, Blanche, Tyson, Billings, and Nelson are.
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1:35 am
you dont comment on half my articles.
maybe you agree with them…
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1:38 am
I said “often”. Not all of the time, but often. I rarely agree with your opinions. Pardon me for being too busy with final exams to comment on all of your articles.
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1:42 am
Its ok, I’m no Blanche.
After all were neighbors. When was the last time Claire asked how your play went or how you were doing?
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1:19 am
You did not use the word ‘promptly’ right. I do not believe you know what that word means.
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1:26 am
I give her some slack after the chhg’s pointed out her seven errors in one posting. After all she goes to trade school.
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12:50 pm
“After all she goes to trade school.”
No, I go to college, which is more than can be said about you, potato-picker.
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1:15 pm
“potato-picker”
Now you’re racist against Mexicans too? Anyway, that’s the wrong part of Idaho, there isn’t a potato grown within a 100 miles of here.
Vet tech is a trade, which is why your school probably offers an associate’s degree in it.
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1:18 pm
“Now you’re racist against Mexicans too?”
No, I was referring to the white trash such as yourself who picks potatoes.
“Vet tech is a trade, which is why your school probably offers an associate’s degree in it.”
Yes, they do, but I am getting a Bachelor’s, as are most of my classmates. They also just introduced a Master’s, which I will probably go for.
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1:26 pm
Only Mexicans pick potatoes by hand and if you have ever been here they are real people with feelings.
We don’t insult people like you constantly do to gays males, werewolf girl, horse-face girl, babies and now Mexicans.
The only reason for a school to offer a bachelors and masters to a trade is to steal your money.
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1:31 am
She used it properly, actually. I had my English major friends double check it, just to be sure.
You, on the other hand, have so many spelling and grammatical errors in your articles and posts that you ought to be sent back to elementary school.
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1:00 pm
Community college English majors wouldn’t get my reference. Especially still being students and not having to produce. You don’t know what it’s like in the private sector. They expect results. Not textbook rehashes.
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3:54 pm
oh yeah you are right.
right and wrong aren’t decided by what was decided long ago but what actions show.
like if enough people use a word wrong the same way that becomes right. and since god doesn’t show himself that proves he doesn’t exists despite what the bible says.
thanks for further proveing there is no god
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1:46 am
“After all were neighbors. When was the last time Claire asked how your play went or how you were doing?”
So, you’ll continue to attack me, my opinions, and my lifestyle, and then act like you want to be my friend? That just makes you creepy.
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1:51 am
Oh come on, you and I differ on some things. But at least I listen to you.
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1:59 am
That doesn’t make it any less creepy.
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2:06 am
Sure…. I see how it is.
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12:59 pm
MeAwesome, you’re just as creepy as Billings. You insult RD’s lifestyle, among other things, and then try to act all friendly and chummy. It’s creepy!
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1:06 pm
What lifestyle?
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7:42 am
This is a clear case of internet stalking and bullying. Claire obviously has suppressed affections, albeit sick and damaged affections, for Adam.
Notice how the writing is strained and inadequate. These are the hallmarks of a woman with displaced priorities. I highly suspect it was written under the self-pleasuring Benoît spheres of influence.
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10:56 am
“This is a clear case of internet stalking and bullying. Claire obviously has suppressed affections, albeit sick and damaged affections, for Adam.”
So, what you say on this site about Claire, Comedian, and myself is perfectly acceptable? Fucker.
Claire hates Adam. Adam thinks it’s perfectly fine to call women “incubators”, and to tell women that they need to get married to a man and start popping out kids, or they’ll die “cold and alone”. He has expressed his xenophobic, misogynistic views on a number of occasions. Claire is fully justified in what she has done here.
“Notice how the writing is strained and inadequate. These are the hallmarks of a woman with displaced priorities. I highly suspect it was written under the self-pleasuring Benoît spheres of influence.”
“Strained and inadequate”? It’s better than any of the garbage that came out of your whorish mouth. Tell me how it’s “strained and inadequate”. Unless, you know, you’re just *jealous* of her abilities.
As for the “displaced priorities” bit… Look at the pot calling the kettle black.
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1:11 pm
meh
tl:dr
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1:15 pm
That’s Bitcham’s reply when she can’t think of a retort: “Meh”
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2:04 pm
Give her SOME credit, it’s better than Stevie’s random-ass bible quotes.
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7:43 am
I feel psychologically traumatized and bullied. Please remove this as it does not reflect my person and I find your language to insult my personal character.
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10:51 am
Your very existence is an insult to the personal character of most human beings. Does that mean we can file a request to remove you?
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12:53 pm
Well said, RD. Adam is a plague upon humanity, a danger as a doctor, and if we cannot get him exterminated I suggest we at least attempt sterilization.
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2:08 pm
This coming from a deranged sociopath who believes all are inferior to rich white Christian men and that non-Americans will go to Hell simply because they aren’t in America, as well as admitting his wanting to rape Claire and admitting his wanting to kill cats simply because he thinks they’re annoying and will blow EVERYTHING out of proportion just so that it seems like ‘he’s the good guy’ and will lie to get out of situations, and then when backed into a corner, simply run off with his tail between his legs?
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1:31 pm
“We don’t insult people like you constantly do to gays males, werewolf girl, horse-face girl, babies and now Mexicans.”
That comment is so asinine I won’t even respond to it.
“The only reason for a school to offer a bachelors and masters to a trade is to steal your money.”
Sounds like someone’s jealous that he didn’t get past a high school education.
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1:34 pm
“Sounds like someone’s jealous that he didn’t get past a high school education.”
more proof you dont read what other people write.
I have a few professional degrees.
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1:36 pm
“I have a few professional degrees.”
They mustn’t be in English; your spelling and grammar are proof of this.
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1:46 pm
No they are not. And yours isn’t perfect either.
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1:56 pm
My spelling and grammar certainly run circles around yours.
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1:57 pm
Sure. Like this is the grammar rodeo….
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6:12 pm
Why is this still up? It is an attack on a private citizen and I am being bullied.
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7:21 pm
Considering how you insult people on a daily basis for everything they believe in, regardless of it being faith or just personal belief in how this world works, AND how you’re incredibly racist, AND how you’re incredibly sexist, AND how you’re a deranged sociopath, this honestly needs to stay up as a reminder that you reap what you sow. You want to treat others like shit and dirt and spit on them? Well, be prepared to get shat and spat on yourself.
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7:30 pm
Comedian, there you go. You are insulting me and telling lies. I have stood up for countless women and helped them overcome and punish their attackers in a court of law. I have helped many minorities, both racial and women, in my practice and I will continue to do so out of compasionate necessity.
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7:38 pm
Bull-fucking-shit.
You just called Claire an “eggcrate” and told her that you “will pray [her] ovarie turn rotten” if she doesn’t remove her article. You continuously tell Claire and I to find a “good Christian husband” and start popping out babies, because, according to you, women are only “incubators”. You’ve made numerous comments about how non-whites and non-Americans are evil, including comments that, if you were God, you would have sent the Bubonic Plague to punish Haiti instead of just an earthquake. You just wrote a piece about how people should go out and capture cats, pack them into suitcases, and drop them off at animal shelters to be put down. You even expressed glee at the thought of counting down the days until the feline was put down.
We have EVIDENCE of your numerous sexist, sociopathic, racist, xenophobic, homophobic comments. You reap what you so, you cum sack.
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7:39 pm
*sow, pardon me.
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7:39 pm
//Comedian, there you go. You are insulting me and telling lies.//
Oh am I? Prove me wrong. Show me all of your posts, ALL of them. Let’s see how many sexist and racist comments we can find in them, shall we?
//I have stood up for countless women and helped them overcome and punish their attackers in a court of law.//
You still view them as inferior. Doesn’t matter if you helped women while being a doctor or whatever, you still think that they’re only good for spittin’ out babies.
Hell, take a look at the comment YOU JUST FUCKING MADE to prove that you’re nothing more than a sexist jackass: //You egg crate renounce your words or I will pray your ovaries turn rotten and so help me GOD REMOVE THIS NOW!//
You called Claire an egg crate, and several times now you’ve called her things like that and incubator. If you’re not sexist, then why do you view women as inferior, hm?
//I have helped many minorities, both racial and women, in my practice and I will continue to do so out of compasionate necessity.//
But blacks are angry and feral and mexicans are dirty, right? Not only that, but if someone’s even remotely foreign, they need to be kicked out simply because they don’t have an “Amurican” name.
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7:32 pm
Please remove this because this is not an autobiography and it has nothing to do about me yet is trying to make me seem like I am something I am not. Renounce your words, Claire. You egg crate renounce your words or I will pray your ovaries turn rotten and so help me GOD REMOVE THIS NOW!
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9:10 pm
“You egg crate renounce your words or I will pray your ovaries turn rotten”
Sure, pray all you want, I don’t give a crap if my ovaries turn rotten.
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7:58 pm
I lost my cool earlier because Claire is bullying me. She is taking advantage of a situation to exploit me and try to make me angry by riling a fire in me from her mean words. I apologize and Claire please completely remove this article and we can move forward and try to walk a road together toward peace and a built friendship.
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8:01 pm
This is just how the werewolf girl felt when Claire and RD bullied it. I feel for you.
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8:12 pm
Except that Claire hates you, especially since you’ve made it quite clear that, if you were to meet her, you’d rape her.
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8:23 pm
RD, do not say those things. I would never do such and that’s the most offensive thing yet. Do not say those things.
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8:27 pm
Why? Because it’s true? I could go and dig up those comments, if you’d like. But the point remains: You constantly tell Claire to get married and have children. On that particular occasion, you told Claire point-blank that, if you were to meet her, you would be willing to pleasure her and teach her the “true joy of knowing a man”. That’s rape.
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9:07 pm
What you’re saying is absolutely spot-on, RD.
As I’ve said before, since Adam thinks that women are good for nothing but making babies, I wouldn’t put it past him to rape a woman in order to get her pregnant.
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2:31 pm
I was trying to find my estranged father also named Adam Nelson in Vermont. I was very offended finding this. But I was even more offended when I saw you two making fun and accusing this person of rape.
As a rape survivor, twice, this is childish and not at all funny. You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Rape is no laughing matter. I don’t want to hear “but he said…” You should look at yourself. You need some counseling or sensitivity training.
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4:27 pm
The longer I think about this, the madder I get. You two are disgusting humans. I demand you issue a retraction here!
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10:15 pm
We are all ashamed of their behavior.
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9:12 pm
That is not, RD. That says nothing about attacking a person but only a willingness if we were to ever develop such a relationship that she wanted to do a quick marriage and then we could proceed from there but that is not going to happen and I put that option out there, to show that she does not like men. She would never take up any man on that offer, because people like you have corrupted her precious mind and greedily bending her toward the flickering tongues of lesbianism. You are a mean person, RD, and I blame you for encouraging Claire’s bullying of people who just want to help and come here to enjoy the news told from a moral Republican standpoint.
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9:27 pm
No, you did it because you’re an ignorant prick who can’t get laid and sees women as people who need to get pregnant and pop out a kid every nine months. You’ve said as much in your comments. She has said nothing about disliking men; in fact, she’s even stated that she is not attracted to girls, so she’s clearly heterosexual. She just doesn’t like YOU.
Your comment was, as I recall, that you would take her out for dinner and drinks and then you would break your “morals” [such as they are] and allow her to be pleasured. That’s a clear intent to rape a woman, after getting her drunk despite the fact that she is underage.
As for the bit about “corrupting” Claire… I’ve been here since, what, December 2010? She’s been here much longer than I have, and we merely agree on a number of points. I encourage Claire’s logical statements, and find your “comments” to be nothing more than baseless slander against anything you dislike. “News from a moral Republican standpoint”? More like a bunch of absolute tripe that decries anything you dislike.
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9:27 pm
//That is not, RD. That says nothing about attacking a person but only a willingness if we were to ever develop such a relationship that she wanted to do a quick marriage and then we could proceed from there but that is not going to happen and I put that option out there, to show that she does not like men.//
Wow, from what I can gather from that garbled mass of text, you put that offer out there to prove that she doesn’t like men, even though you said that she had to get alcohol in you in order for you to have sex with her and…yeah my brain can’t understand what the fuck you’re trying to get at. That was just written so poorly that it’s impossible to tell what the fuck you mean.
//She would never take up any man on that offer, because people like you have corrupted her precious mind and greedily bending her toward the flickering tongues of lesbianism.//
So because she doesn’t want to get married and deal with a bunch of brats, that makes her a lesbian? Can you just not define what the hell a lesbian is? Here’s a crash course for you: homosexuals are people who find the same gender sexually stimulating and prefer them as a partner than the other gender. Homosexual men are called ‘gay’ while homosexual women are called ‘lesbian’. A woman who does NOT want to get married and who does NOT want to have children is NOT a lesbian.
//You are a mean person, RD, and I blame you for encouraging Claire’s bullying of people who just want to help and come here to enjoy the news told from a moral Republican standpoint.//
Claire’s hated you for a long time jackass, and when republicans come here and tell you that you’re full of shit, you might want to reevaluate your political points.
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9:33 pm
“That says nothing about attacking a person but only a willingness if we were to ever develop such a relationship that she wanted to do a quick marriage and then we could proceed from there”
Adam, you’ve said before that women are nothing but objects for men to stick their dicks in and impregnate. Thus, you would probably rape a woman in order to impregnate her.
“She would never take up any man on that offer, because people like you have corrupted her precious mind and greedily bending her toward the flickering tongues of lesbianism.”
No, I would never take a man up on that offer because I’m capable of thinking for myself. I’ve been a feminist since I was about 10 years old, when I started puberty.
“You are a mean person, RD”
And you’re in denial, Adam. RD is a very nice person. After all, RD’s not the one who would give Haitians the plague if she had the power of god.
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9:35 pm
She would be too busy turning everyone into a lesbian, probably with you first. You’re too young and naive to realize she’s slowly dragging you into her layer, aren’t you?
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9:42 pm
Actually, I believe that Claire is nearly a full year older than I am. So, if one of us is “young and naive”, it’s likely me. Besides that, Claire isn’t anywhere near me. I’m not one for long-distance relationships.
By the by, you can’t “convert” anyone to a different sexuality. It’s impossible. Otherwise, I’d be just as straight as my siblings.
But, hey. At least we aren’t ignorant, close-minded rapists like you.
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9:51 pm
Adam, shouldn’t you be off raping and impregnating your sisters?
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