Is Masturbation Rape?
In civilized society of old, masturbators were ridiculed and looked down upon. People saw masturbation as a pox and something that caused blindness, fishy smelling fingers, and hairy palms. However, Satan has been hard at work in changing the mind of man.
Recently, masturbation has been labeled “okay”, “cool” and “acceptable” by the hipster liberal agenda. They hope to use masturbation to desensitize people to the point they believe the unholy left wing creed. Even the Illegal United Nations is now teaching masturbation to the children of the world.
However, masturbation is rape. When one chooses to defile their temple by participating in a sinful act they are also violating another human.
The goal of masturbation is to achieve climax alone by stimulating ones genitals combined one of the following rape methods.
1 Fantasizing about another person or person(s) . In doing this you are raping that person. You have no right to be thinking those thoughts. Even if you are married and your spouse has given you permission in the past does not mean you still have permission. Just like one time consent does not mean permanent consent in a physical relation.
2 Looking at dirty Magazines. Just like with number one you are raping the person you are looking at. The liberals might argue that person gave consent when doing the picture shoot. You do not know that for sure. The person may even be married now or grown ugly.
3 Watching dirty Movies. As with number one or two, you might as well be Ted Bundy illegally having your way with the peoples you are exploiting for your own gratification.
4 The internets. The internets are full of filth. Computers should be for taxes, online bible studies, and maybe checking the occasional email. Not for rape!
5 Past Experiences. Sure that “three way” you had with the cheerleader and her sorority sister in college might have been a “good time”. However, recalling the sinful pleasure they presented you all night is the same as repeating the same sin all over again.
Some females and gay males use foreign objects and dinguses when masturbating. In doing so you are raping the raw materials of this world.
Masturbation is also a hindrance to the spreading of the word. According to John Piper author of Desiring God:
“One of the major forces preventing young people from obeying the call of God into vocational Christian service is defeat in the area of lust. A teenager hears a challenging call to throw himself into the cause of world evangelization. He feels the promptings of the Holy Spirit. He tastes the thrill of following the King of kings into battle. But he does not obey because he is masturbating regularly. He feels guilty. He can hardly imagine witnessing to a pretty girl about the eternal plight of her soul, because he has so habitually looked at girls naked in his imagination. So he feels unworthy and unable to obey the call of God. Masturbation becomes the enemy of missions. “
How can you prevent masturbation in your community? You can write your elected officials and ask for the following:
1) That masturbation be persecuted as rape.
2) That doors to kids bedrooms be removed
3) That smut not be sold in our communities
4) All screwdriver handles should be manufactured with a sandpaper coating.
5) That governments monitor the internets for masturbation material and block it.
6) And lastly that police and community watch programs be educated on the signs of masturbation.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Senator August Weisz
Retired Hydroelectric Engineer. Now spend my time helping others who won’t help themselves.
http://christwire.org/august-weisz-biography
MA
11:53 pm
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Crazy “Christian” people Suck
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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12
7:18 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uG6M1qOB0n0
His mother a whore his father a horse
Born the result of some freak show
Sworn to avenge this cruel twist of fate
Make a trail of destruction as he goes
Since the day of his birth he’s been filled with rage
In a crooked incestuous display
He killed the bitch who was the cause of this
And along with her the others must pay
Pulsating steel protrudes from my thighs
She who spreads is she who dies
Long as my arm and five times as thick
You’ll die at the end of my iron dick
Terrifying fear at the sight of this gland
He will rape and kill those who defy
The result of his desire like machine gun fire
Tearing them to pieces from the inside
When he slides it in that’s when the torture begins
His ugly face the last thing that you’ll see
The resulting pain from this mammoth cane
Apparent in her endless dying screams
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7:24 pm
PULSATING STEEL PROTRUDES FROM MY MOTHERFUCKING THIGHS
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7:25 pm
THA BITCH THAT SPREADS IS SHE THAT DIES
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0
7:26 pm
LONG AS THE SOLAR SYSTEM, AND FIVE TIMES AS THICK
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7:27 pm
You “Christians” are a funny lot. How’s it feel to know it’s you who will be swept into the fire when Ronnie James Dio returns, riding Cthulu’s tentacular head??
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1
7:25 pm
PULSATING STEEL PROTURDES FROM MY THIGHS
SHE WHO SPREADS IS SHE WHO DIES
AS LONG AS MY ARM AND FIVE TIMES AS THICK
YOU’LL DIE AT THE END OF MY IRON DICK
________666666666666666
______66666_________66666
____666_6_____________6__666
___666__666_________666___666
_666_____6666_____6666____666
666_______6__66666__66______666
66________66_66666__6________66
66________666____6666________66
66______6666______66666______66
66____66___66_____66____66___66
66_6666666666666666666666666_66
666_________66___6___________66
_666_________6__66_________666
__666________6666_________666
____666_______666_______666
______66666____6_____6666
_________6666666666666
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7:27 pm
YOU’LL ALL DIE AT THE END OF MY IRON COCK
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1
12:00 am
This article almost killed me as I choked on the food I was in the process of eating while reading this.
And killing people is a sin.
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0
10:53 pm
Since when was masturbating considered ‘cool’?
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2
11:55 pm
OK guys, you caught me I’m full of shit.
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5
12:12 am
really “cool”.
Vain pretenders! You know how to read the aspect of earth and sky. How is it you cannot read this present time? Luke 12:56
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3:47 am
You know what’s rape?
Your obsession with masturbation and your obsession with some cruel, vengeful god.
Guess it’d make sense that you prefer thinking about Jesus when you masturbate, then.
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5:09 am
OMG…really? Masturbation is normal. And as for the point of “You do not know that for sure. The person may even be married now or grown ugly.” Who cares? It is the moment in time a person wants to remember. It is nobody’s business what a person thinks. What is considered rape is your words raping the peoples minds that stumble upon this…. And if you are so stuck up that you feel the need to write this….maybe you need a little masturbation to loosen up a little…
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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3
11:05 am
Isn’t rape a type op cabbage?
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2
11:10 am
Whoops, I meant “Isn’t rape a type of cabbage?”
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2
12:39 pm
Hahah this is such a funny article my fav bit is.
All screwdriver handles should be manufactured with a sandpaper coating.
Briliant!!!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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1
7:35 pm
You know what’s even more disturbing and wrong than masturbation?
“4) All screwdriver handles should be manufactured with a sandpaper coating.”
That fact that this guy actually thought of that as a deterrent.
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0
12:45 pm
is this guy fucking serious?
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1:15 pm
So…then when I gave birth ten weeks ago, was my daughter really fucking me? I’m confused now…
Hot debate. What do you think?
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1:16 pm
Oh my gosh! If she was, does that make me a pedophile?!
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1:19 am
Only if you derive sexual pleasure from it.
God bless.
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1:25 pm
This is complete bullshit! i am jacking it at this very moment. lol
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2:29 pm
This article made me hot. I think I’ll go masturbate.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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3
3:00 pm
Have fun being a prostitute when you grow up.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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5:22 pm
So, then, what do you use to explain the fact that, you know, you’ve yet to get married or even have a girlfriend, Adam?
At least Claire takes care of herself.
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9:53 pm
Adam, you’re an idiot. The reason I masturbate is because I WON’T let a man touch me.
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7:01 pm
You have missed the point of the article.
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1:26 am
So you’re saying you masturbate because you’re a homosexual?
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13
6:25 pm
but you let your cats ”toutch” you dont ya? you degenerate prostitute.
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3:24 pm
It’s a proven fact that masturbation once a day is healthy.
Unless, of course, you are such a zealous and blindly devoted Christian that you do not heed the facts of science and biology, because obviously a fairytale book written by some tossers in a cloister umpteen billion years ago is more correct than modern science.
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4:48 pm
this article goes against basic human rights. i don’t bloody care.
you have no more right to decide what i do in the privacy of my home than i have about you.
so what if i violate an imaginary person? when you fuck heads pray for me you are in fact violating a real person.
you can have a lot of openions but you can’t make laws based on shit like that. but please feel free. go make your silly demands. i will then keep makeing my demands that churches be burned to the groud and christians like you be excecuted.
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10:02 pm
Yes, mastubation is evil….
So ladies and gentlemen, write to your local congressman,
Ask them to subsidize sex for all good Americans…
In doing so, it will eliminate the need for masturbation entirely….
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10:15 pm
That could happen….
in TEHRAN!!!
What are proposing that we become Muslims?
That we should establish a new Islamic Caliphate here in America….
The land where God pays attention to?
And adhere to their laws?!
And I thought you were proper Christians…
In fact we should masturbate to spite their phony god….
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12:04 am
I am wrapping sandpaper around a screwdriver right now to see if it feels “just right.”
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12:25 am
so In other word you want to remove basic right to remove freedom and the right to privacy you wnat to violate your constitution as well
why not after all I live in Canada and it’s none of My business
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12:36 am
Thank you for your comment. This is about human rights. This is about the right of someone not to be raped, mentally or physically. Abuse is a serious problem. And I wish more people took it seriously. Our sister church in Calgary has taken this cause on is well, they are well on their way to having enough signatures to put it on the ballot.
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4:20 pm
august ya plainly stupid if you think the church will remove MY freedom to do what I want with MY body you are very stupid
IF ever the church try to remove my freedom I will burn down their church
you should read your article carefully
1- the right to PRIVACY ( masturbation is in PRIVACY)
2- the Freedom to do what we want with our own Body (goes hand by hand with number 1 )
3- separation of CHURCH and STATES (constitution first ammendment)
4- Freedoom at all you start by that if it’s succeed you will BAN everything else and you will control everything you will be MUCH worst than China ( and China is not even the worst )
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4:35 pm
“the Freedom to do what we want with our own Body”
So, you are saying that it is ok for people to rape other people?
“separation of CHURCH and STATES (constitution first ammendment)”
Rape is not a church issue; it’s a human rights issue. People have the right not to be raped.
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1:13 am
what part of “own body” do you not understand?
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9:11 pm
are christians just as bankrupt in the department of basic language and english as they are in the science department?
rape [reyp] raped, rap·ing.
noun:
1.
the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
2.
any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.
3.
statutory rape.
4.
an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation: the rape of the countryside.
5.
Archaic . the act of seizing and carrying off by force.
verb (used with object)
6.to force to have sexual intercourse.
7.to plunder (a place); despoil.
8.to seize, take, or carry off by force.
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2:25 am
I just finished masturbating over you MeAwesome, I feel the need for another tug,
what are your features? Are you blonde? Blue eyes?? Let me know!!!
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3
3:23 pm
Dude, you need to get someone to edit your article. Your grammar is shitty and you have a lot of incomplete sentences.
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8:59 pm
I came down to the breakfast table
felt like I could die
Tried so hard but wasn’t able
to look you in the eye
For i’m feeling so much shame
yes i have brought disgrace
i can tell i’ve soiled my good name
by the look upon your face
Well it seems last night you caught me spankin it
No use denyin it I was really crankin it
Well Dry your eyes don’t be so sad
If you could just forgive me and talk to me, dad
talk to me dad
I didn’t hear ya enter, no I didn’t hear the door
with my hand upon my member and my pants upon the floor
Now burnt into your brain is an image you dispise
like blood and guts and starvin kids and Stevie Wonder’s eyes
Well it seems last night you caught me spankin it
No use denyin it I was really crankin it
Well Dry your eyes don’t be so sad
but I wouldn’t use those tissues
They’ve already been had
Talk to me dad
The look upon your face made my swollen gland diminish
So I said, “Could ya close the door? I really wanna finish”
Now daddy I’m ashamed and I’d completely understand
If you never wanna hug again or even shake my hand
Well it seems last night you caught me spankin it
No use denyin it I was really crankin it
Well Dry your eyes don’t be so sad
Just because it was your bed
It’s not that bad
When I was only seventeen, you told me it was dirty, so
it must be really creepy when your kid is pushin thirty
But you cannot tell me dad that you have never had a whack
At the thing that hangs below your belt and bumps into your sack
Well it seems last night you caught me spankin it
No use denyin it I was really crankin it
Well Dry your eyes don’t be so sad
But I wouldn’t use those tissues they’ve already been-
just because it was your bed
it’s not that-
now daddy daddy please forgive me and talk to me dad
talk to me dad
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5:47 am
Yeah, like the dad hasn’t ever wanked before
And how do you think the kid was born?
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10:41 pm
Now we all get that evil temptation sometimes…the hand of Satan becomes our own hand, and we want to fondle and grope ourselves. But let us not forget how quickly a little self gratification can get one used to the feel of their own gender on one’s naughty bits…and that can only lead to turning gay.
Now, whenever I feel the need to self-flagellate, I just think of Jesus on the cross dying for our sins. So muscular, all bound up, moaning, almost like you could just do whatever you wanted while he was strapped up there…hmmmmmm…I gotta go, I have something to take care of quickly…
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1:15 am
true satire at its best
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6:22 am
I forgive you you poor poor fool.
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7:21 pm
PULSATING STEEL PROTRUDES FROM MY THIGHS
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0
4:48 pm
I masterbate while pretening my daddie is raping my while putting his fist up my poopie hole! Imagine that!
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3
6:11 pm
I guess I should have seen that coming.
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4:22 pm
Soooo August buddy. I took a look at your Facebook profile and noticed that the porn star Riley Steele inspires you. What exactly does she inspire you to do?
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12:24 am
Wow……the computer should be used for taxes and online bible crap? hehehehehe.
Dude. You need some help. A person’s thoughts are a person’s thoughts. It’s not rape. You can’t tell a person to not think of them. You can’t tell a person to not think of their OWN memories.
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12:27 am
Another thing, the signs of masturbation?????
Where do you come up with this stuff?!
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. (NIV, Matthew 23:27-28)”
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2:59 am
Okay, I’m sorry but I just couldn’t stop laughing as a read this article. Do you Really think like that dude? First of all, masturbating on your own is Not rape (Duh Idiot). Secondly, “defile their temple”? that had to be the funniest thing I have read/heard all freaking year. Lastly, your little “How can you prevent masturbation in your community?” thing was also beyond amusing, thank you for the laugh, and one other thing, just because you choose to live by a BOOK that God or Jesus did Not write, you should be ashamed of yourself, hating things and people just because someone that was like that waaaaaaaaaay back when tells you too. We call people like you, Sheep.
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9:35 pm
Wow, I feel for you folks here at Christwire… you will be judged harshly for your hate and lies, under the guise of Christ no less, I’ll pray that God grants you tolerance, understanding and love
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11:43 pm
The definition of rape: the unlawful compelling of a person through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
Masturbation does not fall under that definition. Thinking about somebody while masturbating doesnt infringe on the rights of that person in your mind. That person does not know about it and will never know. Thus there is no victim.
This is a sad, pathetic push to criminalize what goes on in our minds. Its no wonder that a Christian would promote this kind of nonsense when their “God” extends the soverignty of a harsh universal dictatorship to controling the thoughts of humans. I reject your religion, I reject your God, and there is nothing you can do about it.
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1:31 am
The Zodiac killer that terrorized San Francisco was a chronic masturbator. Look at what happened. He started off raping those poor women in his fantasies, and that led him to act out his depraved thoughts in real-life.
Masturbation leads to rape, and thus it is in itself, rape. It’s the same distinction between marijuana and cocaine.
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5:08 pm
those are just two parallel facts, that doesn’t have nothing to do with each other… at least he didnt rape them because he masturbated a lot, he masturbated a lot because he wanted to raped and that wasnt always possible… so if he also like to eat popcorn a lot, that means that eating pop corn is bad?……. actually masturbation brings relieve of sexual tension… and by the way i love to masturbate, and i even fantasize about raping a person, but that is just a way of realiasing tension in the safeness of my mind…. i am incapable of raping in real life, because i dont like when real people suffer
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12:57 am
Congratulations you are now the biggest fuckwit in the world.
I feel sorry for you, you’ve been brain washed.
You are probly going to have a realy shit life because you are so gullable.
how can you posibly think that anything you wrote in that acticle is right?
you need help from a doctor.
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9:49 am
Rev. Custer, MeAwesome and August Weisz, I feel sorry for you, so horribly misinformed, judging your fellow man so harshly… I can respect your beliefs, but they are yours and yours alone, to force them upon others is for one not fair and two immoral.
God guides us all, he loves all of mankind, even the sinners. We are made in His image and part of his grand design is the ability to preceve pleasure. He intended intercourse to be not just a thing of love or duty but enjoyment as well. To know one’s body, all of it, is not a sin, He made us so.
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7:29 pm
currently wanking over this article. Oh! The forbidden pleasure!
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9:03 am
Brilliant satyre!
(…because it’s satyre, right?)
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9:21 pm
I’m a Catholic Agnostic and I’m like wtf about this. Fuck the Christian-right, fuck Fox News and most of all fuck America… btw I’m British.
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7:31 am
I’d say this is too obvious a joke compared to the other, more subtle articles on the site, but given the number of people in the comments section alone who have been fooled, I’ll hold my tongue.
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9:53 pm
About to go rape some bitchs.
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11:15 pm
Am I going to be prosecuted for raping someone that’s in my imagination? What if you ‘rape’ someone that doesn’t exist? Is that okay?
WHY AM I EVEN ASKING THIS?
You’re a fucking prick.
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12:48 pm
Everybody calm the fuck down let’s watch some porn
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5:50 am
We Valkyries shall masturbate over your slain prophet
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6:58 pm
“If god had intended us not to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter!”
-George Carlin
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7:01 pm
Ridiculous and irresponsible post. How would one wipe their backside?
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5:43 pm
a bidet! or I suppose those are probably a sin too as they closely resemble sodomy?
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8:17 pm
I masterbated while i read this.
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8:52 pm
I’m sorry sir, but you have it all wrong. You are not raping someone while you are masurbating, you are in facet being raped yourself. BY THE DEVIL! Nobody wishes to partake in these vile and disgusting acts, but when the devil enters one’s mind the temptation can often be far to great. Educate yourself and god bless.
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3:37 pm
if it is, being raped by the devil is fun!
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5:16 pm
being raped is supposed to feel awful and not awesome, so you are totally wrong
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9:48 pm
I wonder how many times I was raped? That makes me hot I want to masturbate
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9:51 pm
It does make one wonder how many times oneself has been a victim of this crime and by whom. But please do not use those thoughts to defile yourself.
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9:56 pm
You’re an idiot please kill yourself
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9:57 pm
and people like you jim sre the reason suicides are on the rise
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1:14 am
“In civilized society of old” Haha… Your serious? Well…
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9:41 pm
August:
Your failure to distinguish between fantasy and reality is the key problem with your treatise. Sexual fantasy is not rape. Fantasy is all about internalizing an ideal. The inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality is often a key problems for sex offenders and people who commit violence; the disconnect between the fantasy and the sensations that brings, and what is actually happening. You do not seem to be making that distinction either.
Fundamentalism is not healthy, whatever the faith tradition. Fundamentalism=extremism, black and white thinking, and often a lack of empathy. The belief that you know the one and only way that others should live is really quite absurd. Again, notice the difference between your fantasy of how everyone else should behave and the reality that we each are on our own path and making our own choices and learning what we can and need to from our lives.
I don’t know you, perhaps you mean well, perhaps you’re a sociopath. I have no way of knowing. I do know that the kind of unilateralism you are espousing is part of the problem, not part of the solution.
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7:39 pm
Is this a real article??
I would so love to be a fly on the wall when someone approaches their police about instituting a community watch program to educate people on the signs of masturbation. Priceless.
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7:49 pm
lol “raping the raw materials of this world”. You people will say anything to get gullible and paranoid parents on your side. And “gay males”? You don’t think straight males masturbate? oh no, they’re far too pure for that, aren’t they?
It obviously isn’t rape because they aren’t doing it against their will. I’d say there are worse people to condemn to damnation or whatever than people who just can’t fulfill their sexual desires. How about you put your efforts into keeping the disgusting people who rape others off the street? Some loser masturbating in his or her room isn’t going to call Satan to their neighbor’s house and corrupt their children’s minds.
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10:01 am
Further evidence that Christianity is a blight on humanity. Please stop repressing the sexuality of the world with your hate speech and get laid or something. Better yet, whip up a nice hot fappaccino and take down this embarrassing excuse for an article when you come to your senses. You don’t know what rape is. Stop dishonoring the real victims of a crime so foul.
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9:10 pm
This was the funniest thing iv read all week! I also love how nearly everyone is taking this as a huge joke! Christwire, you such a troll!
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10:55 pm
this is not real. it cannot be; this whole site has to be a spoof. no one is this stupid. except those nutters that travel around protesting soldier’s funerals. if i’m wrong and this site is real, oh my. god would be PISSED. k, off to masturbate…
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11:09 pm
This post turned me on.
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4:41 pm
Lmao. “Christians” who need to start masturbating made this site lmao. I beat it every chance I get
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2:28 am
Really? Really?….. Seriously some people have too much time on their hands. Evil thumbs are not the ones masturbating here!
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2:37 pm
Is this website aware that the only people reading it are reading it to laugh AT it. Not WITH. AT. I’m not telling you to stop, by all means continue, I don’t I have ever laughed so hard.
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3:34 pm
there’s no way in hell this article is serious hahah
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9:59 pm
I guess I just raped “Rev Custer & August Weisz” as I was thinking about their sexy faces while I jerked off. Usually I just pretend its Jesus giving me a handjob but damn those avatars were sexy
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11:49 am
Hail Satan and the Gods of Duat!
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2:04 am
Agreed, brother. Let me guess, from the JOS forum?
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1:06 am
When I masturbate, I pretend the female is into it. So that means its consensual. Right?
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8:05 pm
I FAP FAP FAP ALL NIGHT LONG!!!! I don’t have to think of anyone just me and my hand and thats the way i like it! haha suck it bitches
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