• Is Taking a Bath a Sin?

    March 12, 2011 1:19 pm 4 comments

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    In every beloved nuclear family’s house, there is most likely a bath tub in which we bask in the glory of cleaning ourselves. But are bath tubs actually a tool for Satan? The answer is:

    Yes. In many cases, you have two choices now: either take a shower, which is quick and much cleaner. Or, wallow in the disgusting, stinky bath waters that engulf the tub. It is ripe with sin.

    Really, taking a bath rather than a shower, is actually two sins: Gluttony, and sloth. And the scariest thing is, studies have shown that in recent years, especially after Barack Obama was sworn into Presidency, bath taking is gaining numbers and nothing is slowing it down. Shower heads are being passed over in favor of the indulgent, and sinful bath fawcets. It’s another sign of the End Times.

    Before showers were invented, obviously there was no other way to wash ourselves. Of course, this meant that many people had to take baths. The less sinful ones would simply not bathe. But they would stink and be shunned from the sinful societies that basked in their oil infested sewer baths. And so these righteous stinkened individuals took action! And they invented the shower head to promote a quick, efficient and sinless way to cleanse ourselves.

    Now, however, it appears that bath takers are appearing everywhere again. From TV Celebrities to catchy franchised restaurant owners, bath taking is becoming a past time again!

    Hot tubs, jacuzzi’s, these are Satan’s toys. They promote carnal leanings, promiscuity, consumption of Pink Champagne and other spumescent beverages while wading in these whirlpools of evil leading to extra marital affairs. It must be stopped!

    So if you are like me, a Born Again who is purified and loves and forgives all the way Jesus does, you will look at your bath tub and say: “I will only step on you, and watch the thin waters spewed from my efficient and Christ loving shower head swirl down the drain rapidly, washing away the stink of sin. I will never bask in thee!”

    Love to all, and best regards.

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