• Is The Dukan Diet Endangering Your Sassy Teenage Daughter?

    March 18, 2011 9:52 pm 8 comments

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    On the streets of Paris, wine flows as freely as a woman’s legs open.  They call Paris the city of love because as tradition implies, most French women tend to try out prostitution at some point in their lives. 

    Since World War II, French society has struggled with economy and morals.  To this day, French women often spend hours looking themselves up and down, frantically searching for an ounce of fat whilst ignoring their hirsute heinies.

    This is not meant as an insult to French women, but rather a primer to parents of American girls.  There is a new diet being imported from France and it is called the Dukan diet.  Like the Atkin’s diet, the Dukan diet focuses on high protein and low carb meals, but the problem is that the portions are far too small and prepared in the style of French cuisine.  The bigger problem:  this diet is already a secret table topic among girls at schools nationwide.

    The trend was first popularized by proclaimed Dr. Pierre Dukan and has been grossly corrupted by the modeling industry.  In a constant quest to become thin, reports detail how French models — barely size 0 — used the primer to engage in du jour crash diets.  This means they would eat only an ounce of meat a day, likely filling more protein requirement from the sweaty and heaving midsection of their Don than from a proper meal.  It is not a surprising tale for French women, but how about our daughters.

    Liberal schools in America have long been plagued by secret antics going on in the bathrooms and the obligatory bleachers after school.  Young women who engage in this diet will follow the French lead in acquiring protein from any sources, meaning that young high school men looking to corrupt girls will be pushing for this diet as well.

    This is a parent alert and it is impertive that you recognize the signs that your son or daughter is engaged in a Dukan diet regimine.

    1.  The Computer Search

    The computer is a vital tool of parenting.  By secrety gaining access to your son or daughter’s computer, you can keep tabs on their Facebook life as well as web sites they have been searching.  Do this experiment.

    Look in their “Start” menu button on the bottom left of the screen.  Click it and in an expanded menu, you will see the words “Internet Explorer 6″.  Click this ‘internal web link” and then proceed to type the CTRL (it means ConTRoL [control]) and while holding that key button down, also push the letter H.

    This will cause a new box to appear and it lets you search your internet history.  If you are a concerned mom, go ahead and wait for Dad to get home at this point or let him know you’re researching the computer.  He can look at more perverted web portals and then let the family know how bad it was, as to shield you and any other innocents from possibly impure filth.

    If there are any videos of young women having the nectar of life put on their face, it is a sign your child is watching videos and thinking of using such techniques to get their dosage of protein in the Dukan diet.

    2.  Rapid Weight Loss or Gain

    Are you noticing a tragic increase in height and growth in girth in your son or daughter?  There is a good change that such drastic body change at this age means your son or daughter is not only engaging in a special protein diet, but are also following another favorite like of French prostitutes.  “M” (masturbation).

    Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication.

    We won’t even scare fathers with the statistics about boys who fall into prostitution, just no it is fiercely terrible. 

    If your teenage son or daughter is going through awkward body changs, odds are that they are trying out this new diet.  Like a French model, they may engage in drunk binges which affect their abdominal tract and force them to sneak into ERs late at night because they’ve backed up their intestinal motility.   They will experience rapid weight loss because their abdominal pain prohibits them from eating, only further exacerbating the effects of the Dukan diet.  Before you know it, your once plush and healthy little cherub will become as gaunt, pliable and frail as a rotting French woman on Easy Street.

    Even scarier is new studies that show high protein diets are actually bad for your colon.  This news is quickly spreading through the gay community, because a weakened colon means that gay men and phallus-strapping lesbians will have an easier time thrusting sin into their bent over victims.  Kids on the Dukan diet have likely come across this new study as well, meaning they’ve thought of enaging in nights of timid yet luring anal fornication, their skinny bodies heaving against the turgid will of forceful oppression, giving way to the excited desire of their dominant captor.

    3.  The Bedsheet Test

    One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.” If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear.

    The wisdom of renown investigative journalist Stephenson Billings is pertinent to this issue, because kids who are infatuated with diets such as Atkins and Dukan usually engage in gyrating, illegal frolics under hot and musty bedsheets.  The scent of sin will be rife within their sheets, letting you know if your son or daughter is in danger of doing acts of exploratory prostitution.

    Additionally, you can use a technique known as ‘black lighting’.  Go to a seedy head shop, the type where they may sell magic mint and do not go alone.  Ask for a ‘black light’ and they will give you a black light bulb and a lamp.  Buy them.  Next, when your child is out go into their room and make sure it is dark.  Plug in the black light lamp and shine it over their bed.

    If you see glowing stains, it is the signs of masturabotory sins.  Question them down when they get home and if they are defensive, schedule a visit to the family doctor and psychologist the next day.  Toxicology results will show they are engaged in some sort of probable drug use, even with diet pills, will psychological assay will show they are being bent toward oral prostitution, even if to sustain ‘protein diets’.  This can apply to male or females, because models are the spreaders of this diet agenda and male models tend to perform oratory sins upon each other.

    4.  Mirror Infatuation

    Is your girl holding her chest int he mirror, or turning around to look at her backside?  This is clear marks that they are tracking weight loss.  Does your girl use excessive amounts of lip balm or chapstick?  It is another sign that she is preparing her lips to suckle her protein meal for the day.

    5.  Make-up Geisha

    Does your teenage daughter ever put on makeup in such a way, that she looks like a bipolar clown who is tripping on acid?  It may seem cruel to state it so bluntly, but in the back of your mind the thought does surface.  This is not a sign of teenage rebellion, but rather, a perverse infatuation that is inhabiting your daughter or even son’s mind.

    The issue here is dieting.  Teenagers are becoming addicted to these fad diets and therefore, are becoming more superficial.  The outside shell of your child can tell you endless things about what is happening within.

    If your daughter looks like a colorful tramp, odds are, she is a colorful tramp.  She will be littered with a rainbow of diseases by age 30 if you do not catch these signs now.   Parents, it is up to you to realize that your daughter can and will fall into the temptation of diet fads.  Her friends will tempt her into it and young men will push for it to, because they want to be the protein source that’s being published alongside this trend.  Protect your daughters and if you recognize any of these signs, seek intervention from behavioral health specialists before it is too late.

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