March Madness: Bible Secrets to the Perfect NCAA Bracket Picks
5 do’s and 5 don’ts to making the best NCAA Bracket picks!
The bible is against gambling, so you should not take part in any pools for money . If you do, you will be treated like the moneychangers of old.
However, if you are involved in an honorable contest to determine who gets to sing a solo at choir this Sunday or who gets to pick the theme for this year’s church picnic. Then here are the clues for you:
1 Don’t: Avoid satanic picks like the Duke Blue Devils, Alabama Crimson Tide, South Carolina Gamecocks, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Drexel Dragons, Richmond Spider, San Diego University Toreros, St. Mary’s College Gaels, UCSB Gauchos and the Hofstra Gay Pride. These schools will falter once Satan is distracted by men in short shorts.
2 Do: Pick holy schools like Oral Roberts, Gonzaga, Biola, and Boise State University. These teams faith is constantly rewarded in sports as well as the quality of female companionship sent to their universities.
3 Don’t: pick schools from unholy blue states: This should be obvious. But don’t pick schools from Massachusetts Vermont or Illinois.
4 Do: Pick schools from Holy red states: Schools like Kentucky, Kansas, North Carolina, Arizona are constantly competitive thanks to their states voting records. If you vote for God, he votes for you!
5: Don’t pick schools whose players are likely to be in jail or hung-over at tipoff: Washington State University and BYU are prime examples of schools where the athletic department recruits straight out of juvenile detention.
6: Do pick schools that you would want your kids to go to: Honestly would you rather have your kid go to Princeton or Washington State University?
7: Don’t use the same picks as Obama: His picks last year were a joke. Also his brother in law is coach of Oregon State University. Do you really think that they would have the nerve to fire him regardless of how bad they play? They Lost to Washington State University for crying out loud.
8: Do use the same picks a Sarah Palin: The Governor has attended six schools and has one degree and one emphasis. Her experience in getting around and her excellent eyesight will help her properly evaluate teams.
9 Don’t drink while making your picks: Do you want to be the laugh of the party when you turn in your picks with a final four of Harvard, WSU, Illinois, and Notre Dame?
10 Do pray and fast over your picks: You will be rewarded with an easy victory to laud over your foes at Easter service.
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http://www.ruralnorthwest.com/Retired, I now spend my time helping others who won’t help themselves. = Value of Custom Field
- Sinful
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- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: tdomf_15f10
12:34 am
I see you blasphemed Duke.
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12:55 am
But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ.
—2 Corinthians 11:3
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1:08 am
Nixon went to Duke.
His spirit will guide them to victory.
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1:15 am
Hmm… conflicted I am.
“I always remember that whatever I have done in the past or may do in the future, Duke University is responsible in one way or another”
-Richard M Nixon
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
—James 4:7
I will have to pray on this heavily.
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1:34 am
When Duke wins, the GOP wins. When the GOP wins, God wins.
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7:36 am
MEAwesome,
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for this informative and illuminating piece on God’s hand in our athletic activities. Too many dismiss the Lord’s work and I think your points were right on target.
On the subject of Duke. I have a Bible buddy friend that was a cheerleader for UNC. When I mention to her that Duke and UNC are practically the same team, Satan will possess her body and she will levitate off the floor. I think this is clear evidence that the Blue Devils are Satan’s team.
I think we need to consider the possibility that Alex’s account has been hacked, after all Nixon was a Quaker, not an evangelical like our President Bush. Further, President Nixon swore the oath of office at both of his inaugurations, which is clearly contrary to Quaker custom.
We need to focus a critical eye on these “Alex” claims.
Praise be and praise clicking for you, MeAwesome!
BB
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7:46 am
Poster Posing as Alex,
Nixon was a bowler. Bowling is the re-enactment of sexual congress with Satan and should be avoided by the faithful.
I’ve read many of Alex Keating’s posts and those presented here are not congruent with his past enlightened sharing.
BB
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3:25 am
Fun fact: No god gives a damn about basketball tournaments. Especially the Christian one.
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4:39 am
If you were a true lesbian you’d salivate at the mention of WNBA. There’s hope for you yet, buckaroo.
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7:39 am
Adam, she’s not American and has no appreciation for glorifying God through basketball. We need to pray for her.
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1:32 pm
“Adam, she’s not American and has no appreciation for glorifying God through basketball.”
Sorry, Bitcham, but I was born and raised in Washington state. I’m one hundred percent American; I simply choose to use a more intelligent method of spelling.
Also, since when does running about on a court chasing after a ball “glorify” any god? I know the Aztecs and Mayans had a vaguely similar sport where the losing team was sacrificed to the gods, but I’m not seeing how basketball does anything for your god’s benefit. I think that’s just your excuse for watching young men run around and sweat for a few hours.
“We need to pray for her.”
And what will that accomplish? Waste of breath, really.
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1:28 pm
I have a number of lesbian friends who couldn’t care less about sports. Not everyone who is attracted to females “salivates” while watching girls play basketball.
Besides, I’ve never really cared for sports. I box, I exercise, but I see no point in professional sports, except to overpay people to entertain. Terrible waste of money, really.
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3:26 pm
Ugh, you can say that again, RD. Sports are fucking obnoxious. I sort of like golf, though, since it’s quite civil.
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3:35 pm
You just hate everything!
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3:57 pm
Did I not just say that I sort of like golf?
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4:31 pm
Yes, and you like cats too.
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11:03 pm
“Sports are fucking obnoxious. I sort of like golf, though”
golf is not a sport. and you have the devilwhore in you.
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3:38 pm
I suppose golf is alright. I’d rather take up fencing or archery, personally, since those require skill and training, and are far older and infinitely more useful than basketball and football could ever hope to be.
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3:41 pm
Archery is a fine sport RD. There a lot of recreational opportunities for all different peoples. For some people team sports can build teamwork skills, nothing wrong with the sport even if you don’t like those who sometimes play it.
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3:48 pm
You’re the one who thinks that your god cares about basketball tournaments, that going to six colleges to obtain ONE degree [as an emphasis really on specifies which courses were taken, not the difficulty] makes a person more intelligent, and that it is perfectly fine to brag about having made “superiour” choices at a church’s Easter service.
My college has an archery team; I’m not on it because I don’t have the time for it. I’m far too involved in my studies and in my school’s GSA.
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5:12 pm
Yawn. Oh, did you say something?
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3:44 am
The players always thank God after the game. Without Jesus, there would be no Jordan.
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7:49 am
You might be the real Alex. Jordon played for UNC, not Duke. God clearly does not support Duke.
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2:55 pm
James K Polk went to UNC.
Democratic President James K Polk.
God doesn’t support basketball teams from Universities that produce Democrats.
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3:00 pm
We all need to put our personal feelings away and submit to his will.
Proverbs 16:9
A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps
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3:29 pm
MeAwesome wants to get down on his knees and start pleasing Jesus. He wants to feel his salvation all over his face.
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3:37 pm
Yes, Yes, we are well aware you want to ruin our day.
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5:00 pm
Charles Rose Manson (aka “Chuckles”) went to Duke. D-U-K-E. He even officiated at the “hooding” ceremony. Satan loves the Blue Devils.
Get right with Jesus, Alex.
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7:05 pm
I’ll take Manson over Polk any day.
Polanski was a child molester, Manson was a tool of God sent to punish him. Much like the earthquake in Japan.
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4:00 pm
“Yes, Yes, we are well aware you want to ruin our day.”
Who said anything about ruining your day?
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4:37 pm
“Yes, and you like cats too.”
Your point?
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7:48 pm
Feb 9th, Duke beat UNC. God graced us with a five point victory.
Then Charlie Sheen gets arrested, then the Tsunami…
He is definitely on a roll this year.
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12:00 am
Tonight god rose above Satan and sent packing Duke, BYU, Wisconsin (unholy state), and BYU. All predicted per above.
As predicted before the tournament field was even announced; all four teams from rule #4 above are alive and well.
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