• Serial Masturbator On Loose At University of Missouri

    March 24, 2011 9:29 am 16 comments

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    Adam Nelson

    ChristWire Investigative journalist and renown media figure Stephenson Billings brought attention to a new epidemic that’s plaguing college campuses anew: masturbation.

    Masturbation represents a primal form of abortion, instigated by Satan and present in humanity throughout various segments of history. Masturbation is directly related to the incidence of people using abortion as crutches to ‘rid’ unwanted children. It’s all one in the same, just different parts of the life processes of organized groups of cells.

    Adding horror to an already terrible topic, students at the University of Missouri are in danger due to a serial masturbator who is on the loose. According to police reports, a black male with eyeglasses has been seen throughout the University of Missouri campus, publically engaging in games of feely willy with his private orca.

    Over the weekend and into this week, students on campus keep calling in reports of a man fitting the description, but by the time police are able to arrive he’s already blown off the scene and kunta Kenyan speeds. Try to act offended all you want, but do you really want the park bench where you take your sweet heart to be drizzled with secret satan nectar and then you hope she do not have on a hooker’s skirt and no panties, because then 9 months later it is a caramel surprise waiting!

    This is just another exmaple of the Obama generation. Obama feels it is okay for girls to go out and gap their legs and have Obamacare babies, or get an abortion. Either way, Obama will pay for it and be their DC Don. Now we have to worry about those corrupted under this dark America thinking they can get away with playing with their tallywhackers on a higher institution’s campus. What is that boy even doing there in the first place?

    The students on campus are dismayed and keeping an eye out for this monster. If you have any tips, please contact CrimeStoppers to report.  If you find yourself in the presence of this serial abortion murderer, please do not approach and consider him armed and dangerous.

    1.  Know What a S.M. looks like.

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    Adam Nelson

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