• 18 More Ridiculously Arrogant Hats from the Royal Wedding

    April 29, 2011 4:49 pm 19 comments

    I wish George Washington and his troops were still alive so we could arm them with modern weapons.  I’d sneak them right into Windsor Palace and loudly proclaim, “On my mark, men, unleash hell!” and no stopping until the boy king bows before his Master!  America.

    It was not even 250 years ago since we were forced to destroy British.  The evil red dragon lords thought they were the gods of the Earth, proudly bragging ‘The Sun never sets on the British Empire!’  Filthy words and God cleaned the right by the power of America.

    We chased the tea bag chomping homosexual scum back to their little jolly land of gray skies and frilly men who sip from daintycups like a pussy in heat.  Paws all bent at the wrist and mewing in indechiperable jibjab English like a house Mexican.  Cannot understand a word they say.

    But these little dandies are arrogant.  Even after we beat them down with only God and the muskets of farmers, they dared still think they mattered.  After we kicked them out again in 1812 for burning our White House down, we sent them crying across the ocean.  We saved them twice from German Barbarian rule and torment, and the only thanks they gave us was creating the nation state of Israel who is sucking Mamma Liberty’s teat dry!

    But nothing got me angier than today being forced to watch the wedding.  People who should be imprisoned at Gitmo like the little prisoners of war they are by MONROE DOCTRINE (Queen Elizabeth the canary bird yellow II, Prince ‘Adultery” Charles, Harry the red headed wonder boy) and the cast goes on.  The royal family is just a bunch of imbred uneducated backwoods farmers who hide their real name!  Did you know the royal family has a Nazi German last name.

    The queen tried to say their real last name is Windsor, but really, it is Gotha Saxe-Coburg.  That means black gothic evil in proper American, but the British are so dumb and king worship happy that they never narn’t been learnt that in school.  Idiots.

    But the most ridiculous, arrogant thing today was the hats.  The British have a happy jolly time when they get to pick out new crowns and hats.  It is like a short man with a big truck.  They have low confidence and are depressed from the horrible weather and guilt from being born from a past of bloodshed and violent racist oppression, and they wear silly hats to forget that on their head is a thorn crown of shame and disrespect before their betters, America.

    Let’s look at the silliest hats from this cursed non-American anti-Monroe doctrine wedding .

    1. Princess Eugenie of York and Princess Beatrice of York

    If you ever watched the show “Teletubbies”, you will know it is the the British homosexual version of muppet babies.  A teletubbie named Tinky Winky had a satan scepter on his head and a rainbow symbol on his belly.  He used to stand behind another one named Lala and do fur enhanced gyrations of his belly sacks in a very naughty way.

    They wanted children in pull-up diapers to start thinking nasty thoughts and when they were older, it is normal to dress up as giant muppets with homosexual symbols and play ‘furry time yack tongue surprise’ with your roomates by night.  This is why so much homosexuality is in colleges today.  You can see the two ‘princesses’ have some homo hats on.  The blue represents smurfette whore prostitution, maybe a symbol for boys attending Prince Harry’s heathwood weed resin orgy that he planned at 7 am for all guests who could party all night.

    You can bet her teacup will be rotten and the pink to the left will be just as musty with her ovary looking “I love the lesbian thashings’ hat.

     

  • 2. Tara Parker Tomkinson, English socialite and TV presenter

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  • My,my.  It seems the blue smurfette vagina hat was the rage for all the ‘royals’ at the wedding.
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  • 3. Tara Parker Tomkinson’s friend

     

  • 4. Victoria Beckham

    Here you can see someone is taking fashion tips from Momma Bear of the Berenstein Bears, with her mean hairdo hat tipped forward in comical fashion.  The gentleman to Beckham’s left has a strong chin and rugged beard, with a strong turgor in his cheeks.  He looks like a strong Christian and perhaps a chisled water polo player, in which their is honor in that as a sport.  To his right, what appears to be a lab rat with poor fashion sense and a day spa trip to Hollywood Implants R’ Us.

  • 5. The Queen

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  • It is shocking that PETA was not protesting this wedding with naked meat cleavers.  The dustiest cleaver of them all decided to pluck big bird stark naked and rub herself in his carnary yellow plummage.  The sot nose to the right must be very ashamed, but hopefully he knows that in heeven General Washington and his troops are sitting with St. Peter, laughing about how he’ll roast as red as a crab for keeping up the tradition of the British military.  Those boys were anti-God with buring down American churches with people still within and then trying to charge us taxes and make us a third-world country.  Your forefathers fell and you will too, Mr. Red Uniform.  It already matches Satan’s fleshfire.
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  • 6. Kate Middleton’s tiny crown

    I was not very impressed by Kate Middleton.  The make-up she used did not vibrantly adorn her cheecks, accentuating her natural lines in such a way a warm, welcoming hue could shine out.  Instead, she looks like Amy Winehouse getting her genie’s wish of a Arabian crack harem pyramid filled to the brim with biting snakes, heroine tailed scorpion stingers and cocaine laced with King Tut’s ashes.  It may sound crazy but then so is Amy Winehuse and the fact that the future Queen’s crown is smallter than what they used to give out to the kids at Burger King.  Cheapskate Prince William!

  • 7. Zara Phillips, daughter of Princess Anne

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  • This reminds me of a similar moment of darkness in American history.
  • The woman above is legendary American soul singer Aretha Franklin.  The woman has a voice that is God’s gift and is a great person.  Sadly, she sang at Obama’s inauguration and it was the darkest, coldest day in American history.  It was the day the Light of Washington, the noble President George W. Bush was forced to leave his White House and allow a great shadow to be cast over the country he protected for 8 years.  The symbolism looks similar for Britain.
  • 8. Princess Letizia of Spain

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  • Queen Letizia looks very muy pretty here and I’d just tweak the hat to have no feather.
  • 9. Queen Margrethe II of Denmark

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  • Here it looks like Bill Maher had a tryst in his college intern’s bathroom after an acid-fueled night of flapping his lips off about subjects he can never possibly understand.
  • 10. Lady Frederick Windsor

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  • My boy used to have a video game named “Mortality Combat” where death moves were used by all types of monsters.  He bought it behind my back and a beast on there named Barack (go figure) used to throw a hat that looked just like this one.  Then, James Bond villain too.  You have to wonder what poor soul lost their lives so she could wear those gaudy pearls.
  • 11. Sophie, Countess of Windsor

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  • The royals all have an appetite for perversion and from this coy, adultery at the work place smile you can see the erect feather on the hat is a phallic message to the knowing.  It means ‘my feathers are open for ruffling’ and that is just sick.
  • 12. Miriam González Durántez, wife of Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg

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  • Well the Mexicans arrives and look at their women exposing leg flesh.  Typical.  It looks like a flower garden was also masaquered by a drug gang as a parting gift.
  • 13. Frances Osborne, wife of the Chancellor of the Exchequer

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  • And if by some marriage of science, an ostrich and zebra had a baby, we know the Chancellor of Checker will gladly be murdering it and adding the poor creature to her collection of wedding hatwear.
  • 14. Whoever this is

    Surprise, Satan’s phallus twists from the girl’s head like a horn.  There is nothing moral about Britain.

  • 15. Sally Bercow, wife of the House of Commons Speaker John Bercow

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  • Hopefully she never crosses an armadillo, because it will soon find itself sprawled on her head.
  • 16. Princess Marie-Chantal of Greece

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  • This wholesome Princess looks like a woman of morality and someone you could be proud to take home to mom.  Very beautiful and her eyes are just wonderfully lovely.
  • 17. Princess Mathilde of Belgium

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  • I thought this one was upsetting, but with the bad weather in England it’s always nice to have an umbrella.  She should have ordered it in ‘waiting for the school bus yellow’ and been reminded of when she was young on rainy days.  Slickers are very good way to keep dry.
  • 18. This random lady in the audience

  • It looks like the Unicorn horn women I warned everyone about has a new fan club.  Everyone remember that women.  New repeats show her forehead has actually been analyzed and there is a unknown form of DNA in it.

    That’s it for this collection.  The wedding does make me angry and I hope that the day comes, when America will be thanked by the boy king for saving England twice in World War II and not destroying them for disrespecting our first president and then burning down our White House.  You still owe us, Brits.

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    Abe If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack. Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!

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