• 3 More Cracks Found In SouthWest Airlines Jets

    April 4, 2011 10:36 am Comments Off

    Maybe instead of inventing new gadgets for TSA to rape us with, the Federal Aviation Administration should be sending out more agents to inspect the jets we fly in. There is no excuse for this. Today, new reports reveal that SouthWest Airlines has found cracks in three more of their jets and this is very terrible. Yes, I would like to skydive at some point in my life and do the mid-life crisis deal, but I would like to do that when I am ready SouthWest.

    There are holes ripping into the roofs of airplanes! Can you imagine the horror, when you take the time to plan the perfect vacation get-away with your significant other. You call up the grandparents and get the little knee-biters supervision while you are gone on a much needed trip. After you make all the arrangements with your credit card and working with Expedia, you get to the big day and have your suitcases all packed.

    You let TSA cop a feel of your body and take pornographic xray pictures of you and get themselves some jollies at your expense. Finally, you can get onto the airplane and as you’re flying, you notice that duct tape and cardboard boxes are holding the roof together. There are holes in the plane!

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    Obama, priorities for FAA. 1) Make sure there are no holes in the planes.

    Sure, we worry about terrorists blowing things up. It would be very scary to be sitting there with your wife. She is noring and the guy to your right is trying to cajole you out of your cheese spread and saltine crackers that are a bit too stale, like a dusted cardboard in the summer’s heat. You endure all these things and then bearded chaos! There are Muslim sheiks wielding very sharp box cutters and there is nothing that you and the 30 other annoyed men on the plane can do against their brandished death blades, 4 in total. It is chaos and a terrifying thought, so scary that we happily will bend over and spread our asscheeks while they do whatever to protect us from such terror.

    But what is the point in the joy of flying, if there are already holes in the plane! Somewhere in a Afgahni cave, the legion of boxcutters division of Al-Qaeda celebrates their newfound budget. No longer do they have to intricately train spies in how to speak English and sneak onto our planes, to unleash untold amounts of horror and mayhem with foreign words and different clothing. We are already doing the work for them.

    What a shame. We are the terrorists. We have holes in our own planes and everyone is going to crash and burn. SouthWest Airlines, your planes have THREE JETS WITH CRACKS IN THE HULLS. This is only the first day of inspection. Passengers are better off going to Central Park and hiding behind bushes, then bomb-rushing the pigeons and trapping them into caves. Just tie a bunch of them together and if you squish some to death, who cares! Some still have wings and shut-up PETA! If you think it’s bad that there are squished birds, try seeing the carnage if they all just take off and have random holes ripped into their skeletons! It will rain death sqauwks and we will all run around, being sore assed from all TSA aviation rating. It could only be the works of terrorists, something so crazy!

    There are holes in our planes and we are being raped. This is what our country is coming to. Maybe when those dead birds fell from the sky a few months ago, it was a sign. It was a sign of bad craftsmanship and incompetent government, and of course, terror! I’m now very terrified to fly and good luck with your “Trust Us Again” SouthWest Airlines, because you have been flying passengers around with HOLES IN YOUR PLANES.

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    Jerry Cohen JP Cohen

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