9 Habits That Make You an Asshole
1. Not tipping
People who provide good service should always be tipped. Don’t be an asshat. Folks in certain industries depend on that shit. If someone goes out of their way to ensure your happiness, you can come off a few bucks. Non-tippers deserve to be nut-kicked by a concrete boot.
2. Not controlling your kids
It seems everywhere I go these days some wild ass little fracktard is running around a public place (stores…theaters…public parks) bothering otherwise decent folks with their monkey-like annoyance while their parents look on helplessly. Red Foreman would not put up with such behavior. We need more guys like Red Foreman in this world.
3. Driving slow
No one likes to be stuck behind the guy who has to slow to a turtle-crawl to make a left turn at a stoplight which only stays green for so many seconds. Turning a vehicle is not a complicated task. If your brain can not function in such a timely manner you should not be allowed to drive. Other people would like to make that turn as well. Don’t be a dick.
4. Not picking up your trash
We all know at least one guy always leaves a little piece of whatever he was doing on your end table or floor after he is gone. There are always trash cans around. Not using a receptacle to rid yourself of trash is just lazy. Like the old owl used to say, “Give a hoot, Throw your damned trash away!”
5. Holding up lines
If there is even one person waiting behind you it is common courtesy to do what the hell you came to do and move on. No one has time to wait on a person who has had ample opportunity to decide what they wanted before they got to the counter. Holding up other folks makes you a dredge on society’s functionality. Please think about this thoroughly the next time you plan on taking fifteen minutes in the express lane learning to write a check for a 7$ purchase.
6. Not yielding for pedestrians
In case you were wondering… yes, the phrase “the pedestrian always has the right of away” is meant to be taken literally. It is not going to kill you to observe the rules of the road and wait a few seconds for an old lady to finish crossing the street before you attempt to run her down. Decent folks who do not see the need to drive everywhere should not be at risk of their lives every time they enter the realm of the crosswalk because some idiot soccer mom bought an SUV and absolutely can’t be arsed to spare ten seconds of her day to let some kid cross the damn street.
7. Asking stupid questions in public
If you are going to be a dumb-ass, please do so in the privacy of your own home. Regaling others with the scope of your stupidity in such places as a fast food lunch counter or the local supermarket checkout line does not make you cool. Asking such things as “How late are you open?” when there is a clear-as-day sign on the door as you walk in lacks common sense. While it may be true that ignorance is bliss, it is exactly the opposite for those who are forced to witness it.
8. Arguing with your girl in public
Not a single person in this world cares the least little bit about your relationship problems. Whenever I see some asshole and his significant other acting like children in front of total strangers the first thought that comes to my mind is the need to bring back the old tar and feathering punishment. There are reasons you have your own home. One of them is so other people aren’t bothered with your failed love life.
9. Thinking you are too cool for the rest of society
Everyone hates the type of people who walk around with sticks stuck up their asses. Old Chuck was right when he said we are all part of the same shit heap. In essence we are all just animals roaming this earth. In a perfect world everyone would be treated with equal consequences and respect by everyone else. This planet would be such a nicer place to live if everyone could follow that simple rule.
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Author: uReport
3:34 pm
Lol christwire just through me for a fucking loop! This is fucking hilarious
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3:42 pm
“People who provide good service should always be tipped.”
I’m with that. Especially if the waitress/waiter is exceptionally friendly and doesn’t seem like she/he would rather be somewhere else. If their attitude puts a smile on your face, they deserve a nice tip.
“It seems everywhere I go these days some wild ass little fracktard is running around a public place (stores…theaters…public parks) bothering otherwise decent folks with their monkey-like annoyance while their parents look on helplessly.”
What’s even worse is when the parents look on, not helplessly, but apathetically. Last semester I had a project for my large animal class where we had to find things on a scavenger hunt list and take a photo with at least one of us in the photo so we had proof that we were actually there. Many of the things were actual animals – we had to drag our asses all over Massachusetts looking for Hereford cows and Sendaii goats and Morgan horses. So my teammate and I finally found a Sendaii goat at this farm in Natick, but it took us fucking forever to get the damn picture because there were these three annoying ass kids, ranging from I’d say 3-5, who wouldn’t move away from the goddamn fence to allow us to take a picture. They were being obnoxious as shit, throwing hay over the fence at the goats, and their mothers were just standing behind them, chatting, totally oblivious to the fact that their kids were being little pricks. They saw us waiting, and they most likely heard us talking to each other about having to get a photo, where we should stand, etc. Did they do anything? No, they just let their demon spawn do whatever the hell they please. We stood there for a good five minutes just waiting for these mothers to stop their children from pissing off the goats. We finally got the shot and as we were leaving I hissed at my partner “I was getting ready to FUCKING STRANGLE those children”. I didn’t give a crap if the mothers heard. We had a freaking job to do.
“If your brain can not function in such a timely manner you should not be allowed to drive.”
Exactly.
“Like the old owl used to say, “Give a hoot, Throw your damned trash away!””
Oh, I remember it as being “Give a hoot, throw your motherfucking goddamned trash away or I’ll kill the shit out of you!”
“Decent folks who do not see the need to drive everywhere should not be at risk of their lives every time they enter the realm of the crosswalk because some idiot soccer mom bought an SUV and absolutely can’t be arsed to spare ten seconds of her day to let some kid cross the damn street.”
It’s even worse when it’s pouring rain outside, and the jackwagons in their SUVs can’t find the decency to let a soaked kid with a twenty pound equally soaked backpack cross the street.
“Asking such things as “How late are you open?” when there is a clear-as-day sign on the door as you walk in lacks common sense. While it may be true that ignorance is bliss, it is exactly the opposite for those who are forced to witness it.”
Or in class when some kid always feels the need to ask “when is the exam?” despite the fact that it’s written in BIG letters on the board AND in the syllabus.
“Not a single person in this world cares the least little bit about your relationship problems.”
What I seem to hear more often is some blond valley girl complaining to her friends about her boyfriend, whether those friends are with her or if she’s bitching into her cellphone to them: “Like oh my god, and then he said ‘you ho’, and I like totally said back ‘don’t you call me no ho, you ain’t shit’, and then we totally started making out.”
“Everyone hates the type of people who walk around with sticks stuck up their asses. Old Chuck was right when he said we are all part of the same shit heap. In essence we are all just animals roaming this earth. In a perfect world everyone would be treated with equal consequences and respect by everyone else. This planet would be such a nicer place to live if everyone could follow that simple rule.”
Yes! Thank you!
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4:13 pm
Yes, yes, we all know you go to a “special” school.
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3:58 pm
I really dislike this public news feature. You get some good things but with allowing the plebs a voice, you get girls submitting things written by their fathers and people who cannot communicate without bad words. Cicero was right when he said the plebs are left best without a voice and doing the grunt work.
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8:54 pm
Adam’s in favor of a dictatorship that refuses to allow the people a voice, how surprising. How about we shove you in a place like that without a voice and see how YOU like it? This blog post was just someone saying how he’s sick of people being assholes and not only do you make a baseless accusation of ‘a girl must’ve written this and then asked her father to submit it’ or whatever, but you complain about how people who join this site shouldn’t be allowed to post things up at all. Just because you don’t like someone’s ideas doesn’t mean that there’s nothing good to come from it. Otherwise, you leave people to believe that (for instance, concerning this blog post) you: support not tipping, not controlling your kids, driving slow, littering, and believing that you’re the top dog without any reason other than “I think, therefor, I am”.
You’re nothing more than an elitist who believes he’s better than everyone simply because you call yourself a Christian, even though you disregard the teachings of Christ and instead follow a madman who would murder innocent people.
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4:11 pm
No scripture here. Also the title is offensive to gay males.
On the subject of tipping. Tipping is way out of control. Really, am I supposed to put something in the tip jar at the convenience store when all I did was help myself and he handled my transaction? Sure if you are at a restraint and they remember your name, keep your drinks full, help make your experience better than the average, then yes, tip away and tip well. But I am not tipping the barista just because she made my coffee the way I asked her too.
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4:43 pm
Click and Praise.
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4:41 pm
I’m not sure how number three made it through the board review. The premise lacks fundamental Biblical basis for standard publication. On our journey with God, sometimes the slower pace is called for.
Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
I am also surprised more are not offended by the comment “Don’t be a Dick.” This implies that the penis is to slow as the vagina is to Speedy Gonzales. I strongly suspect this piece was submitted by a Mexican.
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4:51 pm
BB, we publish all sides, so no one can call us “bias”
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5:49 pm
I think you mean biased. A monkey writing on a typewriter has better vocabulary comprehension, and can spell better than you.
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5:36 pm
“I strongly suspect this piece was submitted by a Mexican.”
Praise click you BB for reading between the lines. You inspired me to read the article a second time, this time with the intent of learning something about the author.
#1 The author is upset about people not tipping. This leads me to believe the author is in a business where he thinks he should be tipped but doesn’t get tipped. So the author is either bad at their job or in one of those fields that tipping isn’t exactly the norm. I suspect male prostitution or car washer based on this first one.
#2 Here we learn the author is childless but likes to hang out in places where young children are present.
#3 BB covered this one as best as it can be covered. However, it sounds like someone can’t get their windowless van to and from the park fast enough.
#4 No one likes littering. But the author seems to suggest that unknown people frequent his “end table” or “floor” and leave things behind. My guess is his “Johns” fecal condoms aren’t making it into the trash can.
#5 This person is always in a hurry and in the express lane. Just need to buy some more skittles and strawberry Boones to take to back to the park in your windowless van?
#6 The author seems very angry at people who can afford nice things. Typical minority trait.
#7 Still mad because your car wash job is in a neighborhood where the literacy rate is in the negative. Are you from Illinois?
#8 Once again exhibits latent jealousy towards other people. Just because you can’t share your pedophile love in public does not mean others can’t have legal heterosexual relationships. Also people making a fool of themselves in public shows you live in an area that is typical of a Jerry Springer demographic.
#9 “I dropped out of high school and work at the car wash. I’m jealous of people who can afford sticks. I rent mine by the hour.”
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7:02 pm
Fantastic analysis, MeAwe! I had not considered the windowless van. I did contemplate a Dodge Dart, the second choice of most pederasts.
And thank you Tyson for keeping all of us on the righteous path with open hearts for our brothers and sisters, even when they post hate and ire for Jesus. You know I admire your stoic grace. You are always the Gentleman.
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9:53 am
“#1 The author is upset about people not tipping. This leads me to believe the author is in a business where he thinks he should be tipped but doesn’t get tipped. So the author is either bad at their job or in one of those fields that tipping isn’t exactly the norm. I suspect male prostitution or car washer based on this first one.”
or maybe he has common decenty.
some jobs are built around the norm that you tip. some people still don’t tip. that’s being an ass. simple as.
“#2 Here we learn the author is childless but likes to hang out in places where young children are present.”
or maybe they have children but learned to control them. but hey i agree when i go to my local supermarket kids should be banned because i want to be able to be there without being asulted by fucking kids. oh whats that you need to bring you kids when you are out shoping? not my fucking problem right?
fuck you maybe learn to think about others. kids are fine and everything but if you can’t keep them in line don’t bring them out in public and make it my problem. and if you do don’t whine when i solve the problem for you.
“#3 BB covered this one as best as it can be covered. However, it sounds like someone can’t get their windowless van to and from the park fast enough.”
yeah fuck respect for others. i’m the most important person on the road screw the rest of you.
“#4 No one likes littering. But the author seems to suggest that unknown people frequent his “end table” or “floor” and leave things behind. My guess is his “Johns” fecal condoms aren’t making it into the trash can.”
yeah because everyone allways pick up their trash after them right. listen some of us sadly have to live in the real world instead of that happy fun land in your head so sometimes we need to vent a bit about how some people are douches.
“#5 This person is always in a hurry and in the express lane. Just need to buy some more skittles and strawberry Boones to take to back to the park in your windowless van?”
or maybe the people in a line should fucking not bloody waste my time.
have you ever waited 5 minutes behind some idiot girl who couldn’t do simple math and there for didn’t have the money to buy the shit she wanted and then blame the guy at the counter? but no i should just suck that up right? because everyone have a right to be a moron. as long as they are either with you or against us.
“#6 The author seems very angry at people who can afford nice things. Typical minority trait.”
yeah because people not careing if they run him over is surely in the right
“#7 Still mad because your car wash job is in a neighborhood where the literacy rate is in the negative. Are you from Illinois?”
oh whats that? unable to find a relevant comeback this time even if you have pulled it all from your ass so far?
then again ofcourse you are against this proposal because if you can’t ask stupid questions you’ll have to shut your mouth for the rest of your life.
“#8 Once again exhibits latent jealousy towards other people. Just because you can’t share your pedophile love in public does not mean others can’t have legal heterosexual relationships. Also people making a fool of themselves in public shows you live in an area that is typical of a Jerry Springer demographic.”
or maybe he simply don’t wanna listen to other peoples problems.
or should we take it as jelousy when you complain about homosexuals showing their love in public? ofcourse that’s it you are jelous of gays people ability to get it up their ass whenever they want. and that they can do it without wanting to kill themself. it’s just not fair is it?
“#9 “I dropped out of high school and work at the car wash. I’m jealous of people who can afford sticks. I rent mine by the hour.””
well better than you who seem jelous at people with a IQ in the double digits.
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7:24 pm
Wow, an article on here promoting the view of the public, instead of extremists! Especially like #6.
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7:48 pm
There is a lot of naughty words in this article. Are you losing your religion?!
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10:09 pm
Was this written by a third grader?
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9:40 am
I’m offended by the cursing words and have sent an alert to the Holymailbox. This needs to be removed and this is not promoting values or anything like that. Sure, there is free speech but all the cussing and bad advice is far over the line.
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9:47 am
“Waaaa, mommy they’re cussing!”
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