A Prayer To God From Christwire To Restore The Playstation Network (Or At Least Just The Madden Part Of It)
Lord God, we understand why you destroyed the Playstation Network, or as we like to call it here at Christwire, the “PlaySatan Network”. We know it was a tool used by Satan to destroy the lives of millions of youth and introduce them to the gay. We thank you for your great wisdom in removing it from Gaming Circles.
However, we have run into a slight roadblock, and now ask for your assistance once more.
John Madden’s Football has been taken down as a part of your wrath. The only Godly American game on the entire network. I know that some good people must suffer in your name for the homogays to be taken care of properly, and I respect that. However my quarterback, Jesus Christ, has not yet fully developed and requires some playing time in order to help spread your word to the heathen PlaySatan Network masses.
I know God reads Christwire. We are his champions and he reads us daily. To abuse his divine intervention for personal reasons would be blasphemy. That is not what is happening here, I assure you. My reasons are purely for purposes of witnessing to others while my defense wreaks havoc on homogay quarterbacks like Tom Brady and Peyton Manning. If they can’t get their just deserts in real life, the least I can do is bring the Wrath of God to them in a digital sense.
Please Lord, push the hands of the technicians and show the heathen masses you can bring miracles to fruition. Bring back Madden. Allow my tight ends many YAC yards against the Atheist hordes who bring no game to the table when they show up anyways. Help me show them your almighty wrath by using my linebackers to hurry up the offense and cause turnovers and penalties. Help me glorify your name, Lord, by running up the score time and time again.
Thank you Lord, and I know we can expect the Network to be back up soon because you favor Christwire over the atheists. Amen.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Alex Keating
Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.
9:21 pm
First!
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9:25 pm
I hope it’s back up to, but looking back over it I got to thinking that Madden doesn’t show much versatility.
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9:27 pm
My friend,your desire to handle leathery balls seems to suggest a possible ulterior motive. I will keep you in my prayers.
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9:33 pm
Football is the sport of Jesus and America.
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5:40 pm
…and as you so clearly stated, homogays…such as yourself
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9:40 pm
What aboot the xxxboxxx live?
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9:47 pm
Xbox is a terrorist training tool!
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10:03 pm
Kids don’t remember the early 80’s when we warned Frogger was a Mexican training tool to sneak into the states. If only they had listened.
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10:19 pm
this post proves that your so stupid and that your posts on the portal2 game topic are fail. bravo dude bravo. oh and to say one more thing i have.
god is a woman
jesus is black
and Mary is a whore. ^_^ cheers you ignorant fucks.
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4:10 am
Actually, Jesus was Israeli, not African, what with him being born in Israel, and not Africa, if you’re to take the take the word of the Bible… so technically, Jesus was Middle Eastern.
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11:56 pm
AWESOME lol …due to “gods wrath” taking down psn ..u have earned yourself a lifelong fan .praise christwire!
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11:59 pm
Auggie, I played Frogger as a child before I had taken Christ to the next level of my life and I had never really thought about what effect it had on me. I wonder if it has made me more lax with illegals?
Tomorrow I am going to ask my gardner for his id.
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7:15 am
If your gardener is illegal why should you care? As long as he is a good person, no slip of paper can make any difference. He is a human, not some animal like you idiots that only care about the white race when Jesus himself was born in Bethlehem.
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11:55 pm
AGREED Good Sir!
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9:40 pm
Outdoor pro football is righteous in the eyes of the lord. Indoor football is an abomination unto him.
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10:49 pm
but that doesn’t make any sense
i mean really
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4:12 am
Yes, just like it says in Leviticus…
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9:53 pm
The thunder and fury of the crowd is the beating of angelic wings! Bring on the Swagger!
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10:15 pm
wow i have you clap my hands at the ignorance of you Christians XD bravo bravo thank you for making me laugh and showing the world how stupid you people can be.
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10:17 pm
Daniel, does your father know you are using the internets on a school night?
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10:22 pm
dood, one, I don’t live with my mommy and daddy like you do. Two, I’m out of school so fuck off prick. ^_^ now why don’t you run along now and go suck on your false deity’s Cock
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10:28 pm
You keep coming back Daniel. What need aches in your soul? Do you care to share with the fellowship your pain?
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10:34 pm
lol oh my fucking god this is to funny, you people think the world revolves around your religion and think that everything that happens is work of your fucking false deity and when people troll you you ask what aches in your soul? well buster if i wanted you to know what pains i have i would probably crucify you to let you know ^_^
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10:38 pm
For being a “disbeliever”, you invoke his name a lot. How can we help you, how can we learn from each other?
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10:32 pm
Are you high, Daniel?
Are doing the dirty twat I read about recently?
Did someone sell it to you at school?
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10:36 pm
lol i said before i’m out of school, and no i’m not high i just know what is and isn’t real, also whats pathetic. this whole website is pathetic its really funny to read thank you for giving me a good laugh. if only other people knew of this site it’d be the laughing stock of the world wide web.
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10:40 pm
my boyfriend is laughing his ass off as well and he is pretty sure that if we link this website on facebook and move it around the web the christian conservative party would go so far down in the pulls that they’d be greeting satan.
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10:40 pm
So you are making your drugs at home with bleach and extracts from car pine fragrance tree thingys?
I’ve read about that. The kids call it es-team or something like that. Talk about their “high es-team”. It’s a gateway drug to failure, Daniel. You need help.
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10:43 pm
Daniel, there is nothing funny about seeking fellowship and redemption. Please continue to share.
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10:51 pm
so you manufacture drugs huh? that’s not very christian like, shame shame on you god would be pissed. oh wait god is sitting next to me telling me how disappointed he is in you. dare to disprove me?
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12:16 am
that is the side effect of the drugs you manufacture
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5:44 pm
yeah Ice, either that or the side effect of sticking your shrivelled cock in little kiddies
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10:52 pm
nice try on trying to ban me from posting ^_^
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10:54 pm
I’m afraid Beelzebub has clouded your mind.
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10:59 pm
no the balrog has clouded my mind, lol your a fool to think any thing has clouded my mind, I’ve read and researched what the Christians have done in the past. remember the crusades? killing those who were non believers of your religion, even the pope is embarrassed about that.
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11:01 pm
What’s a balrog? Yes, the crusades, that was us. “My bad.” as you kids say.
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11:06 pm
lol my bad? that’s all you have to say when all those family’s were slaughtered? all because they didn’t fallow your stupid religion or believe in it. and you wonder why i don’t fallow your religion or believe in your deity and troll your site, its be cause shit like this is one funny, and two pathetic.
heres a question for you Christians
with so many gods that have existed how do you know your right?
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11:09 pm
We’re planning another crusade, and we will get this one right.
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12:18 am
Liberals, Atheists, and feminists have killed far more innocent babies than Christians ever have killed adults.
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12:20 am
Bull-fucking-shit.
What about the Crusades? The Spanish Inquisition? Christians killed ANY non-Christians, regardless of age or gender.
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11:10 pm
good luck, make sure you have a lot of guns or you’ll be sleeping with buba the night you get thrown in jail.
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11:26 pm
Daniel, no crusade had guns. This will be a crusade of song and prayer.
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11:35 pm
then dude i’m sorry to say but you’ve already lost the crusade ^_^
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11:49 pm
we are #winning
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7:18 am
You are not winning, only Charlie Sheen may win
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7:37 am
Liar, maybe no guns, but following your logics, guns are tools to kill. What are swords for? Cutting bread? c0 U srs?
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11:14 pm
nobody ever became a creationist after looking at the evidence – only via religious fundamentalism.
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11:59 pm
I hope you know that this is a satire site full of trolls….
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7:52 am
guess what? i just posted christwire on FB and let my frieds vote if they think they’r trolls or not. 8 thought they were trolls and one christian girlfriend voted against it
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12:23 am
Satire is a tool of Satan. Creationism is true because its in the Bible. How can you disprove that?
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12:25 am
Well, if being in a religious text that is several thousand years old makes something true, then the tenets of Hinduism, Buddhism, and other ancient religions are also true.
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12:52 am
considering the bible was made and written by man that disproves whats in it, because someone somewhere sometime had to had thought it up for it to exist. other words for that: Make believe, FICTION. anyone who tries to disprove that the bible is made by some higher power this will be my reply to them.
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12:55 am
considering the bible was made and written by man that disproves whats in it, because someone somewhere sometime had to had thought it up for it to exist. other words for that: Make believe, FICTION. anyone who tries to prove that the bible is made by some higher power this will be my reply to them.
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12:56 am
fucking lag -_-
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1:06 am
Daniel, I suggest you look into chrisTwire internets service. We do not have these problems that you do.
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4:18 am
If you believe a book is truth because it says it’s true right there in the book and a bunch of adults told you it was true when you were a kid, that doesn’t make it true.
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5:46 pm
erm because the bible might, just, slightly, concievably be BULLSHIT!
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12:36 am
Let me shed some light on this issue. As an amateur preacher of 5 years, I can definitely say that I am well versed in both sides of the issue. According to Genesis, God created not only the Earth, but also all of time and space. Aren’t well all bound by time and space (sorry physics is not my area of expertise). The other relgions are conquered by time and space while Jesus rose from the dead and reversed time. I think this conclusively points to the existence of both God and the truth in the good Christian Faith. I hope that clears things up.
-BF
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12:44 am
I’m agnostic. I was raised in a Christian household, and I honestly don’t hold with ANY theology. I don’t deny that there may or may not be a god (or gods), but still. Considering that many polytheistic had deities who were in charge of the planets, death, life, fertility, and the like, and those same deities were as human as their subjects, I’m more inclined to believe in those religions than in any monotheistic religion.
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12:48 am
ever hear of the big bang theory? if “god” made space and time then what made “god”?
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1:03 am
I also happen to be on the prayer team and I am going to fit you in onto my busy schedule. I don’t need any of this big bang nonsense; all I need is my Bible and the Good Lord telling me how to live. I will pray for you brother. Back in my day, we would have gotten a paddlin’ for speaking such blasphemy.
-BF
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1:59 am
lol thanks but no thanks, the big bang isn’t nonsense what you guys are spouting here is nonsense, in modern day every thing is proven by science, something you Christians may call WITCH CRAFT but its not witch craft your just being ignorant loons. you cant prove anything by reading some book that was written by someone. you can only prove it by trial and error. there’s a reason why non of you will get in to office if you try its cause of how stupid you people are, preaching about some man in the sky that DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST so dont try to even change my point of view. i’ve had fun trolling this website i might do it more some time later. but now i’m gonna go play mortal kombat or *gasp* portal 2 or some other bloody/gory game.
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1:03 am
He exists outside your boundaries of space and time Daniel.
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2:03 am
you sad sad pathetic fool, no one exists out side the boundaries of time and space. hes gettin old if thats his true picture and i’ll be jumping for joy when he falls over and Croak’s hell i’ll be jumping for joy when you do the same. ^_^ have a nice day maybe i can argue with you some more later, as i said i’m gonna go play some *gasp* games that you Christians hate so much but cant do a damn thing to get rid of.
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1:43 am
Don’t let these atheists deter us from the task at hand. If we pray hard enough, I should be laying biblical smackdowns by noon tomorrow.
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2:08 am
I am going to pray everyday that God grants us this great miracle.
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2:17 am
If there is a god, or gods, I hope that they kill you.
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2:45 am
God does not listen to people like you.
I think that you should ask your good friend Satan.
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2:49 am
I’m agnostic. If anything, I’m more drawn towards polytheistic religions than Christianity. I don’t believe in any god(s) or devil(s), nor do I reject them.
I would, however, LOVE to see proof of their existence, proof that ISN’T a several thousand year old book or a bunch of HUMANS pointing at things and saying, “God/Satan did it!”.
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2:59 am
Agnostic is just closet atheist.
“I’m more drawn towards polytheistic religions”
No, you are drawn to SATAN.
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3:07 am
Agnostics don’t believe in or reject the existence of any god/gods. We simply want proof as to their existence (or their non-existence).
Atheists, on the other hand, believe that there is no such thing as god, or gods, and stick to that belief.
Polytheistic religions aren’t “Satanic”. Where did the Christians get the “traditions” of Easter and Christmas from? Pagan holidays.
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3:23 am
“We simply want proof as to their existence (or their non-existence).”
You simply are insecure/indecisive closet atheists.
The proof of the existence of GOD is EVERYWHERE, just look at the greatness of the world around you.
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3:25 am
Which can be explained by other religions and by science.
I’d like actual proof, not a bunch of pointing at a book or at the world and saying, “GOD EXISTS”. That’s no more proof than any other religion or group can offer me.
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9:17 pm
Have you ever felt the soft touch of a child on your hand?
Have you ever felt the sunshine beat down on your skin?
Have you ever felt the water flow around your body as you plunge into a stream with some members of your church group?
Have you ever enjoyed the beauty of nature?
Have you ever enjoyed the bounty Christ provides?
If so, you have experienced the love and care our God provides.
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9:22 pm
Things that can be explained by science and/or other religions.
Try again.
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11:06 pm
I don’t think I can explain is how you seem to be drawn to Satan.
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5:50 pm
people are drawn to satan because (having read the satanic bible) the ideologies of satanism make sense, unlike the shit you racist, bigot cunts try to force feed people
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5:29 pm
My IQ dropped by reading this article.
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2:47 am
ZZZzzzz
Mann it’s getting boring seriously
what make your GOD betetr than any other God or Goddesses
can you explain to me why you did the crusade when actually Jerusalem were safe under Muslim rules they actually Improved technologically Jerusalem ( new culture improvement same with a new way to transport people or food etc etc)
Tell me also why did you destroy every progress of Muslim in term of technology in spain as well, you will tell me their progress was a work of Satan do you have any proof?
I don,t think so Muslim helped spain by getting advanced technology for agriculture and much more they didn’t used their intelligence and expertise to cause harm to citizen
Christians did theyd estroyed everything that these people created helping the population , why did you destroy the advancement that Muslim did to help these population??.
Also I read on another topic ( about Portal 2 ) that Physics is a work of satan is Gravity a works of satan as well Both are related
If Physics is a works of satan that You should not exist neither since its the basic of universe, without physics you don’t have mass without Mass you don’t exist
But anyway You won’t understand what am I writing since it’s too much for your small Pea Brain of yours I guess ?
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3:07 am
There is only ONE GOD.
The Crusades had nothing to do with Christianity.
I said that about the physics because Satan/NAMBLA used them to create Portal 2 (a game created to sodomize the minds of young children).
I consulted my Christian elders and they told me that GOD created the laws of physics (Satan only hijacked the sciences).
“without physics you don’t have mass without Mass you don’t exist”
NO, without GOD we don’t exist.
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6:07 pm
“the crusades had nothing to do with Christianity” yes they fucking did, the templars; invaders of the fucking Holy Lands! Were all Christian warriors. For fuck sake they were originally known as the Poor fellow-soldiers of Christ!
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10:16 pm
Good one guys, i’d like to meet the author of this site. They obviously have too much time on their hands id they go through all the trouble to not only troll with their “stories” but also with their made up profiles lol
bravo.
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10:16 pm
Good one guys, i’d like to meet the author of this site. They obviously have too much time on their hands if they go through all the trouble to not only troll with their “stories” but also with their made up profiles lol
bravo.
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10:16 pm
Good one guys, i’d like to meet the author of this site. They obviously have too much time on their hands if they go through all the trouble to not only troll with their “stories” but also with their made up profiles lol
bravo.
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10:16 pm
Good one guys, i’d like to meet the author of this site. They obviously have too much time on their hands if they go through all the trouble to not only troll with their “stories” but also with their made up profiles lol
bravo.
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4:20 am
I find it interesting how easily someone with sufficient religious leanings can make the phrase “I’m praying for you” sound like a threat. Maybe because it’s pronounced the same as “I’m preying for you.”
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4:01 am
It was all aliens!
Why can’t you people tolerate more?
But no seriously it was all aliens.
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2:57 pm
The PlayStation Network was temporarily shut down NOT to find the gays, but to stop hackers from getting people’s credit card information. Authors at Christwire are the worst when it comes to ignorance, because not just gays use the PlayStation Network.
I use the PlayStation Network, so does that mean that I am gay?
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10:36 pm
yes. but do not be sad. you will never have to deal with a woman’s bitching, you will have a superior sens of fashion, and you could have and amazing interior decorating business
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