• Abe’s Funny Viteos: Women Trying to Drive Like a Man

    April 15, 2011 2:35 pm 60 comments
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  • In the beginning of time, God made Adam and he was a man.  It was a good ol’ boys club.  God made himself a Son and he was proud, yet Adam, he became lonely.  He wanted a companion for himself and he yelled to his Father that he wanted himself a companion.

    Now for you sick twisted atheists out there, God did not need the life batter to create Adam.  He just said, “Let there be my Son, in my image.  I call him a huMAN.”  And whammo, there was a huMAN.  Adam.

    It was like the Sims, for you video game addicts.  There is a game serious out there called The Sims ™ where a evolution supporter named Will Wright (probably supposed to be Willeta Wright or someone) tries to give everyone a taste of playing God.  You can use lifelike characters to do all sorts of things, including bedroom heeha and this is a game meant for children!  Swordfights, flesh sword fights in woohoo mode and then the coup de tat, you can even resurrect your “Sim” from death like you are Jesus.

    The games are sinful but when you think about it, it’s just like reality.  God got bored one day and made himself a smaller, almost as good child version of himself.  That was Adam.  Then, Adam’s health meter started to go down.  His body naturally wanted a companion and so as a second thought, God made unto Adam a help meat.

    A woman.

    It was a Pandora’s box for everyone involved, because a women is a tricky bag of irrational emotions, mean demands and feminist fat leg goosestepping.   Women get a subconscious jealousy because they are the second human.  We are not called huWoman, but huMAN.  Never forget this wisdom, but also never forget, that God gave us woman because she can be a good companion when trained right and shows a, proper, loving hand should she step out of her role.

    Sometimes, you have to just stop and watch a women to truly understand what she is made for.  One of my favorite gifts of my help meat is her humor.  She is naturally funny.  It looks funny when she tries to ware my pants and call the shots in the home, trying to get out and do yard work and shop at Lowes and use improper foreign measures to get wood cut.  Then, there’s the driving.

    Women are not as complex in the math departments of the brain.

    In the diagram at the right, you can see a standard man’s brain.

    In the frontal lobe, this is the area of calculations when driving.  New studies reveal that in an emergent situation, a man’s reaction time is superior to children, drunks and then a baseline women.

    The data indicate a man will stop .7 milliseconds where if you get a fit of drunkeness, the number will shoot up to .78 milliseconds and young motorists around .779 ms.  Then a woman, she will stop around 8.02 milliseconds and the experiment numbers have been reported in university again and again.

    When you are faced with high insurance premiums and a dented car, it is not funny at first.  You are concerned about when you let your daughter take out that new car, if she’s going to ruin everything by getting into a horrible wreck.

    Your wife may get distracted on her phone with her girlfriends, gossipping about the latest soap operas or Hollywood scandal.  Then she hits a car and whammo, you have to worry about how to get your car fixed and hope she wasn’t the driver at fault.

    It can cause anger and you have to punish children and all irresponsible for bad driving, but there is still humor in it.  There is a that XY woman element.  Women are not perfect, no one is.  But they are funny, especially when they try to drive.

    And when they have a fender bender, like mine just did and dented up the right tailgate light of my favorite truck and I had to dent her up with some gentle love, you can still see the humor of it.  I was just concerned that she may have hurt herself, and the truck.

    Let us find humor in our women and look at some of the best women driving moments.  Always remember, just like a pup, they sometimes just can’t help it.

    Budapest Woman Driver Drowns Her Car In Enormous Puddle


    In this, first sampling of how a woman driver is horrible, our journeys take us to Budapest. It is in East Europe. There is a flood on the street and for some reason, this woman decides to drive her car into it. She starts drowning and rolls her window down in confused panic. You can see the dear in headlight death stare on her face as she is helpless.

    At .25 seconds, her husband miraculously shows up on the scene. You can hear his voice scolding her in Budapestian for ruining the car as she drowns. He saves her and then, you see she almost drowns herself again. It may be frustrating for that husband, but in retrospect the humor is there for everyone to enjoy. Horrible woman driver.

    Woman Flips Car Upside Down in Driveway


    In this viteo, you can see that it is just another day at the office for the father. He opens the home’s gate for his wife and then chaos breaks loose. From the calm reaction, you can tell this driver was a repeat offender and their auto insurance premiums must be fiercely terrible.

    Woman Reading Book While Driving on the Highway

    This video is actually terrifying. Your heart sinks during the big reveal in this video, as if you’d just seen a spirit demon lurking in the dark of your basement at night. Frightening.


    Woman, Fire, Gas Station


    In this video, a woman is filling up her Jeep. She is a smoker and Satan whispers in her ear that she must have a nicotine fix. Weak in resolve, she succumbs to the cancerous seduction and we can see, the fires of hell emerge. Watch her flee the scene.


    Women bring joy and laughter to our hearts. Here is just more examples of women being their adorable selves. It is all in fun in enjoying all in life, especially our greatest gifts. Until next time, friends. Be well.


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    Abe If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack. Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!

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