Often times, here at Christwire we preform Christian services for heathen organizations, such as the advice our staunchly Christian interns, Mike Watson and Bryan Blake, have been giving out to the listeners of Green 360 Radio for the past few weeks. However, Lex and Cory, the hosts of the blasphemous show, had penises on their mind last week when they blatantly tempted these two pillars of the community with homosexual offers.
After it was inferred that Mike and Blake were possibly homogays, Lex, who isn’t even American, let loose a barrage of Satan’s foul breath against the innocent prophets of Christ. At one point he even invited them to frequent a gay bar he is a regular at. Cory, being the ‘bottom’ of the duo, mostly kept his mouth shut and silently went along with the blasphemy his homo partner was spewing.
I’m sure they expected their Satanic sermon against Christwire would fall under our radar, and it very well nearly did. But the all knowing conservative ire of our newset writer, who has adopted the name John Christwing, clued me into it late this morning. It caused such a ruckus in the office my picture of Reagan nearly got knocked over.
I decided to put my superpower of investigative journalism to work and found out a few interesting facts about these two penis mongers, Cory and Lex. The show is based out of San Fransisco and more than a few of their listeners are gays. On the flip side, there are almost no black listeners. Here at Christwire it is absolutely the other way around. We love black people, Cory and Lex are racist.
The allegations thrown at Mike and Blake were nothing more than a liberal smoke screen to take the attention away from their own shortcomings. The fact that this Lex fellow has knowledge of homogay bars and their locations and time’s of business is more than a little suspicious. Underneath all the jokes during their ridiculous tirade, I detected him flirting a bit with Mike. Of course Mike is a decent Christian and didn’t notice it, but was shocked when I mentioned it to him later and has expressed to me worry that Lex may be masturbating to the idea of dating him.
It goes without saying our hard working interns have nothing to do with homosexuality. As for Lex tempting them with homogay sin, it will not work. He will not get his fantasy of a Christwire manwich.
Lex issued a challenge to our interns that they should ‘come out of the closet’ on his show. We now issue a challenge back: Lex, accept Jesus and Reagan into your heart and mind, admit you love penis, and commit your vote to the Republican party. Or you can leave America and go live with your fellow Communists in red Soviet China. Your choice.