• Housewife spreads her legs to spread the word of God

    April 13, 2011 2:17 pm 12 comments

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    Christian Porn Star F**ks For Jesus

    Reprinted by permission of Modern Christian Busybody

    Charity Allbright is the perfect model of a modern Christian woman. She’s polite, perky, and always keeps her gold cross necklace prominently displayed. But this good Christian believes in doing more to raise money for God than coordinating bake sales and giving other church members guilt-inducing glares when the plate passes.
    She co-writes and stars in a series of marital aid videos specifically targeted toward the Christian audience.

    Modern Christian Busybody’s own Bob Johnson sat down with this Christian entertainment entrepreneur to learn more about her and her growing video and internet business.

    MCB- Thanks for taking the time to talk with us today.

    CA- The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Johnson.

    MCB- Please, call me Bob.

    CA- Only if you call me Charity.

    MCB- So, to get straight into it without beating around the bush – Why Christian pornography?

    CA- Well, we devoted Christians have managed to saturate most other mainstream entertainment media in order to spread the word of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This seemed like the next logical step.

    MCB- But, Pornography?

    CA- Once upon a time, we used to call rock-n-roll “Devil Music.” Then we came up with “Heavenly Metal.”
    We’ve done the same with rap music and pro wrestling. We’ve made it clear that these types of sex and violence entertainment can truly be wholesome if done to glorify God. We’ve gotten our own television and radio stations. We’ve got our own children shows, cartoons, and superheroes.
    We’ve even tried movies, but there are so many of the faithful who are prohibited from going to movies that we’ve come to rely a lot on straight-to-video. That’s what makes Christian pornography such a great medium. It’s chiefly home video and internet based.

    MCB- What gave you the idea?

    CA- This idea, like all good things, came from God.

    MCB- Of course, but what specifically did he do to give you the idea.

    CA- One day, I felt a strange urge to go through my husband’s underwear drawer. At first, I thought I was just going to make sure his whitey tighties were all still white. Now, I realize that God led me to poke around in Dick’s underwear. While I was sifting through his shorts, I discovered a video. I thought he must have misplaced it, so I went to the family room to put it back with our other wholesome movies. But, I realized it didn’t have a label, so I popped it into the player to see what it was. I thought perhaps it was one of the choir performances or something, but instead it was video of all these people having sex. They were doing all sorts of things, and I was so stunned I simply stared at it for fifteen or twenty minutes. Then, in disgust, I reached for the eject button, planning on throwing the filthy thing away…. when I saw her.

    MCB- Her?

    CA- According to the credits, her name was Rosie Sunrise, but I don’t think that’s her real name.

    MCB- What about her caught your attention?

    CA- She was moaning and screaming “Oh, God…. Oh, Jesus…. Oh, God….” over an over. But, she was different from all the other dumb sluts on this tape. The look on her face…. It was…. Dare I use the word…. Rapture.
    With every thrust, she cried out as this tiny gold necklace bounced and danced between her heaving breasts. She was so full of love for God she screamed his name and the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ more than a dozen times. I could see the joy and peace in her face, even as warm goo splattered all over it.

    MCB- Amazing. So you were inspired to use this same form of entertainment to make money for Jesus?

    CA- Absolutely. With billions of dollars a year being spent on pornography. Why shouldn’t God cash in on it?

    MCB- So you donate your profits to the church?

    CA- (Expletive), NO! I’m the one doing all the work. He gets his ten percent, though. Sometimes a little bonus at Christmas and Easter, if we’ve had a good quarter.

    MCB- Tell us a little about one of your films. Is there all that deviant sex that I hear is featured in other pornographic movies?

    CA- Of course not. Our films are always tastefully done, we always have a Christian theme, and we make sure that everyone knows that it’s a committed loving couple married before God that’s having sex on their television screen. Not like those movies where people just have sex with whoever walks by. And of course, we always use the missionary position, just like God intended.

    MCB- Now, according to several of our researchers…. I don’t watch pornographic movies myself… One of your films has some controversial themes, shocking sexual behavior, and…. Well, a couple that isn’t married.

    CA-You must be referring to “Teasing Dick.” My husband, Dick, wrote that one. It’s a little more daring, but, it’s aimed at newlyweds and not-yet-weds who might be considering sexual experimentation.
    It stars my husband as Dick, a man who’s engaged to my character, Chastity. Before the wedding, Dick is tempted by several “worldly women.” Even though he spurns their advances, he fantasizes frequently about them.
    But, eventually, after reading his Bible and praying, he is forgiven of his sins, and marries his virgin bride, Chastity, and she satisfies his desires with normal, wholesome, missionary-style sex.

    MCB- But, to film these “fantasies” didn’t your husband have to have sex with other women – one of them apparently your sister? Didn’t that bother you?

    CA- Sometimes a women must make tremendous sacrifices for her faith. Besides, he assured me that he didn’t really enjoy all the doggy sex, gymnastics, or schoolgirls skirts. He said he especially didn’t enjoy the cheerleader fantasy or all those icky blow jobs. In fact, Dick said the only scene that was harder for him than the threesome was watching the two women pleasuring each other.

    MCB- But, weren’t this women sinning by having sex with a married man?

    CA- I suppose, but we’re doing God’s will, so it’s okay. Besides, after we’re done shooting, they all pray for forgiveness together. Sometimes the girls haven’t even gotten dressed yet. Dick says it stirs him every time he sees them down on their knees, naked before God.

    MCB- It would certainly stir me.

    CA- Dick’s so devoted to our cause. He’s constantly thinking about sex. In fact, he’s reviewing other pornography as we speak. Dick probably watches dozens of hours a week. He says it gives him ideas we can use for our own films.

    MCB- Is he planning any more movies like “Teasing Dick?” I understand it was one of your most popular films.

    CA- We’ve discussed doing some more artistic movies. Things that use more imagery, let each person viewing the film come away with their own interpretation of the piece. Dick has a particular idea in mind that involves my character, who represents all that is good about the Word.
    I’ll be bound to a bed by ropes marked with words like “First Amendment,” “Separation of Church and State,” and quotes from the framers of the Constitution. All those things that those secular humanist bastards use to keep us from promoting the truth everywhere. Anyway, Dick, wearing different masks representing the ACLU, Americans United for Separation, pro-choice groups, and scientists and all the other doubters and blasphemers that threaten our Christian nation will have his way with me repeatedly.

    MCB- Representing all those attacks meant to drive God from schools, politics, etc.?

    CA- Exactly. He’ll do every despicable thing he can think of to me. Then, just when it looks like I can take no more, that I will finally surrender my soul like I have my body, Dick will sweep in, dressed like our Lord Jesus and rescue me from bondage. Then he will make sweet love to me.

    MCB- Missionary position, of course.

    CA- Of course. And if you look closely during the scene where he rescues me, his penis will have the words “Holy Spirit” written on it.

    MCB- So he’ll fill you with the “Holy Spirit.”

    CA- Exactly. He’ll probably even shoot a little on me as well. He says it drives the point home. Makes sure the audience understands the thrust of his message.

    MCB- That sounds very…. Spiritual.

    CA- Mr. Johnson, you’re sweating. Is it too warm? I can adjust the air conditioning.

    MCB- No, no. I’m fine. I’m just amazed by your commitment to God and your faith. I wish I could get my wife to commit like that.

    CA- We all do what we can.

    MCB- In fact, I think when I’ve finished this interview, I’ll run right home and see if I can fill her with a little holy spirit myself.

    CA- I’ve found that many people watching our movies have experienced similar reactions. It’s wonderful for us. Like I always say, “If even one person experiences the things we have, we’ve done a good thing.” Of course, Dick says, that if we’re doing a good thing, we must keep on doing it over and over and over.

    MCB- You’ve mentioned that “many people” have had positive experiences as a result of your films. But, how has the church in general reacted to your new enterprise?

    CA- Certainly there are members of our church who don’t approve. But, they’re simply unwilling to see that pornography has a place in Christian popular media. They’re stuck in the past, relying on medieval ways of getting the message out. We’ve embraced the twenty-first century.
    Despite those nay-sayers, the overall response in our church has been very positive. Certainly, many of the men in the church have been interested in volunteering to perform in our films.

    MCB- What about the accusations that your films demean and objectify women?

    CA- The old biddies who say that are just a bunch of hairy-armpit new-age hags who don’t know their Bible. The Bible says something or other about submitting to your man. I think my husband also told me that there’s a line in there about pleasing him, too. Something about Eve getting Adam’s bone. Maybe it’s in Genesis. I’ve heard that’s got a lot of answers in it. Besides, can you think of a better way to make a living?

    MCB- It beats doing interviews for some right-wing rag. Well thank you very much for your time, Charity. It’s been an enlightening experience.

    CA- It was good for me, too, Bob.

    For those interested in viewing sample clips or purchasing the Allbrights’s films go to www.xxxianmovies.com

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