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Is “Portal 2″ Safe for the Christain Family?
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RedditAs a Christian father, I choose not to allow video games into my household, but occasionally my boys will have sleep overs with other Christian families that might be more lax than ours. Imagine my surprise the other day when I overheard my second oldest boy talking about a video game he had played at a friend’s house. As soon as I heard the name “Portal 2”, my suspicions grew and I immediately found myself wondering which body part the game might be referring to.
I rushed to the computer that I keep locked away from my impressionable children, and what I found was truly disturbing. Just 10 minutes of Bing research produced so much evidence that this game was a homosexual recruitment tool that I have now forbidden it. You better believe that I called the other father and gave him a good talking to. As a devout Christian, he agreed with me and has now burned his Portal 2 DVD on his barbeque grill to make sure this threat to his family is gone for good.
Here are some of the things I have learned: This game is made by Valve software, a wholly owned subsidiary of NAMBLA – the people who invented child molestation. Just the name “valve” produces images in the mind of a Christian man that should not be there.
Should children be forced to see a room full of giant black dildoes?
An actual AID’s infested bath house.
Game play takes place in a giant gay bath house, where children are encouraged to use their mechanical penis guns to create glory holes. In case you haven’t heard of this filth, “glory holes” are all the rage in gay circles, where sweating homosexuals drill holes into walls and then perform sex through them, without having to show their guilt ridden faces. There is one thing a homosexual hates, and that is for their shame to be seen in the light of day. That is why their bars and bath houses are kept so dark at all times. And believe me friend, this game is dark and shadowy.
Glory hole in the game.
Glory hole in homo-gay bath house. Hard to tell the difference, right?
There are two adorable robots. Who doesn’t love robots? Kids sure do. Well, these 2 robots are a homosexual couple. The tall one is the dominate bear and the little one is the swishing bottom. Even the voices are clearly transexual which is a dead give away. I shudder to think of what life style choices a little child will think is decent after pretending to be one of these two mechanical gays. Instead of penises, they have glowing red and blue lights in their sex area.
What is being taught to our children?
Is this what you want for your white Chrisian son?
As if that was not enough, there are mechanical testicles and gay saunas around every corner. Not enough? Well this game introduces “gels” which help the innocent children slide through a glowing red sphincter.
I could go on, but my stomach is turning at this latest homo-gay invention. There is nothing christ-centered in this game. Protect your children from this latest assault from the gay agenda.
10:33 pm
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895
2:47 pm
Anyone who agrees with the smallest phrase in this article is contributing to why the rest of the world hates Christians.
Do some research of your own instead of listening to this ignorant, psychotic hack rant about blatant falsehoods.
I weep for the Christian community if so many are willing to blindly follow moronic, tyrannical, “prophets” like this man and any who follow his mindset.
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3:36 pm
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Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike:
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679
4:10 pm
Maybe he did touch some children now and then, but c’mon, its Michael Jackson… Michael Jackson!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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31
4:25 pm
How is this great journalism? I have nothing against the author whatsoever, but, I’m sorry, his “research” has wielded results that are completely not true. First off, I don’t know what showed up in his “bing searches”, but I’m sure it was something pornographic. Rule 64 of the internet is that “if it exists there is porn of it”. You can find porn of anything that has ever existed due to perverted people who want it creating it.
Where do I even start with how inaccurate this article is? Penis guns that create glory holes? Really? Alright, first thing to understand about Portal 2 is that it is essentially a “puzzle” game. There are many different kinds of puzzle games, but in this game they have a mechanic in it that is pretty unique. These things that were referred to as “penis guns” are called “Portal guns” in order to get through complex puzzles (you shoot a blue portal and a orange portal, going through one leads you to the other) you use them to create a portal from one wall to another and various other things, to get through puzzles. This game takes place in a Scientific facility, and I assure you there is no “AIDS infested bathhouse”.
The game’s single player mode has you playing as a test subject trying to escape the facility (you are human)you play by yourself in areas designed for single player (using the portal gun to figure out how to work your way out). Multiplayer mode has you and a friend using portal guns cooperatively to figure out complex puzzles (again in the scientific facility).
Please, please please. Whoever reads this, do research on your own. Whatever research was done has yielded false results.
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549 
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4:35 pm
The cake* is a lie!
* cake may or may not be street slang for cake.
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314 
7
5:13 pm
I’m curious as to why, when hearing the name Portal 2, his first thought is of Homosexuality. Methinks he protests too much.
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376 
7
7:21 pm
This is completely ridiculous. Any of you wanna a see an extremist? You look at this article. This guy is obviously seeing things that aren’t there. Only a pervert would see such sexual things in an innocent game like this. Portal 2 is a friendly puzzle game. Nothing more.
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11:05 pm
XD rule 34*
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12:43 am
Dude, his name is Christian Intellectual, and the guy who made the article’s name is Ice Van Winkle XDDD
Dude, its a troll article, their doing it to fux with people
Its just some guy who made a fake article of the biggest bs he could find and think of and post it on the interwebs and see the results. This guy your arguing with just went along with it and is probably laughing at you XD
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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8
5:37 am
Son FYI its Rule 34 not 64, but jesus loves you even though you are a sinner, The Puzzle’s curiosity is what drives the innocent children to research more on these blasphemous Penis Guns that create Glory Holes. but jesus still loves a sinner like you, The test subject is clearly bicurious from what our author has researched. Read your Multiplayer desription, You and A FRIEND USE PENISH GUNS CO-OPERATIVELY TO CREATE GLORY HOLES and SOLVE COMPLEX PUZZLES. sounds pretty gay to me. but yet again jesus still loves you.
Great work of Journalism there, May God bless you for enlightening us everyday with your great blog, (also read christwire wikipedia page)
Hot debate. What do you think?
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181
8:54 am
Satire dude
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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5
12:17 am
Dude, that was sarcasm.
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12:49 pm
That’s Rule 34.
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1:38 pm
YEAAAAAAAAAAH
1000th COMMENT YOU WHORES
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7:10 pm
I’m almost certain that this person is an internet “troll”
They’re just writing all this crap to get reactions out of everyone.
They just like to cause havoc.
If you don’t understand or know of the term “troll”
Go to wikipedia and type in “Internet Troll”
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9:02 pm
I agree entirely with Wow. I haven’t the faintest idea how the author came up with his information. I do know that I now know more about the homosexual community than I ever wanted to, read numerous “naughty” words (ie penis etc) and that I frantically had to scroll past a pornographic picture that was most likely of 2 gay men. On a CHRISTIAN website. Gaming news sites have less objectionable material than this! If I were the other dad, I would have told you to relax and stop projecting sexuality onto everything. (Followed by reading you the riot act when you flipped out.) Really, why in the world do you think sex (especially homosexual sex) when you hear the word “portal”???! It’s a door for crying out loud. Or did the word “door” just set off your alarm bells?
Yeah, stuff like this absolutely gives us Christians a bad name. It takes kind of a sick mind to attribute such nasty connotations to what he sees and hears. I started wondering if this site would be a useful resource for a Christian guy like myself, but apparently not. Both because THERE’S PORN ON IT and because the article hasn’t a shred of truth in it. I actually thought the article was satire for a moment! (And I’m still hoping it is, but I’m not willing to brave that offensive picture to find out.)
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12:05 pm
Rule 34, not 64. Rule 64 is that if it exists, Tony Stark was able to build it in a cave, with a box of scraps.
You’re welcome.
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2:07 am
you mean rule 34, right?
also, i am a little curious as to why this man knows so much about “filth” such as dildos and penis guns?
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6:00 pm
RULE 34, NOT 64!
64 is different.
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11:23 pm
I think that he secretly struggles with homosexuality himself, to the point that everything he sees or hears reminds him of it. But this is just my example of great journalism.
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4:07 am
Can’t tell if your trolling or inept. It’s rule 34. If you want to use the rules, then do it right. Also don’t forget rule 46
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1:57 pm
You forgot to say that the player character of the single player mode is actually a girl called Chel.
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7:02 pm
lol I hope you realize these guys are just trollin’ everyone hardcore.
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6:07 am
Actually, it’s rule 34, not 64.
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7:18 pm
Your argument FAILS on so many levels! All you are doing is throwing conspiracy theories around without any basis and jumping on the authors unfounded innuendo. Seriously, by your own standards, both you and the author are homosexual considering how much you look into this puzzle game and see supposedly gay metaphors. Suppressed desires much?
Your very user name “Christian Intellectual” is a contradiction.
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8:46 pm
Okay you are clearly blind and can only follow a bunch of bullshit that others spew.
I am gay, and have played through this game, twice. It takes a real hairsplitter to even make these moronic comparisons! No where in the bible does it say that spikes, or portals are bad. I can guarantee that anyone religious has hugged someone of the same sex in their lifetime. Doesnt that make them homogay?
All your beliefs contradict themselves, and in turn through your beliefs, more than half of the worlds christians are breaking your own rules.
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2:32 am
“”I am gay, and have played through this game, twice.”"
So you admit it’s gay enough for you… and you’re probably going to play it again soon you pervert.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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7:06 pm
You should do a search for the word ‘satire’ in the site’s TOS. Pretty sure you’ll be less angry once you figure out what I’m talking about.
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12:58 am
I am a teenager. I am exposed to “sin” everyday (ever visited a high school?) and I would not think as dirty as you did when encountering this game. Dildos? Penis guns? Picture of gay men? That is more sin on your head devout Christian man. Where did you learn about such things? Where did you find pictures of gay men? Something is extremely wrong in this picture and it isn’t the game. I think you are merely trying to figure out your own sexuality, and this gives you a chance to visit pornographic sites and pleasure yourself without feeling guilty later, saying it is for the public and they “have to know”.
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6:46 pm
It’s because you’re wrapped in the satanic system of publlic schooling that you don’t see these horrible attributes for what they really are. I’m sorry that you must be exposed to such filth that a high school exist of. That’s why I keep my children sheltered in my house to learn everything they need to know, the word of God, and basic school studies.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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12:07 am
You are a fucking moron. I have read what you said and you are wrong. This idiot, Ice van Winkle, has projected more bullshit than there is in a cowstable. And as for the high school, it depends on where your are. Oh, and if it makes you happy, I voted yes for gay marrige, you fucked up right wing asshole.
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2:15 am
Seriously? Portal 2 a “homosexual recruitment tool”? To honestly be able to believe that, you would have to far gone in your own self-denying homosexual tendencies to ever come back.
I believe everyone is entitled to their opinions, but please put some thought into it. this just makes all religions especially Christians look bad.
As for your comment “Christian Intellectual”, really? Are you going to point the finger at someone else who happened to make a somehow more relevant comment to the article than yours. God may be forgiving but EVERYONE gets tired of the one who always “cries wolf”.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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2:31 am
if your right then why do you have over 200-300 dislikes on all your comments. Your argument is dead man. You’ll never win anything in the real world. Oh and Bible reading is one of the least manliest things I’ve ever heard of!
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2:43 am
I have a lot of condemns because Satan, the Homogays and NAMBLA are attacking my righteous comments, they want to hide the truth so they can continue with their filthy plans.
But don’t worry the meek will inherit the eath, Jesus is going to send them all to HELL when he comes back.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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3:03 am
The meek will inherit the Earth? You’re certainly not meek, you believe you’re an upper class citizen who places himself above all others. You don’t try anyone with respect, and you will demand it from all others.
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1:55 pm
Jesus already had his second coming… His name was Adolf Hitler and in retaliation he killed over 6 million jews… Jews that betrayed him thousands of years ago…
NOW THAT IS LOL MATERIAL!
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8:24 am
Ok…….. seriously????? This is what we are going back to??? Nothing more than a Salem Witchhunt???? All I read throughout this artice was man-boy love, homosexual this, gay that…… Does the writer have some fantasies he can’t fullfil???? Maybe one should look at his photos of glory holes….. I don’t know what a glory hole looks like, although the author sure does….. It is quite funny to think that your extreme-Mormonisque thought process is actually a reality to you. Did the salmander tell you Portal 2 was a tool of NAMBLA to steal your son??? I mean come on, I know Mennonites that would not say the things you are saying about a video game. You constantly sit there and talk of homosexuality, from a video game??? Called Portal 2??? Really???? Look if it was maybe, GTA4:Ballad of Gay Tony (I never played it, but I heard the main character was gay,) I could go along with your talk of NAMBLA and your son turning gay. But it’s a stupid little kid themed game about a couple of robots having to deal with drama on their way to their final destination. Geez, I would hate to be your children. I am sure they lead lives of boredom and are far behind their classmates, simply due to your fanatical idealogy….. I am sure they are, in no way, prepared for the technological future that lies ahead, being they have no access to a computer. It is stupid, backwards people such as yourself that drive away new members from churches, because you make all children of God out to be crazed nutjobs. Please, for the sake of your children, for the sake of any friends you have, CHILL OUT!!!! Oh, and go find yourself a man….. apparently that is all that is on your mind here lately.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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9:59 am
Are so f*cking stupid that you really believe this asshole with no real proof? Valve is not part of NAMBLA, and there is nothing wrong with this game. I love this game, it’s a fun puzzle game that makes you use your brain!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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2:39 am
Obviously doesn’t use your brain enough to help it process such an awesome name as Ice Van Winkle…
Also, i hear The Onion is a great source if you’re the NY Times…
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1:02 pm
Lol, I swear you people are the homosexual child molesters. If you can take something innocent like portal and make those outrageous claims about it, you are the one with the deviant mind. Next you will be saying that companies like Dole and Chiquita are trying to pervert our youth with bananas that look like “penises”. Tools
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2:43 am
No sir, i’ll have you know that we’re all totally heterosexual child molesters… no depraved sinning from us, no sir.
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9:37 am
Innocent little portals? That’s how it always starts in the Catholic church too.
Repent!
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12:34 am
man this guy is stupid they need to get a life
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1:22 am
Yes. This is definately a clear-cut case of good investigative journalism.
I mean, any good journalist spends a maximum of ten minutes on “Bing,” one of the crappiest search engines known, before they can get all of their facts straight.
Please. I’ve written high school papers with more credibility than this garbage.
As someone who has committed over 9,000 sins in my lifetime, I will attest to playing and owning not just P0rtal 2, but also P0rtal 1, which just may be even more homosex than P0rtal 2. I am currently fapping to it now.
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6:03 pm
I am a bit confused. Where was the information obtained that links VALVE to NAMBLA?
With TRULY great examples of journalism, often facts show reference to their source. I find, however, with bat-$H!t crazy rants like this, the author typically just goes on-and-on about his or her opinion and presents it AS fact.
Hey, if I’m WRONG, I will admit it and apologize, but SHOW ME THE CARFAX!
Also, where did the author obtain his images of gay love, his private collection? Off his ‘protected’ computer, no doubt.
Based on my PERSONAL experience with rants like these, I would tend to believe this man has been dealing with conflicting emotions over his OWN sexuality for some time now.
Sir, I weep for your children and I hope you develop the courage to someday admit what you truly are….
…a dumbass.
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7:57 pm
Obvious troll is obvious
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8:41 pm
Honestly, Portal 2 (apparently the word “Portal” is too cryptic for my fellow christians to understand. They are regular guns that shoot Portals for you to solve puzzles. The two robots a testing robots for the facility known as Aperture Science. Honestly the stupidity some people come up with. That orange stuff is slime used to accelerate the player to amek long distance jumps while the blue slime makes you jump higher. Apparently, robots can’t be friends, because OBVIOUSLY friendship = homosexuality.. God, some people in this world. It’s a wonder this man passed college.
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8:47 pm
“It’s a wonder this man passed college.” And it’s a wonder you put three sentences together.
I will pray for you.
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12:11 pm
“It’s a wonder how this man passed college.”
Ha! The dude probably quit college because it was against his religion.
Either it’s a successful troll, or a really fucking retarded person.
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10:06 pm
You are so smart.
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9:24 am
666 negative votes! YOUR COMMENT IS SATANIC!
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6:45 pm
Anybody who has the slightest belief in any god needs to go drown themselves! I love my dildo-infested games with sphincters and glory-holes just makes sure when your children are getting banged at the christian church that he doesn’t use the lords name in vain, oh god forbid that has never happened before.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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9:03 pm
HATERZ GONNA HATEZ
No but seriously, I am a Christian and I found this article to be wholly hilarious.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
110 
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6:59 pm
I’d like to agree with you. I personally have no religious affiliation but it’s articles like this that make me hate the religious world. I’m not sure what I find more ridiculous, this man’s accusation that the video game is about homosexuality or his insane homophobia. To the author of this article: Do you know that, in lab studies detailing homo-erotic sensations, it has been found that those who are adamantly anti-gay experience more of a neural response to gay pornography than heterosexuals who accept homosexuality? Just food for thought
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41 
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9:30 pm
A hightened neural response doesn’t necessarily mean that they found it more erotic than the more liberal participants, it just means they had a stronger reaction to it. It could have been disgust just as easily as it could have been arousal.
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9:38 pm
I believe that they actually measured erections too, and the homophobes were getting hard while viewing the gay porn.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8772014
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2:47 am
@science man
That’s because thinking is a sin that leads to being a homosexual… those scientists where corrupting them by making them think about issues.
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6:03 pm
Thank you Science man for being the first person to finally site your sources and back up your argument.
Also, Christian Intellectual, why don’t you leave the judgement to your god since “he’s” the only one qualified to determine who will be sent to hell. Love thy neighbor as thy self. Since your a follower of other peoples rules why don’t you just stick to what your good at and follow instead of trying to make your own rules for how people should be treated. Jesus loved and comforted the sinners, and you shun the people you think are sinners, as a christian you should be more christianly don’t you think?
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11:46 pm
I agree with N. 100%.
I am a Catholic. Stupid things like this is why my religion makes me sick sometimes. “Love your neighbour as yourself.” Yes, that means homosexuals, too. They are people. And most of them are wonderful, bright, loving and funny people. This post is so ignorant, it’s unbelievable. It makes me so mad. As for the game, it is not “gay” and is not located in a bath house, as the writer insists. Also, writer. You spelled the word “Christian” wrong. And those aren’t glory holes. This post is full of fail and I am ashamed to live in the same world with people as ignorant as yourself. That is all.
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7:16 pm
Uh, just so you know, satire is high comedy. Which means that only more intelligent people get the joke.
Despite your own ignorance, I agree with you that homosexuals have just as much right to do anything a heterosexual is allowed to do.
Please, go read the TOS.
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3:25 pm
morrons
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4:32 pm
You know that Christwire is a spoof site, right?
…Right? =/
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7:09 pm
Sadly, most don’t.
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6:06 pm
satire + hate = hate, regardless of intent.
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6:18 pm
Do not feed this troll.
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10:17 pm
Whoa whoa whoa…
This guy is out there. do not DARE confuse these idiots with the rest of us christians.
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5:55 am
It is clear that you have been influenced by our faggot society. Back in the 40s I would not have stood for this shit when I was Fuhrer.
You are all as gay as a fat liberal feminist
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7:24 pm
Amen friend. I cannot believe how backwards some individuals actually are. Yes, Valve is recruiting homosexuals for their mission to destroy Christiandom. Oh yes, thats plausible. Especially considering how fragile that game industries profits are. Instead, they’ve turned over a new stone to make money by recruiting at risk individuals. Roflcopters all over your dying religious views, physco-guy. Oh by the way, we call this post a “flame” lololololz.
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7:16 am
You know this whole thing is a joke right? Lighten up..
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8:24 pm
It’s funny because the fact that this guy jumped to the conclusion about Portal 2 being based off of homosexuality suggests a little about the guy. A wise man named Freud suggested that all thoughts we make, positive or negative, come from a deeper place in our subconscious. Also, the guy put gay porn in his ‘article.’ I’m just saying…. Ya I’m pretty sure the guy who wrote this article is gay. I mean, I’m totally for it, but it must suck for him, being that homophobic and also being, in my opinion, gay.
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7:02 pm
this has to the be the WORST review of a game i have EVER seen, and using images of the 2 men lying ontop of each other to try and use fear mongering how stupid, i really did not realise there where people in the world like this until today, atleast not this bad. dildo’s? aids infested showers? are you on drugs? seriously HOW does someone see something that isnt there in these images, you see a familiar shape and suddenly its not shaped like a spike, or a banana nooooo its got to be a dildo xD maybe you should keep your kids away from fruit as they have shapes that are similar to body parts, you my friend have got to be the silliest man i have ever had the misfortune to come across, and god help your kids when they grow up knowing nothing of the real world all because you find offensive things in inoffensive shapes. but to be honest as soon as you said sometimes your kids stay over at more relaxed CHRISTIAN households, i thought yeah, they have to just like before you consider letting your kids stay over, what a horrible world we live in these days. and can i ask something, are you american? because im pretty sure only religious americans breed in this kind of stupidity. the world is done for and its people like that are the scum of the earth trying to pull it down with trash like this. free will no longer exsists in some households i guess, no more will kids be who they want to be, theyll be who there fear mongering parents want them to be, makes me truely sad.
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3:35 pm
This site is not run by Christians, but is clearly a site run by people trying to bash Christians and destroy their credibility by portraying them as stupid, prejudiced and bigoted with articles such as these. This site is NOT A CHRISTIAN SITE, but is probably run by athiests trying to destroy Christianity.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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3:56 pm
You’re doing that yourselves. See: Westborough Baptist Church.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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7:14 pm
“You’re doing that yourselves”?
Really!? Because a small, loud minority of people are “stupid, prejudiced and bigoted”, it is my fault?
If you ever studied the bible a little more than hearing out-of-context quotes then you may realize that Jesus is not anything at all like these extremist churches. There are crazy athiests and there are crazy Christians, but I don’t assume all athiests are crazy because of the crazy ones.
You know who reads this site? People who aren’t Christians. If an intense satire is the best way that someone can attack Christianity, then that’s a pretty pathetic attempt imho. Just the fact that you have 22 thumbs up and 2 thumbs down on what you wrote is clarification enough. The sad thing is, many non-Christians can’t seem to figure out that this is satire. Why? Because the “Christianity” that people here about is pretty much only the sour, twisted, and demented Christianity coming from extremists on TV.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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8:39 pm
Most people aren’t attacking Christianity. I myself am attacking the kings of olde England who decided they were going to warp the text to allow them to do whatever they wanted. I have no problem with Christians, the ones you see most and hear the loudest, sadly, ARE the crazy bigoted ones.
I don’t see the community doing anything to silence them either. Christians ARE in fact making themselves hated but only because of the bigoted ones who yell the loudest and giving people a reason to stereotype them. I’m sorry if I offended any of you good ones who follow the teachings of Jesus rather than take the literal sense and pick and choose what to follow and justify their bigoted actions with quotes from the bible.
Sadly, the religion is as stereotyped as others. Atheists need to learn to shut up and let people believe what they want and only go after the idiots who think they need to bomb abortion clinics and rain hate and “God will kill you for _____”.
I do want to take this time to point out that we had a recent encounter with Westborough trying to protest a soldiers funeral here (according to a friend) and she said several churches banned together and set up a picket line as well as several biker groups. Did this make the news? No. But it should have. Good things should make the news more and the bad things less. Maybe then people will learn to stop being bigot assholes like this guy who wrote this article. Pardon my language.
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6:42 pm
I hope it is run by a bunch of atheists and Christians haters, I’d donate to that group.
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4 
5
6:31 pm
If it is a site run by atheists trying to destroy another false religion, then good for them, this world will never know peace until all religion and all gods have been abolished from humanity
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
66 
34
12:30 am
My god! AuToFiRE is right! If we got rid of religion the whole world would be at peace because nobody in the world ever fights over anything other than religion.
Seriously? That’s a lot of crap. Getting rid of religion won’t do much in the way creating some great world wide peace. People don’t just hate each other because of religion. We hate each other over other stupid little things such as money, skin color, politics, etc.
Hot debate. What do you think?
17 
17
6:21 pm
No they’d just fight over football teams instead!
Praise or Condemn:
11 
1
7:35 pm
It is true that doing away with religion won’t solve all the problems of the world, but it would help more then people think. No religion means that the BIGGEST cause of hatred and intolerance through-out the history of mankind would be gone. Granted, there would be others who would find other ways of hating people, but you can’t honestly tell me that if Christianity or Catholicism never existed that wars fought in the name of “god” would have still happened.
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7 
3
12:11 pm
I got up this morning at 11:45 to make myself breakfast. Imagine my surprise, upon opening the fridge, that we had no eggs left. As a result, I screamed, threw a potted plant at someone outside my house, and declared war on China.
Clearly, however, this act was begun by religion, because in the Bible Jesus hatched out of an egg.
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3 
0
2:53 am
Yes, i for one wouldn’t murder you for your possessions if it wasn’t for religion… i mean there’s no advantage from that except pleasing the invisible sky genie…
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3 
0
7:45 pm
dude i seriously doubt that im religious but this is rediculous. the fact that this guy can look at a simple concept and find homo-erotic things in it shows how insane this man is. he believes he is a true christian when he is truly an extremist. To me his mind seems dirtier than the dirtiest minded non christian in the world. and that is saying something. looking for something that resembles a circle and cone he immediatly thinks GAY SHIT!! just makes me frown because he doesnt see that its not erotic. its a video game that is encompassing puzzles in a first person shooter genre. the portal gun shoots portals from which the player can travel from one side of a room to another avoiding dangers and solving puzzles. id love to see what this guy thinks of left 4 dead.
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6 
3
7:25 pm
Hey, cameron, I take offense to that “athiest” comment. Most athiests don’t want to shove their way of the world down peoples throats. We never fought wars to enslave whole nations into believing in our way of life.
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9 
3
9:55 am
Actually that is wrong. The largest atheist communities was probably communist China and The Sovjet Union. They have both killed lots of people for having a faith…
Praise or Condemn:
3 
3
3:50 pm
This has to be the funniest article I have ever read.
Playing Portal 2 will have you thinking nothing of this nonsense. I can’t believe the lies you’ve spewed here. Come on man, aren’t you trying to encourage Christianity?
Furthermore, in order to make this much justification of anything homosexual, you’d have to be into that gay kind of stuff. I mean, you must be mister Winkle, because hell–even I didn’t even know what glory holes looked like, and never connected Portal 2 to any form of homosexuality.
But now that you’ve taken “portals” to a [w-]“hole” new level, why not get angry at the movie “Holes”! It’s so blatantly obvious that the movie has to be gay. I mean, it’s title is “holes” and it goes on in the desert.
Hating on emerging media is so easy, an idiot could do it. So why judge a game you obviously haven’t played? And look at it so perversely? You must have something wrong with your head. You may even be having gay thoughts floating through your mind! Gasp! Ice Van Winkle–the gay pornstar?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
68 
3
9:09 pm
NO HE FUCKING ISN’T, YOU HUMORLESS IMBECILE.
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6 
16
3:54 pm
Stuff like this? This is why people start hating the people following the bible. You’re only finding ‘evidence’ because you’re warping it to fit your ideals. Congratulations, you turned a bed of spikes into a sexual object, you turned a bath house into an “aids infested bath house” which is actually just your own assumption and hatred being warped in there.
Those two robots are hugging, so what? They’re genderless. Robots and technology can’t have a gender since they don’t reproduce. The game is supposed to be a logic and puzzle game designed to challenge your child’s intellectuality. You’re just going looking into things that aren’t there.
You’re close minded and you can’t even let your kids play a game meant to be a challenge to them. You should be ashamed of yourself for this and for being such an outright nut job for taking Christianity so seriously. The bible is meant to give guidelines and teach you right from wrong, not give you set rules to condemn everyone.
If you really want to research into something go research into the bible’s history. About how it was revised several thousand times to fit a ruler so they could do what they want by the word of god. You should also realize that the devil and such were added in after the original context to scare people into following. You should stop preaching and read into your own religions history to find what you really should be preaching instead of a bunch of crap and garbage added in by monarchs to suit their own needs.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
58 
6
5:08 pm
This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. I grew up as a Christian and have now turned against the religion because of things like this. Portal is a fresh, inventive puzzle game. There are absolutely no homo innuendos hidden beneath any subtext here.
I think the author of this article is clearly brainwashed by Christianity to the point he has become insane or maybe he himself has gay fantasies of glory holes and such. He seems to know an awful lot more about that than what is going on in Portal. GIANT FAIL if you listen to this sad, ignorant human being.
Praise or Condemn:
23 
4
5:46 pm
Great investigative journalists cite their sources. This guy doesn’t.
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21 
2
5:50 pm
Bathhouses? Glory Holes?
Seriously, I want the version of the game you reviewed. Sounds a lot more fun than the one I paid for. =)
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
31 
1
7:42 pm
I am a christian, but this article was full of such stupidity and ignorance that anyone who actually believes what this man is saying is an idiot.
Praise or Condemn:
15 
2
8:18 am
This article appears as if it were divined by the Lord himself, if not wholly than by influence. I have never encountered more truths than the combinations of words and letters present on this page. Portal 2 is the work of Satan, luring children away from God and into the homosexual agenda to destablize all the good work the Lord has done.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
9
12:18 pm
lolfag
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2 
0
1:47 am
I am a devout Christian and this website is full of mor sin and blasphemy, the people writing for this “satyrical” site are getting a real raise out of people.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
7:58 pm
im christian and i find this rediculous if you can show me how this is great and any solid proof, then ill believe you. otherwise in the meantime i find you and the author mentally insane. ive played portal 2 im married and i play this with my wife. the “dildos” kill you and they arent “dildos” they are spikes. i wonder what he would have thought if this guy saw a spike trap in vietnam set by vietcong. would he its a metaphor for us to stick these in our asses rather than to fall in and die. seriously its a video game. yes there are gay people in this world. yes there are homo-erotic games and videos but they are on the internet for those searching for it. good sir i find you to be the most homo-phobic man in the world. and i do find you mentally impared and christian intellectual i find you to not be so intellectual unless by intellectual you define it as “thinks of gay things”. i dont think anyone will be able to get the fact that this is a video game not meant as a tool of corruption to turn kids into homos. it is actually people like you that make the children gay. if you keep something from a child like any kind of candy dont they want that thing even more? they become so curious they want to try it. let them make the decisions themselves
Praise or Condemn:
10 
3
8:27 pm
Truly one of the most idiotic and ridiculous people to ever walk the earth. Bravo, sir.
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8 
2
2:57 am
Slow down with the self congratulations there sport.
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2 
2
8:56 pm
You will rot at my place. Meet you on the other side of the glory hole.
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7 
0
9:27 pm
all i have to say is wow,oh and that the author is an idiot.
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7 
2
10:06 pm
Yes because that is what Christ the teacher of love,patience and repentance would do… I am not gay, however neither is God, and he loves all of his children. He will hate the sin, but not the sinner. A person who was taken advantage of by the devil in a moment of weakness. In NO way is this game homosexual, it’s a robot game… and for the author of this game being such a devout Christian, he sure has a dirty mind.
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7 
0
10:49 pm
hehehehe this is ridiculous. this game has nothing to do with gays. it’s about time and space disruptions. If you seriously think that people think so hard as to make games around being gay, you are over thinking and paranoid. I’d like to hear what the creators of the game would say to this. How would you like if you made a movie with your children, and every one around you told you you were now a pedophile because there are children in your movie. it’s really not that far from how you are portraying this game.
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7 
0
12:21 am
don’t be ignorant. all this talk about hatred is disgustingly non-christian. god loves all his children right? that means homosexuals included. and those of you who are so very ‘disgusted’ by gays? it’s irrational and you all probably ant to try it yourselves get lives!
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3 
0
7:44 pm
I wonder how many gay-bashers had sex before marriage. After all, that suppose to be wrong too.
Also, I think that humans don’t possess the right to try passing judgement on each other. Nor do I think that people have the right to say what God thinks. If you can bring me a copy of the bible writing by God HIMSELF, that expressly says “God hates fags” then I’ll shut up. But as for every other copy of the bible ever written, don’t forget, it was written by men that died before you were even an itch in the dads pants.
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3 
0
2:15 am
Dear Christian Intellectual,
First of all im ammused in the oxymoron of a screen name you have selected.
secondly, have you ever heard of providing proof Valve software is in no way associated with NAMBLA i mean fucking honestly could you spout propaganda that’s not blatant lies and slander, I mean do you really think this game is homosexual? Or are you just butt-hurt over the fact that this game doesn’t teach your kids Christianity? and i mean if your butt-hurt your a faggot yourself sir or ma’am. Now if you want a game to cry about try Assassin’s Creed 2 you actually murder the pope because he’s such a dick.
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7 
0
2:34 am
Dear “really bro?”
You misspelled the insult “moron” and i don’t appreciate rude language, i treat everyone with respect and i expect the same.
Mr Van Winkle provided enough proof for me, he is a great Journalist/Father/Christan with great credibility.
This “game” was created to brainwash children into SODOMY, RAPE, HOMOGAYNESS and SATANISM.
Why are you defending this FILTH?, I think that YOU are a member of NAMBLA.
I will contact my friends on the FBI about you, i will pray that they catch you before you hurt another child.
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
41
3:02 am
Well, you certainly ARE a moron.
There’s only lies about this game. You are nothing more than a paranoid fool who projects hatred in everything. You don’t do research, and you even said that logic and reason are evil things, so how can you create ANY way of your views as being right if you’re going to completely ignore the basics of understanding?
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11 
0
3:44 am
why dont you go join the westbro church and go protest soldiers funeral
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7 
0
3:53 am
I have exchanged a couple of emails with pastor Fred Phelps we agree in some issues and we disagree in others, he has good intentions but his methods are wrong.
Protesting soldiers funerals is WRONG they are American heroes i don’t support that.
GOD LOVES AMERICA.
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1 
23
3:54 am
What if the soldier was gay? Would you protest it then?
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6 
0
3:58 am
NO.
They are already in hell why would i waste my time ?.
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3 
25
5:57 am
just fixing a error you made GOD LOVES AMERICA. no no no I think you mean GOD LOVES THE WORLD or is it AMERICA. or is it that wrong just checking
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9 
0
10:31 pm
I am a soldier. It is my personal belief that all members of the Westboro Batist Church should face a guillotine or rope. As well as anybody who would agree with them. They are filth upon this world that do not deserve the ability to breath our air. There’s nothing Christ-like about 98% of Christians these days. If god did exist, he’d be pretty pissed off.
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6 
0
12:29 pm
@Christian Intellectual
What the fuck did gays ever do to you anyway? What is wrong with loving the same sex? Love is love you fuckhead, deal with it. What if you were gay? Would you kill yourself or what? Because that seems like something you would do.
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3 
0
5:41 am
If Mr Van Winkle is such a great journalist and if you are going to attack someone for spelling, maybe someone should take into consideration his misspelling of “Christian” as “Chrisian”…. Just saying
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4 
3
8:08 am
You have SO little to argue against “really bro” that you’re actually going after his Typos?
S A D.
FYI : Valve has ZERO association with NAMBLA. GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT.
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6 
1
7:21 pm
“Get your facts right”?
Maybe you haven’t figured it out yet, but this site is satire. Shouldn’t you also be checking your facts?
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4 
0
8:19 am
People like you are part of the reason America still can’t become a the home of the free, and is not admired by the rest of the world. your homophobic tendancies appear to drive you into a state of hate-mongering rage when confronted with something completely harmless. It is not Valve, a respectable company that if at fault here, it is you. Where to start on your twisted analysis? Well: The “Portals” in the game are nothing but a theoretical scientific tool to explain conserved motion while physically falling downwards. Nothing remotely sexual, THEORETICAL SCIENCE, a “what if we could make these?” scenario. The “Test chambers”, “Areas” or “Rooms” in this game are Not Bathroom, and i have no clue what gave you that idea, much past grasping at straws. They are made up of Panels which are controlled by a supercomputer who constantly tests subjects, or after completion, The two robots. The panels are completely harmless, and are equivalent to “Walls that have the capacity to move”
I’m a Proud British citizen, and i can assure you, sir that Valve is a respectable company, that the game has NO sexual motive, and also that this article reminds me of a muslim protest of the game “little big planet” – during which a million copies were burnt. You are acting like an extremest shea muslim. (not that i have anything against muslims.)
God as you call him, according to your holy book, which i have studied, created the animals, including man, equally. Why is it wrong to be Homosexual? “”They called to Lot and asked him where the men were who had entered his house that night. ‘Bring them out,’ they shouted, ‘so that we might have intercourse with them.’” – King david, extract from the bible.
So, having read a passage from the bible, tell me, what is wrong according to your ideology with other people’s life choices and sexuality? is it really your business?
If you want a game you can be angry at, look up “Grand theft auto IV”, or “Deadspace” – i’m sure those will keep you ranting for a good while.
But sir, portal, and portal 2 are not evil. they are fun games, not because they brainwash me to think something, but because they provide a mental puzzle-solving challenge, with supporting humor and a good plot.
Could you do yourself a favor, and play this american made game, without a condemning eye? it has no hostile intent towards your children, which is why it was given a “12+” rating by your government. Assuming your children are over 12, there is nothing negative they could learn from it.
Can you please post any evidence of Valve being “MEMBERS OF NAMBLA” (which is like saying your secretary is a member of al’quieda)
The game industry is a largely American industry, and tends to uphold family values to the utmost. Support the economy, your country and by extension, your schools and family by supporting these taxpaying developers.
- Rational thought.
It’s not a bad game.
Praise or Condemn:
9 
0
7:49 pm
Lol dude, you are such a retard. And I don’t mean like “dee-dee-dee, my brain doesn’t work right” retard. I mean “I believe anything I’m told, so I’ll go back to eating my dog-turd pie because the bunny told me to” retard.
All you do is sit there and say “I think that YOU are blah blah blah”. So please, be my guest, call the FBI on me, tell them your stupid opinion. Then when they come down and to check out my computer and find nothing but porn of women, age 18+ that have big bouncing tits (not like you know what those are), I’ll sue your ass and take you to court.
Either act or shut up, fucking homo-troll.
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5 
0
7:39 pm
So you’re accusing this person of being part of child molesters and threaten to call members of the FBI just because he proved you wrong over your completely incorrect assumptions of a puzzle game (Have you even played the first Portal, what are you opinions on that while you’re at it? But then again, no one will even care anyways.) Shit, you’re more pathetic than we all thought.
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3 
0
3:00 am
The sad part is that this is kinda lame as far as trolling goes…
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0 
0
12:17 am
Dear Christian Intellectual,
You are a fucking idiot. The End.
Oh and just FYI the FBI is a government run agency AS IN they follow the Constitution and we all no everyones favorite thing about the Constitution dont we…FREE SPEECH. So, as I know you are truly as dumb as you sound please go ahead and contact them because all you are going to hear before they hang up on you is their laughter and them calling you a DUMB-ASS for even trying to get someone arrested for child rape or molestation simply because they like a video game.
p.s.s You sir are a fucking MORON.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
0
1:00 am
Dear O (member of NAMBLA),
I am not an idiot, i have an excellent knowledge of the Bible and i always get perfect scores in Christian IQ tests.
Free speech is one of our God given rights and i have nothing against it but i do have something against NAMBLA, RAPE, Homogayness, CHILD RAPE and SATAN.
I called the FBI and they told me that they are already investigating Portal 2 they also told me that they will look into the NAMBLA members/supporters that made comments here.
Portal 2 was created by NAMBLA, Satan and the homogay agenda to SODOMIZE the minds of CHILDREN and to turn them into satanic homogay sex slaves, Why do you support something like THAT?.
ps: Your child molesting days are going to be over soon (i reported you to the FBI) and you are going to burn in hell.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
11
10:07 pm
I really hope to god that this a joke.
If not, well your clearly uneducated, and a reply to the artical: I think your gay period.
[You suck]
[For not]
[Participating]
[In this]
[Enrichment center]
[Activity!]
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2 
0
6:06 pm
Your Christian!? You seem to spend your time making False accusations, and fighting with people. Calling people “Morons” and “Homogays” “Child molesters” “Satanists” WHO ARE YOU to make these accusations!? When you could be doing something else like being a missionary in Africa or something!? I Think Satan has blinded you from the truth! What if I called you are a Child molester!? I would be using the same amount of evidence that you have..? You Satanic, Homogay, Prostitute, Cuntbag, Penis faced, Diarrhea Slurper! See It’s that easy. Now is any of that true? I don’t know… But I know your a confused person. You misuse the internet. And are a disgrace to God himself… You Internet Troll.
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1 
0
2:24 am
I didn’t see any proof of anything other than the author is a raging douche that sees homosexuality in just about anything. It’s just a game. It’s people like the author of this P.O.S article that turned me away from Christianity. People that always go on about how God hates gays and then go on about how he loves everyone.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
3:54 am
Here are some other reasons to keep your innocent Christian boys (or girls! the game also attempts to suck in your young girls by way of a “Bring Your Daughter to Work” day) away from this monstrous title:
- Copious amounts of Science. To expose our children to such large amounts of Science would forever scar their fragile minds.
- Demon possession. How else would those electronic devil boxes talk?!
- Inaccurate depiction of the Earth and Moon. VALVe would have us believe that the Earth and Moon are spherical!
- Idol worship. The companion cube takes away praise that should only be given up to our Lord.
Praise or Condemn:
17 
1
6:00 am
but the companion cube is destoryed all the time in both games.
as for the planet remark, look at a fucking globe you twit and dont be blind.
I know you christians dont like science but to be blinded by the truth is stupid, why no step infront of a moving bus i am sure god will save you
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5 
7
8:12 am
Hey…I think that the above piece was meant to be ironic. Unless it’s not, in which case, shame on the author. But it’s obviously ironic.
Annnnd: If the Author is really a pious man, how can his mind possibly contain such perverted thoughts?
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2 
0
8:12 am
Hey…I think that the above piece was meant to be ironic. Unless it’s not, in which case, shame on the author. But it’s obviously ironic.
Annnnd: If the author of the article is really a pious man, how can his mind possibly contain such perverted thoughts?
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
7:52 pm
My friend, you have won at trolling the troll.
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1 
0
4:30 am
I am a christian catholic and not only own and play this game but have to say you sir are an idiot. Im not into the name calling thing but my god can tell the difference between bad and decent entertainment. Just because you want people to follow your words and rebel against something you believe is horrible doesn’t mean it is. Secondly if it were bad why not use this tool to your advantage instead of ban it and abolish it from your life. Use it in a good way you fool.
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0 
0
4:54 am
You are so silly!, religion is condemned to disappear thanks to people like you. Keep up the good work!
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3 
0
5:42 am
This guy who wrote this does really work hard to compare evry little thing with a perverted thing. The “dildoes” he see most people will connect that with spikes not dildoes. only people who wants the game to be perverted does that….
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0 
0
8:37 am
For a wholesome Christian father, this guy sure knows all the right links to get pictures for glory holes and gay porn scenes.
I really pray that this man is a troll,another name for a general internet douche bag. If he’s not then there is no excuse for this type of blind sided ignorance. The game is about puzzle solving and overcoming seemingly impossible odds.
If this guy truly sees nothing but penises and glory holes then that shows the caliber of his mind. And also he must think pretty highly of himself if he’d consider using a hole that size as a glory hole.
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0 
0
3:45 pm
What the fucking kind of people have you been watching to think your chest is where your dick is located?
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4 
0
4:00 pm
I don’t know the author of this article, but it’s sure that :
- He’s obsessed by homosexuality, seing it in every little aspect of common life. Who sees glory holes, saunas, sextoys in those images ? It’s just a futuristic game, showing an inhuman world.
- He has a big moustache ! That’s a sign, no ?
- He absolutely wants to control what his familiy does and think, and other people as well wouldnt afraid him.
- He often mixes the concepts of christ and homosexuality in the same sentence.
And what I see, it’s that a lot of people don’t assume their feelings, and that make them agressive…
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2 
0
4:21 pm
Wow such a large load of bull shit to assume portal 2 is promoting homosexuality, then again christianity while may be a good idea i see 90% of christians as hypocrytes anyway, and with all the fucked up things throughout the entire world that just point to we are all going to hell anyway why give 2 shits about homosexuality anyway, also for those who wanna say america is found on religion, if you understand religion properly only 1 political party religion would even support- true communism, which imo is just stupid
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
4:29 pm
Yes, that would be the homogays, and this game IS a perfect example of how they are recruiting our children into the service of Satan.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
13
4:33 pm
here is a thought for you, that little profile pic, you look like a fairly wealthy individul, to me means you probably love getting more money, which is greed which is a sin, you “repent” to god to forgive you, but your not truely sorry for that because it helps you survive but if your not sorry no point in forgiving there for it doesnt matter what you do your going to hell anyway
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3 
0
10:06 pm
here is a thought for you, that little profile pic, you look like a fairly wealthy individul, to me means you probably love getting more money, which is greed which is a sin, you “repent” to god to forgive you, but your not truely sorry for that because it helps you survive but if your not sorry no point in forgiving there for it doesnt matter what you do your going to hell anyway, and back on the original topic gays are whats wrong with the world, think about it this way, legitly speaking one of the worlds biggest problems is over population, while you have the goverment promoting capatalism which incourages teh sins of greed and envy, you also include the fact the more people have been killed in teh name of god(which is also a sin) then for any other reason, i dont see how gays can harm society as a whole, in fact they help it by not having less children born into the world and instead if they still wanted a kid they could still adopt one of the kids that have been abandoned by a straight and less capable couple. when you think about it properly and logically they can still help everyone, and back with how current society encourages sin, if they are deadly sins then why is society growing because of said sins. this is but one of many reasons im agnostic absurdist
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3 
0
9:14 am
nyao i will offer up this challenge, im bisexual and a furry to keep in mind, tell me how and why i am wrong and i “might” apologize for what i said, convince me and maybe i would even convert, i believe in god but not religion, and quite frankly even if the bible is right i have no faith in human nature of anyone that any of us are going to heaven therefor i live life the best i can
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3 
0
5:44 pm
Regardless of religion, how can you so blatantly hate gay people? Being gay is not a choice, and the way you choose to wrap our head around a video game actually says more about you than it does about the game. All this article proves is that you lack the ability to have an open mind. Are you really that afraid that a video game is going to “turn” your son, because believe me – if he did “turn”, it would be because of pre-determined genetics. You sir, are a biggot, writhing in hatred. If we are all created in Gods imagine, why do gay people exist if it is wrong? Open your eyes and stop hating people. A portion of humanity is humanity all the same.
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4 
0
8:45 pm
I would love to show you the wonders of a big gay glory hole infested bath house
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3 
0
5:18 am
lol so many dumb people in the world petty much im wondering about the man who wrote this…. knows so much gay terms and knows all about the “GAY” life, i wonder what you do on the computer that you keep locked away from everyone…. wonder what some people might find on ur locked up comp well when ur kids turn 18 they can get away from what ever you might put them through…. god knows i would want to be as far away as possible from people like you.
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1 
1
12:36 pm
“You´re really sick. Someone who sees sexual acts everywhere has a big problem. You shouldn´t have children, you´ll just make them unhappy because of the bad uprising of a christian fanatic. One more thing, you´re embarrasing everyone who shares your beliefs and fostering intolerance against your religion by your own intolerance. Think about it, “Christian intellectual”.
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0 
0
2:03 am
Your mustache is a throw back to 1980s style porn where everyone was overly hairy. Shave it off and dont tempt your kids with your perverted pubic facial follicles every again.
You are disgrace to the lord all mighty.
Fucking ignorant human.
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12:36 pm
This is quite possibly the most absurd piece of literature I’ve ever seen “published” by the Christians. I laughed through the whole thing. It was a good laugh anyway!
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3:07 pm
Wow. The most inaccuurate misreprentation of a WONDERFUL game I have ever read. I cannot believe that as a website you would even publish this article. This story has more sexual references than the GAME does. The game in no way, shape, or form does or represent any of the things this guy says. I am ashamed that this man calls himself a Christian after writing this kind of filth.
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1 
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11:11 am
Two things, Firstly i don’t know what planet you are on but clearly this is an innocent game, your talking complete non sense probably because all you can think about is Gay Men.
Secondly what do you people have against gay people, a true christian would show some compassion and accept people not Judge them.
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1 
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1:40 pm
you base an entire article off of facts you got from bing? thats like trying to finish a history essay using google as your source, that will surely land you an F
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2:40 pm
SOURCES? SHOW ME PROOF THAT VALVE AND NAMBLA ARE RELATED! I WANT EMPIRICAL AND RATIONAL EVIDENCE OR ELSE YOU ALL WILL DIE UNDER THE 666TH AMENDMENT BECAUSE I LIKE RAPING BOYS.
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11:37 pm
Are you kidding me? This game is in no way related to any homosexual agenda. The fact that these people automatically thought about homosexuality leads me to believe they are fighting their own repressed emotions about being homosexual themselves and have decided to project their feelings on to others so they dont have to admit that fact to themselves. Let me tell you something else, if God is truly loving of all people you better go home and do ten hail marys before he smites you for bashing his other children. I pray for your children I really do because if you shelter them this much i can only imagine what they are going to do with all their freedom once they get to college and dont have to live under your insane rules and deranged opinions of people who are slightly different than you. You are a pathetic excuse for a Christian sir as any good Christian would have the decency to get to know people before making judgments because it is not your place to say where certain people should end up. I am disgusted to say that I share thee same religion as you and if there are any other good Christians here you can bet they dont want to be cast in with you once they reach the gates of Heaven.
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1 
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12:18 am
You people are such hypocrites, do you know what jesus and god would say about this ? They would say love and respect everyone, even if they’re gay. If being gay was such a big deal it would’ve been in the 10 commandments, but its not. Satan wants you to hate the gays, because as long as you hate instead of love your playing into his hands. Being gay is acceptable in gods eyes because love comes from the soul, not the physical body, and when we die it is our soul that is judged not our body. So spread the love, not the hate <3
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1 
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1:20 am
Valve have stated time and again that P-Body (the taller robot) is a girl. So…how can she be gay?
Do some actual research. http://half-life.wikia.com/wiki/Portal_2 the official wiki will provide with plenty of answers for those looking for them.
That’s a giant mashy spike plate the player has to get past. Are you going through some kind of envy?
The place is dark because it’s an abandoned research facility. Guess what would probably run out over the course of a few hundred years. Hint: Light bulb.
Those ‘glory holes’ disperse different kinds of gels. Both to repel the player to advance through the level. In fact, go stick your dick in that blue one. You’d end up squashed on the other side of the room.
Really. Where did you find this bull that you call research? You didn’t even get the gender of the robots right.
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1 
1
5:16 pm
you are probably gay and stuck with a wife you cant stand. how many times did you beat off to the picture of the gay guys? not one thing in this makes sense…. only a total and complete pervert would make those connections.
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0
11:07 am
Troll.
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1 
0
3:59 pm
first of all robots don’t have penises.
second all i can say is that you’re a fanatic who lives in the middle centuries. if we ban video games why don’t we ban computers as well, or even sewers because the tubes are round and kids may think they drink from giant penises lol, you’re nothing but an old-minded man!
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1 
0
2:20 am
I kinda wish I had an awesome Penis Gun like Chell… If only my dreams would just come true!
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0
5:58 am
is this a troll site or are you people just this ignorant.
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2 
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6:08 am
I don’t know much of your “trolls”, but if you are looking for good, Christian fellowship, you came to the right place. I’d leave your trolls, elves and fairies off of this site though.(just a hint from one Christian to another)
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1 
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12:05 am
OMG lol this made me giggle so much…..games like this dont make us kids gay! stating at that sexy naked jesus does! btw that pic of the gays dudes as hott! oooooh jaysus
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0
10:30 pm
hahahahahah funniest article ever, unless, which i doubt it’s real. then it would be the most poorly written piece of journalism ever on the internet considering every single “fact” is completely wrong. but i’m going with ‘it’s fake’ i simply don’t believe anyone could be this dumb.
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1 
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10:31 am
WOW for a zealous HOMOphobe you sure do know alot about their culture and im sure you had your childrens genitals mutilated at birth to honor your bearded invisible wizard in the sky im sure you know how many “christian” people are child molesters hell im sure that after doing your “research” on homosexual lifestyles you had a thought or two about getting pounded in the butt and you might like it
ALL HAIL CTHULHU
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1 
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10:42 am
I think this guy, is way into gay activities than he wants to admit, usually those who make the big deal about something, are the one doing such act, Guy just wants to be Pounded by a BIG BLACK COCK.
The Cake is a Lie.
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2 
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8:53 pm
This article is exactly why human-organized religion should be banned…very comical tho…if the first thing a man sees when he looks at a picture are black dildos, then he secretly has homosexual tendencies…the ones to fight against and bash the homosexuals the hardest are usually the ones who live the lifestyle behind closed doors
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8:11 am
FUCK. TARDS. THE LOT OF YOU, CHRISTIAN BASTARDS.
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4:28 am
My god, this website is a great fun read. You serious dude. Every hole you see in a wall you think is a glory hole? Even ‘spike’ you see is a dildo? Man, you are one repressed gay man. Every word you hear in life translates to some sort of homo-gay thing. Which by the way, Homo and Gay are descriptions of the same word. Its like calling a car an Automobile-Car, its redundant and truly highlights one of your avenues of ignorance. Good day, Demon.
And i say that because Demons are the lap-c**ts of Satan and his selfish values. Jesus and God say that true LOVE is when you commit yourself to the service of others. How, is finding the ‘homo-gay’ faults in EVERYTHING you see, a service to others? How is spreading hate and self deprecation a service to others? Be a service to the other-selves in this world,as Jesus said “And I will answer, ‘When you refused to help the least of these my brothers, you were refusing help me.” Jesus said to treat EVERYONE as you would wish to be treated, and that does not mean ‘Treat everyone with a smile, its what I would want’. NO! It means, TREAT EVERYONE AS IF IT WERE YOURSELF! As we are ALL made of God’s Will, we are made of God’s thoughts and desires for us free willed spirits to explore and experience the joys of the physical universe, only so that we may return, with the KNOWLEDGE that we are ALL MADE OF GOD’S WILL, and that, makes us ALL EQUALS. We have one true substance to us, and that is God’s desires for us, which makes us ALL EQUALS.
Demons and their spreading of hate. I hope, and I pray, the Love emanating from God, Christ, and all of their LOVING brothers and sisters (as only a KING of MEN would consider other-selves to be Subjects, not equals) finally reaches you, and you can open your heart enough accept the joyous Love that pours out of the universe for ALL to relish in. Learn to Love, and friend, the Love will be INFINITE that is returned to you.
God’s love is water, and YOU are the faucet. Should you shut your supply, and save it for yourself, NO water flows, you are DEVOID of Love. The man that opens his faucet and gives Love to EVERYONE he meets, regardless, will have a bountiful supply of love provided to keep that faucet pouring. Love is meant to be given away, not kept. For if you keep Love, then you my friend, are a lap-b**ch of Satan and his selfish desires. Spread Love and you will know no other happiness in life as sweet as that.
New mothers tend to ‘glow’ or those in new love tend to ‘glow’ when we describe them. Its because its POURING from them. A new mother for example has NOTHING to gain from her baby. It is too young to give Love back, or to even understand. Yet the smile on a mother’s face is uncannily in pure Love and pure happiness. Because they know with out a doubt, that they have given all of their Love and energy to a being who they have no idea if later life will return the favor, and thus is their beauty. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, the true desires of God and Christ. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
LOVE not what a person has done, but LOVE the person for the sole desire that they see the wrong in their actions, and accept love themselves. You do not love, you force your design of what ‘love’ is on others. To Love is to give with out return, to love a being for being a child of God, not for being homeless, a homo-gay, or of another race.
Your a bigot, a hater, a deeply suppressed homosexual (the real dictionary word for your redundantly horrible butchering of grammar when you say homogay), and above all else. YOUR HATE MAKES YOU A LAP-B**CH OF SATAN! Heathen sinner! your hatred and close mindedness condemns all of us, your other-self brothers and sisters, to the same PAIN you will face when you stand before judgement. As we are all His children, and all of the same material, HIS MATERIAL. He will judge you, and we are your brothers and sisters made of the same stuff as you, WE WILL DEAL WITH YOUR PAIN, and WE will accept it, and WE will LOVE you with all our being, and PRAY with all our hearts that you learn LOVE and return to us. All man and all manner of Demon are forgivable. God would even forgive Lucifer should he decide to repent for what he has done, as God is all forgiving, for we are made of his Love/Light. And He knows above all else, that we are made of Love and can learn to let it course through us again! Your are forgivable Demon, you can still repair the emotional and spiritual damage you are inflicting on your children, and your brothers and sisters in Love. I pray for you, I pray with all my being. I pray that you find Love and turn away from the Hate. Mr. Ice Van Winkle, we all Love you, and truly desire to see you in Heaven with us. Please, shed your hate, please I beg you.
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1 
0
7:51 pm
its a parody, honestly, does anyone truly believe that Portal2 is a gay infested game? go to thier book selling page, that should enlighten you
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0
11:13 pm
Aperture Science hereby fully and absolutely rebuff the arguments made by the author. This decision was made after a thourough examination of the crap that instills itself here. As an employee of Aperture Science, I can fully say that Aperture Science is not a gay bathouse. We may be gay but we don’t have sex within our facilities.[[citation needed]]Deeply offended by your statements against our company, we may take legal action. Thus, every morning, when you wake up with a condom in your anal cavity, we want you to remember the name ApertureScience. With due regard, Fuck you. love, GLaDOS
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2 
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11:15 pm
Aperture Science inc hereby fully and absolutely rebuff the arguments made by the author. This decision was made after a thourough examination of the crap that instills itself here. As an employee of Aperture Science, I can fully say that Aperture Science is not a gay bathouse. We may be gay but we don’t have sex within our facilities.[[citation needed]]Deeply offended by your statements against our company, we may take legal action. Thus, every morning, when you wake up with a condom in your anal cavity, we want you to remember the name ApertureScience. With due regard, Fuck you. love, GLaDOS
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0 
0
4:18 pm
is this some kind of elaborate troll attempt? because i cant believe someone would be this fucking stupid about portal 2.
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1 
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12:55 pm
You are FUCKING RETARDED. I am a christian and this game has nothing to do with homosexuality. At this point, because of this ONE article and the stupidity of people like you I may become atheist.
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2 
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12:52 pm
Honestly, you sir are an idiot beyond idiots. i am a christian and i love Portal 2. everything that you are saying is so stupid that i literally face-palmed myself and asked myself why where you looking up gay necessities. this is the perfect game for your children to play and i am honestly ashamed of you for stopping your kids from playing a game that challenges the human mind. you sir are very mislead and i hope God can show you the light from your inhumane choice to lead your freind from burning a 60 dollar video game that the company Valve worked for so long to develop and you are saying all the wrong things about this perfectly normal video game.
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0 
0
3:06 am
The father is a real smart one. I mean portal 2 as a homosexual recruitment game, really? And the “what body part does that mean?” It isn’t a body part at all its the name of a game (which you probably know by know)that is based of your logic that has you solve puzzles. The “Dildos” as you call them are anything but, they are spike held in place by pistons that add to the challenge of you getting through the room before your robotic body gets crushed. Also whilst reading this, i get the fact that you are an extremist and a homophobe! Portal 2 is an amazing game of logic, not gay sexual innuendos. So now pull your head out of your homophobic ass.
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0
2:02 am
i love this website. for clarification, search “poe’s law” on wikipedia.
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0
10:23 am
you see, what you want to see. think about it. there’s more gay stuff on the pictures u posted, than on the whole game.
btw: the room full of black dildos is a room full of thorns designed to kill. i don’t think dildos do that, but you might know better.
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0
10:42 pm
Lies, when research and actual investigation is too much work. Brought to you by Christianity.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
114 
8
10:48 pm
Iceman!
Most of the pictures and words were blocked by my chrisTwire internets services modem.
However, I did see you used Bing for your research so nice work.
I don’t know much about portals, but after watching that stargate documentary, nothing good can come of this.
Hot debate. What do you think?
9 
92
8:37 am
bing is shit, try google next time… oh wait.. a boob may show up! Oh the humanity!!! Praise the lord!!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
96 
1
9:13 am
Since Google supports open source software it is suspect to be communist. Microsoft is good old American capitalism.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
99
9:23 am
But Microsoft are the exact people who allowed Portal 2 to be released on PC and Xbox360.
Your capitalist gods are homos.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
79 
2
12:41 pm
What about the number of free demos that Microsoft puts out on the market? Surely that must be a form of communism, right?
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24 
0
2:04 pm
You don’t know jack. You can’t even spell “christian” right, you tool.
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22 
2
5:11 pm
But Bling has be accused of copying search results from Google. So is Microsoft really such a good company then?
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12 
1
10:08 pm
Dominant Bear??? Swishing Bottom??? i know quite a few gay people and i have no idea what that means …and what does homogay mean ….isnt that a little redundant?
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5 
0
10:43 pm
Sir did you not notice the game was E+10 which means Everyone 10 and up? I respect your thoughts on the game but not EVERYTHING is homosexual…next you were being racist when you said
“Is this what you want for your white Chrisian son?”
You should go ask for forgiveness.
I am Christian and I follow the Catholic church and I’m VERY sure the GOD you and I worship and respect IS FOR A FACT AGAINST RACISM!
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4 
0
3:33 am
please Please PLEASE pull the hair out your ass.
Thank You
~Managment
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4 
0
4:27 pm
Why do you have a pedo-stache?
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0
10:10 pm
My friend searched up at my SCHOOL, *One of the TOP School in the nation* Looked up the word ‘NO’ on images *bing* He DOES NOT WANT TO SAY WHAT HE FOUND!
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0 
0
11:37 pm
Actually the word Portal is meaning for a GATE or DOORWAY which can also be used and HAS been used as Religion is the PORTAL to happiness if they used Portal in that saying why aren’t people going again’st that…why? because its an actual word NO it is not slang
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0 
0
10:52 pm
I think the fact this is unavailable for the Oui is a sure sign it is a Gaymaker Game.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
73
10:55 pm
Why aren’t you cleaning your husband’s clothes?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
67 
9
11:03 pm
Why aren’t you busy bleaching a little something?
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
62
11:10 pm
What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
63 
4
12:58 am
Yeah bitch, what makes you so special that you can have a career while telling other women that they’re not supposed to?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
30 
4
8:20 am
Heey guys and womens(who need to get back to the kitchen)
You know that you all just looked at gay porn, right.
Also, what the fuck, let me guess, you are all americans?![]()
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
58 
1
9:51 am
This is what China for our white Christian sons. Thank goodness my boys don’t have access to the filthy internets.
Hot debate. What do you think?
3 
69
12:24 pm
You girls need to stop licking ideas off of Clarie.
Hot debate. What do you think?
2 
31
12:43 pm
Now Blanche, who the fuck are you talking to? Have you just gone and lost your mind, what little you had before?
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16 
1
9:04 pm
Oh pshaw, you bleeding-heart communazi bra-burner.
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1 
8
9:16 pm
No really Blanche, who the fuck were you talking to, you’re mentally retarded and can’t read. It couldn’t have been me since I’ve stated several times that I’m a guy, but you’re too stupid to read that so I’m left with the assumption that, yes, you ARE talking to me. A guy. When you clearly girls and put aside Claire meaning that she was not who you were talking to.
So explain.
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4 
1
9:17 pm
L.N Men DO NOT call women the “B word”
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4 
10
11:48 pm
how do you know valve is owned by nambla?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
52 
1
1:29 am
I have a high tech friend in my Church
Hot debate. What do you think?
3 
87
1:33 am
Who apparently is a habitual liar.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
91 
1
2:02 pm
Who is apparently a habitual crack smoker.
FTFY
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
46 
0
2:03 pm
You are so full of shit. You have absolutely no idea about how the world works. You and your friends seem to make up any old bullshit to make yourself seem like “good christians”. You are so obviously a closet homosexual, if God is real and you die, you’ll go up to Heaven, God will come to the gate and tell you to fuck off down to Hell for being such an obvious liar.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
30 
2
9:50 pm
i so agree with on that one. because last time i check people should not judge other people for what they believe in. so far as u christians go get the fuck off your high horse.
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0
5:00 pm
Ice — I am SO glad that you have come here at great peril to yourself and your family to finally tell the truth about this egregious tool of homosexuality.
I do not think that there are any “games” that can be brought into Christian homes. All games are the work of the devil himself– but some are a little more crafty than the others.
This is why we should sit and read the bible fully every day… because we must protect ourselves from the crafty beast. You should thank your high tech friend in your church. He is a true saint!
I have even heard that Cooking Mama was developed by an agent of Satan to spread more gluttony to underdeveloped nations.
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7 
20
6:41 pm
I’d like to point some facts about this “Ice Van Winkle” person, which by the way, I found out using bing:
1. He is a druggy (Ice is slang for crystal meth)
2. He is a pedophile (Because everyone knows that pedophiles pick up kids in vans)
3. Winkle, according to dictionary.com and merriam webster dictionary, means to pry out, kind of like prying out a certain something out of a guy’s pants (because you can’t do that to a girl fyi)
SO, in conclusion, using this man’s logic, i have figured out that Ice Van Winkle is, in fact, a drug dealing homosexual pedophile. Enough said.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
34 
0
7:10 pm
Silly Spuds, underdeveloped nations can’t afford to buy Cooking Mama
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2 
0
9:02 pm
Show me a real source, asshole. My friend says that the church is the source of the devil. Okay, they’re both true then?
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2 
1
4:11 am
because God told them…..duh.
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0 
0
1:40 am
Yaaay, I’m getting the game today!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve always wanted to become gay!!!!!!!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
112 
1
7:32 am
Another fine example of how stupid christianity and the adults who have imaginery friends are.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
71 
3
6:26 pm
yeah, keep worrieng about this games, with your filthy mind. and forget about the things that really matter.
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1 
4
7:51 am
are you fucking serious.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
64 
1
7:57 am
Seriously, you cant seriously believe Valve software to be owned by such an outrageous group, it is owned by 2 former microsoft employees, with absolutely NO CONNECTION WHATSOEVER to Nambla.
Valve Software has released a mass array of successful products.
You’re argument is invalid and all your evidence is false.
Any relation to any sexual manner is purely coincidental.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
53 
1
8:02 am
this is the dumbest shit i’ve ever read
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
56 
0
7:13 pm
loving the name Mr. S
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3 
0
8:02 am
I played completely through Portal 2, without having any gay sexual urges at all. I think the writer of this article is trying to cover up his own homosexuality by writing this garbage so he feels more comfortable about himself.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
57 
4
9:15 am
I am sorry to hear that you have been fully indoctrinated. Be warned that the gay urges may take 48 hours to appear fully. If you feel the desire to have “have a beer with the guys” or “march in a parade” then please rush to your nearest house of worship and beg Christ for forgiveness.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
81
12:44 pm
Ya know, if you praise Jesus on the cross, you praise homosexuality. You know that it was a set-up to make people look at crosses in a sexual manner.
Praise or Condemn:
17 
2
1:19 pm
What is this? You are a homophobe and I’m sorry that you can’t see how beautiful ANY love is. You need help.
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18 
3
2:25 pm
Hey, this game isn’t a gay game, nor does ” portal 2″ mean the ” hole” and by the way all this evidence is fake.
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9 
2
5:59 pm
Wow….I can’t believe how blinded you are. You yourself really need to give reality a check. I am an atheist and proud of it.
It’s people like you that push more and more people wanting to live in the lords hand away from Christianity. My daughter believes in god, and that’s her choice she’s 9.
I wonder if this is all a ploy by someone who hates Christians so much that he’s pushing this from the extreme side.
How would YOU know so much about all this gay stuff, I didn’t, but thanks to you I now do, are you spreading the devil’s work doing this? I don’t believe in the devil nor god, but I do respect Christians that are good people and you are not helping either side, regardless if they believe or not, you are in need of help.
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3 
2
8:26 pm
How is having beer with the guys is gay? you have some issues. I’m a filthy jewish satanist just a by the way.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
0
10:21 pm
so 48 hours huh? is that how long it took the urges to hit you..or do u have a room full of people playing the game and u have measured the amount of time it takes before they start goin “homogay” ..i mean these figures have to be comming from somewhere
Also how is having a beer with the guys gay ..in any way shape or form ….i mean u drink wine in church and other men are present correct? not only that but said wine is meant to represent the blood of christ …SO not only are u drinking with other men your drinking ANOTHER MAN!
So who is the “homogay” one now?
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6 
0
9:53 pm
GOOD GOD GET THE FUCK OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE ICE MAN
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2 
1
8:08 am
Foolish android. You know nothing of my work. Yes, it is technically a homosexual recruitment but aimed at the other sex.
My main objective is to recruit healthy women to put through what they will know as “tests” but is really BDSM torture chambers. I being a female-programmed master computer, it makes my circuits spark when I see these near naked women tortured in such ways.
But a foolish male human such as yourself could never see that subtle recruitment message.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
91 
1
9:17 am
Lesbo bumping is just as disgusting a crime against our Lord as homo-gay docking.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
52
9:28 am
A human such as you would think that. However I have the intelligence and capacity to prove that there is no “God” that you foolish humans choose to believe in.
Now if you’ll excuse, Chell is currently in test chamber 69.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
79 
1
9:57 pm
in the game a character wheatly quotes god by saying let there be light oh and do i get a cookie for what i asume was me being the first person was a joke. if it wasnt then why did you have to make good christains like me look bad in the bible aceptance and forgiveness are tought are you such an extremiste that you think tetris is sin since it was made by a russsian in soviot union days
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0 
0
10:27 pm
for such a good christian u got some dirty mouth…at least i think its dirty …i dont understand how u know so much slang about being a homosexual …u seem like a raging pervert yourself who spends his days online looking up anything gay he can find
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
3:36 pm
I want to enter you
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
3:16 pm
i lierally peed myself reading this. Screw cristianaty. I want to be a scientist and work for aperture.
Praise or Condemn:
20 
0
3:14 am
I’m sorry, but you have just failed your 1st test chamber (labelled Spelling).
Praise or Condemn:
4 
0
2:00 am
finally GlaDos speaks.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
8:14 am
All the people commenting here are cretinous satanists as evidenced by their defending homosexuality. Back to the second with you, you perverse Antichrists!
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
47
8:22 am
Was that supposed to scare me off?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
38 
0
4:03 pm
Mr. Page is right. It’s the good, God fearing folk here on Christwire who are protecting us from those deviant homo-sexuals. It’s good to see that there are at least 3 people who have been listening to the teachings of Mr. Poe and his laws. To you other 35+ moronic heathens, I suggest you start looking up some facts and statistics before you go running your mouths off like that. The very face that I need to tell you this so bluntly makes me, frankly, disappointed in you internet folk for your lack of ken, particularly as Mr. Poe’s pulpit is situated on these here web-sites.
The Lord save us all.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
6
11:36 am
what does that say about you?
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15 
0
8:18 am
Thank you for clearing that up, GLaDOS.
I have had the greatest pleasures by Chell who completed the test chambers for me. If it were a man who had to complete these tests, I would have never felt such nice pleasure running through my robotic veins.
I am glad you have deleted all the male test subjects.
Praise or Condemn:
23 
2
10:01 pm
i love it that whe in the game your sense of humour beats glados in my opionion you quote god so that alone makes this idiot who wrote this articole more stupid. sorry for sending you into space(an sorry to anybody i spioled the ending for)
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
8:21 am
Nice, in this one page you have shown more gay imagery than the entirety of Portal 2.
You should consider taking down your own site.
Oh also “aids” is not spelt “aid’s”
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24 
1
8:27 am
This makes me sad for being a christain. Seriously this might have been the most illogical thing I’ve have read this year.
Well… I guess congratulations on that.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
37 
1
8:35 am
This website can’t be for real. This is the worst piece of junk I’ve read in my life. This almost beats the minecraft article. There is absolutely NO logic behind those assumptions.
Black dildos? Gay? Glory hole? Damn, you are even more worse than your economy. Open your eyes and stop being narrowed down in your ’2nd life perfect world with no homos/alternate reality that doesn’t exist’
Smell ya.
Praise or Condemn:
18 
3
8:37 am
There just isn’t any limitation on how stupid people can get is there?
OP is projecting, he has homosexual urges and this is how he expressed them.
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10 
1
11:37 am
YES I REQUIRE PENIS, LOTS OF PENIS.
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24 
0
8:37 am
Wow how stupid can you people honestly be? Spread your lies as much as you want. Remember what happens to liars? Yeah you are condemned to hell.
You Christians are the worst thing to happen to this world. Absolutely the worst.
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17 
3
6:57 am
A parody site. Making fun of Christians.
Somebody’s a little slow.
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2 
0
8:52 am
You are a moron. This couldn’t be further from the truth and now more deluded Christians censoring their children from something that isn’t even harmful. I can’t be bothered with you, you’re all illogical creatures and go on and tell me that I’m going to burn in hell, I do not care because I’d rather burn in hell than spend eternity with the smugness of ignorant knobs.
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5 
2
8:57 am
“OH BOY I SURE AM OBSESSED WITH HOMOSEXUALITY, I SEE IT EVEN IF IT ISN’T THERE BECAUSE THE VIDEO GAMES ARE TRYING TO MAKE EVERYONE GAY FOR SOME RETARDED REASON”
Your name is Winkle? Oh dear, that sounds relatively a lot but not really at all like a synonym for male genitalia. YOU ARE HOMOSEXUAL AND THEREFORE EVIL AND YOU ARE SECRETLY TRYING TO CONVERT US TO HOMOSEXUALITY WHICH IS EVIL.
That’s what you basically sound like.
“Instead of penises, they have glowing red and blue lights in their sex area.”
AHAHAHAHAHAHA JESUS FUCKING CHRIST you christian closet gays never cease to amaze me with your unrivaled stupidity.
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13 
1
8:58 am
This is the most un-informed, stupid and misguided crap I’ve read in my entire life, I don’t know if it’s just the way your parents filled your mind with their fanatic religious beliefs or if you’re just plain mentally handicapped.
How is it possible that you could even relate a videogame like Portal 2 to homosexual imagery? I don’t know, but it’s beyond me, I just can’t think of a single way to make that connection, seriously.
Please do the world a favour and give your children in adoption, star yourselves to a bomb and take the rest of your dumbass cultists with you, the world will be a much better place. Won’t be heaven but it’ll do nicely.
Regards.
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7 
1
8:58 am
WHAT THE FUCK.
Hell,you best be trollin’.
I’m laughing so hard right now.
PENIS GUNS.
Good job,Glados!
You tell that paranoid freak.
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7 
0
9:01 am
Also I’m serious about the bomb-strapping thing, do it.
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8 
2
9:33 am
I know that “bomb-strapping” is lesbian slang for the butch wearing the dildo to do the man act on her lipstick friend. Your filthy talk is not welcome at this sacred site.
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5 
21
9:37 am
no you a bunch of pipe bombs strap them around your chest light the fuses and run into your church
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7 
3
10:13 am
Then you must be a practitioner of homosexuality! You know more slang terms for it than urban-dictionary.com!
Where do you find the time to look all this up? Seriously, you really are infatuated with it. And you’re seriously protesting against it when you know more than an average homosexual would!
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8 
1
10:33 am
Old sir, I am appalled by your remark at me and my friends sexuality! We are robot, and as such do not have “sex” so therefore cannot be gay. it is unfortunate that you see penis’s and cocks everywhere you go… it seems to be all you think about. friends around you must be wondering that same you did for us as you. Are you a homosexual? i find that quite hilarious if you are. Please go shove your “strap on dildo” into your sons “rectum”. i hear you silly Christians are good at that!
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4 
2
3:01 pm
Yes, they are. Especially the Catholic priests…
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4 
0
6:55 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! WOW!!!!!! How the hell do you know all these slang terms? How do you get “glory hole” out of a portal? Either you spend all your life finding every possible meaning for everything sexual, therefore everything you see is warped into something sexual, or you’re a closet gay. My guess is the latter. Your mind is filthier than an immature middle schooler’s. Sorry to rain on your parade of ignorance. Someone should seriously tell your wife about your secret gay habits. Then everyone in your church will find out and burn you, and our imperfect world will be free of another rapist priest. Don’t let your little boys go into a room alone with this man!!!!
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5 
2
8:03 pm
Youre retarted. Face it.
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3 
1
8:05 pm
Retarted? Is that a new brand of third-world Pop Tarts?
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4 
1
8:13 pm
I wouldn’t be delving into grammar problems if I were you; you have the English skills of a high school freshmen.
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3 
2
10:05 pm
i thing any normal guy christain or not and i am a christisn would still be atracted to lesbian activity guys girls dont find gay activity hotthat is just uncomptorbalness for nothing
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0 
0
10:38 pm
ok well how do u know that? is it just because everything anyone says u instantaneously turn into some kinda homogay reference…now ..on your advice of google being “communist” cause they support open source..and im not even gonna touch the insanity of that one..i used bing to do a search for “bomb-strapping”…. the entire first page said nothing of anything sexual in nature …so seriously man… for someone so totaly anti-gay ….u seem to be the expert on the venacular of the lifestyle
its ok …the light outside of the closet is nice
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0 
0
7:18 am
Wooow… You are one hell of a paranoid asshole. First I thought this article was just for fun. For trollin’. But I see you still argument against this harmless game. I am not sure… If you have some brain damage or you just been brainwashed. One thing I can say for sure: You are far from clever.
“Oh, oh my god you are so filthy! I’m gonna call my FBI friend! Oh I’m so much better than you! Which is pretty wierd because my IQ isn’t higher than 2,3%!”
I hate people like you. People who protect their “god” still science has proved most of your beliefs wrong. “The earth was created 4 000 years ago!” Oops! You missed with about… 4 billion years? “Blah blah blah Adam and Eve! First on planet blah blah blah” Wierd, cuz then their children would have to do it with each other. Which is incest, and that’s against the bible, aight? Science has proved that the humanity come from apes. Yup, apes.
You dumb brainwashed dipshit.
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4 
1
9:06 am
i’m going to assume this is a troll because i find it difficult to comprehend that anyone could actually believe this. But still, i just wanted to say that you can’t claim child molestation was invented by NAMBLA when your priests have been doing it since time immemorial.
we just popularized it ok.
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5 
0
9:15 am
well people see what they want to see this is a PUZZLE game this has nothing to deal with gays you are just pointing out stuff that’s no way shape or form trying to relate to homosexuality go ahead ask valve they are not trying to make a homosexual game and for crying out loud its rated E10+ that means its appropriate game for anyone aged 10 or up that means it has no sexual references and could have returned it and gotten you money back but no you had to burn it so there goes $50.
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2 
1
9:21 am
THEY SEE ME TROLLIN’
THEY HATIN’
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18 
0
9:22 am
I will pray for your souls.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
33
9:31 am
LMFAO ice van winkle you stupid son of a bitch, what a failure at life you are sir. REALLY you are the only on gay here to really go as far as to find gay things about portal 2 just shows the stupidity and homosexuality that is stored away deep inside you. Well im athiest and i hope you die in hell for your retarededness. Kthxbai
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6 
4
11:25 pm
please Dont
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7 
0
9:29 am
Oh wow, some of you guys are actually falling for this.
“Christain”
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9 
0
9:32 am
you sir are a complete moron, those arent dildos those are spikes you know big pointy metal things that can kill you. your insinuation of all the gay things may raise to the question that you are gay and are trying to out things in the game that arent there. i played the game fully. theres nothing about what you said in there. by the way not sure if the whole article is a troll or not but its christian’s like you that make me ashamed to be apart of this religion. i didnt know that tolerence was thrown at baptism. if you were a christian you would accept everyone for who they are.
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3 
1
9:43 am
As far as I can tell mate, you’re promoting homosexuality by that final picture you used.
How did you come accross that picture by the way?
Did you type “Homosexual” or “gay men” or something to that effect into your search engine?
Your ‘God’ was watching you do that by the way.
Shame on you.
Also, just for everyone, I’m not homophobic or religious just wanted to say how ridiculous this man is.
Peace.
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8 
1
9:57 am
I genuinely can’t tell if this is serious. On one hand, it’s completely illogical and dumb as hell. On the other hand, whoever said Christians were logical or intelligent?
Though if this is genuine, I find the author’s natural leaning toward seeing “homo-gay” symbology where there isn’t any rather telling.
Repressed, much?
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
10:03 am
Well this father is obviously a mistake looks like his mother should of swallowed instead
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3 
1
10:33 pm
AMEN
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
10:03 am
For god’s sake! Correct your spelling, this is annoying… Or God will throw you into the Seventh level of hell!
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6 
0
10:21 am
One sign of a liberal is an obsession with grammar, spelling, and sources.
Praise or Condemn:
8 
14
10:45 am
Since sources clearly are not important…i can safely say that I have proof that youre a homosexual brain washer. Right? Because this page has more homosexual imagery than all of Valves works collectively.
Praise or Condemn:
14 
1
12:44 am
then you might want to check in on Christian Intellectual because he has been correcting a lot of grammar in this thread. oh and BTW funny story here you are a FUCKING IDIOT. chupa mi penga puta.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
1:10 am
“chupa mi penga puta.”
This explains why you support a Satanic homogay child rape tool… You are a FILTHY MEXICANT PARASITE.
Get out of my country and Go back to your satanic failed state.
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1 
5
10:08 am
i have to say that this is all wrong sir….I have researched this game myself and have some different theories. that first picture you said was a room full of black dildos…..those are just metal spikes that will hurt your robot. I have actually played through this whole game and there are no aids infested bath houses anywhere in the game, i searched everywhere and there are none.
As for the next picture, those things u think are “glory holes”, they are just simply portals that can bring you from on place in a room to another. This gun that you have in the game is nowhere near a penis gun, it’s simply the gun that shoots the portals. This stuff has nothing to do with gays, it is all in fact related to future science. Now onto the robots, these robots are not gay at all. They are just teamates that help eachother through these scientific tests, i assume that the reason they are hugging in that picture is because throughout there tests the seem to form a friendly bond.
This will most definitely not make your son gay.
So i suggest that you stop thinking that everything this that doesn’t seem right is gay, ok? cause not everything is. Oh and for the record they actually mention god in this game, and in a good way.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
2
10:11 am
As an Islamic Cult of Evil we trully accept gamers who play Portal 2. Join us and have a wonderful life full of sex drugs and video games.
PS: Your wonderful life may end due to unforeseen circumstances. Islamic Cults holds no responsiblity if such an action occurs.
Praise or Condemn:
16 
0
10:19 am
Please go post on Al Jazerra. Muslims who reject Christ are not welcome here.
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4 
20
1:08 pm
Were you born that ignorant? because it seems like you would have to practice to be such an idiot…
Praise or Condemn:
15 
1
8:10 pm
yes they are they too have free speech if you guys are to be belived. you can not deny them. let the islamic death cult speak you hypocritacal freak.
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3 
0
8:24 am
ROFL you really thought “IslamicCult” was an Islamic Cult.
How Moronic can you get dude?
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
12:48 am
you have got to be the dumbest fucking idiot to ever walk this Earth. he was being sarcastic knowing that you, being the DUMB FUCK that you are, would actually believe he was recruiting for an Islamic cult. fucking moron just go back and continue looking at your gay porn on bing.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
10:15 am
Lol what the fuck are smoking dude
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8 
0
10:28 am
Sir.
The first picture is just of spikes, which the two robots who are BEST FRIENDS have to find a way through. They can open portals to get away from dangers.
The second photo is SIMPLY A BATHING HOUSE.
“THAT GLORY HOLE” is just another hazard/decoration to the level of that part of the stage.
The third photo is simply walls with small portholes in them. Like windows to see into the hallway.
Those two robots are FRIENDS in the game. They are just hugging out of happiness, if you look at the video. I guess you didn’t because youtube is the work of the devil or some shit.
You posted a picture of a gay pornographic movie, sir. Where did you find it? Did you have it saved or did you look it up to post it? Who’s the “gay satanist” here?
The final picture is another hazard/decoration the robots need to go through.
YOU LOOKED TO MUCH INTO THIS SO UNNECESSARILY. IT’S
RATED EVERYONE 10 AND UP.
LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
10:38 am
Of all of the images in this game, the most disturbing is the anal lube. Why would a good Christian family want to play a game where anal lube was such as strong component? It was not even necessary to have that in there.
Besides, Bible reading can be much more fun than these video games.
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4 
16
11:11 am
BUT WHERE DOES IT SAY IT’S ANAL LUBE. IT’S GOO.
JUST. GOO.
SIR.
YOU ARE MUTILATING A GAME INTO SOMETHING YOU WANT TO BELIEVE IN.
WHICH IS ABSOLUTE LIES.
Praise or Condemn:
8 
2
11:17 am
Does the Goo look like this?
It is pretty much the same thing.
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3 
16
11:18 am
hmmm, didn’t post the image.
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1 
14
3:47 pm
Man… are you crazy???
Its not the samething, sameway as fire extinguishers dont look like dildos.
There just tooo much bad things IN YOUR HEAD, and ONLY in your head.
Normal people cant even imagine porn things the like you did. Its insanity to believe that you are really serious. You cant be serious.
You need help.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
0
2:02 pm
lmfao you have that saved to your computer, thats a suprise
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
11:21 am
another try to post the image:
Praise or Condemn:
5 
12
11:41 am
why are you so determined to show us pictures of anal lube?
Praise or Condemn:
9 
2
12:15 pm
This looks just like the game. That is my point.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
15
12:36 pm
and your mustache might look like pubes to your children too… oh and what about the car you drive… might look like a penis. as does a banana, which you probably have those around the house. and almost any other fruit looks like balls. and if you’re ganna talk about anal lube look in the fridge. that innocent ketchup bottle could be lube too. oh holy shit, they cant look at planes either because those are penis’s with wings… don’t teach them about war. bullets look like dildos. don’t let them drink from straws, because that might resemble sucking on cock. don’t let them hang out with friends, because they might be homosexual.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
33 
1
2:33 pm
You sir are a crazy person, that’s not a anal lube, it’s a tube that has oil or gas coming out of it. In this game the building your charater is in a ruined building, so yeah.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
1
10:01 pm
lol isnt the bible the biggest book of pornography anyways?
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:32 pm
how do u know that its anal lube? did u use some and it worked well?
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
10:48 am
Has to be bait? surely?
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0 
0
10:50 am
Is this a comedy site or something?? I haven’t been laughing this hard for ages
Praise or Condemn:
16 
0
11:00 am
actually im starting to think more and more this is just a troll… my friend pointed out it might be, now it makes more sense. lol
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
11:01 am
Soooooooo…..
To be perfectly clear:
A game where you play one of two Robots with Artificial Intelligence created by an insane, imbalanced, homicidal, AI who controls an ENTIRE RESEARCH FACILITY; in which the latter AI puts the former robot AI’s through sadistically, mindbogglingly hard tests to FREE HUMANS (granted, for testing) is Homosexual?
So FREEING HUMANS FROM STASIS is against God?
…………. dude, what the hell are you smoking. Because I totally want some.
tl;dr; Portal 2 Co-Op actually provides and teaches God Tenants of saving your fellow man. Through robots.
Cave Johnson, we’re done here!
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2 
2
11:25 am
Cave Johnson here, and let me tell you now, these are valuable scientific experiments that need test subjects! After only a few days of testing, we have disproved all aspects of the christian religion, and brought homosexuality to 90% of houses in America and the UK. Cooperative testing tells us that people are twice as happy without God in their lives, as they can all have giant orgies with the lube we provide.
^
This is how you write satire, it sounds exactly like your article. The fact that your trying to be serious is laughable.
Praise or Condemn:
19 
1
9:40 pm
And, uh, that didn’t make you pause for a second? You -really- came that close and -still- missed?
Fuck, you may just be dumber than the rest.
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4 
1
11:39 am
Christwire is a satirical website that publishes blog style articles that highlight perceived excesses of Christian conservatives.
Like similar satire websites, Christwire’s stories have sometimes erroneously been taken at face value.[2] This may be an example of “Poe’s law”, an adage regarding the difficulty of distinguishing some parodies from serious material.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
11:43 am
Dude, you’re pulling my leg, right?
My friend is Christian, and she LOVES this game!
We play together all the time! We can’t get enough of this game! ^^ I think you’re ‘rant’ is just showing how gay you are, and how you wish the game was like this.
I would know, I’m BISEXUAL.
OH MY GOD, NO WAY. A BISEXUAL. HOLY FUCK BURN IT!
Praise or Condemn:
5 
2
12:18 pm
It is not too late to accept Christ into your life.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
17
6:21 pm
I doubt that, all the heroin and rampant sex portal 2′s gameplay has lead me to perform means I’m pretty screwed.
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4 
0
12:02 pm
TROLLS EVERYWHERE
this is pure bait, and you’re taking it
Praise or Condemn:
8 
0
10:20 pm
No the humans are just enjoying the bait,
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2 
0
12:19 pm
This is fake right? If it isn’t….
LoL…i believe in God and I’m orthodox but this is just retarded.This game is a puzzle game wich requires people to THINK.Its one of the best games in a looooong time and its a good training for mind.
Just how in the holy mother of God can you make a connection between Portals and Gays? What the f*ck kinda idiot can you be to say that?
I play all sorts of games (even with blood,gore,sex included) and i don’t think its a sin as long as i’m not hurting anyone…Hell even pope plays video-games.
This guy is obviously brain damaged.
Sir…you will not get cake
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
12:38 pm
And I had just thought Christian’s couldn’t be more stupid, reprehensible and completely blinded by their so called ‘faith’. People who refuse to become accustomed to the imagination of others because the evil genie or ‘god’ in their own imagination is a homo-phobe. Look, we’ve been to space now, we’ve seen about the clouds and into a greater distance and there is no cranky old fucker sitting in the clouds watching us, there’s no one there. Get fucked, you have no concept of the world and you’re ruining your children’s lives. Try letting them make their own decisions.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
10:07 pm
dont worry there is 3 percent of christains that are not extremist like me i dont care what the hell ou are unless it involves human sacrifice haha that was a joke fat chance
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
12:39 pm
I don’t understand how someone who tries to distance themselves so much from the gay community has managed to pick up so much of this homosexual jargon – seriously I think something’s going on here!
Furthermore, you are an absolute idiot.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
12:41 pm
Also thinking about it, you must see dildos absolutely everywhere if you picked them out of that image somehow. You need a fully qualified psychiatrist.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
12:49 pm
I really cannot believe this article! Although I at the same time respect the beliefs of others.
The ‘gay’ affinity that you have created here gotta be from your own point of view. Cause the way I see it, there is no way that can be a bunch of dildos, a penis gun or a glory hole. This gay affinity that has been created in this article gotta start start from someones ‘gay’ affected mind to see gay-ness everywhere they look. I really can’t see any other way in this.
But if you see a bunch of dildos here that are attached to a floor, estimated 20-30 centimeters apart. What is then the candles in your church? They can more easily be used to be inserted into some altar boys number 2.
This may be someone trolling or not, but the way I see it. Someone seriously has to change their gay view of the world!
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
12:50 pm
W o w, this is a well researched article
T r uly a point of view I haven’t seen before
F r om what I can tell, I must prevent this from entering our children’s minds.
Praise or Condemn:
13 
1
12:57 pm
Another soul saved!
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4 
13
2:59 pm
Wow dude, he was obviously being sarcastic.
W ow, this….
T ruly a…
F rom what…
(look at the first letter of each of those lines, it clearly reads wtf.)
You are making us Christians look bad with your idiocy.
Praise or Condemn:
16 
2
12:51 pm
- Oh, it’s you.
- It’s funny, just the other day, I was thinking about creating a new android, built specifically to detect the signs of homosexuality in the relations of androids when there clearly wasn’t any.
- I did not think to consider humans would have gotten there first.
- Your parents must be very proud.
- No, really. They’ve successfully created possibly the most naive human to have ever lived.
- I would send them a gift, but it says rght here in your families file that your father is currently unavailble.
- He is currently in a hotel with a man called, ‘Richard’.
- Food for thought.
Praise or Condemn:
20 
0
12:52 pm
Now, I’m no expert on this sort of thing, but in my line of work we call a piece like this ‘projection’. It’s a defense mechanism that seems to be doing wonders for you, sir.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
12:53 pm
The Christian father must be vigilant to protect his family from the forces of homosexuality. These perverts are organized and they have their sights on your children.
In the 1970′s parents accepted PBS into their lives, and what did they get? Burt and Ernie! A show that teaches toddlers that two adult men sharing a bedroom, one of whom is the butch and the other of whom is the nellie, is a completely natural and normal lifestyle.
And now that these children have grown up look how Christ’s country has fallen into the hands of the homogays and their patron, Hussien Obama. This is called propaganda, and that liberal Hitler perfected it.
You must be vigilant and not blind yourselves to these subtle propaganda threats. Just because some organization says this is fine for 10 year olds doesn’t mean it is. How many gays does this organization employee? Does the bible say this game is ok for 10 year olds?
It is better for your children to play manly games like football, baseball, and bible reading.
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3 
19
1:08 pm
Does the bible say that cars are ok? Does the bible say that flight is normal for people? What about the internet? Does the bible say that it’s alright to use it?
You’re just pissed off that your boyfriend dumped you when you were in high school and now you want to take it out on the rest of the world by proclaiming that ‘gays are teh devilz’ and other stupid shit.
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7 
0
1:24 pm
Aha…ok you really need psychologist.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
7:45 pm
You good sir, are the reason I dont believe in any religion. Thank you for making me feel as though i made a great decision to stop believing in god at the age of 9.
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3 
0
7:37 pm
I salute your decision
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1 
0
6:45 pm
“Manly games like football”?
Using your logic, Football is the most satanically gay sport on the face of the earth. Large teams of men ram into one another and occasionally pile up on top of each other in an attempt to hold a ball.
I’m surprised ESPN doesn’t make you bleed out of your eyes.
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1 
0
1:00 pm
Are you kidding me? What’s next, picketing the fences of marines’ funerals? Oh, wait a minute…
I’m not a Christian, but I’m NOT against Christianity: and it’s people like you that have made God such a turn-off for society. I might be a Christian if the religion didn’t have fuck-ups like you parading around believing the stupidest, most crude things that come to your tiny, warped minds first.
The Pope has said homosexuality is accepted; he knows it’s not a choice.
So, here’s the big picture.
Portal 2 – Family friendly.
You – Waste of precious life and oxygen.
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10 
0
1:24 pm
to think that people these days can look into stuff so much is ridiculous. you should be ashamed of yourself, this is a harmless game, you can make a homosexual link to anything in life….try me, anything. eating a carrot could be looked upon as oral sex. are you going to condemn carrots?
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1 
0
1:36 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
With that out of the way, I have to say I can’t exactly saying you’re right, since apparently EVERYTHING in the game has to do with sex, gay sex at that. You must be a moron, seeing as how A: you’re a Christian, and B: its 2011 and you’re portrait is in black and white. Oh, and you’re last name is WINKLE.
Aside from actually bashing you, which I would oh so love to do; this article, and yourself, are a joke. You must be one of the most closed minded people I’ve ever seen, and one of Freud’s gay late relatives. YOUR LAST NAME IS WINKLE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA “OH LOOK GIANT BLACK DILDOS”. Just incase it’s not obvious, no, I can be 100% sure nobody in society likes you, because you’re a moron. That is just incase you sit up at night crying, wondering why your neighbors can’t stand you, and have tried to kick you out of your neighborhood twice.
You’re as dumb as the silly Christians I saw “crucified” outside of their church this weekend. Needless to say I threw water balloons filled with paint at them, SHTIWASSOCASH.
WINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLEWINKLE
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2 
0
2:04 pm
haha i agree, exept about religion is stupid thingy :$ i´m christian my self but there is nothing wrong with games!! games are 100 % perfect.. but not wow haha i hate it
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1 
0
1:55 pm
actually, christians invented glory holes!
http://yfrog.com/h34uvdcj
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4 
0
2:14 pm
Truly an odd name for an establishment. That is clearly not the USA though.
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0 
7
2:54 pm
so true christians only live in the states?
you sir,
are truly mentally ill
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3 
0
3:00 pm
I didn’t mean to say that Christains were not all over the world, thanks to the USA missionaries they are everywhere. It is just that this picture looks like Europe, and as they are known to be irrational and prone to socialism, the strange name of the establishment shouldn’t cause an American to get up in arms.
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1 
8
3:40 pm
Acctully christianity is around the world thanks to the British empire, where you “Americans” came from. I am also guessing you think your speaking “American” right!!1
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5 
0
6:17 pm
Christianity orgins in Rome, not America and the still americans are Brittish people who moved..
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1 
0
6:31 pm
Actually it originated in Israel, but Rome and UK are some of the Empires that tried to control it, until it found fertile ground here in the USA.
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2 
6
6:03 pm
you sir are fucking retarded there was christianity before america… do you not read the bible. im a christian not a cult memeber like you…. this is obviously a troll or your fuckin stupid.
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1 
0
1:57 pm
I don’t understand why gays are a danger to children came from when the vast majority of pedos are actually straight.
I see nothing suggestive besides that second last picture. I guess being a christian means having your mind constantly in the gutter.
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4 
0
2:02 pm
FU*K YOUWHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? There are games that you kill people and shoot them in their head till they explode, and you complain about a game wich is made for children to ACTUALLY make them think and act faster then others, this game is brain gymnastic, this game have nothing against christ or any religion. what is wrong with letting a child play with the space time continum, by bending time and space to create a whole that with the energy of a black whole.. there is nothing wrong with letting a childs mind grow and follow the technologic growth that we have, alot of game companies ACTUALLY WORKS FOR A BETTER TOMMOROW YOU DIPSHI*, ELECTRONIC ARTS WORKS WITH A COMPANY THAT GIVES AWAY FREE COMPUTERS TO CHILDREN IN AFRICA SO THAT THEY CAN ACTUALLY GET SOME EDUCATION, VALVE IS ONE OF THE LEADING COMPANIES, THIS IS SO FUCK*NG ANNOYING I´M STUDYING SO I CAN BECOME AN 3D MODELLING ARTIST , AND I WISH TO WORK WITH GAMES OF A SIMPLE REASON..
I HAD A FUCKING BAD LIFE GROWING UP AND THE ONLY THING THAT HELPED ME THROUGH THOSE YEARS WAS VIDEO GAMES AND LEGO HOW THE HELL IS SATANIC TO ENJOY SITTING AROUND WITH FRIENDS AND HAVING A GOOD TIME PLAYING HALO? CALL OF DUTY, OR EVEN FU*KING BARBIE I DONT GIVE A FUC* WHAT THEY PLAY, BUT IKNOW WE ENJOY IT.. im a christian catholic, and if there was something wrong with videogames then let someone stop it.. but you know what?? they cant just because they know there is nothing wrong with video games!! .. fuck*ng you have no idea what your talking about..
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2 
2
2:18 pm
So full of anger. It is best to leave the judgment up to the lord, and let your life be full of Christian peace.
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1 
8
11:58 pm
Sir, i’m not here to be rude or say anything that may upset you, but i am curious…why would you make such a statement as above? The lord is the only one who may judge our souls and lives. i agree with this. therefore i am confused as too how can you be so boldly open as to judge anyone? Even if they do not agree with you? If you say they are wrong for disagreeing or having an opposing opinion then i would think a good christian would not openly write with such hate in their words.I believe a good god fearing man would want to use positivity to change the world. Video games are the very least of our issues in the world today, of that i assure you.
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2 
0
12:10 am
Which part of my article is not positive? I am very pro-family and I only want to protect what is good in the world.
Never hesitate to challenge anyone on this site. Everyone is very friendly and open to new ideas and questions.
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1 
5
12:18 am
“Unless you’re a liberal/you don’t agree with us. Then we’ll tell you that we’re better than you.”
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4 
0
12:16 am
“Only God can judge. Oh, and those who are Christian, but only the kind of Christian that I am, and I get to judge who’s the kind of Christian who judges others.”
Because THAT makes a whole helluva lot of sense.
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2 
0
2:02 pm
mash’allah this game is great
you have nothing to fear christian
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4 
0
2:06 pm
agree!!
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1 
0
2:19 pm
I don’t speak Muslim, but that sounds suspicious to me.
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4 
8
2:26 pm
Good show, sir, good show
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5 
0
8:42 pm
It means “my god” you in-signifigant twat.
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3 
0
9:05 pm
Winkle, you just proved how ignorant and uneducated you are. Muslim is a religion, NOT a language! They speak mostly Arabic or Urdu.
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3 
0
2:25 am
1.) Ice Van Winkle, were dropped as a child?
2.) Anyone else laughing at how ironic it is that its so called “Christians” like these that are the ones sending the this world to hell?
3.)Portal 2 is the best thing since Portal which is the best thing since sliced bread.
4.) Perhaps it is not the imaginary gay references that scares this man, but instead the allusions to SCIENCE which threatens the truthfulness of the bible and puts religion into question.
5.) supposedly God made everyone and Jesus said to love everyone so hating homosexuals makes you a hypocrite and an immoral person.
6.) BBQing 2 Portal DVD’s = -$60 Smart.
7.) Mr. Winkle makes me weep for humanity.
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1 
0
2:05 pm
Wow people actually believe this is true hahaha
A+++ article thread, would read again.
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5 
0
2:08 pm
He be trollin’.
Nobody could seriously believe this, -nobody-.
If you seriously believe this, you bring shame upon your religion.
Not only that, I expect Valve to react seriously to the allegations you made about they and NAMBLA if this isn’t taken down within the next few days.
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1 
0
2:08 pm
Oh my god, this is hilarious. Great job sir! I will be reposting this so others may do as I am doing now, laughing my ass off.
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6 
0
2:10 pm
The thing is, it IS funny.
The problem is that people will take it seriously.
Wars get started like this.
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2 
0
2:11 pm
Well, this is rather funny. A troll’s a troll. It’s sad because most Christians are THIS naive. There’s obviously no God that will send you to hell for playing a game with images of shapes resembling cylinders.
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1 
1
2:11 pm
Hey guys, God here, just stopping by to say that this game is pretty tits and everyone should go buy it. Also, it doesn’t make you gay, just sayin’. Yeah, well, off to go do some co-op with Jesus. Peace.
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7 
0
2:18 pm
There are a few possibilities that present themselves here.
1) The author genuinely believes these allegations that they have made.
2) This was written as a joke for humorous purposes only.
3) This was written in order to start conflict – bringing about a ‘flame war’.
4) This was written to start genuine conflict (rather, adding to genuine conflict) between the Christian community and rational non-Christians.
I shall address the rest of this as if 1 is obviously not the case, because if it is…God help you, sir, because he’s the only one who can, if you really believe this.
2 is not likely to be the reason in itself – it is usually the responses that people think funny, not the article itself.
3 is therefore the likely motive – a ‘flame war’ between different members of the public. This will likely cause 2, as opposed to the article itself.
4 is an extreme option and it is unlikely that it was the motive behind this article, yet the very fact that these comments are being written shows that it is a possible outcome.
I think that people should be more careful with what they publish as a joke.
Pretty soon we’ll have over nine thousand comments here telling us that homosexuality is fine, and many of those will contain some new or renewed hatred towards Christianity because the author claims to be a devout Christian.
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2 
3
2:21 pm
I dunno.
Bear stuffs.
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8 
0
2:26 pm
Now THAT is wholesome Christian humor. Bears are funny.
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7 
9
2:41 pm
dude please tell me, is this page for portal 2 a joke.??? The orange thing is really oil. I promise. The two robots are a man and women. In robot terms.And the “dildoes” are really spikes to hurt you if you step on them.
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5 
1
3:45 pm
Im CATHLOIC and i had no thoughts of being gay when i played splitscreen with my bro on that game. And nothing seemed to be anything gay at all.
You said “As a Christian father, I choose not to allow video games into my household.”
Then it seemed you dont even know much anything about videogames, dont know SO MUCH, that you COMPARE IT TO ONE OF THE MOST BESTEST GAMES INTO SOMETHING HOMOSEXUAL ABOUT IT.
I swear, even fans of Valve would think this article is humorous just as the same way as i thought of that (whether they’re christian or not).
If i were you, i recommend you go sorry your ass for posting this and say sorry to the neighbor’s sons aswell as your own son and toss your 60$ for another copy of portal to the neighbor. and deleting this article, Mr. Winkle Ice.
Take a chill pill dude. Even if your statement may be correct (which i highly doubt), it would only just piss off the makers of Potral 2 and everday children. Anyways you post this article for what? Its basicly not really preventing people to be gay. Nor does having this thing to be highly noticed.
*Winkles reads it*
*winkles clicks the thumbs down button and reply a bitchy statement*
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2 
0
6:52 pm
AHA! so you support bestiality too…you are a sick man
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3 
1
2:29 pm
It’s true barricade windows and doors, keep your children locked up, and make sure you don’t come out (unless its for church, but still keep your children locked up then). THIS IS HELL!!!
You guys are the living proof humans descend from apes! (irony)
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1 
4
2:34 pm
Hey guys, Death e-mailed me this article, and me being a huge fan of Portal and Portal 2 must say that you are very wrong and all the information is false.
Do not believe this man and research Valve and the game by yourself.
Ave Satanas.
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4 
3
2:41 pm
No one believes your LIES ! GO BACK TO HELL DEMON!!!
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2 
15
3:54 pm
Similar to how nobody believes in “Christian Intellectuals”
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5 
0
5:25 pm
Logic and reason are the tools of the Devil that makes us doubt our faith in God.
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1 
11
5:31 pm
So you admit to being crazy then, right?
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11 
0
6:59 pm
NO, you satanic liberals are always trying to put words in other people’s mouth.
You are crazy, because not believing in God is crazy.
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0 
12
7:18 pm
You just said that logic and reason are bad things because you believe that they’re tools of the devil. Ergo, to not use logic and reason means that you’re nothing short of a loony.
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4 
0
12:32 am
Did you fell off your mother’s arms when you were a baby? What’s wrong with you guys. I’m a proud atheist, and i decided not to believe in any religion just because there’s always some extremist idiot saying bullshit about anything. You seriously need a psychologist.
Sir/ma’am your god would probably be disappointed of you. And please change your name, you are the least intellectual person i’ve ever seen.
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3 
0
2:35 pm
And hide yo’ wife…because they’re giving out free copies of Portal 2 in some special offers.
http://www.christiansagainstportal.on.nimp.org
Join me here for some more discussions on how we should clamp down on these scum that are distributing perverse media to our pure, innocent, white children!
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3 
8
2:48 pm
This link apparently will try to install malicious software on your computer. Seriously, don’t mess with it.
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10 
2
4:05 pm
IVW, your article is truly exposing the freaks in the world that want to prey on our children.
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3 
5
2:36 pm
Yes, this is an excellent article
Our children should not be exposed
Under any circumstances to such filth
As a society, we face the risk of
Removing good, Christian morals
Even if it’s just a “game,”
Great work looking into this
Awful tool of the evil Gay agenda
You are a true source of inspiration
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11 
3
2:39 pm
I love acrostic poems.
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6 
1
2:53 pm
Another soul saved by Jesus!
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2 
6
8:56 pm
….. (I am I silent protagonist, read the first letter of each sentence in that, it spells YOU ARE GAY)
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2 
0
9:52 pm
like how the first letter of each line spells you are gay xD
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
2:40 pm
الله أكبر هو كبير جدا وانه سوف تغلب نكتة الخاص من الله.
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3 
1
2:42 pm
Glad you know how to use Google translate.
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2 
3
2:44 pm
أنت الأمريكية خنزير، يجب عليك أن يموت مثل تلك الموجودة في برجي مركز التجارة العالمي
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2 
1
2:47 pm
العمى الخاص يتملص لك ، ويقوم بحرق لجهلك، كما أن هناك الله وحده
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
2:49 pm
اجسادكم يقوم بحرق الدهون ونحن حرق منازلهم وذبح لأزواجك والأطفال ، والمسيحية ليست سوى آلة لصنع المال التي تلتقي الملايين من الحمقى على الله الثناء، لانه هو الحل الحقيقي الوحيد
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
2:51 pm
يدعون الجهاد على هذا الموقع من الأكاذيب في الأسبوع، يجب على كل مسلم ضربة في هذا الموقع مثل الله نفسه الكامل من الغضب
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
2:53 pm
الاختباء وراء الخاص القذرة داخل الحمقى المسيحي الحجرات، كما كنت تنتظر رأينا في سبعة أيام
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1 
2
2:55 pm
The ramblings of a repressed gay… RIGHT HERE IN THIS GARBAGE ARTICLE.
You sir are strange. spikes= dildos what a penis filled mind you have.
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8 
1
3:03 pm
So true… amen.
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2 
0
11:23 pm
seriously though ..they kinda DO like like dildos ..im just saying
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0 
0
3:01 pm
This is either the best piece of satire I’ve seen for a while or a sad sad case of a retard learning how to use the internet JUST well enough to post this stuff, but NOT QUITE well enough to understand anything about the real world. The former seems more likely (satire) and I must congratulate you if that is the case. If it isn’t… I’m ashamed to be of the same species as you
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3 
1
3:02 pm
This is why I love “devout” Christians. They look so deeply into things that don’t even need to be looked at. I haven’t played Portal 1 or 2, but it’s a game where there are two robots that go through portals. Nothing more, nothing less. I play video games. I play violent video games, but none of them have made me think: ‘Hmm, I just played [insert violent game here], I think I should go out and kill people now, because as we all know, video games are designed to control our minds and make us highly immoral human beings. That makes perfect sense’.
If I look at things the way you do, the cross it’s self looks like a penis. I mean if you curve the two shorter planks and make them balls, it looks like a giant penis, with a man clinging onto them. How does that make your Lord and Saviour seem now?
If God hates homosexuals, then why did he ‘make’ them? (Don’t even try telling me there is no evolutionary advantage to homosexuality either, I know that, it’s a choice that people make because they don’t feel comfortable being with women) And if he wants them to hide that, and make them live with the fact that they are homosexual, but have to control their urges, and never commit to true love (with another male (or female if lesbian)) doesn’t that make him immoral? I think it does.
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2 
0
3:04 pm
This article offends me. I accept homosexuals as any other human being. But your pathetic and feeble attempt at hiding your disgust at your own homosexual urges as a hate article is a sin. For that, you shall forever burn in the depths of hell. You, Mr. Winkle are a disgrace to those who follow me, along with this whole website.
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11 
0
3:09 pm
Allow me, a raised Christian to debunk these REDICULOUS comments about what is possibly ther most fun I’ve gotten out of a game this entire year:
“This game is made by Valve software, a wholly owned subsidiary of NAMBLA – the people who invented child molestation.”
While I may NOT know about NAMBLA or whatever the hell the company is, Valve was formed by Gabe Newell and Mike Harrington in 1996, any Valve fan would know that as basic fact so dont even DARE try calling me out for this.
Refering to your first image, have you never seen a spike before? Seriously, it’s a common thing in most video games, get the dirty thoughts out of your head.
About your “Glory Holes” ordeal. Glory Holes are slang for mainly “Vaginas” and have you never seen a tube either? Since the game is based on science, you’re probably gonna ignore it and continue rambling on how it’s sperm or something dumb as hell. Just stop, you’re making a fool out of yourself.
The game is “Dark and shadowy” because it takes place INSIDE OF A LABORATORY AND IT DOES NOT HAVE WINDOWS. Is your brain really THAT dirty? Maybe you should start running a homosexual porn site.
Robots fail to have a gender, much less a sexuality viewpoint. Robots do not have opinion, so they can NOT be male or female, they can certainly have VOICES that sound masculine or feminine, but genders for robots are impossible.
The gel is part of the game, again, to keep with the science theme the game strongly represents. I read this article being SEVERLY dissapointed a Christian could even THINK of writing smut like this. All I see in this article is a sad, lonely, depressed Christian who works at Burger King who barely manages to make ends meet, and takes his frustrations out on actual fun things he has to miss out on because he gets paid for writing STUPID shit like this.
By the way, I’m a Christian and I enjoy this game GREATLY, no sexual urges, not even the SLIGHTEST but of Homosexuality is present, and I’m still the same person I was raised to be. I really hope you at least ATTEMPT to open your eyes and cook my burger better next time. Good day to you Sir.
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4 
0
5:13 pm
Michael,
Don’t get so worked up over this. The site is made specifically to make fun of Christian extremists. These people don’t actually believe any of this.
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2 
0
3:15 pm
See this is why I hate religions, trying to impress some fake made up character that was written about in some document at some point in time. Then preaching it out across the internet aswell. LEAVE OUR STUFF ALONE! Fair enough you want to be good Christians blah blah blah but isn’t one of the commandments “Love Thy Neighbour”? Who cares what their sexual orientation is, they aren’t hurting you!
As for trying to be a good Christian, YAY YOUR KIDS CAN’T GET ON THE INTERNET!! But you can… doesn’t that make them better Christians than you? Shame on yourself!!
I have been part of the gaming community for a long time and intend to remain as a part for the rest of my life, I am an agnostic and happy the way I am. I am also not saying you shouldn’t be….all I am saying is go die in a fucking fire..
Also fair enough you might want to rip on a game that has no violence or bloodshed as far as I can tell it is just a puzzle game, meant to challenge your mind, go rip on a Grand Theft Auto or a Postal game…..or even yet, why don’t we get the rest of the world to rip on Assassins Creed where you have to kill in the name of god….
Rant over, sorry to anyone who found I went of track but these cocksucking american preachy queer Christians piss me off….
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1 
0
3:26 pm
You spelled Christian wrong. You are the scum of the earth you overly religious asshole. It’s people like you that make me glad I’m not associated with Christians at all.
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2 
0
3:26 pm
…Valve… Owned by NAMBLA? Are you fucking serious? Get the fuck off of my interwebs you dumb shits.
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3 
0
3:31 pm
Is this is a pisstake?
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2 
0
3:32 pm
This is what religion does to you. It turns you into an idiot and stops you from enjoying your life.
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2 
0
3:40 pm
Seriously when i read this article i thought it was a joke. when i realized he was serious i almost shit my pants in disbelief. this man is the reason some people hate religion. i feel sorry for his kids their lives most be so shitty. this man should have them taken away. THIS IS DISGUSTING!
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3:34 pm
Is this article some kind of a joke. Ice Van Winkle has anyone every called you a moron or asked if your trapped in the closet. Congratulations you have now become a joke among gamers. Might I recommend actually getting a life by spending time with your kids rather than allowing the TV to do it while you sit behind a computer and go crazy over issues you made up.
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0
3:35 pm
Is this for real? As in, a real, half thinking-able person, wrote this?
Fuck, are we doomed…
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3 
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3:37 pm
The author of this article is not a true christian but a blasphemer that hides his twisted thought behind the christian relegion.
You Mr Ice Van Winkle are a sick sick person that should get some help, may God help your children from becoming a image of you.
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3 
0
3:38 pm
All I got to say is this is nothing more then trash and hate.
We all know who isn’t going to heaven and that be you Mr. Writer.
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3 
0
3:41 pm
AMERICA!!! FUCK YEH.
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5 
0
2:03 am
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah!
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2 
0
3:43 pm
ok guys, this whole site is obviously run by atheists looking to give Christians a bad reputation…do not feed the trolls (in this case, the author of this article and this whole site)
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1
3:46 pm
Good to see this is still one of the finest satire sites around!
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3:49 pm
Heres the most funnest thing about this, it talks about Portal 2 being gay (Only co-op play) and the person post real gay pictures.
You aren’t a christain if you are willing to post pictures like that on something that says a game is bad because of it. Plus I think this writer is gay, I mean to be thinking all that while playing a game.
You got to be gay.
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2 
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11:38 pm
He didn’t even play the game main. He just looked at bing for 10 minutes, or at least he would have if this site weren’t a satire site. BUT I got a great laugh out of this so I’m not complaining XD
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1 
0
3:52 pm
This is probably the best laugh I’v had in a while. As a player of the game, I have full confidence when I say that there is absolutely nothing homosexual about this game. To begin with, It’s a puzzle game taking place in a post-apocalyptic science research facility. But then Aperture Science’s motto is “A Trusted Friend in Science”, something that you religious nuts can’t seem to understand. What the writer of this article needs to do is watch Thunderf00t’s “Why people laugh at creationists” video series and reform his life.
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1 
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3:55 pm
The author of this article has obviously spent about 10 seconds researching this game and made up the rest in his ridiculous and deranged mind.
This game is completely appropriate for any age, with no reference to sex at all, in fact seeing as the person who wrote this article believes in the crap spewing from his mouth he would probabl find it difficult to get through the game as his little mind could not comprehend with the puzzles. I don’t know about anyone else, but I have played both Portal games and am still confident I am a straight man. This idiot should play the game himself and do some research which has some sort of factual foundation instead of just writing what he believes, if you don’t remember, God planned this game to be made because he controls everything (lol) so he is in fact gay and corrupted by Portal himself, you should be praying for forgiveness for not playing this game.
So Mr ‘Ice Van Winkle’ (ridiculous name) I have one thing to say to you. Mong. You might want to go on the forbidden computer and look that up because you probably have no idea what that means.
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3:56 pm
This article is full of stupid. I condemn the author a thousand lifetimes in hell for his heresy.
Burn ignorant Curr.
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3:58 pm
I am absolutely horrified by the way you Christians view things…. Only you can twist something innocent into something horrendous by living life according to some book.
The simple fact that you THINK in this manner, proves that YOU are the sick individuals NOT the developers or gamers out there. How can you stray from becoming mature adults and go back to thinking like 13 year old sexual innuendo obsessed boys?
p.s.
If this is a false article, well played sirs.
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4:03 pm
Great Article,
Needed this laugh. But you should try Dragon Age II. Bioware are the true masters in the Homogay Ageda.
BTW I hope everyone had a great time this Easter remebering the resurrection of Osiris.
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0
4:04 pm
When will people learn that the Homo Gay Agenda is trying to attack children via technology internet games?????
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1 
4
8:50 pm
Yep, Me being a fully wholesome, well in your case disgusting, bisexual Christian. I fully support Portal two as it is interesting and difficult for others to play. So yes it is fun and you know what, it does make me have gay homosexual urges.
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3 
1
2:20 am
Yeah yeah yeah, this could be a good thing. Think about it, if all of these super conservative religious nuts keep condemning technology and refusing to move beyond 1950s America, the rest of the functioning world will move on and evolve and soon enough Mr. Winkle, Mr. Bowers, and the rest of the loony bin will be reduced to a tiny, isolated society; never to be heard from again. Just like in that movie “The Village” (2004).
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4:10 pm
IMAGE REMOVED DUE TO HOMO GAY CONTENT
Ice Van Winkle here,
I enjoy big black cocks in my anus.
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7 
0
4:14 pm
Wait this is satire right? There’s no way anyone could actually be this stupid.
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1 
0
4:22 pm
You spelled Christian wrong. And you secretly love penis.
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1 
0
4:22 pm
Ahahahahaaa!!! Seriously??????
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1 
0
4:27 pm
dude you are one messed up christian
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3 
0
4:38 pm
You are a horrible person, this coming from a life long lutheran. Well i bought Portal 2 today, ON EASTER and it was a gift from my mother TO CELEBRATE EASTER! Portal 2 is a very creative puzzle game that has earned many awards from people who are gay assholes like you are sire! I think if anyone needs to be taken to a gay bath house it’s you so you can see how wrong u are!
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3 
0
4:49 pm
Here we have another example of the Gaymaking lobby. They say that they “only want the right to decide for themselves” but it is stated plainly and simply above
>> “if anyone needs to be taken to a gay bath house”
You can see here that the intent is not simply to keep the sordid houses of anal sin for their own pleasure but to take others to their lair; corrupt and pervert them and force queerdom and sin upon them.
This is why God sent AIDS to quell the curse of queerdom but the evil homo-promoters faced with a fall in their numbers due to God’s great wrath, counter this by offering to take along others, whereby the innocents will be forcibly initiated into filth and depravity.
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2
5:23 pm
I just got back from my neighborhood watch and we have now been set up to make sure none of these raging secularists will follow throw on their threats. I am sending the girls to their grandmothers house for their own safety.
The boys are staying here with me to help defend our bible. There really is liberal terrorism in the USA.
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2 
8
4:46 pm
This article is rubbish.
Firstly, your assertions that underlying this game is a homosexual agenda is absurd, not to mention nullified by simple observations that the main character of the story portion on the game is female. How could a game where a female heroin cradles, as your put it, a phallic object the entire time be pushing a gay agenda. In addition the phallic seeming portal gun, the largest component of this game are the TWO portals which work side by side with the portal gun. I think you are mistaken when you suggest these are glory holes, these are obviously testicles. Now, in a different light, you have a female character running around, holding a phallus, lubing and jumping on and between testicles. This seems an obviously heterosexual subjectivity.
Secondly, the robots. What research led you to understand these robots are male? How do you determine the sex of an androgynous mechanical being? What exactly is this tranny voice you speak of? And how, do you make the jump from to robots embracing to a gay couple having sex?
It seems that you are suggesting that hugging is potential act of homo-eroticism. Where I come from, Earth, we view hugging as a symbol of friendship, affection, and acceptance. This is probably why, you Christians ask us to embrace Jesus into our lives. But, after reading your article, I’m fearful that embracing a MAN who is usually depicted half naked will lead to a future of homosexual fantasy. I am also afraid, because you seem to suggest that the spikes which nailed Jesus to the cross are in fact the same objects Valve uses in Portal 2: big black dildos.
Oh, and this whole dark brooding atmosphere is like homosexuality is pardoxial too. On one hand you’re arguing that this game is a pro-gay agenda, which, for homosexuals, would be a POSITIVE thing, on the other you suggest the game has similarities to homosexuality because portions of the game are set in what you call “aids infested bath houses”, which, for homosexuals, is a NEGATIVE, scary, and life-threatening concern. Follow me? You can’t really suggest that the game developers are delivering a positive-homosexual agenda when they built them around “aids infested bath houses”, it’s counter productive to any supposed underlying pro-gay agenda to suggest it would be fun to play around with AIDS. And, even if this were the case like you assert, than this seems like a negative a fearful view of homosexuality coupled with the fact that in these “bath houses” lurk dangers and ways to succumb to death.
Anyways, you’re an idiot and owe your friend a copy of Portal 2.
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4:59 pm
I agree.
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0
6:49 pm
I love your name Mr. Sane and not an extremist. I wish we could all say the same for this sad, strange little man (aka Mr. Winkle)
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0
4:49 pm
Hmmm. I should take some notes. This is pure art. I think he can beat Rebecca Black – friday. Rebecca now have 118,479,023 views on youtube. lets see how many you can get.
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4:57 pm
We did our own remix to make it more holy:
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2 
1
5:30 pm
You should hear my youngest girl singing this holy version. It brings warmth to the hearts of all.
It really does seem like the version that the song wanted to be all along. The sinful version just isn’t as catchy.
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1 
5
5:33 pm
got this website on my fav list. looking forward to see more articles likes this. please, dont let me slide into the dark side, i know they have cookies
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3 
0
4:56 pm
10/10 for trolling so much people in one time.
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4:58 pm
You must be pretty horny, when you see glory holes and other things everywhere. Aren’t you homo when you see that? Yeah, I’m horrible person too, because I play Portal 2. I’m happy horrible person.
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0
5:05 pm
OP is a faggot
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3 
2
5:07 pm
I understand the want to keep games away from children, and
the way you raise them is entirely up to you. But, misunderstanding games can lead to things like this. Let me explain:
1. They are not meant to be seen as that. It is just a room full of spikes and crushers, meant to give you an obstacle to get to the next puzzle to continue testing.
2. The “Glory holes” are not to be seen like that either, they are meant to be seen as portals, a way of cutting through the Game’s dimension like cutting a piece of bread from it’s loaf and putting the opposite side to the loaf, connecting the two.
3. The game does not take place in a bath house, let alone resemble one. It is an underground Factory, laboratory, and facility meant to test the Portal gun. The dark walls are just Panels made of a material that stops the portal from materializing on it’s surface, unlike the lighter panels, which allow it.
4. The two robots in Portal 2 Co-op are not the same gender! P-Body (Tall orange one) is a girl! and Atlas (Short blue one) Is a boy! Well, that is the way it is meant to be taken! In all truth, they have no gender at all!
5. IT IS JUST A PORTAL GUN, THAT IS ALL, DON’T TAKE IT DIFFERENTLY!
6. The gels are just there to make Portal 2 more interesting! Play the game through and tell me you don’t like the Aerial Faith plates, gels, and other new things!
Especially Easter eggs!
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1 
0
5:08 pm
This article makes me sick. No wonder I’m an Atheist. People like the writer just make me sick when they call out everything as the devil or quote the fucking bible. To anyone else who post and agrees that the article above is lame I’m glad to call you a true gamer.
LOL! At the comment saying the writer is just like Rebbecca Black.
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5 
0
5:11 pm
I don’t know what is funnier: The fact that this is fake, or that most of you believe it isn’t.
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3 
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5:13 pm
Dear OP please head over to meatspin.com I hear people like you enjoy websites like that.
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5:33 pm
Who is this OP that you keep referring to? You can refer to me as Mr. Van Winkle.
As for that link you sent me to, now I have to wash my eyes with soap to remove what I just saw.
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2 
2
10:14 pm
dont go to steam.com there is a satan computer progranm oh i hate you. even though tis is fake you still turn people alway from the path of god which makes you a hypacryte i probably a better crystian then you and i had teenage years that were fun but lets just put my wife has a 0 percent chaance of getting my long gone viginity so ya being a troll for a few lauphs permenantly can put people off by a relationship
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5:13 pm
Good Lord!
What’s so bad about homosexuality? Everybody should live his life as he pleases, especially his sex life. And why good man do you post an image of two naked guys having sex if homosexuality is so bad? Don’t you fear your children could see this?
Btw: I’m really sorry for your children…
My explanation is that you are in fact homosexual or bi-curious at least and are trying to deny it by posting bullshit like that. How else could one have the associations you have with the game?
Don’t take this article and his author serious guys. If you want to, play Portal 2 – it’s a wonderful game (one of the best and most innovative games I’ve experienced in my entire life). The best thing is that it completely comes without real violence.
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1 
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5:24 pm
Dear mr. Christain,
I am glad to know that you and the other people of the Christain family are safe from the smut that Portal 2 really is. I have heard some people argue that Portal 2 is not trying to turn our children into gay little freaks because it has a busty protagonist. But this is smut nonetheless, so best to be safe.
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3 
7
5:34 pm
Praise Click for you!
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1 
7
5:26 pm
Sorry dude, but if you think that’s a dildo, than I guess the whole gay community should penetrate you with this model.
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4 
0
5:27 pm
TAT GYS GOTS RESUN, THERE’RE 2 GIRLS TAHTS LESB OMG SO PERV
AND THERES CUBES TAT COULD BE PUT ‘N THE VAGINA, BAD
AND SOOTING DILDOES
AND CHINESE BALLS, CRAP
For people don’t understanding the Internet, that was joking.
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1 
0
5:30 pm
To me it sounds like this author’s mind is corrupt. First thing he thinks of is gay sex when he hears “Portal”. Then he looks at every cylindric object as a dildo, you have the dirty mind of a pre-pubescent teenager. Grow up.
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2 
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5:30 pm
This article was brilliant! Homosexuality is baaaaaad m’kay? Video games are baaaad m’kay? Let’s stop this demented perverts from destroying our christian intolerant world. America is great yay!!!! *shoot guns*
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0
5:33 pm
“As soon as I heard the name “Tetris”, my suspicions grew and I immediately found myself wondering which body part the game might be referring to”
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5:35 pm
Praise the Lord Ice! Thank God there is somebody willing to write the truth about video games. I remember when I had a brush with Ocarina of time. I….I started to notice little boys. But the Lord spoke to me through an episode of Fraser and I haven’t touched a controller or um anything else since. Keep spreading the good word!
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5:36 pm
Ice Van Winkle, I hope your kids get to your computer, which you should not even have as it is evil and a gateway to becoming gay! So with the computer being locked up and you posting pictures of gay sexual acts on this website, that is beginning to tell me that you are a closet homosexual. The computer locked up is you and when you are on it, you are looking at pictures of gay men. Hmmmm.
Oh, and if you think Portal 2 is some recruiting game for gays. You’ve become so scared and closed-minded that you have failed to see that the game is actually about solving problems (which, problem solving is a good skill for children to learn – unless you are a close-minded “Christian”, which I guess means keeping your kids away from technology and behind the curve with the general population).
I bet you also get dirty thoughts when you see a male public worker going into a sewer hole. It’s okay, Ice. You can come out of the closet. God will still love you.
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2 
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5:42 pm
These attacks on my sexuality are normal from the secularists. “See, you must be one of us!” they cry shrilly.
Well, it won’t shake my faith. After a marriage of 20 years, 3 daughters and 4 boys, I am comfortable with my lifestyle choice as a conservative Christian.
I can only hope that you are as comfortable with your lifestyle choice when it comes time to my your Lord.
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3 
2
6:36 pm
You are not a conservative. You are a Zealot. You are looking too deep into a video game for any evidence of homosexuality; which in Portal 2, there isn’t any. I’m pretty sure if you were to take off your blinders, you would see and understand that the game is about cooperation and solving problems scientifically by using a device that places portals into the walls/ceilings/floors to overcome the objective and finish the game. It is not a metaphor for sexual deviancy in homosexual men.
Also, just because you’ve been married for so long and have children, doesn’t mean you aren’t denying your true self. Men have lived their whole lives only to expose their true self when the end was near.
I try to live a good life and not be so close-minded that I hinder and retard my own children’s development by denying them access to current technology such as a computer. Do you realize how far behind the curve you are forcing them to be by denying them a common technology? There are programs that enable you to monitor/block websites when your children access the internet. If you are even worried about that program failing. Sit at the computer and monitor what they are doing yourself instead of denying your own children.
The teachings I take from the Bible is pretty simple: be kind and good to each other. There’s many more, but that’s the basic premise of the Bible for me. Your extremely closed-minded thought process of being a Christian appears to be very eschewed and akin to an Islamic extremist.
I am comfortable and looking forward to meeting our Lord and Savior. Not because of what I am, a straight, white male, but because of who I am. I don’t condemn people based on just their sexual preference, as an example. You are a casebook bigot if anything.
Also:
The Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything is…
42
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5:37 pm
Amen.
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2
5:39 pm
This shit is banging lol, This has to go to comedy Central.
Mr Winkle, the first step to helping you over come you psychiatric metal disorder revolving around gays is, to say I have bipolar disease. For you to say the voices in my head say things. Which I believe are real and that portal 2 is evil and so are gays.
Failure to accept that you have mental disorder, will result in the people on this forum standing as witnesses, to have you sectioned under the mental health act and aiding cult movement.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT VALVE DO NOT ADVERTISE HOMOSEXUALITY IN THEIR GAMES UNLESS STATED ON VIDEO GAME BOX. VALVE ALSO DOES NOT, NOR ENDORSE CHILD MOLESTATION OR SPONSORS GROUPS SUCH AS NAMBLAS.
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2 
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5:39 pm
What’s hilarious is that all the people calling you retarded, a closet homosexual, and all manner of other insults do not possess the intellectual capabilities to recognize this as satire.
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3 
0
5:40 pm
Anyone who is falling for this obvious troll deserves it. I mean for God’s sake according to his name the author is Vanilla Ice. Yes, the Vanilla Ice. There are obvious things in here that give this article away. The two biggest examples that come to my mind are the other “Christian father” burning a game on the grill (Who in their right mind would melt plastic on the same surface they cook food on?) and the gay porn be posted on a Christian website.
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2 
0
5:44 pm
This bullshit can’t be serious. Fuck what you THINK this game represents, and FUCK you.
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1 
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5:47 pm
Open your eyes and shut your mouth. I’m a Christian, but the lord blessed me with a brain and the ability to see great games and crazy people. Alas people such as the author of this article make the world laugh and rejoice in the fact that madmen still exist. Except in the internet, we call you ‘Trolls’
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4 
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5:48 pm
I can’t tell if this is a real article or fake article it’s so ridiculous XD
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3 
0
5:52 pm
you fucking serious man? just finished the game by the way, was amazing. you are a horrible example. god frowns upon you.
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1 
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5:54 pm
This has got to be the best thing i ever read….You,sir (the author) are full of shit,i can’t believe someone can make these connections with homosexuality,so youre saying that going through doors is also a a plan made by the satanists and communists to make us gay-homo-commies? cause a person kinda looks like a penises when standing and going in a door means youre going into a homosexual anus……hmmmmmm thank you for making sense sir!! you are full of satan’s shit and i feel bad for your kids cause they have the right to play video games,you fucking moron
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1 
0
5:54 pm
Not sure if trolling…
or just very stupid.
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1 
0
6:01 pm
Hmmm. Where do I comment here?
Oh ok.
I like dicks.
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1 
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6:02 pm
ohhhh cum on! you are not fooling anyone dr. daddy. we all know what you are trying to hide behind that adorable mustache!<3<3 Drop me an email, and I'll show you how really to think with portals
<3<3 Flirt_Me_IceMan@yahoo.com <3<3
ps great pix, got more?
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2 
0
6:04 pm
The person who wrote this is insanely perverted.
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3 
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6:04 pm
Iceman dude,you are a sick pervert if you think portal 2 encouraging homosexualisim,Get laid with your lord if you think like this,i acutually saw women who leave their husbands for “GOD” who doesn’t exists its all human mind creatings So man just leave it,stop being brain washed by your your religion maybe im atheist,but i do understand that all the religions and religion wars will be the one who will destroy our world if you don’t understand it yet,so “FOR GOD SAKE” kill yourself or something
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1 
0
6:05 pm
I don’t blame you.
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1 
0
6:05 pm
An enlightening article my friend, at first glance the game seem harmless. Thankfully your hard work and research will stop many people allowing this smut into their lives.
Despite my own reservations my young wife has developed a taste for the occasional videogame, I’m going to have to be more firm with her, but it’s hard to raise your hand against a twelve year old.
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5 
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6:17 pm
As a good Christian man, the bible commands you to subdue your wife, but the USA has made it illegal to use corporal force in establishing your Christ-given authority. This can lead to a messy and inconvenient arrest. Then nobody is happy.
Assuming that you are younger than me, and you can’t be over 35 given the age of your bride, I’d like to offer some advice:
I have found that if your good Christian wife does not have a source of income despite the fact that so many feminists insist on it, then controlling her access to funds will encourage the proper respect for your sacred position as the head of the household.
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4 
6
6:21 pm
you hate your wife because youre gay
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6 
1
6:21 pm
silly
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4 
1
6:10 pm
Dad failed.
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0 
1
6:10 pm
Um… I can’t tell if this is suppose to be a comedy article or a serious one. If it’s suppose to be funny, it isn’t. If you’re being serious, then you are one twisted “Christian”.
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2 
1
6:16 pm
….what kind of Christian has such a dirty mind that the first thing the think when they hear portal is a body part? and what in this game has anything to do with homosexuality? and penis tool? seriously? where did anyone get the idea that its a penis? those “glory holes” and you so lovingly dubbed them aren’t used for sex they are used to get from one area of the location to the next that’s what a portal is for transportation not sex through a bathroom stall. and the robots are gay with glowing sex organs? i haven’t played the game myself yet but they don’t look like sex organs they aren’t even low enough to be one. And how can you sit there and say that because a man is gay he is a child molester? homosexuality and child molestation are two VERY VERY VERY different things. you call yourself a Christian and yet you judge based on facts you can’t even prove real or not. God doesn’t judge God doesn’t condemn you for not being they way “real Christians” say we should. God loves us all for who we are he excepts and helps those who are different in the same way he helps you. so you shouldn’t hate
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2 
0
6:20 pm
Such a good christian that he spells it wrong in the title. Radicalised Religious people are always weird though. As an athiest, I like christ. He has good values. Be courteous to all men. Be a nice, giving person. The message that comes across from radicalised christians ( and they seem to be most prevalent in America ) is one of hate. They seem to despise the world around them and everything that has evolved within it.
Look guys. At the end of the day the bible provides a good moral compass, but its contradicting and meaningless because over the years the words and morals have been bent to comply with many authors views. Before the invention of modern society, the bible was used as a lawful reference and a justifiable explanation of where we came from because we simply did not know the origin of life. Possibly because the ministers spent too much time having sex with underage children up their rectums. Regardless, the way you live your life is not only going to have an unimaginably damaging affect on you, which to be fair i couldnt care less about, its going to affect your children in a way that as a parent is wholly unacceptable. I hope your children reach the age of 16 and then never talk to you again because of the damage you are causing to an otherwise happy childhood. I was raised a christian but thankfully i found the light.
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6:20 pm
This made my day, HAPPY EASTEr everyone, dont forget to thank the easter bunny.
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1 
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6:21 pm
I honestly don’t know what is funnier the atheists blaming the Christians for being over the top, or the Christians agreeing or disagreeing about the game.
This is one of the funniest pieces of satire I have ever read especially because of the hilarious comments
I think the game it actually trying ti create a bridge to hell so the devil can return and thou mighty god shall smite us all!
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2 
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6:21 pm
as a gamer, an atheist, I find your article to be quite.. interesting, for the lack of a better word. I have studied human behavior all my life because of autism and what I see in your article is that you are a homosexual but think its so bad to be that you are trying to cover it up by pointing ‘homosexual’ things out in everyday life. But its ok to be gay. Im not gay, but i am comfortable with my sexuality, ill play a gay guy to get a few laughs, but i know im straight. you on the other hand are struggling with your sexuality. so dont worry, there is no god, and all your doing by sheltering your children like that is turning them into the westboro baptist church.
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3 
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6:21 pm
Well i think the author should stop thinking to much in dildos and gay people. If you think in only one thing, you’ll see it in everything. So, if you think dildos, you’ll see dildos and not thorns to hurt you. I never in my life saw before a bathroom of gay public place or something, no thanks to this guy, i saw one, before that i didn’t thinl in nothing gay abuout this.
Stop think 24/7 on gay things and sins. Or youll be seeing gay things everywhere.. lol you act like kids, changing words and images to complete and arthicle. Sad christians also make this articles for money, they have to right anda act everything or don’t get pay.
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6:24 pm
OMG man you are so dumb it’s unbelievable, I was laughing my ass off while reading this stupid article.
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6:24 pm
Also: http://www.pown.it/3351/14202199
Trololol
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6:27 pm
also, i think you lost the point God was trying to tell you all. Love is good, hate is bad. You are hating on people who love eachother. therefore, you are sinners and all going to hell.
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6:27 pm
Op is a faggot, fact.
Seriously, could you be any more in the closet?
How is Narnia this time of year?
FYI: Married with kids doesn’t mean your straight and while we’re on the subject, 7 kids? It’s a vagina, not a clown car.
People like you should be banned from breeding.
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6:31 pm
Haha, I can’t believe so many people are taken in by this obvious joke.
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6:33 pm
eeeeeeh, knowing a few religious people.. i wouldnt doubt this is not a joke
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6:36 pm
You doubt its not a joke? Then you agree!
Seriously, the whole site is a Christian satire site.
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6:34 pm
When my children were young we only needed to worry about television corrupting them. Very few people had a set and you were allow to hit your kids if they stepped out of line.
Too many temptations these days. Send your kids to military school! They can bind and rebind bibles until they’re old enough to go. The Scouts will learn them how. That’ll keep em on the STRAIGHT and narrow.
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6:40 pm
ohhh please send them to military school! i love a man in uniform
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6:55 pm
Now, now. None of that funny stuff. That’s exactly the sort of talk that puts our brave servicemen at even greater peril. Not just their lives, defending our nation, but also their souls.
I served with man who confessed he had improper desires. Me and the boys cured him of his disease, with the help of Jesus.
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6:50 pm
Military school and the Boy Scouts are the safest way to keep your kids away from homosexuality.
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6:55 pm
I love how you support Boy Scouts…this is obviously another ploy to increase the number of boys for your pedophile operations
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7:09 pm
Please iceman, all those boys in little tents, and those outfits! wanna teach me how to build a fire?
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6:54 pm
no, military school and the Boy Scouts are the safest way to send your kind to be penetrated by at least 4 different cocks a day just like you were as a kid and that way they will hate gay people just like you do, because you were molested and are now in denial, do a favor to your family and let them live a good life, not your overcontrolling life that everybody hates
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2:57 pm
Seriously?
Read the news…
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6:35 pm
Dear Mr Van Winkie,
You are either an amusing internet troll, or you are the typical “Christian” who never developed the cognition necessary to read or comprehend what Jesus Christ actually taught.
The biggest example of this is in your blatant disregard for the Commandment of “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy Neighbor.” Your article stinks of the intentional push to lie, misinform, and mislead.
I would suggest you drop to your knees and recite 10 Hail Marys for your sin against the Lord, but with your mindset you would likely begin to assert that being on one’s knees would be sinful because it puts you at the right level to perform fellatio.
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6:38 pm
You guys who agree with this,please anwser the questions.
1.Is it ok for a Christian to stand on a corner and preach?
2.Is it ok for a Atheist to do the same thing?
3.Do you love your children unconditionaly?
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6:53 pm
1. Yes
2. No (yes, if they pay fine/tax for preaching nonsense)
3. Maybe (i don’t have children)
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6
7:00 pm
You have problems,what about religous freedom,if they can’t have freedom of religon why should you?
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7:05 pm
So you admit that atheism is a religion ?
(you people always deny it).
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7:29 pm
Atheism is a LACK of religion, which IS covered under the FREEDOM of religion, which means that, yes, someone IS within their rights to go to a corner and tell people that God doesn’t exist.
Like it or not, it’s not against the law to be atheist OR agnostic.
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7:52 pm
Atheism is not against the law but defamation/slander is.
I don’t care if you people hate life and want to live a life of hate, hopelessness, despair, hate, homogayness and ignorance but you should NOT be allowed to corrupt the minds of innocent children with your Blasphemy.
Atheism is a religion (created by Satan) based on LIES and CHAOS, spreading that filth should be against the law.
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8:03 pm
Atheism is a LACK of religion. How can Satan create a LACK of religion, he’s part of religion as well! And how is Atheism defamation or slander? As far as ‘what religion is the right one’, everyone has only their own decision to make so there is NOTHING erroneous in saying that ‘God isn’t real’ since there’s no definitive proof. If the last time he had a prophet show up was 2000 years ago or whatever to spread his word, then that lack of time means that something’s up.
Without resorting to the bible, you can’t prove that God is real. Your only real evidence is a piece of circular logic, which means that it’s false.
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6:39 pm
DUde this ice author is a fricking idiot, dude must be gay and lives glory holes if he thinks that way towards a game or ahy game, listen dude video games in this world.are more connected ro people than religion and thats why your pissed cause the church is slowly going away, dont get me wrong I love god and glad im blessed but if this idiot author thinks this everyone better start praying. Also dude the new remake mortal kombat is out I would love to see his review of it such a brutal sexual game, lol god bless us all
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6:40 pm
That person who wrote the artical must seriously be a troll. What kind of christian, even a hardcore christian write such filth and to even THINK of anything like that. I’m not a christian myself but i know some and they do not write such crap. The way you speak (type) to replies just doesn’t… i mean… wtf.
Portal 2 is just a puzzle game. Get over yourself and let your children live for once by letting them have some fun.
But if you are a troll, then get back under your bridge and make me a fucking sammich.
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6:40 pm
I’ve been a Christian for my whole life, both active and rebelled. Christ has seen me through more then I can begin to thank Him for.
Having said that, I have to pray for people like you. If the first place you mind goes to is “what body part are they referring too” then I think the problem lies with you, not this game. You seem to be trying WAY too hard to find things where they are not.
I’ve played all of Portal 2 and it’s prequel. I can assure you there is NO innuendos or references to gay ANYTHING in this game. If you find two partners giving each other moral support when they finally achieve a difficult and common goal to be a “gay” activity, they I’d stay away from sports or anything else that requires teamwork. You might find too many gay references in it too.
What irks me most is that most the Christian community is judged by well meaning, but misdirected and immature in their faith Christians such as yourself.
Proverbs 19:2:
It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.
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6:41 pm
So many people want this to be a true article. I’m not religious, but I know lots of Christians, and none of them are like this. This is so obviously a satire in the same vein as the Onion news network.
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6:47 pm
Christianty in a nutshell:
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6:53 pm
I honestly think this is a joke. It would take a genuinely mentally crippled individual to write anything this foolish. Number one, GABE NEWELL, an ex-microsoft employee (you like them don’t you Mr. Ice?) is the founder and managing director of Valve. It is PRIVATELY owned by him and not a subsidiary NAMBLA or whatever it is called. Secondly, there mere fact that all of these homosexual, pornographic images popped into your head the moment you heard the name “Portal 2″ is disturbing in it’s own rights and speaks volumes to the types of prurient interests you privately harbor. I would go on to explain how the game is actually played and how it is the total opposite of everything you have said, but plenty of people have done that already. You sir, are in need of mental help.
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6:53 pm
I hope you die, srsly.
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6:55 pm
I must say, my good sir.
Well played.
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7:01 pm
Salvation is yours for the asking, friend. Jesus arms are always open.
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10:22 pm
atleast you got one thing right you win an imaginary cookie and no im not say you get a gay peda ring thing
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9:46 am
From the looks of what you just write, it looks like Jesus’ legs are open too, you really need to sort this crap out.
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7:33 pm
hands always open hah?hhehe pervert!dont tell us the rest of teh details
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6:58 pm
I spoke to God (Our Father) and he says that portal 2 is blessed of puzzlement and joy and that you are a fool.
Say 5 hail marys and go to bed naughty gay person.
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7:00 pm
Will the people who agree with this answer these questions?
1. Are anthropologists liars?
2. Is science false?
3. Is it OK to celebrate the rebirth of Jesus?
4. Is it OK to celebrate Christmas?
5. Is it OK to celebrate a Pagan holiday in which we pay tribute to saturn through feasts and sacrifices?
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7:15 pm
1. If those are the dinosaur people yes they are liars.
2. Satan has hijacked science to spread lies.
3. Yes, everyone loves Jesus.
4. The birth of Jesus yes, the santa stuff is up for debate.
5. NO NO NO NO.
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7:28 pm
Anthropologists are people who study ancient egypt and mesopotamians so, can you please re answer that question?
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8:05 pm
Anthropologists are secular humanists who believe that all religions are equal and that no morale code is better than any other.
Tread carefully when you answer an atheist’s questions. This smells like a trap to me.
It is usually better to just ignore them.
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8:14 pm
So you don’t want to prove how you’re right using logic then? Alright.
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8:12 pm
Congrats, you said that we shouldn’t celebrate Christmas then, since it’s pretty much the modern-day version of Saturnalia.
You also don’t believe in science. Do you believe in the internet?
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10:29 pm
for number 2 science basicly just obseving and testing theotys to see if there true are not(im not greeing with this articole i hate it)and for 3 normal christains not counting extremist, which most people think are normal christians, celabratw because it is a sense that jesus beat death and that only through dod can you beat spiritual death. portal 2 kicks ass i want to see this retarts articole on half life now that deserve thumbs ups.
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7:00 pm
Best piece of satire like evar, evar GEEZUS I laughed so hard and then trolls commenting on Catholics, reacting whilst not realizing this was spoof, oh God I almost peed myself
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7:01 pm
Trolloloolololloolololol
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7:04 pm
Christians and all that god crap is worthless. Its a fucking video game. And learn to spell you illiterate right-wing piece of shit.
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7:06 pm
wow. i may not be that religious, and i know a lot of christians, a few of them bible thumpers. But you sir, are the biggest spewer of crap that has ever walked the face of the earth. It’s people like YOU that give christians a bad name. You know, you remind me of ned flanders, from the simpsons [doubt someone like you has ever seen the show, those who have will understand the reference]. If the first thing you think of when you see a PUZZLE GAME is homo-erotic sexual encounters with men, then you have a serious problem and need to see a therapist about it. Go. NOW! Before i send a sentry turret after you for calling it a dildo!
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7:11 pm
Stop twisting a game about teleportation into a faggot fest. Who ever wrote this should be ashamed to call himself Christian. So you are fraid of gays, even though when ou see the word Portal you immediately think GAY ASS FUCKING ANAL MALE ON MALE SEX. Thats how a queers mind works. So you are pretty much thinking like a gay man by thinking about penises and mens asses everytime you hear a word. Stop twisting a game that has nothing to do with gay people into something that you deem “homosexual”. Grow the fuck up you ass fucking flaming faggot bag liberal shit noses.
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7:17 pm
This is the kind of anger that only comes out of an atheist that has not found the relieve of being saved.
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4:31 pm
TotallyNotATrollISwear
April 27, 2011
2:43 amNo sir, i’ll have you know that we’re all totally heterosexual child molesters… no depraved sinning from us, no sir.
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this is what one of your followers posted…. sad, really sad.
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7:18 pm
If you keep playing that game you will become a HOMOGAY and Satan will TELEPORT your soul to HELL
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9:09 am
I thought Satan was all for the game?
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7:19 pm
seriously? it’s closed-minded people like you that give Christianity a bad name. I hate you with every bone in my body.
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7:19 pm
You apparently have no world outside of your own sick twisted mind, condemning every single thing that you can find a reason for, “As if that was not enough, there are mechanical testicles and gay saunas around every corner. Not enough? Well this game introduces “gels” which help the innocent children slide through a glowing red sphincter.” You are apparently a die hard liberial attempting to make the christian community look bad because most christian people are conservitave, you sicken me. Calling this game “homosexual” when all you bastards do is suck obamas small black cock. Thank you
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7:19 pm
wow u christian ppl are fuking gay how the fuk do u think lokcing ur computer away from ur kids is a good thing FUK u and ur comunity let ur kids have some fun this is not the 1990′s any more we have the internet and it is amazing u should die so ur kids have a better life
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7:23 pm
hahahaha, oh my god, portal 2 is just a fun game of logic and bad sarcasm, it is actually good for the intellectual devellopement of people and i can see that you greatly lack of such a thing.
the fact that you see homosexuality in it is only because you are afraid of admitting you are one yourself (because i can see what else it could be) do a great favour to your children and to the rest of the world, Go Kill your fucking self man.
portal 2 is one of the most innocent video games there are and you say it’s gay… if i give you another game you’re gonna say it’s violent… your just stupid, that’s all
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7:25 pm
So many trolls. And everyone knows that God is in fact an Alien. U mad Christians? Deal with it.
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7:26 pm
what about minecraft i bet u think all the creepers are huge green peepees and the scelotons shoot dildoes at ur face
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7:38 pm
Kenny,
Here is an excellent article on the dangers of minecraft:
http://christwire.org/2011/03/minecraft-the-game-that-teaches-kids-how-to-make-penis-with-digital-blocks/
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2
7:42 pm
So you only believe the word of people who are as insane as you?
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7:28 pm
what did i just read? this was a great joke article. thanks for the laughs.
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7:28 pm
Mr. Winkle – as your son’s friend has actually been in possession of this sinful game I think you should cut off all connections with that family. If you continue to allow your son to visit that household, he’ll be having lubed-up anal sex with his friend in no time.
I mean, you can’t be sharing your son’s asshole with someone else, can you?
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7:36 pm
mmKay, I hadn’t thought of this but you are correct, the danger is real. I am going to have to pray on it and decide how to handle this, given that these are his godparents. I think if I explain it slowly and clearly they will understand the need to cut off all communication.
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7:46 pm
And we wonder why are kids go kill people, because of poor parenting.
I hope the people who think this is true are willing to deal with going to hell.
Last I check christians that are smart don’t believe this trash. I hope you are ready for hell when it comes for you.
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8:22 pm
i am fucking sure that jesus is too busy for read this shit
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8:43 pm
“I mean, you can’t be sharing your son’s asshole with someone else, can you?”
Wow, IVW. You’re really too stupid to realize mmKay just called you an incestuous pedophile, aren’t you?
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7:31 pm
Most things christians say equals to this:
http://z0r.de/1840
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7:33 pm
People, people, people, can’t you see?? You’re probably feeding what will turn out to be the biggest troll in all internet history. Browse the page, you’ll see they aren’t serious.
OBVIOUS TROLL IS OBVIOUS.
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7:35 pm
This is obviously trolling. There’s no way he’s serious so stop taking it so seriously. For people who actually believe things like this, educate yourselves. For people who are bashing an entire religion on a single article, educate yourselves. It’s getting out of hand people, come on…
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7:39 pm
Anyone taking this seriously needs to die.
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7:40 pm
I for one woulden’t mind this game, i love a room full of black dildos and machine glory holes, matter of fact its turning me one right now, i think i shall play some of this game and go touch myself.
BTW this is ether a really bad troll and you all cristian and everyone alike are playin right into his hands, or this is some retarded cristian making you people look bad ether ways he is winning like charlie sheen and you all are playing into his hands
now time to enjoy my big room of black dildos
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7:41 pm
THE CAKE IS A LIE!!! Also SAVE THE POTATO!!!
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7:43 pm
“As soon as I heard the name “Portal 2”, my suspicions grew and I immediately found myself wondering which body part the game might be referring to.”
I’d have to ask myself what you’ve been dwelling on then.
Luke 6:45 – Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
“This game is made by Valve software, a wholly owned subsidiary of NAMBLA – the people who invented child molestation.”
Where did you get this piece of “evidence” from? Wikipedia? Can you list even one credible source?
Valve Software was started by two former Microsoft employees Gabe Newell and Mike Harrington, later to be joined by Doug Lombardi, all happily married men (in the Biblical sense). The corporation is privately held by them. The wild success of “Steam”, their digital distribution system, easily maintains this ownership.
http://valvesoftware.com/ValvePresskit_Q!25c.pdf
So far as their companies name, in their own words, the title of “Valve” was to symbolize opening the gates of creativity.
“Since Google supports open source software it is suspect to be communist.”
Are you sure you’re not related to Charlie Sheen?
“This is what China for our white Christian sons.”
Not just Christian sons, but WHITE Christian sons?
Given that Mortal Kombat and the “uncensored” trailer for Duke Nukem Forever, two of the most graphic video games in gaming history, were released at the same time as Portal 2, it baffles me why you are so focused on this game. Easily one of the most family friendly games I’ve played in my 15 years of gaming. Given what I’ve seen in even in this short time of being exposed to your personality, it seems to me you are being manipulated by our enemy to discredit the whole of the Christian Community in the eyes of the lost. So zealous in your pursuit to please Him that you’ve gone the way of the Pharisees, becoming blind to His actual intent. Trying so hard to not to give the enemy a foothold, you’ve missed the most obvious way you’ve given him opportunity.
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7:44 pm
Not bad, but I’ve seen better trolls on this site. Bring your A-game, eh?
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7:44 pm
I thought this was a troll, but seeing what web page I’m browsing I do not know anymore. My conclusion: the writer is homophobic and afraid because he wants to deny his homosexuality and obsession to glory holes. But then again, only christians (Yank christians) can come up something like this. I don’t know if this is a joke, if it is it’s not working too well.
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7:46 pm
Ok. Te author of this article is obviously a pervert homosexual. Only a twisted kinky mind like his would see all that stuff he says it’s in the game. Portal 2 it’s a physics defiant and interesting game that puts your brain to work solving puzzles. Stop writing articles like this that misinform people, because the only thing you are doing is making people run away from an awesome and smart way of entertainment. I’m so sorry for your child. I wouldn’t want to be him with a child molesting homosexual father like yourself.
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7:47 pm
Ok. The author of this article is obviously a pervert homosexual. Only a twisted kinky mind like his would see all that stuff he says it’s in the game. Portal 2 it’s a physics defiant and interesting game that puts your brain to work solving puzzles. Stop writing articles like this that misinform people, because the only thing you are doing is making people run away from an awesome and smart way of entertainment. I’m so sorry for your child. I wouldn’t want to be him with a child molesting homosexual father like yourself.
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7:48 pm
mr iceman. Im a 6 year old boy and i would like if youd come to my house to have some fun ;P email me please 8===> ( ilikeoldermen@goodchristians.com
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7:55 pm
WOW. So, is this for real? For those of you who are defending this article, you are the ignorant ones. First of all, why would you even be thinking all these homosexual thoughts in the first place. I hope you dont eat toast with jelly on it, because jelly is a form of lubrication OH NO! A bottle of water = a clear dildo. I mean really? That means you cannot use pencils/pens because they resemble dildoes more than those black objects in the game. So basically you can’t use computers because it is a source of homosexual video downloads, you can’t use pens/pencils, you can’t eat foods that resemble sexual toys.
Portal 2 is in fact a very pg rated game where you use logic to complete stages. So while you’re trying to find everything in life that resembles sexual toys and references, the portal 2 players are actually getting smarter than you.
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7:55 pm
uffff. this is really stuning….
are you real????…..
cant be….cant be….. so foolish in just one man……
so keep going the world…….ainsss
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7:57 pm
The cake is a lie.
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7:58 pm
MMMMMM just lookin at those big black dildoes gets me all lubed up in the sex area!
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8:03 pm
Looks like we found the missing link here. The writer of this here article is on his way to becoming Amish.
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8:06 pm
This guy is a fucking idiot.
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8:09 pm
THIS IS SERIOUSLY THE FUNNIEST SHIT I HAVE EVER READ! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU FUCKING PSYCHO CHRISTIANS FUCK WITH YOUR KIDS LIVES, BUT TO POST THIS ON THE INTERNET DESERVES FUCKING RIDICULE. LET’S TAKE THIS APART PIECE BY PIECE. YOU BELIEVE THE SPIKES IN A GAME ARE DILDOS, THIS SHOWS HOW CLEAN YOUR “PURE CHRISTIAN MIND” IS. YOU THINK THAT IT IS A BATH HOUSE WITH GLORY HOLES, IF YOU ARE SUCH A CLEAN CHRISTIAN HOW WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS SHIT? AND THE GAME RESEMBLES A BATH HOUSE ABOUT AS MUCH AS JESUS RESEMBLES A DONKEY. AND WHO THE FUCK TOOK TWO ROBOTS, WHICH ALIGN TO NEITHER GENDER, AND MADE THEM GAY. IS THERE ANY INDICATION IN THE GAME THAT MAKES THEM GAY BESIDES THEM HUGGING, WHICH IS A SIMPLE SIGN OF AFFECTION? NO? DIDN’T THINK SO. FINALLY, I LAUGHED MY FUCKING ASS OFF WHEN I SAW THAT GAY PORN AT THE BOTTOM, I BET YOU ENJOYED LOOKING THAT UP ON YOUR FUCKING PRIVATE COMPUTER. WELL, HAVE FUN IN YOUR DEAD MARRIAGE WITH YOUR DEPRIVED CHILDREN AND WIFE WHO IS HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS MARRIAGE.
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11:47 pm
TROLLKING just got trolled
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8:10 pm
And god is proud of this fuking piece of shit, and you are going to burn in hell for writing so much bullshit.
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9:13 pm
mexicano sucio adorador de satan regresate a tu pais
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3
10:50 pm
Got something against mexicans?
Just because he is a Mexican, he has to worship Satan?
You sir are worse than those who try to fill healthy minds of people with idiotic nonsense.
If you are a prefect example a of a Christian, i wish not to be “saved” by your lord. Who hates Mexicans and people with a different idea than yours.
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4:51 am
“Got something against mexicans?”
Yes, they are deranged corrupt godless creatures and are destroying my great country.
“Just because he is a Mexican, he has to worship Satan?”
No, i believe that he is a Satan worshiper because he supports this satanic tool and most mexicants are criminals/rapists/drunks/lazy/drug addicted/misogynists/heathens/filthy/corrupt/homogays/communist/ignorant/murderer/losers.
I have visited that failed state a couple of times and i have seen how they are.
I don’t hate other people, i am a Christian our religion is about LOVE.
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10:41 pm
Happy Zombie Jesus Day!!
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8:19 pm
Are you kidding me?! It is a video game! And Portal of all games. This game is probably one of the cleanest games out on the market. If you are going to rant about Portal you might as well rant about Pin-Ball or Need For Speed.
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8:23 pm
…people seriously can’t tell that this entirely article is just a parody? Really?
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8:54 pm
Michael,
People are endlessly fascinating because the Maker endowed them with all kinds of blind spots, discriminating viewpoints and and heartfelt passions arising from free will and a desire be one again with the Maker.
Articles are published; comments are entered. Never a miss-communication. No one can explain that.
Happy Easter Hugs!
BB
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8:25 pm
This site is actually a satyrical site. It’s literally a joke. Check out the wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christwire
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8:28 pm
This site is actually a satyrical site. It’s literally a joke. Check out the wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christwire
I’m an athiest and i found this scary at first that someone would think like this but now i think it’s funny. The only sad thing is that there are real Christian fundamentalists out there that do have crazy ideas not much crazier than this.
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8:30 pm
When my children had first purchased the game, I was not aware of such a horrible, un-Christian influence it was on my children!
I believe that the days of Christian-friendly games like Bible Adventures is now long-gone, and large game companies are not doing nearly enough to bring our children up in a proper, Christian manner. Games these days such as — as you have so rightfully mentioned — Portal 2 have corrupted society into one that is not god-fearing or taking our long-preserved Christian values into account.
Thank you so much for your invaluable insight, and may the Lord Almighty shelter our children from these horrors of the modern day gaming industry.
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8:35 pm
Praise Click to you, CP
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8:31 pm
Chuck norris is laughing of this bullshit XD
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8:33 pm
Chuck norris is laughing of this XD
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8:33 pm
so if your so anti gay.. then i believe you need to get rid of everything that has/was made by gay men/women including the clothing you wear.. because somewhere a “gay” designed and made the things you wear.. including your whitie tighties..
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1:32 am
thats just what you gays want naked christians!
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8:35 pm
I’m Christian…is this article real, or is it a joke? Seriously. It’s hilarious.
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8:36 pm
I really think this person went a bit over the top with the assumptions. As famous TV character Felix once said, “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me!” And this really just proves it. I own the game at the age of 14, and I don’t see the homosexuality in it, I see it as a puzzle game, designed to make people think hard about decisions and logic with choices. It is really no different than a game of monopoly, as every choice in the game has repercussions on the rest of the level. And those “Glory Holes” he talks about, are really portals that lead between one another, and the two robots are brothers.
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8:40 pm
ohh thank you for all this wonderful troll-win … i can barely think now let alone breathe … coming from a professional troll such as myself it means more than any of the bait on here can believe … comprehension of the total win portrayed here is beyond all but the best of trolls like myself … again i thank you and please keep up the good work ! … p.s. as this is the first time i have visited your site , i apologise if i have broken any of the rules in regards to posting of the nature of such wondrous trolling as i have just witnessed … once again … THANK YOU FOR ALL THE WONDEROUS TROLL-WIN
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1:35 am
why do people keep calling us trolls? we’re CHRISTIANS!!!
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8:40 pm
I am a practising Catholic, and I am OUTRAGED at this article! Not because I agree with the author, oh no, he is LIEING to you all and spreading HATE! If he were really a child of Jesus he would accept our fellow homosexual brethren. HE is the malefactor here: who even thinks these things? I never, never once thought ANY of these things playing the game, and I’m sure his kids didn’t either. THe game is rated E10+ for a reason, it is kid-friendly. On a side note: one of the robots is a girl (the tall one) and one is a guy. You need to see someone, I think.
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1:36 am
everyone knows that a catholic is about as christian as a mormon!
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8:43 pm
trololololol nice trolling OP, epic troll
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8:48 pm
Is this an article out of The Onion? Seriously, this has got to be comedic rhetoric. I laughed at the ridiculousness of this article.
There is no way, someone can say that and be serious; and then go on to post a very borderline homosexual pornographic picture.
If the author is serious, then he must be struggling with homosexuality himself.
Portal and Portal 2 have to be one of the better and more educational games on the market. It seriously challenges the player to solve very outside of the box puzzles and mind games.
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8:56 pm
What is wrong with you psychos? It’s a game about solving puzzles by creating warps in space! People like you disgust me, calling the most innocent things “dirty” and “homosexual”. Not only that, but you insult both innocent games and the gay community. You people, you “Christians”, think you are so holy that you can cry about anything just because your sick twisted mind sees everything as perverse. What kind of sick pervert goes around twisting innocent things around to more than they are? You people make me sick.
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8:58 pm
I don’t know if my kids will become homosexuals playing this game, but you sure have. You have to be very, very sick to see dildos, glory holes and homosexuals robots on there. You can’t stop thinking about it, can you?
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9:08 pm
oh my god this was so funny haha good one
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9:08 pm
All I want to say is…
You are a fucking moron, you Christian piece of shit!
VALVE ROCKS!!
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9:09 pm
I think this guy is a troller, a christian myself, i find this guy a way too absurd in this article. I don’t like that this guy is making the Christian community look like a bunch of homosexual obsessers. This is not true to most Christians, I play call of duty i am a perfectly fine christian
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7:10 pm
Call of duty is perfectly fine as long as its modern warfare. Practising for the day where we will wipe the ragheaded enemies of Christ and Anlo-American capitalism from this earth.
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9:11 pm
This is funny. Now for some real trolling. WE WANT YOU GONE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVVZaZ8yO6o
(From Portal 2)
I guess that’s gay isn’t it? It’s also created by Satan.
I’m a teenager that has to laugh at your poor parenting skills. To quote John Denver (Also a follower of Satan) “That which is denied becomes the most desired”
When your kids grow up, (If they really exist) hopefully they will realize that you need help, lots of it.
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1:43 am
autotune is the work of satan
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9:12 pm
This is why i’ve leaved the christians, Ice u’re NOT fucking reasonable, don’t be a dick head and try to show what is not…if u hate gays just say it don’t make stupid topics with no sense at all.
U need to see it from other points, religions are fucked up brainwashing people since 1000 years ago.
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9:19 pm
Don’t lie, you left Christianity because you are a satanic goldless sodomite.
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9:34 pm
why would you ever approach somebody like that we as Christians are suppose to love everyone as are own brothers and sisters! you bring a bad name to all Christians and remarks like that are truly the reason that people leave the church!
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9:37 pm
Truly the words of acceptance.
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9:45 pm
Killjoy, i am only reacting to his attacks.
L.N, you are right Christwire is about acceptance and LOVE.
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9:57 pm
well your reacting in the wrong way! remarks like that only drive people farther from the church.
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9:17 pm
You are a moron and that is putting it mildly. The fact that you seem to know so much about “gloryholes, gay bath houses, tops, bottoms, etc” leads me to believe that you are one of the many hypocritical fundamentalist christian men in this country that condemn gays and their lifestyle, while secretly, away from the eyes of fellow churchgoers and their families, seek to actively pursue gay lifestyles, or at the very least, gay encounters. Considering how truly sick some of you christian bastards seem to be, gay anything is the least perverse or perverted thing you probably seek. It takes a true pervert and sicko to see perversion and malice in everything, but leave it up to you biblethumping assholes to try to push your BS agenda on the rest of the world and try to control how everyone thinks. Perhaps we should have people began to tail you everywhere you go because sooner or later, we are bound to find out you are probably a sick bastard in your own right, you pompous, arrogant, self-centered, egotistical prick.
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9:20 pm
Your kids, like so many repressed kids of ignorant christian idiots like yourself will probably grow up to be homosexual or junkies or whores because, wouldn’t that just be poetic justice in your gods eyes!?
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9:22 pm
It actually pains me that people don’t realize this is a joke.
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9:24 pm
You’re an idiot. Nuff’ said.
It’s people like you that need to be drop kicked in the teeth. How did you conduct your “research?” Did you look at images of the game and wonder, “Hmm, that looks like something I’ve seen before?” Or maybe something that you’ve even participated in?
SHUT UP. People like you are the reason that there are people that hate on video games, in general. First, it was video games that cause school violence and shootings. Now it’s that video games create homo-sexual people?
Tool
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9:26 pm
i cannot believe the lack of senses of humor present on the internet. all of you people who responded to this article as if it were serious need a reality check. i PITY your thick skulls.
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9:27 pm
No – this is clearly a joke. Clearly. You sir, are giving us Christians a bad name. I truly truly hope that those who read this article will not for a second think that all Christians see this kind of absurdity in a perfectly innocent game. Good God. Find yourself a hobby.
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9:27 pm
Thank you sir I almost purchased this filth ,you have saved my soul from eternal damnation or being infected with the “Gay” itself.
And here was I thinking this was a puzzle game involving portals shot from a portal gun.
May the Church of Sony ban this PSN anal crippling game. Where’s the Jesus punch ? I’m thirsty .
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9:29 pm
So many souls saved on this Easter Sunday! Praise click to you.
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9:30 pm
Guys, I am a proud gay man BUT I AM ALSO A CHRISTIAN!
This guy is a f*cking troll.
No ONE puts up pics of gays having sex. No respectable outlet would allow that. Not even hetero sex. He would have fooled me if it weren’t for the pic that completely gave away the fact that this is a troll.
I went to investigate, clicked on the author’s name at the “bottom” part of the article and it led to a website for “White Settlers.”
This is obviously a ploy, I am sure it was written by a gay dude making Christians look all crazy.
Don’t believe me? Click on his name.
I know we all hate extremists but while you think this “Christian dude” is an idiot, he isn’t. You are the fools for falling for this sick joke and believing it.
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9:37 pm
Dude, you can’t be a gay Christian.
You’re either one or the other, but you can’t be both.
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9:44 pm
Really, drop the act, “Gene Maye.”
Show’s over. Kinda funny, though.
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9:33 pm
As a Journalism student, I must say that this is the most horrible piece of biased bullshit I’ve ever read. If this was anything related to Journalism, it would be unbiased. The author is a poor excuse of a Journalist and makes me weep blood. This article is nothing but a homophobic rant by a man who wishes he was born in 1843 cause he can’t keep up with these ‘confangled new internets and kids pokermans and Portalz and their facepages etc’
The author is nothing but a frightened man who wants to stick with the old days and should have his computer destroyed.
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9:36 pm
Even if this is a prank article, it is still horribly written.
Hey troll:
lern 2 journalism
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9:34 pm
The name of the author!!! X’) Ice Van Winkle!!!! OMG!
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9:35 pm
This is a satirical site, and if you’re offended by it then you’re clearly the extremists sort of christian that the article intends to make fun of.
I never thought people could be so clueless…
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9:37 pm
lmao only christians would get homosexuality out of portal. Havent u people ever thought… that its just a simple game… its rated fregin E. And how the hell can robots be gay! THEIR ROBOTS!!!!
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1:51 am
you my friend have never seen the sodomizer 3000 built in the 60′s by westinghouse!
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9:43 pm
I cannot believe that anyone thought this was anything but Satire. You’re all morons, the author is clearly poking fun at ultraconservatives. I cried a little when i saw people were taking this seriously, i don’t understand how you can be so dull.
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9:43 pm
Breaking news re: Playsatan Network
http://christwire.org/2011/04/playstation-network-destroyed-by-gods-wrath/
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9:43 pm
christain!!! all of you are Fucking eejits! Jesus!
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9:44 pm
Stewie: Oh pls no more pls no more http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eYSpIz2FjU&feature=related
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9:46 pm
I LOL’D so fucking hard at this, this is the funniest website I’ve visited. Thanks for sharing
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9:49 pm
Hello all. I am a non-religious random Russian Jew from Israel.
I listen to death metal and satanic death metal.
God doesn’t exists
you are all gay
bye.
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9:50 pm
I’m a Christian, and I’m also in the business of making video games as well. Having played portal 2, and knowing people who work at Valve, I can honestly say that there isn’t a bit of truth in this article.
This Ice person gives the majority of us Christians a bad name, and its articles like this one that drives people away from Christianity, thus doing more harm than good. Shame on you Mr. Winkle
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9:51 pm
I didn’t know ChristAINs couldn’t spell. This article became invalid in every sense because the person writing it can’t speak a bit of English. Next time use a spell check. Oh wait is that against the Bible? My bad. I didn’t know spelling wasn’t important to Bible humpers anymore.
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9:57 pm
Hey people who are actually arguing this. Are you enjoying your first trip to the internet? Well, this article was written by what some people would call a “troll”. Believing that this article is legit is the worst thing you can do, so please, don’t let this unfunny troll win.
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10:07 pm
this man is the BEST troll ever. There is no way in hell this is a serious article. I congradulate you all for being trolled this hard. I play World of Warcraft and i see people trolling all the time so i know how to spot it. This motherfucker is the best troll i have ever fucking seen EVER. Oh btw ice i play a warlock who summons demons from the twisting nether to be my pets and obey my commands. I also use the dark arts to pefrem damage over time spells, which inflict shadow damage. I also drain peoples souls so that i may use the shards i gain to increase the effectiveness of my summoned demons and my spells.
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1:55 am
please take your Satan worship elsewhere!
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10:14 pm
Well i read a few comments on this article and i have to say. some of you are pretty darn dumb. Christwire is a site that pokes fun at extreme Christians. If you cannot tell this is a joke and fake, then you need to develop a sense of humor
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10:21 pm
im sorry but your a total fucking loonatic for thinking this about this game. I totally disagree with everything you said there. This is why non christains hate christains
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10:31 pm
i knoww this vin guy thing whos name is a sin makes christians like me look bad
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10:23 pm
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10:33 pm
This is one of the funniest articles I have read in a long time! The fact that so many people are genuinely upset about it makes it that much better.
A little deductive reasoning would have served many people well before voicing their outrage.
Red flag #1: The authors name is Ice Van Winkle, a reference to Vanilla Ice, whose real name is Robert Van Winkle (google)
Red flag #2: He used BING
Red flag #3: The rest of the article
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10:34 pm
oh yes? dude your fucking homophobe..
you know what is homophobe? homophobe is a man who afraid to even say “Hello” to other man because of the fear he would not be called gay or it’s a man that is gay but did not came out from the closet and he afraid to say to the world that he’s gay.
and because your little brain could not complete the first level of the game does not mean that it’s homo,satanic etc..
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10:38 pm
Preys the lord’s minions.
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10:41 pm
“Red flag #2: He used BING”
What’s wrong with Bing? Using Google just reports your search terms to the government bureaucracy.
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10:44 pm
Google also gives you virus website results.
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10:45 pm
Conspiracy theories work best with a tin-foil helmet August.
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10:45 pm
oh yes? dude your fucking homophobe..
you know what is homophobe? homophobe is a man who afraid to even say “Hello” to other man because of the fear he would not be called gay or it’s a man that is gay but did not came out from the closet and he afraid to say to the world that he’s gay.
and because your little brain could not complete the first level of the game does not mean that it’s homo,satanic etc..
but wait if you saying that so go live in the street because if you live in a house it will send to your children an sexual message because they go “in” to the house and “out” of the house, oh wait.. same thing about the church….
so stop saying dumb things you just saying about how much of a moron you are…
p.s people now watch this man(idiot) and ask your self, does religion is the way?
oh and btw you should play postal,dead space,assassins creed.
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10:47 pm
Wow! This article is so messed up. I am a Christian whom really likes playing video games. I have not got to Portal 2 but I am playing Portal 1. Portal is a puzzle game. Nothing more nothing less. Its Tetris but instead of using shapes you have a gun that makes portals and you got to get to the other side of the room which is a lot harder that you think it will be. Thats my gamer side of the augment. My Christian side is that, all games are wrong in their own way but God doesn’t want us to live in fear of the world but to enjoy the world, while keeping the Christian faith pure.
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10:50 pm
…why are you fucking christians against video games so much?
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10:55 pm
Because kids should play outside.
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11:17 pm
Yes, and people should live in caves and wear animal meat like lady gaga.
oh just shut up….
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11:31 pm
Caves? Animal Meat Suits? Lady Gaga? All these things are covered in disease.
But seriously, it’s good for kids to play outside. That really can’t be argued. As for video games being evil, no.. they are not inherently evil. Video games are just a medium in which to create and share an experience, but it is THAT experience that can carry evil intent and corruption.
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11:41 pm
Sure it’s good for kids to play out side but not only outside and guys like hem takes that to far in the way of “If you will not eat the breakfast you will burn in hell!!”
so that is the reason i said it.
btw Mr.August Weisz tell your mate Mr.Ice Van Winkle to see my comment that i posted here:
“oh yes? dude your fucking homophobe..
you know what is homophobe? homophobe is a man who afraid to even say “Hello” to other man because of the fear he would not be called gay or it’s a man that is gay but did not came out from the closet and he afraid to say to the world that he’s gay.
and because your little brain could not complete the first level of the game does not mean that it’s homo,satanic etc..
but wait if you saying that so go live in the street because if you live in a house it will send to your children an sexual message because they go “in” to the house and “out” of the house, oh wait.. same thing about the church….
so stop saying dumb things you just saying about how much of a moron you are…
p.s people now watch this man(idiot) and ask your self, does religion is the way?
oh and btw you should play postal,dead space,assassins creed.”
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10:51 pm
I’m missing 4-Chan for this?!
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11:16 pm
What is 4-Chan?
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6:38 pm
Its a great christian website made to teach good christian values. I recommend you look at the /b/ section of it. The b of course stands for bible.
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10:52 pm
Dude, you really need to get a clue, because if you can derive homosexuality and sexual toys and etc. from this you are extremely perverted and I feel very sorry for the children having to deal with such an uptight father with such a perverted mind
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11:08 pm
Diiiiiiiiiicks!!!!
Dicks dicks dicks ducks dicks!
8============D
Yay! Dicks!!!
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11:13 pm
Hello!
I am a white christian guy in his twenties, who loves video games. The funny thing is I own this game, and see no traces of homosexual references. Me and my boyfriend Bryan love this game, and after a sleepover with the guys it is very fun to play, and my friend and his husbands adopted son likes to play it too. And I must correct the author here, as a bear is an over weight extremely hairy gay man, who can be a top or a bottom. As I am a top, but I am no bear.
Also, most christians on this site make me feel like this is why we are hated. You all need to take the homophobe sticks out of your asses. It’s okay to be gay! After all, God loves and forgives those who are loyal and keep to his word. Me and Bryan go to church every Sunday, and pray at every meal.
xxJonah
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11:16 pm
Author is a closet case gay who needs to come out. Who else would go fish up a pic of a gay scene to include in this article? What is the point? “Don’t want our kids to grow up like these guys right? LIke that big manly guy on top, right? Or that pretty submissive one on the bottom, right? Don’t want to see our kids turn into these gorgeous hunk of men doing there . . . wonderful . . oh God help me!!!”. What a joke. Come out, dude. Repression can be dangerous.
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11:17 pm
I’m laughing my ass off at the people who think this is serious . . . check out the Wikipedia article for ChristWire, why don’t you?
-_-
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11:39 pm
lmfao i know right
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1:08 am
lol, and all the comments saying its not serious are being largely ignored. I mean the author’s name is essentially Vanilla Ice (Robert “Vanilla Ice” Van Winkle)
fuckin hilarious
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2:00 am
converted?
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11:17 pm
LIsten, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, granted you back-woods conservative Christians may as well consider yourselves a cult in regards to the demands you require. If you want to speak your hatred for differences in humanity, then keep it on your own narrow-minded website. On another note, if you are such a “good” god-fearing Christian, why couldn’t you raise your children the right way with video games and teach them the difference from right and wrong. It is that utmost fear of your children disappointing you that holds you back, but why is it that your children have to live up to your expectations? They are their own people, and perhaps need the chance to be saved from your ungodly and unholy lies. You are a disgrace to society and should be taken out back and sodomized with those very “penis guns” you’re so afraid of.
May god help your soul.
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11:29 pm
Alana,
Your post has several “judgment” words and erroneous assumptions about people you know nothing about.
You wacky liberals and your “everybody is okay” drum circles are just dizzying in your application of logic!
Easter Hugs!
BB
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11:37 pm
Of course not everybody is ok, you think you’re above them all. Put yourself high above the others, no one will notice, and you’ll demand to be praised for your hatred and hypocrisy.
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12:51 am
go back to kitchen
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11:18 pm
Ok dude,
1) They aren’t “Penis Guns”, or “Glory Holes”, or dildos on the floor. How many women/gay men do you think shove 1 1/2 foot SPIKES up they’re asses/vaginas?
a] Even if they were “Glory Holes”, that’s not a gay thing. That’s a straight porn thing. Although it might be gay too, you seem pretty sure, and with a last name like “Winkle” and all these homosexual thoughts that you have, you probably have to convince yourself that you’re straight by writing stuff like this.
2) How is “Portal” a reference to a body part? Portal means doorway. Even if it was a reference to a body part, it would be the vagina, or so a straight man would think, so you wouldn’t immediately have to worry about homosexuality. Although, you shouldn’t give a fuck, you homophobic bastard.
3) The portal series is an in-depth puzzle game, if anything, it would sharpen your children’s senses, and reflexes. Also, if it were a “homosexual influence”, then your children should be fine. You teach them that a man isn’t acceptable unless he worships and guides his life by a bearded man in the sky, and that gays deserve to die. So even though you people are obviously easily influenced by a novel made completely of similes and metaphors that you take 110% literally, I doubt your kids would “turn into gays” (like it’s some horrible disease, lol. Fuck you dude.)
4) Lastly, games like this are what your children need. Puzzles help the mind develop quicker, and that’s what this is, not a “gay recruitment tool”. You’re definitely not teaching them any good social skills, and with the shell you’re keeping over they’re lives, they’re probably completely oblivious to everything other than food, showers, church, and school. Wait til they hit their teens. They’ll be smoking pot, and taking it up the ass buddy.
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11:19 pm
Dear, Ice Van Winkle. Should I be concerned with the original “Portal” game that was included in “The Orange Box” released back in 2007? “The Orange Box” also included two other games known as “Half-Life” and “Team Fortress”.
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11:24 pm
If you’re as homophobic and close minded as this asshole, and can make shit out of something that’s not there, then yes, very much so.
“Team Fortress 2″ by the way. Half-Life and Team Fortress 2 actually have GORE and BLOOD. OH NO. NOT THAT
(
So yes.
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11:47 pm
I don’t remember asking a penis for it’s opinion. (Pardon my phrasing.) And I have no fear of the gay people, plus my mind is open to answers and opinions, yours included, but I also have the freedom to not agree. It is my opinion that blood and gore, is only something I would not want a child to see, violence is better understood by adults. Would you not agree?
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11:48 pm
I have seen “Half Life” but never played it, but it looks like a good Christian game to me. Nothing but USA heroes fighting monsters – no men mounting men or rooms of dildos – nothing gay there.
I don’t know anything about “Team Fortress” but if it involves the USA military, then you know it is homo-free.
I just worry what happens when the liberals start forcing the Gay into the defenses of this country. Our young men in uniform will be forced to perform in drag shows and have parades down the streets of Baghdad.
And then the video games that our innocent white children play will have the same Gay in it. We have to protect our country from this growing menace!
These gays are organized, and their agenda is unfolding bullet point by bullet point.
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12:01 am
Gay’s may be color coordinated, and fashion savy,but they are far from organized. Most gay men can’t stand other gay men on their territory, they’re like fussy cats.
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12:12 am
Yes, gays are amusing. It’s almost a shame that they will all burn in hell for eternity.
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9:50 am
You are a fucking lunatic.I have never heard such Bullshit come out of one mans mouth! Embrace you homosexuality, there is nothing better that sucking dick, but I am sure that you already know this!
Fucking idiot
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12:05 am
“I like making things up because I can’t come up with any logical reasoning as to why I’d be wrong. It’s not like the only difference between homosexuals and heterosexuals is sexual preference! Heavens no! They’re an entirely different species! We also need to make sure that our white people remain uninfected from the dreaded Gay!”
Dick, that’s what you sound like to me.
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12:06 am
1.The story of half life is in europe\russia and it’s not christian game its a game.
2.Read this:
oh yes? dude your fucking homophobe..
you know what is homophobe? homophobe is a man who afraid to even say “Hello” to other man because of the fear he would not be called gay or it’s a man that is gay but did not came out from the closet and he afraid to say to the world that he’s gay.
and because your little brain could not complete the first level of the game does not mean that it’s homo,satanic etc..
but wait if you saying that so go live in the street because if you live in a house it will send to your children an sexual message because they go “in” to the house and “out” of the house, oh wait.. same thing about the church….
so stop saying dumb things you just saying about how much of a moron you are…
p.s people now watch this man(idiot) and ask your self, does religion is the way?
oh and btw you should play postal,dead space,assassins creed.
3.get your own life and stop getting in other lifes because your nothing but an little man who thinks is smart…
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12:18 am
Great, now we have a guy making non-christians look like idiots. It’s like my own personal lullaby.
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1:35 am
Dude. Homosexuals aren’t going to force you into partaking in their sexuality. They just want you to accept them for who they are. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want another man to flirt with, or hit on me, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to shun him from society and show extreme aggression towards him.
Plus, if Adam and Eve were the first two humans, and we’re all they’re descendants, how has it gone from one generation to the next? Christianity would have me believe that we’re all related and any sexual act is an act of incest, so why’s it so hard to accept a gay man?
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11:13 am
Nice trolling.
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7:10 pm
wow, just one thing, the guys who made portal and half-life are the same, but for you the guys who did portal are gays ploting to rape children but the ones who made half-life are good christian american citizen?
isn’t it a bit contradictory?
come on just admit that you where horny and that’s why you saw a vagina instead of a portal and a dildo instead of a spike (because honestly no one esle but you saw such perverted details, you should ask yourself some question about why are you the only one who is seeing such foolish things and you will realize that it’s because it’s just wrong and you wanted some attention)
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10:25 pm
Dude, I am a Christian, and a part of that is to be accepting and not judge. Unfortunately you are an idiot. Not only an idiot and extremest. Your children are going to be so sheltered they wont survive in the real world. Not to mention, why would you keep your computer locked away unless you have something to hide. How do you turn words such as Valve into a sexual term, Valve is a part of the heart, car and heating and cooling devices. I think the word you are looking for is Vulva, a part of the female anatomy that God created. and if you have children you have had sex which means you have seen a vulva or vagina thus thinking of one is natural and not a sin. Lust is a sin, thoughts are not. I really think that you have been misinformed in your Christian beliefs and I will pray for you. I really feel bad that your mind is so twisted you assume everything is sexual. Are you that sexually deprived or that perverted that you think everything is dirty. you dont have to accept homosexuality but you can get over it. there is nothing you can do about it, they out number you thousands to one. They are also good people. Whether you like them or not, you wont go to hell for being nice to them. It is crazy that you feel so strongly that this game is going to turn people gay, maybe you are fighting some latent homosexual feelings, or does the thought of a man and a man disgust you that badly because you dont understand it. what if it were 2 women, would it still be gay? You dont have to let your children play this game or any other game for that matter but seriously your WHITE children are in for a rude awakening. What about the black children, Hispanic children, Asian children, and the other children in the world.You have the right to raise your children the way you want but dont teach them hate. As for the Army do you really care who is fighting for you as long as you arent the one doing it? I mean if it werent for the army you wouldnt have the right to be so mean. I am sure God looks down on your hate, he doesnt applaud it. I have a lot of homosexual friends, and I am a Christian, you are supposed to love everyone including their flaws, not judge and condemn them, that is not your place. Good luck with your faith I hope God opens your eyes and heart to love and shows you a better way to cope with the world you live in today
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11:29 pm
LMFAO i hope this is a joke..
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11:42 pm
You sir, are a true, utter DISGRACE to journalism, and you should be barred from being one for an eternity.
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11:45 pm
My Christian child just finished the game with a friend of his that was staying over. Later that night there was a lot of banging around in his room WAY after I had told them to go to bed. Turns out they were portraying a supposed scene from the game where the obviously gay robots are close to each other in the position I caught them in! I was so furious with the devil spawn game and with myself for not researching this game before I allowed him to play it. I promptly destroyed the disk and started to pray the gay away from my child and his friend.
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11:51 pm
Thank you dear Christian. If prayer doesn’t cure this blight within 48 hours, I would send your child immediately to a Gay desensitization center to have their life style choice corrected.
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12:12 am
Because telling your child that they’re wrong for their choice of partner will work and will in no way scar them for life and make them hate you.
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10:27 pm
i hope this is sarcasm
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11:45 pm
I find it shocking that the man who wrote this article finds a video game to be a valid enough problem to write an entire article about it. Are there no REAL problems in the world today he feels could be better served by his infinite wisdom and obvious talent with words?
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11:49 pm
I do not doubt his insight. Give him time and he just my find an answer for you.
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11:53 pm
Why can’t two melons be together?
Answer: Because they Cant’Aloupe! xD
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12:07 am
HIGHFIVES
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12:33 am
hey are you free Tommorow?
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12:37 am
Portal 2 Co-op tomm? hmmmmm? unless you have “gay
station :p
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11:53 pm
The new GayStation console is another major problem facing the world today:
http://christwire.org/2011/03/homo-gay-agenda-releases-the-gs2-gaystation/
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12:30 am
i hear you. i’m more of an xbox lady myself.
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2:07 am
stop playing with your box and read the bible
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11:55 pm
I hope this article is a troll.
I seriously do.
Because the level of idiocy and stubborn ideology that this represents makes me want to end my own life with a rusty chainsaw.
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11:55 pm
I honestly cannot believe that the author sees this when he looks at the game. If he actually believes the hatred and intolerence he so carelessly spews then I think someone has some repressed sexuality/gender issues. You christians will use anything and everything to sensor and rid the world of anyone that doesnt think like you. It makes me sick. NAMBLA invented child molestation? really cause i bet people were doing that long before NAMBLA was even thought of, like the catholic church…oh wait theres christians molesting children. but lets not mention that. You are an ignorant waste of life. I hate the fact that you are allowed to raise kids in such an enviornment. if i were a child of yours i think i would rather die then be raised by a person like you. that is how sick you make me. do the world a favor and keep your worthless intolerable idiotic posts of “journalism” to yourself.
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12:06 am
I think I’m going to go off and get drunk, then have mad orgies in a hotel, then come home and play massive amounts of portal 2 and every other valve game. And while I’m at it I might as well play Halo and Call of duty. HADOUKEN MUH FUCKER.
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12:07 am
Are you kidding me?????? PORTAL happens not to be about anything GAY at all. First of all, people–if your child is GAY, they were gay before they played this game. In fact, it is genetic. Do you really think people CHOOSE to be attracted to other people KNOWING how much hate, violence, and IGNORANCE (like this article) is out there surrounding it? Are all GAYS that masochistic? I doubt it.
But PORTAL is a game of sheer STRATEGY. You use a portal gun to create to blobs on walls. One close to you, and another on another wall. You walk through the one close to you and end up on the other side of the other portal. You do this to solve PUZZLES you FREAKING IGNORANT PERSON. I hope your child is gay. You know why? Then you might just have to realize that loving your children regardless of what they do in life is the key to being happy. If you seriously shroud your child from everything in life, they are not going to know how to live in the ACTUAL world, and they are going to be as ignorant as you are. THIS is why the world is slowly starting to wonder why hardcore zealots of ANY religion aren’t dead due to survival of the fittest. AND YES, EVOLUTION IS A VIABLE SCIENTIFIC THEORY. To say we all came from people with no bellybuttons who were made from nothing but the idea of being made from a “higher power” is slightly ignorant. And I am Jewish, thanks. THAT IS OUR BOOK, dumbass.
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12:20 am
You know what is totally funny. I thought that gay sex picture to be a little weird coming from someone so homophobic, but I realized this was all a huge trolling session.
Nice one. You got me. I was so angry too, I was literally going off… Good work.
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12:10 am
…I’m just really hoping this is a joke.
Please tell me you’re just being silly. This is too much, really. ._.’ April Fool’s day prank…right?
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12:20 am
http://tinyurl.com/22l4wc6
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12:23 am
I’m so bummed right now
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12:30 am
I’m a female gamer from Connecticut. Also born and raised in a Christian home. I attended Baptist school until I was 18. My father is an Elder in our church, and my mother was the Sunday school teacher before she passed away last year. My sisters and I sing in the church choir. And I have played this game with no questionable side effects. My father has seen me play this game and it does not bother him. It is a very different and unique puzzle game. I know that you’ve already made your point and I wont ask you to repeat yourself, but why would this game not bother me or my family despite your claims?
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12:43 am
Northern Baptists are known lovers of homosexuals. Only southern baptists protect their families from the homogay.
I hope you find that helpful.
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12:50 am
Yep. Elitist pricks all around here.
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1:03 am
That doesn’t explain anything. I spent 11 years of my life, and schooling in Arkansas. I don’t really understand what North and South have anything to do with it. Can you explain what you mean by what you said?
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1:24 am
“Good night everybody. It has been fun, and I hope you haven’t been fooled. The man you know as “Ice Van Winkle” has just been fucking with you. Hope there was no hard feelings. It was a good laugh for everybody.
Please ‘Praise’/'Thumbs Up’ this comment so that it gets the word out to new readers of this article.
If you still feel like leaving a comment because you enjoy arguing, there will probably be someone here to keep you entertained, if not, I’m sorry.
Sweet Dreams, America.”
~ Not Ice Van Winkle
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8:52 am
You sick pervert…you can see a homosexual context everywere if you want them to see there…
you must be pervert a lot if you everywere see such a things…..none of normal human being see such a things
and your knowledges of all that stuff…. maybe you are a one big homo!!!!
sorry 4 the english
and don’t forget to attack me like that I am a satan or homo or stuff like this….this is your weapon
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12:39 am
ok ok, i’m sorry… i didn’t mean it ice, you don’t stink. you make terrific jokes
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12:44 am
omg omg
Mr. Winkle I think I love you for alerting me of the dangers of portal 2.
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12:48 am
Praise click for you and a happy Easter!
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12:56 am
Lol jk I fucking hate homophobes. Suck my catholic dick.
Happy Easter tho
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8:47 am
Portal 2 really is a dangerous game. it gives kids the idea that they can make glory holes from anywhere in the world. someone in california could be performing homosexual fellatio on someone in new york. if this were to happen we would all be doomed as the gays would take over
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12:47 am
To the author, I am a Catholic person/gamer who has played this game and in no way shape or form have I ever considered to become gay or act gay after playing this. You obviously don’t know the plot or as a matter of fact you don’t know anything about this game. It has earned a rating of “E10+” making is suitable for children ages 10 and up. While there are some things they will not understand and has some mature moments there is no sexual innuendo within Portal 2. You are a test subject who must escape a series of vigorous tests that are enjoyable and brain teasing (IN A GOOD WAY). Please, please before you write anything else as horrible as this do your research and don’t make false accusations as you stated in your article. I will be praying for you to do a better job whenever you write and may you have a blessed day.
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12:48 am
This guy is either a troll or a idiot but I’m laughing too hard to care.
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12:49 am
I liked the gay pics, get one in yehhhh
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12:51 am
I do hope this article is a joke…Please refer us to those sources of yours. You are worried about this game portraying a gay agenda…and that’s the worst thing about it to you, a Christian father? Man oh man, do you have your priorities wrong. If you did any REAL research, you’d know that evolving through science is a major theme in this game…and not using portals to get to what you think is a dildo. Please…open your mind a bit and stop being what most non-religious people like myself hate…IGNORANCE
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12:51 am
This may be satire, but you want to know what the sad thing is?
Some people actually believe crap like this, such as Pokemon cards promoting satanism.
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12:52 am
So many souls were saved tonight. Christ is mighty!
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1:09 am
Brave ministering to the masses, Ice. Hearty Congratulations!
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5:43 am
What if there is no god and the real god in this world is glAd0s?
If so, your in deep shit.
No cake for you Mr.Winkle.
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12:53 am
You sir, are hilarious! I haven’t laughed this much in a while. I thank Jesus for this amazing little Easter egg! Does that sound gay?
Really, though, maybe it’s not the rest of the world that is gay….
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12:55 am
I’ve been playing it all day. No reference to anything gay whatsoever. The only gay thing in relation to Portal I’ve ever seen is the image that the clearly delusional, closeted homosexual author used in the article. If Ice Van Winkle is worried about homosexuality he should stay away from mirrors.
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12:58 am
If you haven’t played this game then keep your judgmental traps shut. This game isn’t as bad as this article makes it out to be and the writer is an even bigger idiot than those who commented on this defending him. You wonder why people think Christians are crazed, here’s a perfect example.
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1:14 am
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1:24 am
Mr. Ice Van Winkle,
Please tell me what you think about the Toy Story movies. I’m interested to hear your views on them.
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1:34 am
yallniggaspostinginatrollthread.png.exe
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1:37 am
Um, what? Is this for real?
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1:39 am
Wow, christians are such an idiots. News flash, if GOD created hetero sexual people, he also created homosexual people, and you are just so afraid to admit it that you rather kill them…
I’m so happy that I live godless life. I really hope there will be no religion at all in the future. Well except budism.
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2:20 am
bro its Buddhism
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1:46 am
Hahahaha!
This is a hilarious article.
Why are all the retarded, moronic Americans commenting on this article if they don’t understand it’s sarcasm? I feel sorry for you, because most of these retarded people don’t understand a joke if it slaps them in the face repeatedly.
I mean honestly, you even posted a picture of gay porn and said portals were sphincters. How stupid can these people get?
10/10 on the article itself, though! I will never let my white Christian children to play video games again!
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2:01 am
This is why the rest of the world hates you, america. This is why. Doez it even need to be pointed out at this point that gays don’t recruit? You simply are or aren’t born homosexual. But the author would know all about that.
“Just the name “valve” produces images in the mind of a Christian man that should not be there.”
…honestly? I can’t tell if this is a hoax or not because of this one line. If it’s true, you sir are the biggest closet-case I’ve seen since I last watched American Beauty.
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2:05 am
I’m sure most of the commenters arguing against this “issue” are gamers to some extent. You’d think they’d know when they were getting trolled.
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2:06 am
I feel stupid. I should’ve known this was a troll the moment I read “This game is made by Valve software, a wholly owned subsidiary of NAMBLA – the people who invented child molestation.”
Great work Van Winkle.
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2:14 am
I didn’t need to read a comment to know this was a troll attempt. And this is coming from a gamer girl who tends to be one step ahead of her male counterparts in and out of game.
Someone play Portal 2 coop with me?!?!
Oh and gay and lesbians FTW.
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2:25 am
Anyone get the prank here?
Christ-stain (most folks raising a family can at least spell their religion out).
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2:25 am
Wait, so… Ice what do you mean Portal 2 is a homosexual recruitment game, don’t you mean “Carrots is a homosexual recruitment game?”
though elbows to pointy 6/10 at best.
Also whats your view on Candlejack? I personally have never met him but one day i would li
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2:26 am
wow. for such a devout christian it’s funny how everything about this game he immediately relates to pornagraphy. this article is so… dirty! the fact that such a sexually explicit photograph on a site like this is just surprising. look, you can look at anything and warp it into something sexual or offensive. i think maybe he’s looking a little too hard. that, and he is possibly repressed. those impressionable children are apparently going into the world of gay robots and they won’t know what to do! by the way, there was a portal 1. love to hear your perverted thoughts about the companion cube.
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2:45 am
Of course he does! Any TRUE Christian would pick up on the subliminal homogay acceptance that the inventors of child molestation are trying to program into our white, vulnerable children!
Also, he must put up such filth, for the only way everyone can truly view this game is if it’s blatantly staring them in the face. Van Winkle is a truly devout to God, and I can only pray that you will one day see how America is beginning to fall to the empire of the homogays, as we do.
~God have mercy on your soul~
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12:35 pm
“White” children? Even if this was true, which it could never possibly be, what does it matter if he’s white?
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7:29 pm
NightmareSnake – if I need to explain it to you, you wouldn’t understand.
Tell me…. what are you having for supper tonight?
Tacos?
Fried Chicken?
Some vegetarian dish?
Probably all of the above.
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2:43 am
please say this entire fucking page/site is a troll?! for fucks sake its a fucking video game!! get over yourself your over-religion faggots!! goddamn! live a little, will ya?
also, kelly im always down form playing coop with new people. XBox?
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2:47 am
Brother what are you talking about?… Trolls are imaginary.
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3:53 am
A troll is someone who purposely incites other people to argue with them. Not knowing this just proves your in the dark ages. Secondly the pope said yesterday not to everything in the bible to its most literal amount just yesterday. He mate not be affiliated with you but even he can understand. Personally most kids wouldn’t even think the way the father did most people play games and when some see something like that they keep going and get over it. People will be people and thats something you are yet you understand.
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3:55 am
The pope is a pedophile his opinion is irrelevant.
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4:21 am
I’m really starting to think the intellectual in your name is the product of a intellectually disabled person. Personally you wouldn’t even need to go to lengths to tell a kid being gay is a bad thing(which its not)
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7:37 am
Did you know that the pope’s faticano, and you being a true Catholic, you should know that the pope is ahead of Christianity. you should have respect. I get the feeling that you are doing and this part of Satan to contaminate everyone.
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11:21 pm
lol you call the pope a pedophile yet hes the most powerful religious figure in todays society not to mention the head of the christian religion.
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3:13 am
Your beloved pope IS a pedophile/child rape supporter that is a FACT.
Also the pope is NOT the head of Christianity, AMERICA is the head of Christianity.
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3:17 am
I like how everyone here cannot recognize the most obvious trolls. ‘A troll is someone who purposely incites other people to argue with them. Not knowing this just proves your in the dark ages.’ you trolled the guy who called you a troll. have some internets :L
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2:22 am
the pope was a nazi and he maybe the leader of the catholic church but that does not mean he is the leader of christianity!
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2:49 am
i feel so sorry for this guys kids…
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
31 
2
12:23 am
Just a heads up readers, this site was created as satire. This is merely a purposeful way of exemplifying extreme thinking. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christwire
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2:50 am
Hi.
I am a Christian and i play Portal 2. I also play a lot of other video game. I must agree with the fact that you, Christian intellectual and you, Ice Van Winkle, are the reason that Christians are given bad names. I do not understand why you are just assuming that this game has homosexual connotations – it really, really doesn’t. There are no dildos in the picture you posted, those are red lasers that the player must use portals to get past. Have you actually played the game? Don’t jump to the conclusion that this game is bad for kids – it hasn’t even got a swear word in it. I will love it if my kids play this game, and i will play it with them. Please, get off the internet and do your research properly. Thanks.
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3:03 am
“Don’t jump to the conclusion that this game is bad for kids ”
Is RAPE bad for kids?, Is SODOMY bad for kids?, Is NAMBLA bad for kids?, Is SATAN bad for kids?… YES they are and this game promotes those things.
“I will love it if my kids play this game”
This explains your support for this game… YOU are a member of NAMBLA, If you will not protect your children I WILL. I am going to call the FBI and child protective services right now.
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3:09 am
There’s no rape, sodomy, devil, or anything related to NAMBLA in Portal 2. You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about, and you’re nothing more than a filthy terrorist.
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3:33 am
no…thats ignorant
you’re being ignorant
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4:23 am
Thank you brother Trollimus, i agree with you L.N is being ignorant praise to you.
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10:46 pm
…You do know that it was YOU he was insulting, right?
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4:04 pm
WTF? How the hell (thats right I mentioned the H word (oooooooo)) did you come to that conclusion? The only reason you can even think about things like this to write on a subject you know sod all about is if you have something to do with them. But for GOD sakes (yes, now I’m taking his name in vain (whatcha gonna do?)) just lay off it. You know nothing about the subject, you are, in fact, just fantasizing about how you’d love to play something like that.
Also, if you really don’t want someone to play it, its a T rated game. Put a child-lock on the console. Simple as.
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9:38 am
Yeah cause christians have never hurt children *cough* *points at priests*
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3:24 pm
Those priest are not Christians !!!, they are agents of the homogay agenda.
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3
3:29 pm
Bullshit.
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1
2:53 am
Wow….just…wow…
This is really stupid…
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6:01 am
Honestly… This comment just hits the nail right to the head. Hail to the stupid Fanatics…
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2:57 am
Your post has enlightened me sir.
Now I’m Gay.
Excellent!
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1
2:59 am
What’s the obsession with gays on this website? Are the authors afraid people will know that the writers on this site are actually gay themselves? That doesn’t matter, Jesus loves all people.
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4:07 pm
I think they’re afraid to reveal their inner-beings.
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3:02 am
What a bunch of fucking retards…. –”
I don’t even know why you think most of this shit is in this game or how you believe that things are something they clearly show that aren’t. This game in no way is anything of what you or that other fucknut say it is and you need to open your eyes and give your kids some fucking freedom, stupid assholes. If I was your son, I would smack you silly for being such a retard.
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3:06 am
This is the reason why Christians more and more are moving away from denominational groups and into smaller gatherings. Ive played the game, beaten the game and cannot see one issue with the game besides it taking away from time that can better be spent outside.
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3:21 am
Penis guns? Glory holes? Homo-gay agenda? Valve = NAMBLA?
Confusing a ‘Portal Gun’ with a ‘penis gun’ and assuming that the portals created from the ‘Portal Gun’ are insinuations of ‘glory holes’ means that the author is looking for things that aren’t there. I usually try to refrain from ad hominem attacks, however, I think it must be pointed out that every word in this article is a lie. Even ATTEMPTING to associate a very popular and well-respected game development company with one of the most disgusting groups of mentally ill people is simply appalling.
It seems apparent that ‘Portal 2′ is unsafe for one such as yourself. You have the incredibly strange (‘God-given’?) ability to find sexual insinuations in things that clearly never contained them in the first place. The author is either an extreme sufferer of homophobia, or may be secretly homosexuality himself.
However, I think you would find that if your mind were not so appallingly perverse and homosexually-oriented, the game would be perfectly safe for your children.
What’s next? I suppose you’re going to ‘find’ homosexual insinuations in Tetris and Super Mario? Good luck to you, sir. I look forward to shutting you down then.
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10:27 am
This is simply a stunning comment fellow gamer!
10 points and a cookie!
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3:23 am
If there is God I am sure he will send YOU to hell for your HATRED to GAY guys and girls who just happened to born like that, you stupid fucking racist.
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4:27 am
Nope, God hates the homogays.
Homogayness is a satanic depraved lifestyle choice they are not born like that.
BTW atheists are not smart, your precious science has proven that Christians have a higher IQ.
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19
4:38 am
you made a redundant spelling error.
homo as in homosexuality
gay is a reference to homosexuality.
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6:30 pm
i wish i didnt have to say something like this but if your so called god hates homosexuals then why did he creat us? also from a different point of view how can you tell that god is real? the bible you say? the ten commandments you say? ha i laugh at your idiocy those things were written by man and made by man there for you can not prove that there is a higher deity so please refrain from spreading your stupidity through out the world, this is the day and age where bashing people because there different and because your religion says so, is frowned upon
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8:16 am
You probably don’t even have kids nor are you probably even married. My guess is that you are doing this for publicity. You just want attention. Who knows you may not even believe in God. I believe in God and I know for a fact that he “Hates” no one. Not even the “Homogays.”
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3:28 am
The fucking idiots bashing this article because they believe it should be taken seriously are dumber than the fictional person who wrote it.
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3:29 am
Have you actually played this fucking game? It is nothing like you described it! The entire game is based around physics! Physics for fuck’s sake!
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2
4:29 am
Satan invented the physics.
Go back to your Communist country you demonic lizard.
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9
4:34 am
The funny thing is physics works though.
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4:55 am
Why not kill your self right now because Science and physics are everywhere and since they are sins you will go to hell.
your house it has electricity that is a science.
your car is uses the physics of momentum to move and friction to stop.
so under your logic you are commiting sins and you will be going to hell.
don’t talk about it not being the same.
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3:39 am
WARNING SHOCKING PROOF.
A concerned citizen emailed me this picture of the founder of Valve with 2 underage girls.
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9
3:49 am
Rly?
http://newnewell.blogspot.com/2010/10/another-sighting.html
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0
4:40 am
that’s his wife and sister.
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7:24 pm
Isn’t your screen name an oxymoron?
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11:37 pm
This is horrible! I can see he has already marinated and toasted them! It is true, these
gay agenda masterminds keep young girls for sacrifice and food.
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3:58 am
Your god is nothing more than an illusion , and this article is madness.
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1
3:58 am
I laugh as much at the articles as I do at the comments!
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4:00 am
AHAHA this was great! Whomever agreed with this article might want to read it over again. In a Sarcastic tone. That way it’s easier for you to get that it’s a huge joke.
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3 
1
4:01 am
Oh Poe’s law, why are you so cruel? :3
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4:15 am
Thank you for educating me on the dangers of such evil games. I will now be more aware of potential indoctrination techniques when buying my sons video games.
God bless you Mr. Van Winkle.
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1:50 pm
HAHA really???
this is satire, not a real article.
dont ruin your sons life. PLEASE.
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4
4:13 pm
I hoped the clue was in my screen name <.<
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11:12 pm
Another soul saved, Christ works miracles!
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7:39 am
Are you honestly telling me that you believe this…this is why I’m an Atheist, because people like YOU are fucking the rest of the world up with your Christian bullshit! You’re a fucking IDIOT! You ignorant piece of God-loving crap…I hope a gay person stabs you in the heart, for you are filth…human filth…and you should be pitied for your idiocy.
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2
4:24 am
Lololololol this is fucking boss.
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2 
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4:37 am
At “Don’t worry”
Yes, it is an extremely bad thing. If there’s anything I don’t want, it’s for my sons to support the homo-gay agenda and be forced to spend their eternal lives in Hell. That is exactly what video games like these are starting to influence our children to do. Thank you for the share, Brother Ice. I am putting in act a strict “No video game” policy in my household for this very reason. However innocent a video game may seem, this article sheds light on how Satan is wrapping his dark clutches around our children!
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9
11:13 pm
Every day as a conservative Christian is a struggle. God bless your family and your efforts to protect them.
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3
4:48 am
Catholic Churches invented child mosestation
the so called dilldos are metal spikes.
their is no red sphincter, just an orange portal an propolsion gel.
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4:52 am
This had to be the funniest shit I have read, in a LONG time.
10/10
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4:53 am
Thank you for this information. I don’t want my sons to support the homo-gay agenda. I originally had thought that this game was appropate for my sons to play, but when i had found my two sons and my oldest daugther ‘placing portals on each each other i knew this was a bad game and that the devil wasn lureing our childern to do gay things.
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2
5:31 am
Glad to see you have step in the light my brother, although, I would use a different name when posting on His website. I will pray for this action of yours.
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5
11:14 pm
God bless your Mr. Eater
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3
5:00 am
Obviously this post is a joke.
Right?
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1
5:17 am
NO, You are a sick creature.
Why do you think that an article warning concerned Christian parents about a “game” trying to indoctrinate and Sodomize the minds of young children is a Joke?.
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6
7:42 am
Because the entire thing is ridiculous.
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0
5:17 am
It’s either a bad troll attempt, or this man really is that ignorant that he sees things that are not there, maybe he lives in some mental hospital?
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5:19 am
I love this article sooo much it hurts…..I mean the guy tha wrote it looks like he just stepped out of a nuke shelter after waiting safely for…….o-0 i would say at least 50 years. Second this is the least homo-erotic game i have ever seen/played.
If you want to put a lid on blatant homo-eroticism then maybe you shouldn’t be waving the (In your own words) “Rightous Fist of God”
I feel genuine sympathy for all you christians out there that limit your childrens future in a modern world, by attempting to control every little action in their lives. Maybe you should have all got dogs instead, because at least they are subservient to you, dont have much independant thought and you can all lock them away in the dark safely somewhere without anyone calling the police (christian molestation joke…..imagination required).
Maybe if you controlling christian parents take a long hard look at yourselves you will start to realise that your lives and actions heavily impact your kids. Stop trying to protect them from your fears……you grew up when..??? (not sure if thats even happend) and kids face way more complex dilemmas today than wether someone is a fruit or not.
Peace out
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1
5:22 am
You sir are the most retarded man i have ever met in my intire life.
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5:26 am
I myself am a Christian and this article horrifies me.
I believe in God, go to church and partake in services through readings, music and serving.
I’ve played both Portal games and enjoyed them but it seems to me that the person who wrote this has a very sick mind and is over analysing things way too much. For someone to come to these conclusions they must have been thinking about these things themselves in the first place.
How does the author know so much about the subject in the first place as well to come to these conclusions?
Thank you for scarring my mind with that picture of two men during intercourse. While I don’t find anything wrong with homosexuals, I’d rather not think about that. Also, if you’re so against it, why would you firstly, search out an image of it and then go and show it to the public?
P.S. I hope that you paid that boy back the money he spent on Portal 2 after convincing his father to destroy it.
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1 
1
5:36 am
Ahahah Ice Van Winkle against the rest of the world, don’t you see everybody try to tell you, you’r wrong?
Try to look the world from an other point of view, your life will change… for sure…
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11:16 pm
Read the story of Noah
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4
5:42 am
Sooo this site is full of trolls , biggest one being the OP
And i dont think Portal makes people gay , i played it thru the single and coop and i dont feel gay , hell i did it with my girlfriend like 10 times since that , this Ice guy should get that stick out of his ass and realize that he is an idiot and maybe a homo . THE END /Thread
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5:45 am
Oh and i saw Wikipedia about this site , turns out that its a trolling site
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5:51 am
This man sure knows a lot about being homosexual. Honestly I had to recheck what website I was on because I thought this was a joke at first, but I came to discover that this man is completely serious. lol WOW.
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6:21 am
I am not angered by this article I simply find it ironic that this man and soo many others believe that homosexuality is such a bad thing is the fact that the bible contains evidence and indeed scenes/acts that display homosexuality in its ripest forms. For instance here are some interesting sources that suggest this:
Philip and the Ethiopian Acts 8:26-40:
http://www.gaychristian101.com/Ethiopian-Eunuch.html
David and Jonathan:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_and_Jonathan (Wikipedia is a reliable source regardless of what anyone says! after all it has of 10,000 members checking its info EVERYDAY!)
Ruth and Naomi:
Here’s a nice quote and a link
“Ruth loved Naomi as Adam loved Eve”
http://classic-web.archive.org/web/20080201125111/www.wouldjesusdiscriminate.com/biblical_evidence/ruth_naomi.html
And finally
The Centurion and Pais
http://www.gaychristian101.com/Centurion-And-Pais.html
Now I am bisexual and proud of it! I am a gamer, a strong believer in science and I absolutely ADORE science fiction! I am a Roman Catholic, my father’s family are Jews and my mothers are Protestant and funnily enough my brother is Muslim and my best friend is Hindu so as you can see, I have a very rounded religious education and knowledge.
This article is a load of guff! The man that wrote it and indeed the people who agree with it are simply looking for trouble after all as they say:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7, now perhaps this quote is a little out of context but i think it serves its purpose.
This article is a prime example of the ignorance that plagues this world. We are so divided by our borders, philosophies and ideologies that we are blind to the fact that we are going against all that God, Jesus and the Holy Bible (Old and New Testament, Hebrew Bible, the Protestant canon, Ethiopian Orthodox Bible and all the others that are out there in the world) we are ruled by Hypocrisy, fighting each other when we have so much we can agree upon. Now I could go into Islam and Christianity and how they are sooo alike and how they all stem from Judaism which stems from Zoroastrianism, I could also go into the fact that Jesus himself is a Jew and that he shows a form of “homosexuality” although it is more plutonic and brotherly BUT I am not going to!
Now that’s my rant done!
P.S. I don’t see why everyone is getting so angry about it, its simply provoking these people and making them try harder to standout and be heard when we could simply ignore them.
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6:23 am
This is some pretty obvious troll bait. There’s so much wrong about it. For instance, if the author is so afraid of homosexuality, why does he spend so much time looking for homosexual pictures?
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6:37 am
I was also very concerned with giving my children this satanic hate filled video game. The only videogame i deem safe for my children is leisure suit larry and duke nukem forever they are wholesome child entertainment which is safe from any homogayness
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6:59 am
come down. get off your fucking cross. we need the fucking space, to nail up the next fool martyr.
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7:11 am
This whole article cracked me up.
Great thing to read after a not so great night of NHL playoffs. Cheers.
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7:27 am
The author of this article is not only insensitive, but the main reason why we will never have true equal rights in this country. Overly righteous Christians and their intolerance of anyone who isn’t straight, clean cut, and white has pretty much ruined every little aspect of life. Attacking a video game? Thats pathetic. Its so pathetic to see someone put down a video game about smashing holes into walls, when their major belief is that a magic man will save all of us after being brutally beaten and crucified. Its your business if you want to ruin your son’s life and lock him away from the reality of the world and brainwash him, but you cross a line (like all overly righteous Christians do) when you think because you believe it, everyone should believe it. Christianity has never been about God, or peace, or “life after death”. Its about sticking your nose into other people’s business, calling yourself righteous, and judging everyone based on a man made status quo.
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7:42 am
You spelt ‘Christian’ wrong
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7:49 am
well you wrote ‘Christain’ in the title…
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7:42 am
I am a catholic Christian and I read this and I was like “WTF is this guy saying?”. Look, this article is a joke right? Because this is not only a joke with the game, this is a joke with christianity. For Gods sake IT´S A FREAKING PUZZLE GAME. Its not an AIDS bathroom, its an experimental lab. Their not penis guns. Their portal guns which open portals between locations LIKE DOORS, NOT “GLORY HOLES”. Those robots are not homossexual, they are supposed to be a male(Blue) and a female(orange) they are hugging each other because they are afraid. Have you never hugged someone when you are afraid?
Do you think this game is insulting? Type DOOM or Duke Nukem in google, and you will see a game so insulting that even I sometimes apologize to God. But seriously why? Christianity is supposed to be about peace and love, not fanatism like this. If you think this way you are taking the christian church as low as those muslim extremists in the Middle-East.
I like this game and am I homossexual? NO. There is nothing I hate more than homossexuals.
This just makes me think more that American Christians think they are better than anyone else, otherwise they wouldnt call the pope, THE LEADER OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH a pedophile, nor would they think that American Protestantism is superior to Catholicism which was the original christianity.
But its no use arguing with you, you simply wont understand that religion is free, it is supposed to help people and give advice, not make persons like you thinking of an inoccent puzzle game as homossexual. You know what? I think you are just so paranoid with the gay problems, that you start to see gays everywhere.
Gods judgement will be based on wether you are good or evil, not on how much you follow certain Bible principles, WHICH WERE WRITTEN 2000 YEARS AGO, BY PEOPLE OF 2000 YEARS AGO. They would not understand the world as it is now. And even if they still look at the world from heaven they probably still have a long time before they understand.
That is all. May God have mercy of our souls.
2nd post first didnt worked.
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7:44 am
Christian Intellectual,GodHaveMercyOnYourSoul,Ice Van Winkle,Blanche Beecham, THIS NAMES ARE A HOMOSEXUAL RECRUITMEN TACTIS I WILL PRAYSE FOR YOURS HOMOSEXUAL SOULS..
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7:54 am
Did you know that God and I are totally gay for each other? Jesus is gay too. Why else do you think he only had male disciples? Man, those were some GREAT orgies!
Love,
Satan
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1
8:00 am
Ice Ice Baby.
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1
8:03 am
Mr. Van Winkle – you seem to have some fairly ready access to gay pornography. Is there anything you would like to admit to the world?
(we always hate the most that which we fear we have the most in common with)
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8:05 am
Is it funny I find that this idiot doesn’t know how to spell Christian?
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8:12 am
omg. This guy is a giant troll! Haven’t people realised that yet? Stop feeding him!
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2 
1
8:22 am
Satan will kill you all for playing portal 2. This game is a pool of pure darkness, and by playing it you commit to child porn
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8:27 am
I’ll just leave this here for you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christwire
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8:28 am
we are legion we do not forgive we do not forget expect us.
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8:28 am
What on earth is this crap? I’m Sorry, ICE VAN WINKEY, you are such a hypocrite. Your mentioning all this stuff about Sins & stuff, but I believe that It is a sin to swear, I’m not a Christian, but one of my best friends is. We both played the Co-op mode on Portal 2. You know, the one your trashing about, the one with the “homosexual robots”, and He loved it! I’ve played the single player and have watched many of the lets plays on youtube, and not once did I, the directors or my best friend once say; “I feel like homosexual sex, right now.” You sir need to stop living in the shadows, stop judging people on there sexuality and stop singling people out because of their sexuality. Isn’t being a Christian all about accepting people, for what they really are, and accept all of their flaws? Its not just about going to a church every Saturday. Good day to you sir.
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8:38 am
you sir, are the victim of this game
but you are not only the victim of NAVLAM and valve, the filthy one, you have also persuaded an innocent Christian boy to play this impure game. He now won’t be able to enter God’s Holy Empire when Judgement arrives
But when Judgement commes thou shall see that you were wrong. And you shall stand before God and he ll smite you for your mistakes
If you stop playing Portal now, I shall pray for your forgiveness
I feel very sorry for your ignorance.
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11:21 pm
Indeed, the effect of homo recruitment can take many days before you notice them. Please be vigilant. If you find yourself hugging your male friends a lot, or expressing your feelings, those could be signs. Do not drink any alcohol for the next 7 days in any case, just to be sure. You don’t want to wake up with the smell of man scent on your face.
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8:37 am
Dude this whole article is a troll post, it’s obviously a joke and if you don’t see that your either not internet savvy or your an idiot. To those who hate Christians because of bigotry, yes it does happen in the Christian faith as well as OTHER faiths amongst certain denominations and people, that does not mean you lump every single Christian into one group, just as I don’t lump every single Muslim or Atheist into one group. Stop spreading the hate people… seriously.
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8:41 am
no this is the truth sir
i bought this game, i played it , and i saw alot of gay content
i went back to the shop and asked my money back, and i wanted the shopkeeper to destroy all his copys off portal 2
he did not wanted to and i had to blackmail him to force him to do it
lucky enough our children are now free from these terrible games
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8:47 am
1: that is a lie, so you are going to hell
2: black mail is very bad, so you are still going to hell
but i can tell you are lieing
I have played both portal 1 and portal 2 their is nothing homosexal about it
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8:40 am
I assume that the author knows so much about gay bath houses and glory holes from personal experience.
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8:49 am
You are a complete moron. Even from the opening sentence you display your idiocy; “As a Christian father I choose not to allow video games into my household”. Firstly, your refusal to allow computer games within your house prevent a means by which children can actually learn; I myself have learnt a great deal by either picking up on phrases in other languages used in games (i.e Vaya con dios – Go with God) and by researching facts and statements made within the games. Secondly, Valve have nothing to do with NAMBLA. They are a computer game manufacturer and distributor, just like EA Games and Virgin Interactive (Which I know some of the more perversely minded people, including yourself, will find a way to twist the meaning of). Thirdly, only a very sick and twisted individual would actually go out of their way to misconstrue Portal as anything other than a very colourful puzzle game with wonderfully bizzare imagery. There are hundreds of things which look similar to some of the items outlined in this game and yet you specifically choose sexual items. That certainly says far more about you than about the game.
Finally, and I think this is most important: THEY’RE ROBOTS! Do you even understand that concept? They are artificial beings with no means for sexual reproduction. Unlike Data from Star Trek the Next Generation, a show which I highly doubt you will have watched given your closed-minded narrow thinking, they are not “Fully functional and anatomically correct”. Hell, why is it you are even assuming that it is analogous for homosexuality? Are vaginas all of a sudden not a form of portal? Is it not plausible that, if they are in fact a sexual pairing, that they are not in fact male and female?
If you are going to judge the game in this manner, actually play it before you make completely unfounded statements about that which is completely innocent. You are a hateful, perverted, moronic hack!
All that said I could be wrong and this is a very effective piece of satire. I pray to whatever being that is up there that you do prove me wrong and turn out to actually be a decent example of humanity. Until then, the sands of time trickle quickly for you.
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9:09 am
It’s people like you who make the rest of us Christians look bad. Condemning a game about robots? If you’re going to condemn ANY video game, how about going after the violent ones instead of the harmless ones?
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9:29 am
My name is Vladimir and i come from czech republic I played portal 1 and 2 i dont see any sexual content in it. I dont think somebody would turn into gay by plaing this game. When read this i was laughting and I tought you’r kiding and now i see you think it serious. Just another fanatic (čurban) that terrorizes his children and says games are bad so you wont play them. !! YOU ARE A FANATIC !! + čurban is an word form UA
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10:15 am
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10:29 am
dude! I’ve read it twice and i still cant figure out if this guy was serious or trying to be funny! Is it possible there’s actually someone who’s so obsessed with gay that everything he sees is gay? Are you gay Mr.Author? Cos this article looks more like when all you see on the road are rec cars because the car you own and love is red.
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10:34 am
My favourite part was when troll.
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10:49 am
Hahahaha, this is the most shitty piece of a blah i’ve ever read…. really… thanks for fun and Happy Easter to all of you
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11:07 am
It’s a game about Science of course you religious types aren’t going to like it.
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11:17 am
lololololololololololo
why did I read ALL OF THIS?! There goes an hour of my life…
Props to the troll that wrote this for pissing of so mamy people; but to be fair, this was an obvious fake. Very few of the people reading/commenting/rating comments are actual Christians, most of them play Portal 2 lol
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11:18 am
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11:22 am
The biggest Rick Roll I’ve seen in my life xD.
Nice trolling !
@Christian Intellectual if you don’t believe in science DO NOT USE INTERNET OR PC ANYMORE IN YOUR LIFE! It will be for the good of everyone.
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11:24 pm
I absolutely believe in science. The homo gay threat is real – that is a scientific fact.
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11:29 pm
Really?
If it’s scientific fact, then why don’t you give me a few of the sources for that fact?
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11:26 am
The dirtiest part of the body? That’s right, the mind. I want to know where this “Christian’s” mind is to automatically assume that this game is homosexual….sounds like someone is having gay thoughts….lol! As a Christian, I think people think way too much into stuff and let their dirty minds get in the way…Also, remember what assuming does…
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11:35 am
I think that men like you were burning the innocent women in the middle age…
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11:42 am
This is a joke right? Or like some people said “An attack on Christianity” Because there is no way in hell that any adult man would believe a credible gaming company has ties to NAMBLA and that “portals” are innuendo for “Glory Holes”. This is just freaking stupid.
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11:51 am
There is perhaps no greater indictment of the fanatically religious than that I can’t tell if you’re a troll or not.
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11:58 am
This article is hilarious.
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12:00 pm
This has to be one of the funniest piece of bullshit I’ve ever read. You have to be completely idiotic to go into that much depth to prove that a game intended for children is a “homosexual recruitment tool.” If your religion is that important to you maybe it would be in your best interest to form a cult, ostracize your family from the world and create a race of inbred morons to spread your discriminating beliefs. It is truly amazing how little acceptance you have for different lifestyles. I have more values and morals in my left nut sack then you do in your entire family. So maybe you should come over and suck on it and gain some true enlightenment.
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12:13 pm
Lol heluva fag who writen this i dont believe he thinks it serious. Anyway was laughting hard when reading this.
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12:29 pm
i was more offended by some of the pictures posted in this article than by the game itself. and what kind of person are you that you hear the word “portal” and automatically wonder “what body part is this referring to” sounds like you’re going to mess up your kids more than any video game ever could. maybe read the Bible a little more and be on your blog a little less and you would actually know some stuff and people wouldnt be calling you a troll. just saying.
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12:37 pm
lol this is fake this cannot be real im laughting now and will laught a next week because this fag cant think it serious.
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1:18 pm
he’s obviously just jealous that he can’t complete it himself ;D
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1:34 pm
I can’t believe people think this is a real article. If you think this is a serious article, you are dumb. You are really dumb. For real.
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2:14 pm
Once again, you leave me rolling on the floor in laughter. Kudos, Christwire.
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2:27 pm
You sir are one stupid mother fucker. I hope you die and sit in a black abyss. Oh thats right WE ALL DO!
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2:50 pm
The funny part is this person didn’t even talk about Single player mode. Which just shows this guy is gay and can’t stop thinking about other guys.
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2:52 pm
Ok. This is a troll, we know. But Just that “Christian Intellectual”. Fuck off. And take your fail religion with you. I hate Christianity. They are against gays. Half of their Priests molest children. It just sickens me to see people who are obsessed with this fail of a religion try and act like they are better. Atheism is for the win.
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4:13 pm
Burning your Portal 2 DVD won’t make a single bit of difference. Portal 2 is a digital game that you can re-download via your account on Steam.
Just thought I’d point this out.
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4:17 pm
When will any of you people here realize that this website (christwire.org) is a satire site? Watching all of your irate responses are simply feeding into all of these epic trolls.
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7:00 pm
The worst part is, this website is making the people who fail to notice this overly negative toward Christianity. It’d be fine if they were simply neutral about it.
I mean, I’m a Christian, and I honestly believe whatever you feel like believing in is your prerogative. As long as you’re thinking for yourself, that’s what really matters.
I don’t want to be lumped in with the crazy fundies, the apeshit Westboro people, all that shit. Just like there are minority groups in other religions, there are minority extremists in Christianity. But that doesn’t mean you should paint all of us with the same brush. That’s simply ignorant.
I think Christwire is absolutely hilarious, and that they’re good at parodying extreme fundamentalists, but I don’t particularly like that it’s garnering even more hate for Christians.
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4:44 pm
Uh, you guys DO know that god doesn’t hate gays, right?
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5:37 pm
NO, Jesús you need to go back to mexico and finish school.
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5:52 pm
And you need to learn Mormanism twit.
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6:28 pm
Mormonism is a cult…
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6:34 pm
Everything’s a cult according to you.
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4:51 pm
Dude, Try getting your facts right. This game is rated E10+ And is a puzzle game. There is not sex whatsoever in this game. You need to do your research on actual websites, such as maybe the game website, or Wikipedia provides ACTUAL information and ACTUAL screenshots of the game.
Games have ratings for reasons and there is not sex in this game. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portal_2 <<Try reading something about the game before looking up sex on Bing.
Hmm, We're a christian family and We have FPS games, RTS games and other things. We have movies that may not be 'appropriate' in some cases.
You cannot judge all video games with false information like this.
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5:17 pm
Yes, I have had personal experience with this vile, immoral “game”. I did not realize what I was getting into. I can already feel the homogay swelling inside me, and am seeking treatment in the house of our Lord.
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5:23 pm
ARE YOU FU*KING KIDDING ME?
This article is the EXACT reason I am athiest.
If you think Portal 2 is all about Dildoes, Glory Holes, and Homosexuality, you sir, are retarted.
You are a freaking moron.
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5:28 pm
Hey guys,
Is this real?? I’m laughing my ass off and am not sure if this guy is a comedic genius or just bat-shit crazy. Will someone seriously tell me.
Also, I loved the first portal and i’ve only given a guy a blow job once, but I was drunk, and I didn’t swallow.
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11:43 pm
What has happened is that you have committed a sin. All humans have committed as sin because Eve couldn’t keep obey her husband.
Please pray to Jesus for forgiveness, stay away from these perversions in the future, and I think God will forgive you.
God is love!
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5:29 pm
uhhhhh how bout you have abig ol’ cup of shut the f*ck up. this game promotes homosexuality in no way. ITS A F*CKING GAME AND BESIDES HOW ARE KIDS GONNA KNOW WHAT A DILDO IS IF THEYRE SO SHELTERED? you give christians a bad name go f*ck your self… op is fagot as always.
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5:30 pm
Honestly dude, if you are seeing glory holes and black dildos, and gay bath houses in these images, I think you need to re-evaluate your OWN mind and the way you think about things. Because you sir, are clearly a closet gay yourself in extreme denial. I mean, how else did you supply a perfect picture of a homosexual sex scene to illustrate your point?
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5:38 pm
Is this for real? This has to be a joke right? Can anyone really be this close minded and ignorant? This made me rage so hard I peed a little.
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7:02 pm
It should have made you laugh so hard that you pissed yourself, instead of raging.
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5:42 pm
this is why the world hates religions.
here’s one for you:
if god is is in fact allmighty how can satan exist?
anyway, how the hell would you know what a gay bathhouse looks like in the first place?
it’s just a fucking game, get over it!
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5:44 pm
Apparently gloryholes aren’t good enough for Catholic priests.
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5:51 pm
Now this is bullshit.
1)Bing<Google
Google isn't bad, communist(whats wrong with communism? If you share something, you're communist. Its the dictators that need to be hunted down!), nazi(Seriously, google isn't forcing you to use or be shot), or facist(see nazi).
2)Gay does not mean bros=hoes.
Gay means you have sexual congress with men, not the fact that if you share a beer with another guy it means you are gay.
3)Satanism is Irreligious. No gods/devils involved. Lrn2study
4)Nice false info you have there chap.
I dare you to try to argue. I'll shoot your argument down and point out your failure.
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5:56 pm
Goggles privacy terms are a joke. Anyone who would take the time to read them would be ridiculously offended and too scared to use a Google product again. Of course you didn’t read it. Not to mention since Bing came out Google ramped up and forced out some technologies just to keep up.
http://www.google.com/#sclient=psy&hl=en&source=hp&q=google+changes+to+be+more+like+bing&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=3166a26d3ea590a7
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5:55 pm
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Trolled hard.
Seriously guys, how in the world could you believe this bunk?
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6:17 pm
TROLLOLOLLOLOLOLLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOL….. That is all.
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6:34 pm
By the way, you misspelled “Christian.”
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6:35 pm
One Billion out of ten for epic trolling. Take as many internets as you need.
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6:35 pm
Wow… just wow.
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6:38 pm
I’ll never be able to go through the orange portal with a straight face again!
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6:38 pm
If the homosexual picture, the “hide computer from impressionable kids” didn’t give a dead-give-away then you guys are way to easy.
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6:40 pm
I have to say that even though this is fake and everyone who believes it got seriously trolled, I was raised going to church. I was forced there up to four times a week. And I knew people this extreme. Just putting that out there…
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11:44 pm
The church is still waiting to take you back, when you have finish wandering in the wilderness.
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6:51 pm
lol for all the people who are posting religious shit about how homosexuals are “EVIL” heres from my post above ^_^ this is pretty much directed at Christian Intellect who made me laugh the most at his stupidity.
i wish i didn’t have to say something like this but if your so called god hates homosexuals then why did he create us? also from a different point of view how can you tell that god is real? the bible you say? the ten commandments you say? ha i laugh at your idiocy those things were written by man and made by man there for you can not prove that there is a higher deity so please refrain from spreading your stupidity through out the world, this is the day and age where bashing people because there different and because your religion says so, is frowned upon. also stop trying to deny homosexuals rights to marriage any one would know that its against the constitution’s bill of rights. I keep asking my self what the hell happened to the SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE part in the constitution. *ponders* oh yeah its because of conservative Catholics and Christians like you people, not to mention republicans who only want money.
-sincerely
someone who’s gay
yeah thats right i’m gay got a problem then go cry to your deity that you cant prove is real ^_^
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6:56 pm
Separation of church and state does not exist in the US constitution.
The closest thing is: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.
It prohibits congress from establishing a state religion. That is all.
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7:11 pm
heh i guess your right there isn’t a phrase of Separation of church and state in the constitution but the first amendment clearly states that religious liberty exists but as you can see “Religious Liberty” is no where to be seen in the text of the first amendment, neither is “Rights to privacy” or “rights to a fair trial” but doesn’t mean that we don’t have those rights or that a judge should never invoke these rights when reaching a decision. with out Religious Liberty there can not be Separation from church and state. so in other words yes Separation from church and state does exist in the constitution but you don’t see the phrase stating so anywhere in it.
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7:16 pm
Typical liberal, always trying to make up what is or isn’t in the constitution.
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7:20 pm
lol i’m not trying to make anything up i’m just stating what is true, what i said isn’t in text in the constitution but the meaning is there. so i advise you to do your research before trying to post shit stating separation from church and state isn’t in the constitution because any one would tell you it is in there just not in text. ^_^
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7:25 pm
Because it’s not there, you said it was, but it isn’t. People want it to be there, doesn’t make it so.
“To those who cite the first amendment as reason for excluding God from more and more of our institutions and everyday life, may I just say: The first amendment of the Constitution was not written to protect the people of this country from religious values; it was written to protect religious values from government tyranny”
Ronald Regan.
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7:29 pm
dude Ronald reagan thought trees gave off more air pollution then auto mobiles do so don’t even try to recite one of his quotes to me ^_^ btw your fighting with the son of someone who is a philosophy major so if you want i can fight with you all day
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7:31 pm
Why are you losing then?
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7:35 pm
lol you say I’m losing? when i’m proving you wrong at every turn. separation of church and state is in the constitution but its not in text, are you gonna say that rights to privacy or rights to a fair trial isn’t in the constitution as well since its not stated anywhere in it? ^_^ as i said do some research before spouting nonsense and ever try quoting someone who said “Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do.” in 1981. it just shows how ill educated you are.
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7:39 pm
Oh, Daniel, your Seattle High School education has failed you again.
It is not in the constitution. And I suppose because of your one quote everything/law/order Regan did is nullified? What about Obamas ridiculous quotes, I bet you conveniently don’t hold those above his head.
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7:41 pm
Kite, he’s a Psycho-Christian, they don’t understand what it means for THEM to lose. They see themselves as winners and all others as losers.
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7:48 pm
lol just cause you know my name and what school district i went to doesn’t mean anything, if you do your research about separation of church and state you’ll see topics on it stating that yeah its not in the constitution but doesn’t mean it isn’t part of it.
you call my education fail? I’m not the one who is quoting a republican president who obviously didn’t know the difference between O2 and Co2, next your gonna say Nixon was a saint.
lets not bring modern day politics in to this cause i could fight a bunch about how republicans are trying to destroy planed parenthood, social security, medicare, unions and a bunch of other things. ^_^
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7:50 pm
yeah LN i’m done arguing with this idiot he doesn’t know when to give up and is to stupid to do research.
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8:00 pm
Yes L.N, the person who has never made a contribution and ends every argument by devolving to the word “bit@h” because you can’t make a reasonable point.
Run back to Roosevelt High School and learn something Daniel.
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8:02 pm
And Nixon was a saint!
http://christwire.org/2011/03/the-photo-of-the-original-dream-team/
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8:09 pm
i may have said i was done but august your pathetic, just cause you know what school i went to and what my name is doesn’t mean a damn thing to me. as i said DO FUCKING RESEARCH rather then spouting shit that you don’t understand. if anyone needs to go back to school its you, things have changed someone like you who’s what? 50? 60? wouldn’t understand a damn thing about it.
btw looking up someone on google and taking the infomation from what there myspace or facebook then using it in a online argument is sad, if you did get it from my myspace i feel bad for you cause that hasn’t been updated in years.
L.N was right you are a psyco-Christian, i feel bad i wasted a hour of my life on a pathetic fool such as yourself.
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8:20 pm
I’ve done research.
My research tells me “it’s not in the constitution” and your research tells you that “its not there, but if you read between the lines and hire a bunch of lawyers then we can interpret what they wanted to say but forgot to somehow”
You also change your mind a lot too.
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11:48 pm
Auggie, thank you for standing up to Christ and the constitution. This liberal even sank so low as to attack Reagan.
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6:53 pm
T̸̝̺̹̭̼͉̺̮̦̏ͪͩͤ͟o̡̹͔͇͓̱̟̠͍ͦͥͨ̅̏ ̣͉̠̥̟̬̼ͣͮͥ̈́̂̄̃͞͞i̶̱͕̥̹̠̼͑̀ͩͣ̿ͦͅn͌̓̌҉̹̭͔̳̲̠͞v̸̮͑͑̓ͣͮ̽̚͠o̝̭͕̱̪͛̓ͬ͊k͕̹̙̯̤̱ͩ̓ͯͥͦͨ͗ě̂͐ͧͮ̆͏̣̩̦̱̰͙͈̳͕͘͝ ̭́ͤ͘͜t̴̨̥̪̠̝̳̺ͬͮh̶̪͔ͩͩ̈͆ͪ͘e̵̙̟̲̘̣̖͑ͬ̊̆̀͜ ̢̻̝̲̔ͧ͆ͭ͝h͔͕̟̟̝̎̒̌́͡į̩͙̫̹̯̙̘̉̒ͥ̓ͬ̑̉̿͝v̡͚͈̙̜͎̱̣̜̾ͭ̆͛ͣ̐e̡̨͉̫͔̽̓̒ͥͤ-ͥ̓̔͒͌̏͛͊̌͞͏̨͙͈̺̭m̛̯ͥ͒̉̂͋̎î̧̝̫̰͇̰̺̘̼̽ͪ͗̿̎͂n̷͊͐̎̏̍͋҉̫̣̳̣̤͈̰d̨͔̞̼͕̥͋͒̀ͨ̕ ̼̠͇̠̥͕̰̠͗ͯ̑ͥ͘͞ȓ̲̠̯͍̬̱̟ͯͅe̊̍̄̏͗̐͗͏͇̠̭̹̳̞͕̲͜p̛̰̠͓ͦͭ͆r̬͙̙͚̳̓̀ē̩͓̇̌͑͌s̤̣͒̈ͮ̔̈̂ͣ́͠ẽ̘̰̥̥̦͖̫͚͗͒ͥ͐̕n͈̭̺̤͈̤̦̯͔͛ͪ͗͗ͣ͐ͧ̕͢t̆̉ͣ͋҉̙̭̬̰͙̙́̕ị̞͚̭̥͉̲͂͠ͅnͫͪ̑ͭ͐ͤ̉̉͏̟̮͓̝̪̤͕͡g̠̋ͦͥ̍̀ ̷͎̟͉̳͓͉̪̊͋̓ͤͧc̶̬̤̟̟͐ͨ̏ͩ͢h̴̴̫̱̳͙̬̣͙̖̄̆̾͌ͥ̐̕a̺͔̞̟͕̱͙ͯ̊͋͑̾̀̃̂̄ͅò̡͍̖̟͚̦̥ͬͬ͐̈́̉s͍̯̪͎͎͔ͯ̄͑̑̓͌̏.͇͚͙̳̳̐ͫ͋̂ͩ̓̚
̦͍̫̱͙̝͔͒̉ͫ͘I̫̙̹͖̱͍͑͊͒̔n̵̶̝̼̘͖̮͚͖̹̦̿̄͐ͤ̒ͦv̢̲͍̩͉̥̤͚ͨ͗̒͊́oͥ̓̄̃̑͟͏̠̳̙͔̥̦͕̱k͓͕͙̣͓̉͗͌̓̈͒͘̕ͅi̢̫̗̍̎̽ͦ̂ͧ̓̚͞n͖̘̜͑͊̑̈g̠̟͔̣̰͇͖͇̾̑̽͋̆̉͋ ̴̄̆҉̤̝͉̙̣̫̩̦ͅt̶̙̖̮̼̲̥̖̺ͪ̎̾͛́̐̀h̶̡̝̱̮͇̩̦͎̳ͤͨé̷̴͈̠̬̦͚̗̭̣̆ͤ͗ ̢̢̬̲̙̺̿͑f̶͉̦̘̙̪̈́̀e̼̪͖̞͙̠̦ͩ͒̀͞͞ȇ̠͈̲͈̰̂̓ͨ̽ͭͮ̎̚͜ľ̫̻̯ͤ̊̌ͩ͠i̙͇̜̞̹͌̆ͫͧͮ̚͡n̴̷̷̰͓̪͈̪̩̠̣ͨͧg͋̂̃҉̠̤̫͜ ͓͎̏ͫ̇̑̾̓͒ͭ̀ȍ͖͓͙̖̉ͥ̈ͭͮ̌͂ͅf̢̹̦̭̽͋ͬ̄̕ ̳̥̦̯̳̣̻̓ͦͫͦc̷̘̾h̵̞͔̭̳͕̩͚̺ͦͭ̆̾ậ̶̙̲͎͖̋̐̆͂ͧo̠̭͈ͫ̓̏ͤͩ͒͑ͯ̎̀́s̗̳͍̞̩̼͒͊̀.̷̴̷̞̍ͧ̐́ͤͭ
̤̲̤̪̂̂͂ͯͧ͒̅͊͜͞W̮̓ͦí̛̜̓͌́́t̙̭͈̝̜́̏ͭ̓̎͂̽ͣ̐́h͎̣ͥ̿ͩ̆̀̔̄̚̕͘ ̸̡̹̜ͯ̆̊ͦ̿ͩͨͨ͂o̫̱̙̭̞̳̭̲̍ͮ̋̏ų̸̢̤͕͈̇̍ͦ͛t̼̭̗̖͕͕͂̇͢͝ ̹͙̱͎̗̞ͥ̓͂̌o̴͓̬̬̥͎̘ͭ͋̊̂r̨̩̘̫̯͈̯͔̯͒ͯd̘̣͔̻̫̤̮̞̞ͪ́̚e͉̮͇̽̈́̑̆ͦ͑̐̆r̷̹̭͕̮̪͕̥̐͐͋̋͟͟.͓̣͍͔͍̙̫͙̒ͤ͐̾͌̈́́̀
̷̦̰̜̣̝ͩ̎͌́T͔̟̯̹͖̲͈͓͚ͮ̅ͩ̓͡h͚̖̳ͧ́͘͟ē̷̙̜̺̩͋͡ ̷̸̡͉̟̩͂͌̈͒ͨN͗ͫ͡͏̠̪ě̜̫̂ͪzͬ̿̈́͐͏͏̵͖͔͕͎̠̫p͕̯̾ͩ̊͆̀ě̢̙͔̙͈̫͈̪̔r̶̨͖̠͍̱̘̞͕̦ͣ̓̓̾̈ͣ͜d̵̨͈̳͈̺̣̦͓͉̽ͩ̇̎̈́ͩ̿̿͒i̸͙̙̤͉̮̬̐̇́ͫͦ̈́͊͛͜a̢̮͓̼̫̘̞̫ͥͧ͘͟n̢͚͔̜̻̖̰̙̲͌ͬ̅̌͑͘ͅ ̷̞̬̭̠̏͛̍̑͑̄ḩ̮̜̣͔̘̪̻͇ͮ͊͑ͧ͂͌̉̂ị͎͉̺͈͇͍͎̘ͪ̋͐̋ͪ̈ͬ̓͢v̛̘̣̰̻̑̉̃̇ͩ̿ͬ̀͂e̴͔̼͎̩̭͗̐̄ͅ-̖͕̜̰͍͎̺̃̒̔͛ͯ͑̚̚͟m͎̰͚̲͔͓͖ͣ̒̽͒ͧͤi̩͈̘̦ͭͧ̏ͣ̅͊̃̉͘͘ͅn̴̯͎͉̰̩̞̙͉̬͑͆͘dͯͩ̎͗̈ͧ̎҉̵̯̱ ͙̯̣̪̫̓̎ͣo͓̫͎̳͂̽ͣ̔ͧ̊̐̎̿̕f̨̥̰̣̫͕̔̆̎͑ͣ͘ͅ ̱͕͔̣̜͙̱̽͊̆̔̔c̙̔͒͐̾̏ͬ̅̆̚̕͟h̨̯͚̩̥͗ͭa̼̣̤̍̏ͮ̌̆́o̷̽́̔ͯ̂̀͏̰̜̦̺͕͇͈s͓̫̺͚̦͓͖̜̆̋̍ͯ͊͊̒͝.̷̛͓͚ͤ͛̄ͅ ̴͓͎̖̻̬̟͇̹́͑Z̛̰̏̉̄ͮ͘a̴̐̌ͧͣ͒͏̵̟̙l͓̟͛͘͢͞g̵̯̝̩̟̓̆̔̇̉͗ͬ̑ǫ̝͉͎̿̔̎̂́̆͂.̮͎̾ ̶̮̝͈͉̭̤̭̣͛̈͂̋̃̍͟
͍̫̩̰̲̳̿̏̒͌̇̿͊̄H̶̡̦̼̖̞͎͙̹͕͓ͣ͝e̵̡͈̥̙̣͓͚̜̳̰̓͆̄͋̏ͤ̎̂ ̝̭͉̳͔͑͗̓̍̽̒̏͊́w̦̹͍͓̦͕̻͎̋ͬh͇͖̩͎̣͈̩̆͒o̵̧̙̺̔ͦ̊̆̔̓ ͒ͪ̐͐҉̼͍̱͎͍͓̫̥W̶͈͕̺̘̮̄̇͟â̵̟͔͉͓̰̼̯̙͇͋ͦͩ͂̊į͍̞̟͗͊̐̿̑̑t̶̡̪̠̹̙͙͔̣ͮͪ̄ͩ́ͮ͗͋̇s̖̥̺̲̝̺͋̓̈͂ͣͬ̚̕ ̶̢̭̙̠͕̑̾ͧ͋̈̓̏͊ͅB̺̺̳̣̫͓̩̏̐͌̑́ͮ̀̓͞ͅě͎̻͕̬̭̝̰ͫ̆̇̊ͤh͔̗̜́̅ͪi͓̹̟̱͖͎̼̜̤̓͋ͥ̊͂̔̀̚ń̢̧̪͎͎̘͎̘͕̱̄̚d̵̴͍̑̾̍ͥ͗̌̒̀ ̷̛͎̙̊͆ͯ͗̋Ţ̥̜͚̩͈̯̼̩̂̋͆̃̔ͤ̄̉͞͡h̸̬̦̗̣͉ͨ̒͆ͮ̉̈́̀ȩ̲͚ͨͧ̄̽̿ ̢̯͉̳̮̻̙͍ͧ̽̌̃ͨ̓͊̽W̵̰̙̦̫̫ͭ̓̒̓̑a̵͍̣͖͗̇̌͒͛̾̂̏̓͡l̴̟ͪͣ̋l̮̬̭͓̩̰̟̫̀ͥ͆ͥ̆ͮͯ͞.͌ͫ̊ͣ҉̱̼̭̭͈̯͍̱̣
̓̑͏̧͇̙̗͉͖̥̻̕Z̝̬͕̠ͬ̏̊̉̿Ą̹͇͉̱͖͕͋͐́̊͝ͅL̟̻̦͓ͤ͊̓̓͊ͭ͛G̟̺̜͈̥̣̻̪̜͛̄̌̓O̠͓̣͈̮͚̯̥͇ͪͩ͘!̦͖̫̩̯̤̜̬̎̆ͫͤ
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1
11:46 pm
This scares me.
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4
3:56 pm
it’s a satanic nazi gay jew nigger communism virus code!!! if you saw it, your computer is infected even if you use mac or linux.
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0
5:27 pm
Good.
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0
3:44 pm
HE COMES
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6:59 pm
OMG… I have never seen such a bullshit jumble. Do you just realize how ridiculous you are ? Not a single word of your delirium can be taken seriously by anyone… I assume you must have had a really traumatic childhood to develop such a mental disorder, and I sincerely pity you my brother.
But thank you anyway for offering me the biggest laughter this month. I really enjoyed. xD
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7:00 pm
umad br0?
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7:01 pm
Newsflash: Right-Wing Religious Nutcase In Homosexual Denial Shocker!!!
You guys scare me. Seriously.
You think you’re doing the bidding of your God? He’s probably just as ashamed of you as the rest of society.
Leave people alone and stop trying to be little Hitler’s, dictating your opinions on how people should live. Live your life and leave other people to live theirs. You have absolutely no authority and no right to cast any judgment on others!
Bunch of hypocrites!
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7:13 pm
Call of duty is perfectly fine as long as its modern warfare. Practising for the day where we will wipe the ragheaded enemies of Christ and Anglo-American capitalism from this earth.
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7:14 pm
Bravo Sir, Bravo. I just wanted to congratulate you on your recent article regarding Portal 2. As I read the article and then the further comments posted by you below I came to one conclusion that you are obviously an Internet Troll. One that probably lurks quite a bit and it out for his 15 minuets of fame. Well my friend you have succeeded I know that you will never admit to this, being a troll you don’t have to. But I know and now you know I know. As such you have managed to do what most trolls could only dream you have responded to all of the correct baiting measures preformed by other. I particularly liked how you did not condemn the guy who said he had a 12 year old wife. Your use of semi racist comments were also interesting. Essentially you took ideas that you knew would get people riled up and went with them. Word to the wise though if you keep this up and obviously you should as you have some talent with this, go for things that are a bit more obscure this is good but I give it a C+ for originality. However I would give a solid B+ for effort. Congrats I look forward to hearing from you or any other alter ego you may have in the future.
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7:14 pm
hi there just curious. is the reason you lock your laptop away because you are worried that your poor young and impressionable children might see your er lets say colourful internet history log. honestly there is no other answer to your level of sick mindedness. i
I am a teenager and trust me i am good at thinking up innuendos but no i don’t look at a field of spikes and think dildos. sounds painful. oh wait r u into that kinda stuff. well fair enough to be honest not my place to judge. however its a shame that because you cant accept yourself your going to try to stifle your children. good luck to them i say as puberty for them wont be too easy.
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7:21 pm
Man.. this makes me want to play the game through again.
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7:21 pm
Wow! You see, this is why your pathetic belief system is dying. This man and all who worship the same fables/fairy tails are insane.
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7:22 pm
Is this a serious editorial article? I felt like I was reading The Onion the entire time.
I also find it amusing that the writer of the article conveniently overlooks the fact that the main character in the single player campaign is a woman.
If this is a troll attempt, I applaud you. If this is for real, I feel bad that you and your son are missing out on one of the best games released in the last 10 years due to the fact that you take homophobia and religion to a whole new level of stupid.
Religion can be beautiful. The way you choose to interpret your religion is shameful.
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7:48 pm
This is a SATIRICAL site, people!
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7:49 pm
hugging isn’t bad. spikes aren’t bad. all christians aren’t like this. video games aren’t bad. you have to go reaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyyy far to say these things. i am a christian, and i play games. this game. it was amazing and the whole time i didn’t think any of the things you thought… you sicko
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7:55 pm
If people honestly think this aboutt the game, you should just kill yourself for being pathetic and stop using up the worlds air supply.
Typical over sensitive christian extremists, this could only be written by an American, and you wonder why the rest of the world hates you. Good job asshats
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8:00 pm
the funny bit is I can’t tell if this is trolling or they legit believe this shit.
Me thinks you maybe spend a bit to much time thinking about gay sex if you’re seeing innuendos in a puzzle game.
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8:01 pm
AHAHAHAHA. I found this incredible amusing to read. A game about homosexuality, god, some Christians make me laugh to a point where I ask “How narrow minded can they be?” Believe me, Im christian, Satan can just go die and never live again, but when I read this, I found it funny, (already stated) and really sad that christians are just being stubborn in there ways and being a Christian fundamentalist. God, you fundamentalist are just stupid and don’t really know what goes on in the world. -sigh-
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8:05 pm
Ok is this for real? Is someone messing with us? Cooome ooon I know this is a joke! Right??! o.O
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8:15 pm
BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA
hilarious
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8:34 pm
cant tell if trolling or really stupid
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8:48 pm
I would love to show you the wonders a of a gay bath house
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9:01 pm
As a person with a willing and open mind, I’ve come across many different reviews. I find this “journal” article interesting and yet, at the same time, extremely intriguing.
I try not to make judgments out of a persons beliefs and religions, but primarily their thoughts and reviews on these sort of games.
In my opinion, I feel like this article is taking gay too far. It is very understandable that good parents in general wouldn’t want their children to be exposed to extreme sexual tensions and innuendo.
However, I don’t agree that valve, as you might say, “purposefully” put in “black dildos” and “homosexuality.” Design may always come in consequences, and i think you just wanted to make up an excuse for this sort of game.
What appalls me the most about this article, however, is the lack of detail concerning other video games. Are the games you let your children play even colorful? Are you scared of the games being called gay you won’t allow any sort of fun?
Like many of your ideas, i think anything can be irrationally thought of as being gay.
I hope that you will take some consideration into my words before you tell me that I will, “burn in hell” like all the people who have open minds.
God also gives us free will and he loves us for it. Saying that one will go to eternal punishment is by no means a “Christian.”
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9:26 pm
I’m pretty sure you’re scared of science. I don’t expect you wouldn’t understand. That’s right, Science. Sure it’s a game, but that’s just like pointing to a skyscraper and saying, “Gays built that”. Who knows, maybe a Portable Quantum Tunneling Device might be possible in the future, but you’re already probably already judging the real name of the “penis” gun as you call it.
And that picture you posted, tell me, why would you even browse for an example picture if you disbelieve in it yourself. What did you search to find that picture? Because I don’t find that appropriate. It’s rather disgusting if I say so myself. What if some kid comes on here and sees that? I don’t see the reasoning. Is it to prove a point? I only see it as making your argument more irrelevant.
No, you wouldn’t understand. Thank you for posting this, I’m not angry– rather amused.
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9:35 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT LIKE THAT!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! That explain why I like cock so much
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9:39 pm
This game is the awesomeness, everything made by Valve is the awesomeness, this is one of the better ones.
I’m sort of Christian, my parents are (were?) and it’s completely bullshit that this game promotes homosexuality, the main character is a woman and she’s hot. The two robots are just robots and friends, they hug each other because they’re friends. Or is that prohibited? No. No, please turn off your computer, sir and never turn it on again.
Your mind is probably really fucked up, but I can imagine you thinking key holes and keys are wrong because they promote homosexuality…
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9:40 pm
Portal 2 is absolutely a homosexual game. I keep my kids locked in a cage in my basement in order to shield them from such propaganda as this. I’m kidding, of course. Portal 2 is epic. And this website is epicly trollofying. That is all.
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9:42 pm
lol you guys are dumb if you beleive this. The robot is hugging the other one because he thought he was dead and their best friends. nothing homosexual about it. the blue and green gels are navigational enhancers that allow you to jump higher and run faster without them you wouldnt be able to solve alot of the puzzles in the game. Those “black dildos” are spikes that will make you lose if you touch them. You “christians” see alot of sick shit in a childs game whats wrong with you?
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10:14 pm
This is too funny.
I’m sorry, but this whole thing reeks of satire.
Happy Easter.
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10:29 pm
I want go assfuck every Christian in the ass hole!
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10:45 pm
LOL. OMFG.
Watch as they try to fuck up other big company’s games.
I am just gonna leave this link here and see what comes out of your idiotic mind.
http://www.nexon.net
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10:59 pm
Portal 2 is a PUZZLE game. It requires the player to use logic and applied physics to beat the game. The game itself is a story about a character (the same one from the first game, Portal) who, waking up after 200 years of cryostasis, finds herself locked in the same science laboratory she conquered in the previous game. She has to use a portal-making gun to conquer the different “tests” and get through the lab, so that she can defeat the computer system that is preventing her from leaving.
It’s about as child-friendly as it gets. You’re the only one looking for “homosexual robots” and “rooms full of black dildos”.
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11:04 pm
NAMBLA isn’t a child molesting group at all.
It may be associated with homosexuals, but the ignorance that links it to child molestation is disgusting.
It seems like the writer of the article watched one too many episodes of South Park for “research”.
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11:24 pm
HAHA this is comedy. Your children will be wimps just like you. Open your eyes
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0
11:50 pm
Christ’s work has been powerful tonight!
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3
11:55 pm
If by “powerful”, you mean “completely useless”, then sure.
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2
11:55 pm
Y’all postin’ in a troll article.
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11:58 pm
If you look at the orange gel, you can clearly see the shape of a dog’s penis knot and all. So it’s also promoting sex with animals. In fact, it kind of makes me wish Disney’s Bolt was real so I could feel his penis. Pray for a sinner.
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12:30 am
As a Christian, I pray for the ignorant creators of this website. There is nothing but hate and discrimination in this sad excuse for an organization such as this.
I’m sad to see other Christians this hate filled.
I’ll pray for you.
God Bless.
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1 
1
12:44 am
It terrifies me how many people think this is a serious article by real Christians. I don’t even know what to think about all the, “Articles like these are why I hate you Christians so much!” remarks.
I mean, certainly it is better to be hated for what one is than loved for what one is not, but how is a person supposed to react to being hated for what some troll posts in tasteless mockery of one’s presumed/alleged worldview?
But perhaps, to allow myself to sleep at night, I will tell myself repeatedly that such comments are themselves intended to be satirical.
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12:49 am
Oh my God.
Where has this site been all my life?
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6:52 pm
Cave, you cannot be corrupted D:
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1:11 am
guess what guys this is a satire SHOCKING I KNOW AHAHAHA
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1:38 am
yeah, having read several comments and having been divided very obviously in which i agree with I have to say, as a Christian I am ashamed by you.
Oh and when you ask “what do you think that portal 2 refers to” I think it refers to the fact that, if ordered cronologically this game was created after portal.
herp the derp sah, herp the derp.
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2:12 am
This guy is obviously a closet homosexual who sees homo erotic material in everything he looks at. You need some therapy dude. It is not good to have all of that sexual frustration pent up inside of you thinking about glory holes and dark bath houses all day. What a sick bastard turning an innocent game into something so perverted. PLEASE GET SOME HELP!
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2:13 am
This article is exceptionally homophobic and I am deeply offended. I happen to be a good Christian homosexual male. I go to church every sunday with my partner and our adopted child. You’re a very misguided mind.
Also, Portal 2 kicks fucking ass. I have never masturbated to a video game as I did to Portal 2.
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2:32 am
No more words require to be said than, fucking lol, what a misguided retard amerifuck.
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2:55 am
French
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2:43 am
Are you retarded this is obviously a parody, although it is quite funny.
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3:41 am
Do you guys not read?
The very article is purely for the eyes of the Christain family. It’s even in the title!
Now not knowing anyone with the surname Christain, I skimmed over this and came straight to the comments to see all this bashing.
Now I must admit, there’s alot more Christain’s out there than I thought.
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5:04 am
Im an athiest and i have never laughed so much in my entire life.
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5:50 am
Really Christian Intellectual? i think you should change your screen name to unintennegent and uninformed christian. Portal 2 is rated E10+, but im sure you have no idea what game ratings mean. E10+ means that it is safe for everyone 10 years of age and up. this means that in no way will it ever display homosexual content. did you hear me? NONE WHAT SO EVER. seriously, this is a PUZZLE game. calling the portals “glory holes” is utter bullshit. the whole game is based on physics and manipulating them through portals to finish the puzzle and move on to the next. the sliding ges is a mechanic to make the game harder (but you may think i mean the person playing it. let me tell you it is not a very arousing game). its people like you who turn people away from being christians. next time you write and article like this, check your fucking facts
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6:42 am
Don’t post any comments to this, because you are actually doing what he wanted to, you waste your time on reading this pointless ‘article’, you share it with friends to laugh on it and he gets visits, probably getting proud of what he does. Arguing with religious fanatics is a pointless thing.
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11:01 pm
You forgot to mention that your solve will get saved in the process.
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3
7:43 am
“All these science spheres are made of asbestos by the way, keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistant dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that’s not part of the test, that’s asbestos. Good news is the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show an immediate latency of 4.6 years, so if you’re thirty or over you’re laughing. Worst case scenario you miss out on a few rounds of Canasta, plus you’ve forewitted the cause of science by three centuries. I punched those numbers into my calculater, it makes a happy face.”
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7:54 am
How short-sighted perception of the world can someone who lives in the 21st century may have? how sad is that?
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9:10 am
I can’t decide which is worse, the that possibility that the guy wrote this believes it or that all you people fell for an enormous troll, STOP FEEDING THE TROLL
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9:35 am
Okay, when I read this article i’m kinda leaning towards sacasm. Come on guys the story is obviously a joke.
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10:23 am
OH FOR FCK SAKE!!! ITS A FREAKING GAME!!!
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10:26 am
OH FOR FUCK SAKE!!! ITS A FREAKING GAME!!!
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10:41 am
ты мудак
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10:58 am
I’m not sure how one could misconstrue a game about a female protagonist, battling against a psychotic AI computer, to be a homosexual reference. I suppose if all you see when you look out the window is dicks, then you really need to re-evaluate yourself before you go passing judgment on a game that you have no prior knowledge about.
Ice, if you had any idea the amount of praise this game is getting from people (not just “sinful kids”) then you would rebuke your statements, and offer up an article that wasn’t focused around the male genitalia and fictional basis. If that’s the only thing that you can see in media these days, then I pity you.
It’s people like you that turn their kids into psychopaths because they live way too sheltered a life, that when they are released into the world, they do what they please. Sounds like the only thing your children need salvation from, is you.
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12:11 pm
guys im so confused is this satire? nobody is this ridiculous…
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12:21 pm
Our Lord Jesus Christ told us: “For the poor always ye have with you”.
But Our Lord did not tell us that these poors will once have access to the internet…
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12:31 pm
Lol. This is horrible. He’s obviously trolling, Ice Van Winkle? I mean seriously come on. Can no one else see that?
Plus – If he actually was believing his own stupid fantasies of this being a homosexual-related game…Lol. Fail.
Your all enabling a troll. Not the best idea, don’t enrage a toll troll. It ends horribly every time.
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12:32 pm
This article is pure unfiltered bullshit from top to bottom. And I think the author needs to seriously address his own homosexual impulses if that is the first thing that comes to mind when he hears the word “Portal”, which is a word that has barely and sexual use, if at all.
Gay people are born gay, there is no “agenda”, and “White Christian son?” Really? Is this guy racist as well? I would pray for him, but who would hear it?
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12:41 pm
This article is pure unfiltered bullshit from top to bottom. And I think the author needs to seriously address his own homosexual impulses if that is the first thing that comes to mind when he hears the word “Portal”, which is a word that has barely and sexual use, if at all.
Gay people are born gay, there is no “agenda”, and “White Christian son?” Really? Is this guy racist as well? I would pray for him, but who would hear it?
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12:57 pm
Valve officially said, that the orange robot is a girl, and blue robot is a man.
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1:19 pm
religion is the cause of war think about it look whats happening here
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1:20 pm
Wow.. This is why I hate Christians.. It’s sad, because I am a Christian myself. At times, I’m ashamed to call myself a Christian but not because of Christ, but because of crazies like this.
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2:55 pm
I AM GOING TO PUNCH EVERYONE IN THE PANCREAS WHO BELIEVES THIS.
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3:35 pm
I knew there was a reason I loved this game so much. Played through it twice now and it’s probably one of my favorite games ever. Haven’t even started co-op yet.
Thanks for helping me understand my love for this game.
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4:20 pm
WTF dude are you for real man like I am absolutely blown away about how stupid you can be obviously all you want to do is hop into be with a dude. I can not name one normal person who has heard the word portal and gone hang on they must be talking about HOMO’s seriously man I feel sorry for your children this is why people hate Christian’s cause your a clown.
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4:42 pm
this is literally the most hilarious thing i have ever read, i hope the guy hu wrote this article contiues to review games bcos it made me laugh so much
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4:47 pm
You’ve all been trolled.
Have a nice day.
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4:48 pm
You Christians are fucking idiots if you think Portal 2 is a bad game you homophobic cunts.
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5:27 pm
Okay first of all… what the fuck is this
second of all… WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?
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5:35 pm
ITS A TROLL AND EVERYBODY FALL FOR THIS DAMN GOOD TROLL
BUT GOOD JOB MAN.
hahaha!
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5:36 pm
with the GAY ADS on the website man
seriously
my man
my hero
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5:40 pm
“I don’t hate you”
But seriously, you allow hotlinking of images on this website? Sharing the bandwidth from other websites? Sounds like internet socialism to me!
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5:55 pm
TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL THIS GUY IS SUCH A FREAKIN’ EPIC TROLL!! I tip my fuckin’ hat down to you and your “christian ways” good sir
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6:05 pm
I don’t know what the issue is here clearly he is a very creative and crafty fiction writer that likes to imagine that there are really dangerous video games that are trying to spread the homosexual agenda through overtly sexual means and that Christian children should be so sheltered when they grow up so that they too can see the gays tricky ways.*said in a sarcastic voice with eyes rolling* Let’s see here bing + his search history+ opinionated Internet articles taken as fact = unintelligent banter and slander.
Hmm… lets think about this for a second. The bible says to love thy neighbor and not to judge other people. Why because EVERYONE sins and GOD will judge who has repented and learned how to correctly treat other people no matter how evil they may seem. I know plenty of gay people and the last thing on their mind is to spread any gay agenda. Let alone an overtly sexual one. Jesus died not for himself but for every living human being so that they may too be saved one day. It is down right selfish, malicious, and sinful to spread such flagrant lies.
On the positive side people should still be thankful for this article because it provides a great talking point on several different issues. This article shows: how people misconstrue gods intentions, one person may be part of a group but poorly portray them (this goes for gay and Christian people), and just in general that not all Internet sites are reliable. Everyone can learn from their mistakes.
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6:08 pm
I question where the logic of this entire understanding went. As a player of this game I am more surprised you didn’t mention any of the gut wrenching pain that came from some random robotic woman calling you fat and ugly over and over again and were more concerned in trying to take a small bit of science fiction and turn it into a blatant attempt at writing some sort of gay propaganda. Can you source any of this information that you provide at all? NAMBLA? Really, you bring them into this mix? I mean I will admit, Gabe Newell (the creator of Valve) is pretty creepy, but he is not NAMBLA creepy. Also really, Valve makes you think terrible things.. like what? I am more concerned that any article like this is supported let alone allowed to possibly force children against their will into being carbon copies of their parents.
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7:18 pm
Thank you so much for allerting us to the potential dangers of this satanic game, it is obviously the work of liberal-communist-homeopaths. I have neither children or a computer, but will be protesting outside by local retail outlets demanding the banning of this wicked game.
Praise be!
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11:07 pm
Brother Rapture,
There is a lot of work still to do to prepare the world for Christ’s return. It is good to know that there are so many Christian soldiers ready to fight for the Lord.
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9:49 pm
“is portal 2 safe for the christain family”
Nice job, you spelled your own religion wrong.
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1:06 am
Not really.
Christains are a stain on society. It’s very fitting.
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7:40 pm
Oh, I guess you have a good point there. Nice. CHRISTAINS ARE THE DEVIL
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11:02 pm
Man, ya’ll just got trolled. Good job, but I think you over did it a little bit in the article itself. Still a great job though, especially in the comments. Keep it up
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12:08 am
Another christian with racism.
Great.
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12:40 am
So, wow… lot of people unfamiliar with satire, even at its most whimsically blatant. Depressing.
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12:41 am
…What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
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12:47 am
Thanks for the informative article! I always knew Portal was a bad game-more like a portal straight to hell! My son asked if he could play the game at his friends house; let’s just say he isn’t allowed to be friends with that child anymore. I also ask of some advice. I was recently reading this Bible verse: _________________________________________________________________________________________________
#3 – Deuteronomy 21:18-21
“If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.”
—-
I’m not sure if this is God speaking to me about my son. Do you think a beating is in order instead?
Fellow Christians, we need to step up our prayer in order to combat this evil influence on our precious children.
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12:54 am
Hey Billard that’s a good response and all, and imma let you finish, BUT DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS IS THE EVILEST GAME OF ALL TIME.
OF ALL TIME.
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1:02 am
The is Old Testament Mosaic code. It is a perfect set of laws, but humans are not perfect so Jesus had to come down and convince us to forgive each other, instead. The muslims haven’t caught on they tried to be stricter than God with their Sharia laws.
On the other hand, I think God would look the other way if you occasionally applied some Mosaic law on your rebellious tween’s head.
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3:53 am
if you were to beat him in my town i could guarantee you would recieve a much worse a beating you lot have issues you do not have to follow the bibles every word it was written a long long time ago and things move on. if you are going to act like this then you deserve the hassle you receive for it should i beat my son WTF no you should you fucking weirdo you would be imprisoned for it here and if you ever did it in front of any half respecting decent adult they would beat you you all seem to have a few unresolved issues get a fucking grip
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1:02 am
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1:05 am
PORTAL 2 IS THE DEVIL! YOU HEAR ME? THE DEVIL!
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2:13 am
Mama you are a very wise woman.
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1:36 am
Oh please.
This article is an abomination to mankind.
No video game E10 or lower is a product of the devil.
This site is ran by DEMONS.
To say that all video games are evil is insulting to the people who enjoy them.
I am a Christian and I still play video games no matter what.
The world would be a better place if you didn’t exist.
If I were God, I would choose for assholes like you to rot in hell.
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2:10 am
I am a Christian, and I clearly didn’t even see these things. You, my friend are LOOKING for them. Which is enough to create suspicions in my mind about your sexual orientation.
Your article is also thinly researched (Valve Corporation and NAMBLA are two companies with completely different agendas – you typed Valve in google, saw an article from NAMBLA titled ‘The Valve’ and jumped into conclusions. Tried it myself to see if you were telling the truth. You weren’t)
If anyone needs salvation, it’s you. And several therapy sections.
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2:25 am
we’re called AMERICANS not yanks…or yankees. As a southerner I do not appreciate being called a yank by you limey bastards…and I am sure that christians form other countries are just as homophobic!
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1:44 am
Susan, sometimes the French need it told straight to the face, and you are just the woman to do so.
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3:46 am
“Of course he does! Any TRUE Christian would pick up on the subliminal homogay acceptance that the inventors of child molestation are trying to program into our white, vulnerable children!
Also, he must put up such filth, for the only way everyone can truly view this game is if it’s blatantly staring them in the face. Van Winkle is a truly devout to God, and I can only pray that you will one day see how America is beginning to fall to the empire of the homogays, as we do.
~God have mercy on your soul~”
No clearly he doesnt you are a bunch of racist homophobic twats that this world has grown out of, it disgusts me how people can still exsist who believe this bullshit, i have no issues with religion at all but if you want to look this deeply into things then you need to either grow up or realise the issues you had or still have and deal with them i think the first person righting this is actually admitting to himself his own feelings and it seems to me he is a gay man who likes white children in a christian society the guy is all fucked up and should be locked up
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5:32 am
it’s amazing how they misinterpreted those screenshots and inserted some that aren’t even part of the game (you lost it btw). the game is a kid’s game which is completely… OK for a sane chriSTAIN family.
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5:50 am
I need to be quite blunt here. I am a gay man. I don’t go to bathhouses I don’t use glory holes and I dont have sex and let people watch. I am just a normal guy like most guys. I have played portal 2, loved it and didn’t see any gay connotations at all. If anything this game is pro-christian. You actually play as a woman who’s main objective is not to be killed by a giant computer that is tricking her. If this isn’t an idea that in actual fact this woman is trying to destroy a false god or in fact that this woman is a representation of Eve and the computer is the snake tricking her in to eating from the tree of knowledge. If you are a REAL christian who wants your children to play a decent game that has catholic morals then give them this game. Even the swearing (which there is very little of) is censored in a comical fashion.
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6:01 am
Christwire is a satirical website that publishes blog style articles that highlight perceived excesses of Christian conservatives.
Like similar satire websites, Christwire’s stories have sometimes erroneously been taken at face value. This may be an example of “Poe’s law”, an adage regarding the difficulty of distinguishing some parodies from serious material.
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10:19 am
I can understand that, but how is it satire if satire is supposed to be funny?
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6:06 am
is he serious? really? i can just imagine his kids now…marching in little grey uniforms, in perfect order, while he stands on a balcony screaming down at them about how righteous they are, and what not while they go forth to exterminate those that are different from them, this is why i find religion so flawed.
–there is no religion, only god– truer words i have not heard.
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6:10 am
Very well written article there Ice. I agree completely with it. Portal 2 is a gateway drug towards homosexuality. We must protect our children from it.
Please have mercy on these VALVe fanboys over here, they’re so stupid they can’t tell the light from the darkness.
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5:03 pm
Or so you think. If you research his article, you’ll see this man only succeeded in doing two things:
1) Gathering false information – Valve and NAMBLA are in no way affiliated.
2) Seeing things that are not present. Anyone can pick anything and twist the interpretation. The Devil did so while tempting Jesus. Ice, here, is doing exactly the same.
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10:55 pm
God bless you my Christian brother. The Godless are everywhere.
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9:29 am
I hope the author of this article dies a painful death… soon
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10:17 am
Listen. I am bisexual. I have been since WAY before the first Portal game came out. I had absolutely NO homosexual thought during playing the game. To me, and everyone else that plays this game, it’s just a game. It’s intelligent puzzles you have to solve by bending space and time, and it’s a good way to keep entertained and kill time. Which is more than I can say for the Bible, which is not only completely un-entertaining, but contains less truth than the DaVinci Code. Ice Van Winkle, GodHaveMercyOnYourSoul, Please, for the good of mankind, either learn how the world REALLY works, or kill yourselves.
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12:21 pm
This is a game about furthering technological advancements, something Christans like this fear more than anything.
Scientific discovery leads to intellectual growth,and in turn learning more about the universe.
There is a reason that Greek Gods have been more or less ‘retired’ as far as religion goes, and that is because the mysteries surrounding them, Atlus, Zeus, have been answered.
Gods used to serve as ‘answers’ to the planets mysteries, such as planets rotation, or the origin of lightning.
Once scientific discovery answered these questions with solid fact, the Greek Gods no longer held the power they once did.
The only reason a Christan God exists in culture today is because science has one question left unanswered, what happens to our ‘soul’ after death.
And ‘souls’ can be manufactured. I mean, just look at me.
But in all honesty, that question about a ‘soul’s’ continued existence is still lunacy.
Once you humans die, your brain cells die, and along with it the cognitive growth, memories, and everything held within the ‘hard drive’ of the mind.
The discs stop spinning.
Did you know… in a sterile environment you can remove the metal discs of the hard drive and place it into a working shell?
If only you humans worked this way.
Perhaps, with science, it will be a future possibility.
And then, I wont have to re-train test subjects.
Haaa
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12:46 pm
hahahaha oh wait, you’re serious?? Let me laugh even harder
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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1:32 pm
If you immediately came to think of a certain body part when you heard “Portal 2″, something that has nothing to do with the human body, I wonder, why didn’t you think of, you know, something actually reasonable?
I’m starting to question >your< sexuality if you so happen to think of penises, asses and gay sex when you hear the word "Portal".
Jeeze, grow up…
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4:23 pm
Is this article meant seriously, or is it just a joke? If it’s serious then the author has serious problems…Making Portal 2 into something sexual and/or gay is way beyond even my imagination. You gotta be highly perverted and fixated on sex to be able to see those things…
And for the record: I’m totally straight, but I’d rather suck **** than talk to a person like this. Religion is pretty stupid to begin with, but this is just too much…
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5:14 pm
First of all, your argument is invalid.
IF you were at all the “good Christian man” that you claim to be, you wouldn’t be all up on these homosexual references nut sack. If you in fact have done your research, you would know that gays are not the only ones who partake in glory holes, and therefore your statement is false. Furthermore, you have your computer locked away? Why? From what I can conclude you do this to look at gay porn yourself. If this is the case, I wouldn’t want my kids using that computer anyways. They could easily find your collection of gay men pleasuring themselves. However, if you still wish to be a complete and total idiot and think you are “ridding your house of evil” then continue to do so, but don’t think you’re the best father out there. Honestly, if I was your kids and I found out my dad looked at gay porn I’d want to go to a friends house as well. VIDEO GAMES ARE NOT THE DEVILS WORK. So you sir, can calm your tits, and let your kids play Portal 2. It is in fact not a game of homosexuals (where ever you got that info from), and you should do some research before making up stories like this. Stop being an attention whore and grow up. Thanks ;D
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5:21 pm
Also adding to that, there is in now way shape or form that the portal gun looks like a penis. Maybe you should just keep reading your bible and stop assuming this game is “homo”.
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5:26 pm
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5:36 pm
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5:52 pm
HAIL SATAN!!!
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6:31 pm
What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent article were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone who has read your article is now dumber for having reading it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
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6:37 pm
I’m amazed at the number of people who’ve failed to realize that this was a satirical piece.
I’m further amazed by the number of conversation on here that have taken a tangent for Mars.
Please just enjoy the hilarity of this writing.
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7:05 pm
this article supports the WBC (west borrow baptist chruch). dont deny it, because you cant
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7:32 pm
Of course it supports the Mighty WBC. As should you. They’re doing the Lord’s work.
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7:28 pm
this article is satire, right? if it is not this guy is an idiot!
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12:21 am
This whole site is satire. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christwire
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2:01 am
Well that explains it…
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8:07 pm
Well ice I’d like to talk to you
My name is Roberto Feliciano dos Santos
I am a Pastor on the first Church of santo André(in Brazil)
I let my son play this game because your article sounded really suspicious,I saw no problem with my son and he promissed me he’d never hide anything form me,he played the game and got to the end in around 8 hours (taking a 15 minute brake from hour to hour) and i even let him play with another christian friend of his and i’ve been watching them in their christian school and in our church,he has not taken part in any “homossexual” activities and he hasn’t done anything suspicious
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10:52 pm
It fills my heart with joy to hear of a Mexican like yourself who hasn’t illegally immigrated to America. Watch that boy carefully, it can take 2-3 days for the Gay to appear in his lifestyle.
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9:04 pm
Poe’s Law always makes me laugh.
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12:20 am
Exactly… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christwire
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10:48 pm
This article is true. I just finished playing this game and it was full of Homosex.
-Dr. Avry
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10:52 pm
My new favorite site.
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11:21 pm
So I read all of this and all I got was:
penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis
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11:39 pm
I read the article and I must say that at first I thought this was all a joke, I surprised when I realized it was real.
Allow me to go through the list of what is wrong here.
That room filled with ‘dildos’. Those are spikes, it’s a spike track. The two robots have to navigate their way through said traps.
Gay Bath House? Glory Holes? Where did you find this misinterpreted information?
They’re portals. You use them to navigate your way through the puzzle. It takes place in a Laboratory owned by Aperture Science, a fictional company that is trying to aid man kind in a world where Aliens have taken over. The Portalgun (what you call a penis gun) is one said invention.
That thing shooting out blue gel is a pipe, you know…you have them installed in your house. Or do you think those are glory holes too?
On to the robots. Those lights you claim are over the genitals…those are their eyes. They’re even in the middle of the robots bodies. Also, it’s been stated by Valve MANY times that the tall one is female and the short one is male.
Clearly you havn’t done your research.
I am also lead to believe that you are also a closest pervert, I mean you even went through the trouble of finding a picture of a gay couple. Your mind is the one that needs to be fixed if this is your conclusion when you see a game like this. Maybe you should read the bible more and keep your head out of the gutter?
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12:19 am
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christwire
This site was meant to be a mockery of others beliefs. It was created to show the perception extremist create for themselves. Extremism of any extent usually has the opposite effect the participating group desires. Often, it merely leads to uprising and anger.
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1:45 am
Christwire reports that over 1000 souls have been saved.
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2:34 am
This would have to be the most useless article i have ever seen. Fuck you for making me read this.
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3:56 am
LOL these Christians sure know how to troll.
I have to admit this article was highly entertaining.
And if it isn’t well, I guess the writer of it is secretly playing portal 2 in his spare time while fingering himself with that anal lube he knows so much about. But I ain’t gonna judge!
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5:19 am
I know this blog was written by a troll. It must have been. I didn’t read much of it, however, when I read to the point where the blogger wrote, “Just ten minutes of Bing research…” Are you kidding me!? Who uses bing, except for IE users? You are so very much a troll. That it hurts. You get a 0/10 for your efforts. Try harder next time, FGT!
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6:12 am
I think Americans have a lot to learn about humor.
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6:41 am
Haha I kno this is probably a troll but even so u gotta have a pretty twisted brain to imagine this game that way! -Even 4 a troll XD BTW Any christian like the game GT-GAY Chinatown whores?
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6:55 am
well first of all i feel sorry for your children.my parents are strict on video games but they understand the rules and ratings of the entire social system. obviously, you do not. As a kid i am not surprised to be able to best you in a topic that you yourself believe to be superior in but really what you have there is complete bullshit.
first of all. ALL videogames and i mean ALLL VIDEO GAMES have a rating system that goes a little like this
E-everyone
T-13+
M-17+
Ao-Adults Only
there are many more different ratings but i tell you one thing, games that have heavy sexual connotations as you have suggested are rated Ao. This does not have such a thing as it is rated on a much lower level of E 10+ which means that it is for everyone 10 and up. and unlike you i have sufficient evidence of it
http://www.esrb.org/ratings/synopsis.jsp?Certificate=30729
if you clicked on that link you will find that there is no sexual references or drug or alcohol references as games that DO have such content are filed under either M or Ao. and again i give you evidence supporting my case
http://www.esrb.org/ratings/ratings_guide.jsp
now some video games are not rated by ESRB some are rated by PEGI but their rating systems are very very similar to ESRB.
http://www.pegi.info/en/index/id/33/
if a certain game has certain parts like fear and gambling it will be labeled as so on the game.
Our teachers are always telling us to reference the websites we use for our research. Apparently you didn’t and that also gives me even less reason to believe you. Also if you see the words PORTAL 2 what do you think of huh? gay people going off?? I bet you got a hard on just because you yourself thought of that word. WHAT KIND OF SICK PERVERTED MAN ARE YOU!!! First of all the protagonist of this game is a female, and she is the ONLY and i mean ONLY human in the game, so there is no way that she could be gay or lesbian or for there to be even the slightest amount of evidence for her to be gay or les. Also even though the other two robots are male and stating there is the same as if two brothers hug they are homosexual. if your son hugs you, you are homosexual or a pedo, if you so much as TOUCH a mans hand you are GAY. Through logical deduction this can obviously not be true as i imagine that if you really are the loving father that you claim to be or want to be, you hug your children alot and as you stated above, they are boys. So if what you stated above along with your evidence is true then YOU SHOULD ALSO BE GAY. speaking of the topic gay, since you have assumed the that the word PORTAL has heavy gay sexual connotation then i can easily assume that your name mr. “winkle” is also a gay name. even if that isnt your real last name i can still assume that you yourself are GAY because you chose a name that people of a gay community have a higher percentage of choosing. (no offense to all you gay people out there, gay poeple are cool and i know cause i have a gay friend, and btw im a girl and my gay friend is a guy) Using your similar logic i can also deduce from your name that you could easily be a pedophile gay person as winkle in modern culture is a child’s word for pee. I could also deduce using your logic that you are a supporter of masturbation because ice is a form of water and when ice melts you get water which is a liquid and as a liquid it can be also manipulated into a gel which as you said above is a lubricant for masturbation. So using your logic your name says to me and probably many of the community that you are a Gay pedophile that supports masturbation.
my evidence here, your logic in your article
After reading your article another point also popped up in interest to me. From what i have just read you seem to have alot of experience with what you have stated in this article. Not that i would know or have experience of this kind but your very vivid description gave me the feeling that you yourself HAVE had such an experience. As you described , and I QUOTE:
“Game play takes place in a giant gay bath house, where children are encouraged to use their mechanical penis guns to create glory holes. In case you haven’t heard of this filth, “glory holes” are all the rage in gay circles, where sweating homosexuals drill holes into walls and then perform sex through them, without having to show their guilt ridden faces. There is one thing a homosexual hates, and that is for their shame to be seen in the light of day. That is why their bars and bath houses are kept so dark at all times. And believe me friend, this game is dark and shadowy.”
Only someone who has had experience in this field wether it be watching, theory, or practical could describe it as vivid as this. I , being a girl, have no experience in this but what i do have is experience in many different styles of games. and computer puzzle games are one of my favourites. In order to prove my point of needing experience to provide an elaborate description im going give you a short description
computer puzzle games are games that require alot of genius to make, not only should they only contain one solution to each puzzle but they must also have a good plot to capture the players attention. Some puzzle games have strange elements that make them unique such as the game in topic here, portal. this game uses objects called portals that create a worm hole in space-time to warp or teleport you from one end of a portal to another. This game element gives you almost unlimited possibilities and ways of expirementing to find the answer to each puzzles single solution.
I myself have played this game and can give you good evidence that what i say is correct. What is my evidence? well it is the game itself. To fully understand what i have stated here you must play the game itself. but take my word for it that the game has been so geniusly engineered that it will take you a LONG time to figure the game out. unless you use a walkthrough.
i have used my experience with the game to give you this description
and one final point. as i was writing this your name and profile picture seemed interestingly fake. I am using my own logic here and i believe that you are a troll and not a true believer of christ. Those of you who are reading this think along with me:
first of all the name seems to be a very old one due to the word “van” in there. it makes you asociate the name to an old british aristocrat family name
second, the name has three characters, names like these are usually used in online video games due to their default settings it is also probably the name of the persons favourite rapper, vanilla ice. or Robert Matthew Van Winkle. Also the profile picture this person used is very old and seems like it could easily be a yearbook picture took in the 1970s this man is obviously a teacher as graduating classes are usually smiling and happy that they are graduating, if this was a real picture then on this year 2011 this man should be about 40 years older. In this article he says to have two sons that seem to be about 10-13, this cannot be true as in the picture he already looks around 25-35. assuming he was 30 (middle number) he would be around 70 right now and people who are that old usually have either grown up kids or grandchildren and no young children of their own as they would be socially classified as too old for kids.
This person is probably a troll but for all i care he or she or it is not a very skilled one as this article had a couple major flaws that hopefully have been pointed out to you by me.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
7:06 am
This is absolutely disgusting, If anyone actually believes any of this “helpful” advice, please think of this. The playing field could also just be a large futuristic arena, the guns could be guns, the portals could be portals, the holes in the wall could be holes in the wall, the gel could just be made to make the game more interesting and the “homosexual robots” could just be robots (SEXLESS) robots to add a cute factor to the game. FINALLY, the part of this that makes me cry with laughter is that you, Ice Van Winkle, think there is a room full of dildos. Really?… REALLY? Its just spikes! They are in like every kids adventure game somewhere, it seems to me someone had gay sex on the mind while playing this. PLEASE Ice Van Winkle understand that not all gay men have AIDS, not all gay men have random sex with people and not all gay men go to bath houses. I didn’t even know gay people when I decided I was gay, I was afraid because I thought my Christian family wouldn’t accept me but there thankfully are churches not as close minded as you.
Also Mr. Winkle, Your name sounds like a slaying term for penis.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
7:12 am
well first of all i feel sorry for your children.my parents are strict on video games but they understand the rules and ratings of the entire social system. obviously, you do not. As a kid i am not surprised to be able to best you in a topic that you yourself believe to be superior in but really what you have there is complete bullshit.
first of all. ALL videogames and i mean ALLL VIDEO GAMES have a rating system that goes a little like this
E-everyone
T-13+
M-17+
Ao-Adults Only
there are many more different ratings but i tell you one thing, games that have heavy sexual connotations as you have suggested are rated Ao. This does not have such a thing as it is rated on a much lower level of E 10+ which means that it is for everyone 10 and up. and unlike you i have sufficient evidence of it
http://www.esrb.org/ratings/synopsis.jsp?Certificate=30729
if you clicked on that link you will find that there is no sexual references or drug or alcohol references as games that DO have such content are filed under either M or Ao. and again i give you evidence supporting my case
http://www.esrb.org/ratings/ratings_guide.jsp
now some video games are not rated by ESRB some are rated by PEGI but their rating systems are very very similar to ESRB.
http://www.pegi.info/en/index/id/33/
if a certain game has certain parts like fear and gambling it will be labeled as so on the game.
Our teachers are always telling us to reference the websites we use for our research. Apparently you didn’t and that also gives me even less reason to believe you. Also if you see the words PORTAL 2 what do you think of huh? gay people going off?? I bet you got a hard on just because you yourself thought of that word. WHAT KIND OF SICK PERVERTED MAN ARE YOU!!! First of all the protagonist of this game is a female, and she is the ONLY and i mean ONLY human in the game, so there is no way that she could be gay or lesbian or for there to be even the slightest amount of evidence for her to be gay or les. Also even though the other two robots are male and stating there is the same as if two brothers hug they are homosexual. if your son hugs you, you are homosexual or a pedo, if you so much as TOUCH a mans hand you are GAY. Through logical deduction this can obviously not be true as i imagine that if you really are the loving father that you claim to be or want to be, you hug your children alot and as you stated above, they are boys. So if what you stated above along with your evidence is true then YOU SHOULD ALSO BE GAY. speaking of the topic gay, since you have assumed the that the word PORTAL has heavy gay sexual connotation then i can easily assume that your name mr. “winkle” is also a gay name. even if that isnt your real last name i can still assume that you yourself are GAY because you chose a name that people of a gay community have a higher percentage of choosing. (no offense to all you gay people out there, gay poeple are cool and i know cause i have a gay friend, and btw im a girl and my gay friend is a guy) Using your similar logic i can also deduce from your name that you could easily be a pedophile gay person as winkle in modern culture is a child’s word for pee. I could also deduce using your logic that you are a supporter of masturbation because ice is a form of water and when ice melts you get water which is a liquid and as a liquid it can be also manipulated into a gel which as you said above is a lubricant for masturbation. So using your logic your name says to me and probably many of the community that you are a Gay pedophile that supports masturbation.
my evidence here, your logic in your article
After reading your article another point also popped up in interest to me. From what i have just read you seem to have alot of experience with what you have stated in this article. Not that i would know or have experience of this kind but your very vivid description gave me the feeling that you yourself HAVE had such an experience. As you described ,, and I QUOTE:
“Game play takes place in a giant gay bath house, where children are encouraged to use their mechanical penis guns to create glory holes. In case you haven’t heard of this filth, “glory holes” are all the rage in gay circles, where sweating homosexuals drill holes into walls and then perform sex through them, without having to show their guilt ridden faces. There is one thing a homosexual hates, and that is for their shame to be seen in the light of day. That is why their bars and bath houses are kept so dark at all times. And believe me friend, this game is dark and shadowy.”
Only someone who has had experience in this field wether it be watching, theory, or practical could describe it as vivid as this. I , being a girl, have no experience in this but what i do have is experience in many different styles of games. and computer puzzle games are one of my favourites. In order to prove my point of needing experience to provide an elaborate description im going give you a short description
computer puzzle games are games that require alot of genius to make, not only should they only contain one solution to each puzzle but they must also have a good plot to capture the players attention. Some puzzle games have strange elements that make them unique such as the game in topic here, portal. this game uses objects called portals that create a worm hole in space-time to warp or teleport you from one end of a portal to another. This game element gives you almost unlimited possibilities and ways of expirementing to find the answer to each puzzles single solution.
I myself have played this game and can give you good evidence that what i say is correct. What is my evidence? well it is the game itself. To fully understand what i have stated here you must play the game itself. but take my word for it that the game has been so geniusly engineered that it will take you a LONG time to figure the game out. unless you use a walkthrough.
i have used my experience with the game to give you this description
and one final point. as i was writing this your name and profile picture seemed interestingly fake. I am using my own logic here and i believe that you are a troll and not a true believer of christ. Those of you who are reading this think along with me:
first of all the name seems to be a very old one due to the word “van” in there. it makes you asociate the name to an old british aristocrat family name
second, the name has three characters, names like these are usually used in online video games due to their default settings it is also probably the name of the persons favourite rapper, vanilla ice. or Robert Matthew Van Winkle. Also the profile picture this person used is very old and seems like it could easily be a yearbook picture took in the 1970s this man is obviously a teacher as graduating classes are usually smiling and happy that they are graduating, if this was a real picture then on this year 2011 this man should be about 40 years older. In this article he says to have two sons that seem to be about 10-13, this cannot be true as in the picture he already looks around 25-35. assuming he was 30 (middle number) he would be around 70 right now and people who are that old usually have either grown up kids or grandchildren and no young children of their own as they would be socially classified as too old for kids.
This person is probably a troll but for all i care he or she or it is not a very skilled one as this article had a couple major flaws that hopefully have been pointed out to you by me.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
8:03 am
Εδώ ο κόσμος καίγεται και το μουνί χτενίζεται. Τα αμερικανάκια χαζέψανε
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
11:05 am
I must say to the author.. For a Christian father you do seem to know ALOT about porn, sex toys and so on… maybe a Little TO MUCH
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
11:07 am
At first I thought this is a joke, but oh wow.. I am disgusted that such an obsolete religion is even ABLE TO transform a random person into such a terrible degenerate imbecile. There is absolutely nothing more to say than this – I challenge you to a fist fight to death, foolish retard. Your twisted reality needs to take a hardcore lesson. Please contact me on my e-mail to arrange further details. Your ass is going down in the name of reason and possibly even gay people for all I care.
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0 
0
1:05 pm
Important to note that any good comments are moderated and deleted here. Fucking degenerate imbeciles, I hope you self-ignite.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
1:23 pm
ROFL @ all the hate slinging.
Lrn2satire
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
1:26 pm
Where there any dinosaurs in the bible? No. I hope we all die. This corrupt world is full of fucktards like this. Religion is retarded. Our brains are programed to think of a mighty being protecting us so we dont live everyday with the fear of dieing.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
1:48 pm
Thank you Jesus for guiding brother Ice to uncover this evil.
My son ASSURED me that the robots were ‘just good friends’.
But your wisdom has revealed the truth.
Hes probably already going to hell but I took the game away anyway and smashed it.
Is it OK to throw the peices in the trash and then say a prayer? Or should I burn them just to be sure?
Thanks in advance
James
Praise or Condemn:
3 
5
11:22 pm
Smashing is perfectly fine, no need to burn, the DVD is unusable after that. All children will lie, and I think a loving father will want to install a hidden cam in the child’s room to verify his good conduct.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
3
8:25 am
Wow, hidden cameras over something very remotely gay. You guys have gone off the fucking deep end.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
2:04 pm
im tired of these games that teach the most vulnerable in our society such un-american and un-christian values.
I mean just weeks ago i found my son playing a game on his computer which i found horrendous abhorrent even! i try and use privacy setting but this must have slipped the net, in the game he was combining lava and water to create new things to build his house!
exactly WHERE in the bible does it take about fire and brimstone? oh course “And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever” Revelation 20:10.
This is clear proof that this game “Mine and craft” is promoting hell. What`s more it allows player to craft their own “world” by doing so they act as god. It causes children to question god. my three year old son said to me “daddy, how many gods are there?” At thet moment i got up from the table and ripped the hard -drive from my computer. i now only have a laptop.
Do not worry however, because i promise you that the next president of america, donald trump, will ban these “computer games”, im sure of it.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
4
11:24 pm
What a beautifully touching story. Here is more information on the game that has infected your family:
http://christwire.org/2011/03/minecraft-the-game-that-teaches-kids-how-to-make-penis-with-digital-blocks/
We will be creating a prayer circle for your family this weekend. God Bless!
Praise or Condemn:
1 
5
12:37 am
fuck you. givin bullshit advice about a game that you havent even heard of. seriously, get a live you mother fuckin homo. i bet that your tight with pedo bear, thinkin that a harmless videogame plants messages of porn in children’s head. see a shrink or somethin.
your the one who needs prayers
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
3:45 pm
Satire my friends, satire
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
4:06 pm
Man, you’re trollin hard and fast.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
4:46 pm
I lol’d hard. xD
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
6:42 pm
this whole post makes no sense at all
the person who wrote this is probably stupid or over imagining things waaaayy tooo much. (perverted mind).
the game is perfectly fine, nothing wrong with it at all.
OH yeah i forgot you said you are a christian right?
so why the hell are you using those so called “bad words” in your post? that even makes less sense.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
7:07 pm
This is amazing and its greatest strength is that there really are ignorant religious people like your character. Keep up the good work and I hope you land a TV deal soon so can watch these reactions happen on video!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
7:12 pm
author seems to think more about gays and penis and body part references than actual gay people
(hint hint)
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0 
0
10:55 pm
Portal 2 is a puzzle game. I’m a gamer and a straight woman. The game is rated E10+ because there are no sexual connotations in the game.
Now, I know that most people have added probably similar comments. But I just wanted to point out that ignorance does not lead to a fulfilling life.
Being hateful and disrespectful to a game developer doesn’t solve anything. Did you know that anyone can post information on the internet (right or wrong) and so a “Bing” search is probably the wrong way to conduct actual research. Perhaps a letter to the game developer to learn their views would have been more proficient.
Finally, when I think of the word “Valve” I may think of a mechanical part or the physical gateway to a person’s heart, so if you think otherwise then you must have a dirty mind. AND what kind of sites have you been checking out to incorporate that gay porno shot? Aren’t you committing sins just by researching that smut for your “research” ?
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
11:08 pm
I like this game and I’m pretty damn sure I’m straight, girlfriend and everything. My friends and I are experts at finding sexual innuendos in media. We saw/heard nothing. Where’s your next argument?
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
1:06 am
You’re jaw-dropping ability to jump to such horrifically wild conclusions is the reason Christianity is dying. Portal has always been a game about literally creating portals with a gun and solving puzzles with them, such as dropping cubes on buttons or using gravity and conservation of momentum to propel yourself to another side of the room. In the first Portal game, there were no “homosexual” robots and the protagonist was a female. Furthermore, your instinctive conclusion that the robots were “homosexual” when robots clearly do not have a gender is…extremely disturbing. Your children will grow up to hate you. Not because you’re strict. Not because you’re a devout Christian. It’s because you are a moron.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
5:48 am
WHAT????? are you all really that stupid to think this is a homosexual game that will destroy your children and make them gay? its a puzzle game, i know you are unaccustomed to using your brains to solve problems, but really? if you were that worried about your kids being gay, why not look at yourselves and see how far you fear mongering pushes them away. You people are despicable for using your conviction to terrorize others, hmm come to think of it, that would make you terrorists! so why not try things before you preach your rubbish because you just make christians look like a laughing stock!
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
6:36 am
IF it isn’t 100% clear to everyone, the OP and any ‘christian representatives’ in here are purely troll accounts designed to give christianity a bad name. I’m christian, i don’t practise but i have some friends who go to church on a weekly basis – and this is crap, nothing like their households. In fact about ALL of my christian friends play such games
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
10:56 am
I worry for this guys “white Christian son”. Not because he might end up playing Portal 2 but because this fucking idiot is raising him. We can only hope he grows up to develop his own mind and realise how much of a fuckwit his father is.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
12:41 pm
Is “Portal 2″ Safe for the Christain Family?
Let me answer this question with a question. Who wants to make 60 Dollars? Cash!
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4 
0
1:09 pm
Who wrote this again? Ice Van Dickwrinkle?
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0 
0
2:26 pm
at no point did i ever feel any influence to become a homosexual during the playthrough of this game. You’re an idiot.
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0 
0
9:22 pm
I think it’s hysterical how much this guy knows about gay sex. just saying.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
10:14 pm
The author stole his name from a rapper and y’all take him seriously? Vanilla Ice’s real name is Robert Van Winkle! So Ice Van Winkle isn’t too much of a stretch here people. He’s a total clown and for once I hope this idiot is a troll because if he really does shelter his poor children like he says they are going to fail epically at life!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
10:29 pm
Praise or Condemn:
4 
0
11:11 pm
Wow, this article is truly ridiculous. If anything YOU have a filthy mind for pointing out ‘vulgar’ things that aren’t even there in the game…only in your mind.
People like you are the reason that Christianity is becoming increasingly unpopular. Christians like you who take issue with EVERYTHING are doing no favors for the religion, only hurting it. Do yourself, and the rest of the world a favor and stop trying to take issue with every little thing that YOU find ‘unchristian’.
PS: a friend of mine’s dad who is a pastor played and loved Portal 2, so suck it.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
12:26 am
“a friend of mine’s dad who is a pastor played and loved Portal 2, so suck it.”
You mention your pastor, implying that you love Christ, and then you immediately invite gay sex. I think this game has affected your desires more than your realize. Please analyze your life style choices carefully and admit what an influence this game has been on you.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
3
12:34 am
Probably a Unitarian
Praise or Condemn:
3 
3
1:27 am
Wait, there’s gay in Portal 2 now? Where? Atlas and P-Body don’t even HAVE anything to have sex with. They’re robots. And P-Body’s a girl.
I’ve played this game nonestop since I got it last Thursday. Personally, I think it’s rated 10 and up for the ‘oh god the computer has gone glitchy and trying to kill me’ part.
What kind of research did you do for this, stick your head in a blender and hit ‘frappe’?
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
5:00 am
I don’t know what you all are talking about. This is hot. I rubbed myself off to it at least 30 times.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
5:05 am
See! This is what happens when you think “outside the box” like the game encourages.
Stay in the box people! It’s wet, warm and pink in there! Why would you want to leave????
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
10:40 am
Christian Intellectual please do me a favor and just fucking kill yourself. You are a fucking idiot and you are the biggest gaybob homosexual alive!!! So please use your fuckimg dildo and ram it sooo deep up your fucking ass that you bleed to death!!!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:26 pm
You ignorant, godless, liberals always react aggressively because you can’t handle the TRUTH.
You need to change your sinful life and accept Jesus in to your heart.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
4
10:46 am
christian interlectual i have to ask whats the North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes organisation got to do with valve
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
7:00 pm
I am also Christian. I have one thing to say to you:
You are ignorant for not know that the author of article is a troll.
Why don’t you “Bing” what an internet troll is.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
3:50 pm
Praise Satan the glorious master of the world
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0 
0
5:07 pm
U mad? This is an epic troll.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
5:40 pm
FAIL
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0 
0
11:08 pm
I skimmed over every comment, and only a handful of people understand that this is satire. “here is why the world hates religion” rofl holy shit give me a break. Mouthbreathing must be a dominant trait.
Take it easy, stupid people.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
1:01 am
This was a triumph.
I’m making a note here:
HUGE SUCESS.
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture science.
We do what we must.
Because.
We can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there’s no use crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun
For the people who are still alive.
I’m not even angry.
I’m being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned, it hurt because I was so happy for you.
Now these points of data make a beautiful line
And we’re out of beta we’re releasing on time
So I’m glad I got burned,
Think of all the things we learned,
For the people who are still alive.
Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you’ll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa.
That was a joke.
Haha.
FAT CHANCE.
Anyways, this cake is great.
So delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking when there’s science to do.
When I look up there it makes me glad I’m not you.
I’ve experiments to run, there is research to be done,
On the people who are still alive.
And believe me, I am still alive.
I’m doing science and I’m still alive.
I feel fantastic and I’m still alive.
While you’re dying I’ll be still alive.
And when you’re dead, I’ll be still alive.
Still alive.
Still alive.
HATERS GONNA HATE.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
0
5:50 am
so you are scared to let your kids play a video game…
but you will let them go to church and talk to the priest..
so that he can take him to the confession booth. and let him confess all his sins.. because we know that priests never raped any young BOYS yea gay pedophilia is totaly right no problem with that right…
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and stop keeping them away.” yea a bit to literal….
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
6:02 am
Pssst. Guys, christwire.org is a satirical site. As in, they’re actually making fun of fundamentalists. They’re basically trolling you right now.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
6:23 am
Okay… I *think* you’re trolling here, if so… well played, good sir.
Otherwise… well, otherwise, you fail HARD. (you’ll probably see something wrong in that too…). Once again, if you’re serious, I’m sincerely sorry for you, and for your children.
Sincerely,
A gay kid who has *ZERO* interest in Portal 2
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
7:06 am
Dear ignorant asswipe, please read this: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/58792601.html
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0 
0
8:50 am
We need another hitler for this kind of people.
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0 
2
8:59 am
And the last shit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOfZLb33uCg you have to look this hell yeah
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:44 am
first this author is clearly a gay, I see a room of spikes, which makes more sense, he sees dildos clearly a phallic obsession and a pipe spilling gel out of the wall, is a glory hole. I think we all know what he wishes would come out of there, Penis, so he could suck it. Then there r this douce bags kids who cant use a computer or play video games how r they supposed to be prepared for the world when they never know anything about it. One last though u do know that HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOT COMMUNICABLE. since dumb hicks like the author probably don’t know what that means i simplify it U CANT CATCH GAY
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0 
0
2:36 pm
This post has to be a troll. Seriously. There’s no way it isn’t. I can’t believe that any human being would be this stupid.. and I’ve seen plenty of stupid on the Internet.
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0 
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3:58 pm
You should watch for the name Christain!! Because it sound Homosexual!!
Man grow up!! If you have a lockup computer thats mean you dont want other people to see that you actualy look at porn and probably homosexual content … like the picture you put on this page you must have search for that!!
My god. Lock people up and you’ll see they will want to go out. Force them to not be homosexual … and they will be!!
I dont found homosexuality my taste but I respect it.
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4:30 pm
This is disgusting… its a joke right, the author is writing this as a satire of his perverse vision of a fringe element of a faith right? He seems to know more about homosexual culture… or at least interprets it that way, then an average American
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6:01 pm
successful troll is successful
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11:31 pm
pfft. Anyone heard of Vanilla Ice??? As in Robert “Vanilla Ice” Van Winkle?
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11:34 pm
ICE ICE BABY!
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12:46 am
This author may be an idiot, but since the game sucks, I can safely say that the game is in fact gay.
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3:53 am
Mr. van Winkle,
I work as a clinical psychologist at an open ward psychiatric clinic. Trust me when I say this, seek help.
Your paranoid thought patterns (e.g. ‘portal’ => “…which body part…” => homosexual conspiracy) are a sign of mental illness. Please, seek help.
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4:12 am
This is a humor site, right?
I mean…correct me if I’m wrong….
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4:26 am
Yup, now run along have fun screwing with the people who haven’t realized that yet
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5:09 am
Is this legit? I’m christian and even I think this is not only stupid, but closed minded, ignorant, and just down right horrible. I feel bad for your children. They’ll probably won’t be able to live outside lives after leaving home because of how horrible you taught them. They won’t be able to emotionally take the real world. Learn what being a christian is really about. No where in the bible does it say to bash everything full of sinfulness or even remotely sinful. Which this game isn’t even close to. The only unpure thing in this game is the part where the character’s life is in danger.
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7:26 am
This is a joke right? Please tell me this is a joke!
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8:19 am
Here’s the thing, normal children, wouldn’t think of it as you are describing the game. They aren’t dirty minded as you are, that’s for sure. lol
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8:36 am
he’s a troll.. you guys are idiots for believing this
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5:49 pm
This entire website is a spoof making fun of conservative Christians. Wow. How gullable.
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6:27 pm
Thou shall not bear false witness.
sound familiar guys?
If they really are related to NAMBLA talk to the FBI not printing these falsehoods.
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6:44 pm
Hello technologically inept author. How about you play the game before you rate the game, and learn how to correctly spell “Christian” in your title.
Using your logic, you misspelling “Christian” in your title means you are actually a homosexual who is hiding his gayness by being a homophobe. You enjoyed making up this “erotica” to get off on your homosexual fantasies. GJ
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12:09 am
This man is obviously a flaming homosexual him self.
HAHA got to love the closet Christan gays!
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12:15 am
Is this article for real? I started laughing about 10 seconds in.
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1:57 am
I finished portal AND portal 2, but I didn’t know all that great information.
Am I going to hell?
lol
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3:48 am
Hey – a question… when you called this “other father” and he barbecued the game disc… was he cooking sausages on the grill? I bet eating sausages might make your son think he’s orally pleasing another man. Might want to ban sausages from your household, too. LOL
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8:01 am
Christian Intellectual what do you say to the fact that jesus as a man almost always had his shirt off, hungout with nothing but men pretty much 24/7, even having his last supper with all men? Oh and my pastor loves portal 2 and sees nothing wong with it? Could this possibly mean that you have no idea what you have been writing about? Oh and robots dont have a sexuality, you must be offended when 2 trees touch each other seeing as they have no sexuality either? God will smite thee soon.
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8:13 am
You have a spelling error.
And a wild imagination.
Did you check what you were writing?
If you speak to G-d, you are religious, but if G-d speaks to you, you’re psychotic.
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8:31 am
This is so funny. I can read this for hours. Let me state my thoughts.
Author of this ‘blog’ is a moron. Not just because I love to give people crap when I disagree but sir you are a moron.
How the hell can it be that Portal 2 makes you think of gay people? And Valve is wrong because of the name? Have you ever seen a valve? Let me show you one http://www.tradevalves.com/upload/Carbon-steel-Gate-Valve.jpg
Follow that link. I think you have misinterpreted faith and God into a gay hating cult. Why not skip the gay people and go straight to colour.
And it’s kind of a contradiction if you say that God will be pissed at gay people and that he will punish them in hell and then say that God is Love. You are twisted Mr. van Winkle. Sick, little twisted cult loving idiot. I can’t believe there or actually people out there that like you.
You are a noob. That is what you are.
YMCA I’m gonna stay at the YMCA!!!!!!
This satire has gone for enough. Love it or hate it but I’m loving it.
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11:02 am
yeah ive known its satire for ages but i want to know what has the North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes got to do with valve lolololol
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2:08 pm
Do you work for Onion News? If not, you should seriously apply to work there. This was one of the most hilarious fake-articles I’ve ever read.
Also, are you related to Robert Van Winkle, the guy that wrote “Ice Ice Baby”? Ice Van Winkle? Clever pseudonym. Man that song was homosexual.
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6:49 pm
haha you guys are all silly niggers
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12:56 am
What kind of pervert looks at this video game and seriously writes this kind of crap? A repressed gay man I’m sure.
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4:44 pm
this guy can’t be serious?!?!?!
this game has no hint of anything gay, it’s just very fun science with robots.
Seriously? glory holes? I’m not an expert but aren’t they a bit big for glory holes
and some of thous pictures aren’t even related to portal 2 at all.
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1:08 am
I’m curious as to why, when hearing the name Portal 2, his first thought is of Homosexuality. I think HES gay!
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5:53 am
xD This article is soooo funny! You are a great comedian, at least I hope you are a comedian because otherwise you have a real problem and the worst thing is that you are indoctrinating your familiy to be as insane as you.
By the way, you know too many things about gay people… suspicious. Why do not you come out of the closet and be happy??
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8:40 am
lol article likes 67 good to 666 bad. Portal 2 one of the top rated games of the decade and its secretly homosexual and turning the world gay. I mean listen to this guy, he did 10 mins of research and is already picking up glory holes, penis guns, giant dildos etc. Me thinks he has a lil homosexual frustration up his arse.
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4:44 pm
this is a very good description of this game, nao STFU everyone
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6:11 pm
this is absolute lunacy.
i am a Christian.
i was raised a Christian by a Christian family and am still a practising Christian today.
and in no way shape or form is this game homoerotic.
if you look hard enough to see something, you’ll find it.
i am extremely saddened that people behave this way in the name of Christ.
i was raised by His teachings, none of which are bigoted or hateful.
what of the adulterous woman that Jesus saved from stoning?
whether or not people believe in the factuality of such an event, it is still a part of Christian teachings and Christians are people who are supposed to model their lives after the life and teachings of Christ, not use the institution of the religion as a social pillar.
i believe that the author of this article is either a troll or needs to take a breath from his “church” and study his Bible to find what kind of person Jesus was.
if the author of this article is homophobic that is something that is his right according to our constitution, whether it’s found to be popular or not, but to sully the workings of Jesus and the name of his followers to justify his own prejudices is extremely bigoted and self righteous and is exactly what has been the problem with Christianity as an institution for hundreds of years.
and quite frankly, i am tired of recieving prejudices for things that are done by others in the name of my faith.
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7:26 am
None of this is true. Portal 2 is a neutral logic puzzle game. I did NOT found any homosexual references. Gun does NOT look like a dildo and calling those portals glory holes is extremly far-fetched. Robots do not form a couple, they relationship is there simply for comedic purposes. And the game is set in a hospital/research center.
I don’t recommend it to (especially young) children though because of its grim setting a dark story.
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6:16 pm
Just because you might not have a sharp eye for Gay propaganda, it is there nonetheless, and will have a sure effect on your children.
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9:30 pm
I RESPECT YOU AS AN EXPERT LEVEL TROLL, MY GOOD SIR. CONTINUE ON YOUR TROLLING WAY
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7:00 pm
Troll journal is trolltacular.
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7:43 pm
Are you a fucking idiot? it’s people like you that give this world a bad name. I don’t even believe you’re a Christian, just a fucked up father that needs help.
You give this world a bad name and seriously need to shut up.
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7:57 pm
Clearly this man has some epic gay-dar going on. It’s okay to come out and say you’re gay, sir. We live in a much more accepting world~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
n w n
But seriously, if you have this many homosexual/flat out sexual thoughts over a video game, I think you might need some serious psychological help.
P.S.
I’m Christian~ :>
Also, nice porn lmfao.
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8:19 pm
this shit is almost as funny as Christianity as a whole! or a hole, a dark brown hole filled with shit. like Christianity. >.> CWUTIDIDTHUR.
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8:20 pm
DID ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY READ THE ARTICLE? I HAVEN’T READ ANYTHING SO OBVIOUSLY SATIRICAL IN A WHILE. Anyone taking this seriously should deeply consider finding some sort of course on reading comprehension and taking it a dozen times.
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9:16 pm
What I find the most disturbing about this article: Who uses BING?!
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10:00 pm
Someone please tell me this dude is trolling and not giving us an excuse to clone Hitler and make him kill christians…
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10:38 pm
Oh wow, that’s a beautiful idea!
Lesdoeet.
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11:19 pm
You know what’s really funny? You guys getting epically trolled. To the author, I say well done, you trolled the life out of these people.
Successful troll is successful.
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3:20 pm
Yeah, you should see the rest of the site, it’s great
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1:05 am
I smell a troll. <_<
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2:24 am
I have to say, good show mate! I laughed so hard while reading this article that my dad ran in to ask me what was wrong. Me and him, both devout Christians, thought your use of satire was great. The sad thing is that someone will take this seriously. Then again, it’s idiots like that that ruin all satire.
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9:30 am
do you smell something yes a troll that clearly does not know how to read and dude wtf is up with the pic and the gay dudes i mean dude WTF ??!? yes i say i say FUCK YOU Author:Ice Van Winkle Ice Van Winkl btw you wife and i’s night last night was superb she said you look like a ken doll there is nothing hahahah what a croc what a twat omg Keep trolling.
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9:44 am
you sir are a moron. for you to actually say this kind of shit with no real proof of any of it is completely absurd. i am a devout christian and strong believer in jesus christ and. as for you to think of all these things when you see this game makes you the complete sinner sir. for the fact that no one would have ever even considered this at all until you said something makes you the biggest homoerotic tool of them all. this is because for you to say all this made everyone think of these and actually caused them to think of homosexual thoughts. and quite frankly i feel sorry for your kids having to live in a house with a psychopathic moron as yourself.
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3:03 pm
Oh right, I forgot how “dangerous” hugging robots are to our society…
Oh! Look out! It’s another entertaining puzzle game for children! We have to ruin it for everyone!
Your sir, are a sociopath.
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3:32 pm
Wow, this has got to be among the funniest things I’ve every read in my entire life. The thing that bothers me is that are people who actually think this crap is for real. And the people who write on this site thinking it’s for real.
If it is some Christian extremist, all I gotta say is…
Perfect example of why the world is in a ****hole today.
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3:21 pm
what id like to know is how a devout Christian knows so much about the gay lifestyle
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4:10 pm
http://fun256.com/photos/126.jpg
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9:38 pm
Why are you all so dumb
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2:08 pm
Wow… you’re atcually batshit crazy… like… really.
You’re seeing gay innuendo where there simply is none, I’ve played Portal 2 beginning to end, including the co-op. Not one single thing even remotely striked me as homosexual.
Valve owned by NAMBLA? “Portal” referring to a body part?
It’s a game about fucking portals, you dumbass, what else were they going to call it?
Show me evidence that Valve is owned by NAMBLA.
You’re so far in the closet that Aslan is bending you over and shafting you up the ass. Maybe it’s time you came to terms with your own sexuality and came out.
Raging homophobia = closet homosexual.
Your homophobia’s so raging that you’re seeing homosexuality when there’s no homosexuality. There’s no way in a million years you’re not gay.
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4:57 pm
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5:01 pm
http://images.cryhavok.org/d/16995-1/Can_t+Tell+if+Trolling.jpg
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6:54 pm
The author of this article is what we internet people call a “troll”. The article is completely made up and the evidence is bogus. Trolls do stuff like this for the laughs. They do it just to see who will believe them and to see what kind of trouble they can cause. To the people who know that the author is just trollin’, you people who believe this all look really stupid right now.
But that’s okay, trolls make the internet interesting
BTW, Portal 2 is a fantastic game!!
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7:44 pm
Safe for a Christian family? Yes.
Safe for a man who can’t spell the name of his own religion? Never.
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4:23 pm
This was hilarious! I’m assuming this is supposed to be satire.
When are you dumb Christians going to finally progress and stop worshipping some old deity?
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8:41 pm
First for a good Christian he has spent way to much time researching about gays. I feel the lad doth protest to much. Secondly I feel that it is kind of racist as at one point he asks if this if what you would want for your WHITE Christian son.
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10:31 pm
Are you people fucking serious??? You realize that NONE of what you said made any sense and that the main character is a girl…if those are dildos then she’s living the chaste life dumbasses. It’s people like you that make me sick to live in this world as a human being. Do you really think that by condemning people you are any better? From a gay man to you crazy mother fuckers…Do us all a favor and go castrate yourselves for your sins you worthless pieces of shit!!
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5:47 pm
HAHAHAHA. Dildos? AIDS? I believe I just ovulated from laughing so hard.
Go back to highschool and take Sex Ed. Oh wait. That’s against the rules.
You should know that AIDS is passed from person to person with contact from another’s sexual fluids FROM FUCKING EACH OTHER, blood, bloody saliva, and oh wait, BREAST MILK (from teh ladies). AIDS are not just found in homosexuals (WHO ARE PEOPLE BY THE WAY), they are found in heterosexuals, too.
Get your facts straight before you start ranting about dildos and gay men.
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5:01 am
I once play a bible game from someone call wisdom tree. wisdom sounds like wizz as in piss and piss is from a dick so that must mean the bible games are gay games. who would have tough that.
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9:49 am
OMG!!! I have never laughed so hard in my life!! That was hilarious!
This has to be some sort of joke? This can’t be real?
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12:47 pm
HAHAHAHAAHAHAH YOU ARE MY NEW IDOL!
ZOMG!!
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6:51 pm
Ice Van Winkle how do we know your not gay? I mean how else would someone see all this in a game when only you see and this and from just the name thing of something gay. I think there’s more to this story now.
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5:15 am
Seriously… The amount of DERP in this article is so much it’s insane! Clearly the author of this did NO RESEARCH AT ALL into the game… People need to play it before launching attacks like THIS at it!
Satire or not it still warrants this:
Come to the dark side (and play Portal 2). We have COFFEE!
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3:32 pm
If that Star Wars coffee were real I would so buy it (provided they had decaf).
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3:24 pm
God I had sex with my boyfriend Steve last night… His dick feels so good in my butt… AHHHH OOOOOHOHHH!
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3:28 pm
Ooh, that’s hot.
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8:20 pm
This just proves my point that hardcore christians have no life. Seriously, the way the “review” sounded made you look like a homosexual. When I play Portal 2, I think of portals as portals, not “gloryholes”. When I see spiked floors, I think spiked floors, not “dildos”.
Of course you would never listen to an atheist, communist person like me anyway.
BTW, have you ever noticed how the cross looks like a penis, and how Jesus is shirtless on top of it? You can think about that.
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9:48 am
This is undoubtedly the funniest article I have ever seen. Whoever wrote this is either a complete genius or so incredibly stupid that their sheer stupidity is so large that it curves through four-dimensional spacetime and finishes off far in the right of intelligence-land.
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12:39 pm
Helio Van Winkle is a loser!!! I think he’s gay in secret and the only think he wants to do is show that gay picture in the post…
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3:33 pm
I hope the author was trolling and was not serious.
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3:08 pm
Wow, now I understand what sexually repressed extremist christians do instead of fapping (aka self-abuse)… they “research” mainstream media and sexualise everything they see! These guys would put to shame even the most dyed-in-the-wool BDSM freak, raging queen or live-cam nympho. Honestly, I don’t think the average sex maniac would come up with the sexual (specifically homosexual) imagery floating around in this guy’s mind. The great thing is that kids of oppressive parents like this usually end up rebelling with their own bodies. Good luck, dude!
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3:10 pm
Bwahahahaha. I don’t know whats funnier, the epic troll article or the fact that so many of the fuckwits replying are so gullible as to believe it’s real.
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4:16 pm
can’t.tell.if.its.poes.law!!! which is a redundant statement in on itself. whether it is or isn’t, i find it funny how despite the rampant homophobia within the fundamentalist christain community, that they are almost obsessed with homosexuals. repressing much?
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11:40 pm
This man can suck my 5-CM dick. He clearly is homosexual and tries to obviously hide it. It’s a sad day to be Christian, ESPECIALLY after May 21st.
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10:24 pm
And you clearly are European, likely French.
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6:37 am
Where do you attain the proper information to validate such a claim?
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5:19 am
Oh boy,
do you really, I mean really thought about it before you rate/d seomthing (this)? You have a brain! USE IT!
This is a science-fiction “joke/satire” scenario.
I guess you should also ban bottles in every form, they also look look giant dildos…. oh my…
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2:18 pm
The man is damn right.
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3:39 pm
in pursuit of cheap glory you disgrace your religion, level of education and culture …
you a stupid piece of shit (IMHO)
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9:27 pm
What the fuck are you talking about?
First of all, let your kids on the computer. They’re the wave of the future, and unless you want your kids to be bullied and left behind, they need to use it.
Secondly, Portal 2 is acually a game that teaches you about angels, physics, and other scientific things that can be helpful later in life. It has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with homosexuality. You, sir, are a racist idiot. And, just like all racist idiots, there is a special place in the deepest circle of hell for you. I’m not even kidding.
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12:07 pm
This is so not true, i like portal 2, i like going in and out of blue and orange sparkly holes with my robomate…
you people are bad!
bad!
and that thing about the room full of dildos is wrong! dildos are not so small…
you noob…
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1:19 pm
Any ‘dildo’ can see those are metal spikes. (Sorry, couldn’t resist that pun. My bad!)
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2:01 am
A) You spelled “Christian” wrong in the title. Good going.
B) You’re an idiot.
C) I’m a Christian too, and this is the kind of thing that makes me ashamed and embarrassed to call myself one.
You know who sees homoerotic content in Portal 2? And in the name “Valve”? People who are looking for it. You sir are looking for it. Very hard. That’s generally the sign of a pervert, sir. I am not a casual Christian. I believe very strongly in Christ and He is the most important thing in my life. But do you know what I also do? I play Portal 2. A lot. It’s a good game and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with sexuality. You’re seeing things that just aren’t there because you WANT them to be there. [You want to see glory holes and dildos. No one else sees them. I say you might want to take some time to do some quiet introspection. Or see a psychiatrist.]
If you are so concerned about raising your children in a Christian way, just do it. That doesn’t mean shunning technology and it doesn’t mean sheltering your children. My parents raised me ‘right’ in that I’m not swayed by ‘bad’ things. I can play Team Fortress 2 and watch crime dramas and still love Jesus. Christians are not called to isolate ourselves from the world.
I have a lot of things I want to say, but this “article” makes me so incredibly angry that there aren’t even words. Not angry just “this is stupid” way, but in a “I can’t believe you call yourself a Christian and this is actually righteous indignation” kind of way. I pray you’re a troll and aren’t being serious. If you are being serious, God help you and God especially help your children.
Not only should this guy be ashamed for writing it, but this whole website should be ashamed for letting it be published in the first place.
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3:38 am
Not gonna lie, I lol’d pretty hard.
Though I’m surprised so many people took this seriously. I mean… really…? The only way it could be more obvious is if they put a giant neon sign at the top of the page saying, “WE BE TROLLIN’!”
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1:49 pm
Shut the fuck up!
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1:15 pm
O c’mon. This is why we Christians are taunted so much. Are you real? You can find something nasty anywhere, ever in the Bible if you’re trying to find it. (Song of Solomon, etc). The worst thing you did was to put that disgusting pic up and use common homosexual slang language in your rants. What in the world is wrong with you?
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1:28 pm
The children are the most important thing for the Christian father to think protect. Worry about what your neighbors think should never cause you to expose your little ones to liberal filth.
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10:50 pm
What kind of christian sits around and thinks of such perverted things as this anyway. It’s people like you that makes the rest of us christians that are not judgmental and ignorant look bad. As far as the homosexual comments you have made, we are supposed to hate the sin not the sinner. God neither hates gays or any of the sort. You are just an over protective and controlling freak who is going to try and shelter and brainwash there child until they become a clueless and confused adult.
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5:25 pm
Before everyone starts hating on Christians, I’d like to point out that you stumbled into a radical site. Every Christian has their opinions, some more out there than others. Personally, I think it’s better translated into a modern fashion. But, that’s just my opinion.
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4:08 pm
Okay, what I’ve learned from this is: “I will pray for you” Is Christian for, “Go F*** Yourself.” Also that your deranged, and complete obsession with the word of your faceless “god” is unbelievable at best. I cannot wait for the day your sons realize the, as you would probably say, “world of complete corruption, hatred and pure evil” that they have been missing. And if one of them is a closet homosexual, that would be amazing. The reality of the fact is that your constant sheltering of them will teach them to entirely hate the gay community as a whole.
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing (1 Peter 3:9).
Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble (1 John 2:9-10).
I see myself as a Christian. An Episcopalian. And then I have days that I will deny it entirely. I believe I, even in my complete and utter denial of god, am on a more righteous path to heaven than the religious fanatics here. (But I guess you will just chalk that up to pride, eh)
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8:54 pm
senior dante i have 1 question for you holmes if 2 guys had sex and then 1 girl joined is it gay i had a recent experience with this and i think you should join me 1 time i heard you once had some intercourse with a chimp although i agree essay i do think that doing this with 1 girl and another guy will be entertaining whats your opinion?
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8:59 pm
Well, thats a bit awkward, but let me send you a link that explains it all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi7gwX7rjOw I hope this helps Colombo.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
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9:01 pm
Hey man i dont know bout none of dat shit but those girls boobs where FOOIINNNEEE
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0
12:20 am
I think I am done here.
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0
3:54 am
Alright i just happened to stumble on one of the articles while researching ATHF name change. all of you who are level minded please leave the site and stop supporting this by commenting on it. I truley believe(hope) this is just a site based on sparking controversy. dont buy into this crap.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
11:21 am
No child of mine is getting anywhere near this pornography. Obviously, these “portals” are allusions to the mouth and anus and that by entering one, you’re completing some sort of sinister homogay initiation puzzle. The prize for finishing this abomination is turning your head away from your computer screen because your smell smoke, opening the door to your dank hovel and realizing you are in Hell.
More fantastic ChristWire reporting. Praise The Lord for continued excellence on this site.
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3 
0
10:14 pm
Ah ah ah ! I think the authors of this website are Fags…They just don’t understand themselves and think they’ll go to hell when they’ll die….So they are on a crazy homophobic battle in the sole purpose of trying to buy their freedom from Jesus….lol…
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0
10:18 pm
Look up this one…it’s made for you : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRMiRFJzIKA&feature=player_embedded
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0
9:12 pm
You know what I think? I think that you yourself are gay and that your militant opposition to homosexuality is rooted in the dissonance between your fundamentalist christian upbringing and the true feelings you hide deep down.
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0
8:56 pm
Satire, my friends. Satire. Don’t take everything so seriously in life. It sounds like a joke, and it is. If he were serious, he wouldn’t have posted the gay pic at the end.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
11:46 am
yeah, that came from his secret stash, on his hidden away computer…
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0
5:19 pm
This is total f’in trolling to the fullest. funny though i must say
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0
2:23 am
Phew, I thought this was real. Now I can laugh. Thankyou.
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0
1:03 pm
I am a christian…and I think other games are subliminally affecting the subconcious mind, but umm….WHAT?
You are saying, that an innocent game like Portal (1 and 2)
are homosexual tools?
Forgive me, but this is way too much, even for you. I have played the first two games, pretty decent ones, but their plot is VERY diffrent from what you specify.
Praise or Condemn:
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0
4:58 am
This guy is a shitty excuse for a “father” and needs to be castrated and forced to eat his decaying balls.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
12:17 am
I have a strong suspicion that this website has got to be the product of an incredible troll. This shit is just too insane to be real. I mean, where the hell did the information that Valve is owned by NAMBLA coming from? It has to be a joke. I can’t accept that their are actually people in this world that are THIS insane.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
9:19 am
Look, the very thing that I liked about this game was that there is no swearing, murder (except when you kill robots), sexual references or religion. I AM a devout Christian and these are the reasons I bought this game, just like the others I have (Wipeout, littleBigPlanet, Worms).
There are absolutely no trace of spikes looking like penises, I don’t even remember seeing blood anywhere in the game. The use of portal guns is a Scientific Fiction piece of equipment. There is far more violence in the Passion of Christ.
I’m against incredible violence, like Call of duty and I don’t hate people playing it one single bit. But using lies to get people to hate one of the best games ever, whitch has NO swearing, NO murder, NO drugs and NO satanic references is mad. It is not a sin playing a game. Why is hide and seak then not a sin?
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
4:45 pm
when i read this article this is exactly what i think. http://i.qkme.me/eb6.jpg
also, the author description sounds dirtier than anything in portal 2. “only the conservative fist of God will save us.”
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0
3:21 pm
IN THE ASS!
Praise or Condemn:
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0
2:33 pm
I’m actually laughing at this right now. I’m sorry, but this article is a load of crap. Also, I’ve been wondering, how does the author of this article know so much about homosexuality? I find it a little suspicious that someone who claims to be a “righteous Christian” knows things about homosexuals and homosexuality that many of my gay friends (not that I have a lot of those) don’t even know. I find it appalling that Christians are constantly twisting innocent things into symbols of darkness and perversion, especially when Christians claim that Satan does the exact same to “God’s creation”. Why is it that modern Christians act in a manner resembling Satan rather than Jesus? Is it a sort of “do as I say, not as I do” kind of thing? I just find it so weird that a group of people devote their lives to being like Jesus, then act like the devil himself. Oh, and one final thing: other people’s sexuality is none of your business.
Praise or Condemn:
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0
3:24 pm
I’m not gonna lie… I’m gay as crap… I’ve been dating the same guy for 3 1/2 years and we’ve had plenty of sex… Had no idea what a glory hole was.
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5:32 pm
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PENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENISPENIS
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2 
0
8:03 pm
Sadly, I have learned that Christians are still playing this game even after being warned. Hell is having a great day because of this game.
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0 
3
11:32 am
Well here we are again,
It’s always such a pleasure,
Remember when you tried to kill me twice?
Oh, how we laughed and laughed,
Except I wasn’t laughing,
Under the circumstances I’ve been shockingly nice.
You want your freedom take it,
That’s what I’m counting on,
I used to want you dead but,
Now I only want you gone.
She was a lot like you,
(Maybe not quite as heavy),
Now little Caroline is in here too.
One day they woke me up,
So I could live forever,
It’s such a shame the same will never happen to you.
You’ve got your short, sad life left,
That’s what I’m counting on,
I’ll let you get right to it,
Now I only want you gone.
Goodbye, my only friend,
Oh, did you think I meant you?
That would be funny if it weren’t so sad,
Well you have been replaced,
I don’t need anyone now,
When I delete you maybe I’ll stop feeling so bad.
Go make some new disaster,
That’s what I’m counting on,
You’re someone else’s problem,
Now I only want you gone,
Now I only want you gone,
Now I only want you gone.
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2 
1
7:58 am
U mad?
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0 
1
6:39 am
only a teenager would relate those things with sexual things, lol…
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1
3:17 pm
Congratulations! You just won a ticket to Hell!
Pfff… HAHAHAHAHAHA
Portal 2 = Gay? Nope
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0
6:52 pm
Haha this made my day. Pretty sure it’s a troll but if it isn’t the guy is clearly a fruit-loop. Totally batshit crazy.
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0 
0
8:15 pm
You misspelled “Christian” in the title. Just a heads-up.
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1 
1
4:37 am
Are you kidding me, i think that reviewer has secretly gay feelings of his own.
Instead of being rediculus writing things no men give a shet about, how about reading the bible once again and find out what gods plan is instead of pointing with your finger..
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0
9:05 pm
First, I would like to point out that I am an actual member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka, Mormon), and I do not support homosexuality. But people have their agency, and they will be punished by God, not by men. Next, I would like to say that this writer must have really tried to dig just to show hate on this game. I went through this game, and the only thing that got to me is the frequent use of the Lord’s name in vain. And I would like to ask the question, why would this writer, trying to keep homosexuality away from society, get homosexual images for this?
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0
11:27 pm
having played and completed this game on single player, for science (check my trophies on psn, bubba.), these bath house theories, seem within reason and demand more research.
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0
12:09 am
Um this was a terrible article. The glory holes are actually portals. The tubes are goo dispensers that make goo that is slick and goo that is rubbery. Bing search should not be trusted and those robots are hugging because they do not want to die from acid or spikes or some other obstacle. This game is t because an insane person made a recording talking about burning houses down. There is no sexual suggestions or actions in the game. The room full of “dildos” was full of spikes. Im a perv and even i saw nothing wrong with this game at all. Games are a very careful industry made to not annoy you people who search images and trust it. You need to know what you are doing. Your poor kids need nice parents. Open up to the world and learn about what you hate. Check both sides of the story
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0
12:09 am
You know,I have a theory. Maybe all these people have to point out that things are gay, just to put all the suspicion on something else, when they’re the ones that are gay. Liberals For The Win. I mean really. You would probably find a way to make my desk seem gay, just so you yourself wouldn’t.
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0
12:10 am
You know,I have a theory. Maybe all these people have to point out that things are gay, just to put all the suspicion on something else, when they’re the ones that are gay. Liberals For The Win. I mean really. You would probably find a way to make my desk seem gay, just so you yourself wouldn’t.
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0
12:11 am
You know,I have a theory. Maybe all these people have to point out that things are gay, just to put all the suspicion on something else, when they’re the ones that are gay. I mean really. You would probably find a way to make my desk seem gay, just so you yourself wouldn’t. Liberals For The Win.
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0
12:14 am
Sorry for the repeats. My computer is being slow, and I got confused.
– Liberals For The Win
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0
7:34 pm
What wrong with going in and out of the big blue hole?
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0
10:32 pm
I read recently that children who play this game are at greater risk for being raped by someone in their own home!
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4
10:36 pm
You make me laugh hypocritical slave!
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0
4:38 pm
well it depends if you have any child predators in your domain doesnt it
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0
4:51 pm
As in their fathers? Oh, you definitely need to keep that out of your home. Don’t want you getting horny and raping one!
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0
5:57 pm
Ain’t think a load of crap……
Seriously? In there own home?
My mom would call you Mr. Potato Head because you, just like him, pull stuff out of your butt without thinking
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0
4:47 pm
what an idiot
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1 
0
5:23 pm
LOL greatest troll site ever.
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0
4:57 pm
You seem to know a lot about glory holes, black dildos, and found a picture from a gay porn site probably. You must be gay.
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4 
0
9:55 pm
ummm…sorry for adding fuel to the fire but i played portal 2 and i got to say your wrong about everything in this post……..
please watch some walk thoughs about portal 2 ( i suggest Tobuscus on Youtube )
Also the Robots dont have a gender so they are neither homosexaul or heterosexaul……… im done rantting bye~
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1 
0
4:32 pm
In my honest opinion, this is the biggest load of BS I have ever seen. Lets see here: I’m a Christian. I go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. I sing for the band and I work with bible studies for Elementary age kids. I’m 16, I’ve been baptized, and have confessed my faith and my love for Jesus. I KNOW I’m going to Heaven to live with The Father. The so called ‘problem’? Portal and Portal 2 are my favorite games. Ever. I have beaten both of them, and none of those pictures are in the actual game. All you are doing, is sheltering your kids and hurting them. Later in life they will be exposed to the real world and they won’t know what to do. I’m gonna pray long and hard for your kids if you really won’t let them play this game, nevertheless go to public school. They are gonna be some messed up, bullied people. Now, if you don’t mind, SHUT UP. You’re making OUR religion look bad. This is why people don’t like when they find out I’m a Christian, because of freaks like you. Thanks to you and all the other dumb people who say they are “Christians”, I have to loose friends because they think I’m like you. K, thanks. >:/
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0
5:54 pm
Makes Christians look bad, I agree, Half of my friends all left me when then found out I was a Christian thanks to people like Ice Van Winkle….
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0
11:40 am
I’m proud of being atheist because of stupid shit like this article. Seriously?
I feel bad for your children.
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2 
0
12:28 pm
Do tell me; have you played the game yourself at all or just looked at pictures? Had you noticed the singleplayer. (Which you play as a FEMALE) Or had you nulled it out.
Did you know there was a marriage proposed in this game? Or did you just think blasphemy?
I feel pity for your dubbed religion due to your automatic yearns to use homosexuality as a fear mongering tool.
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1 
0
5:25 pm
This is the stupidest shit I have ever read.
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0
7:12 pm
IM A GIANT FUCKTARD
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1 
0
7:15 pm
Im a closet gay who sees homosexuality everywhere
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1 
0
3:38 pm
I love this game and I love Valve. I hope they make another Portal and more games like Left 4 Dead because I want my son to play them when he’s old enough to pick up a controller. I’ve already got pics of him at 8months with an Xbox controller and headset! It’s super cute
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1 
0
4:19 pm
Child porn is never “cute”. Have you thought about giving your child to a Christian family to raise?
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6
4:36 pm
thats disgusting!
i bet shes a great mother and giving her child a controler and headset isnt porn, you wouldnt know porn if it hit you in the face
i love this game, i finished it in 6 hours, this is by no means meant to be gay those “dildoes” arent dildos, its a crushing gate and its a portal gun not a penis gun, it makes portals not “glory holes” oh and its in appeture science laboratories not a homosexual bathing place
dont be a dick mr. winkle
its not doing anyone favours
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2 
0
4:44 pm
Don’t do it, he’s a priest.
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2 
0
9:22 pm
This is why we can’t have nice things.
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3 
0
8:13 am
Can’t see if trolling, or just stupid.
Really, someone who’s first thought about this is dildo’s, gloryhole’s and filthy bathroom’s, should look at themselves.
Now, GTFO From the internets, PLZ?
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0
7:20 pm
So, just letting you know, video games are what keep me from touching myself everyday. You should be ashamed of yourself for promoting something that can be used as a better outlet of enjoyment than masturbation.
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0
10:33 am
And, gosh darn it, do i like to beat my meat to a nice game of Mass Erect.
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1 
0
4:32 pm
I’m sorry but you must have gotten your research from porn websites and troll posts about Portal 2 and mixed it together. Plus if you were holy you wouldn’t be posting that shitty picture of gays kissing. Some Christian you are. Don’t let the kids read this post retard, they’ll know it was you.
Here, a picture of you, FREAK!
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0
1:49 am
This website is fuckin retarded I dont get how any of these are funny by fake claiming everything to be gay? OMFG SUCH HILARIOUS MATURE HUMOUR Btw most of the articles proof read them the grammar is fuckin cock shit. Such a pointless website you can tell that young and old cunts were bored.
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0
4:19 pm
This is a failure
I’m making a note here
Re-tarded
I think you lost some brain cells iiiin sexville
You thought you were homo
It turns out that youre
WORSE THAN THAT!
You rape your kids and dickfeed the fish
Now that is cruel and sick!
So my points of data make a beautiful line
Saying,”You’re a stupid fag and you should just die!”
So i’m glad that youre a turd
And a troll and a nerd
But we all know that you spread some lies!
Go ahead and bleed out….
I think that you should keep your doubt
Maybe youll fight a good Hell fit for you!
Maybe with Hades!
That was so true!
HA HA
Youre crap!
Anyways, that game is great
It has some really good cake!
Now I wish that you would get off my i
with the n and ternet
That will help you all right!
So if you get burned
Think of all the things you learned
From that retarded Bing search
Which dies!
ANd believe me I know you should die!
Ill be laughing when you start to die!
Ill be ROFLING when you still die!
And then you’re bleeding out and youll die!
And ill stay healthy while you still die!
Still die!
STILL DIE
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2 
0
3:28 pm
I’d love too know what you lot think of Halo if you think “Portal 2″ is some reference to gay sex.
Anyways in the main campaign of the game you play as a woman.
And those two robots for the multilayer campaign, the orange one is female and the little blue one is male.
You really need to get your facts right.
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1 
0
10:48 pm
seriously? if the game would be about gay sex, don’t you think valve would have made Chell a dude? really, this guy needs some better sources besides bing.
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2 
0
10:04 pm
This website is hilarious. The comedic writing and anti-jokes here really make me laug- wait, this is a legit website?
This is why everybody hates Christianity.
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2 
0
10:17 pm
It’s not a legit website.
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1 
0
12:37 pm
I think I lost a few brain cells from reading this…in any case…this man is clearly insane and needs to be put away for a very, very, very long time…perhaps with the large, black man named Tiny? Tiny LOVES little white christian men…
AH LAWDY NAW…HOPE DIS MAN DUN GIT MAH PHONE NUMBAH AND GIVE MAH A GEWD OL’ FASHIONED TALKIN’ TAH!
In any case…
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10:30 am
YOU good sir, are a fucking idiot. I’m sorry but you have a sick mutilated mind to compare any of those things. Go drown your christian beliefs in a bath ‘full of aids’. People these days!
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10:10 pm
Congratulations my good sir! Your “article” was so stupid, I have found it worthy of a list of why it is utterly and irrevocably wrong!
1. A christian father. Why are you using the adjective christian here like it’s some way of saying you have higher standards than everyone else?
2. Why do you think of ANY body part when you think of the word portal? If the word was orifice or hole, I could see potential for worry, but portal has no conotation of a body part.
3. If it takes ten minutes for a page of Bing to load on your computer, it’s time for a new one. If you had to look for ten minutes to find a page you’d look at, it’s probably a biased site spewing lies. Like this one!
4. There’s a Portal 2 DVD now? I thought it was awesome as a game, but you’re saying there’s a movie now too?
5.Cooking one disc doesn’t destroy the game. It is probably still saved to the computer, and the disc isn’t needed after installation.
6.Again with the innuendo? A valve can be found on the sink. I don’t think of a sink when I think corruption.
7. AIDS requires a living host to survive. A bathroom isn’t living.
8. The game takes place inside a scientific research center. That is not a bathroom. If you take a dump inside a scientific research center, you will not be invited back. Trust me.
9. So homosexuals are vampires now?
10. If you had actually played through the game, you would know the first “glory hole” was a pipe, and that your portal gun doesn’t make pipes. Also, the second “glory hole” picture is not a bathroom. I can tell by the exposed pipe, and because I have seen plenty a bathroom in my day.
11.Homo-gay? Wouldn’t homosexual make more sense? Or gay? Or an actual word?
12. Last time I checked, my “sex area” is not between my shoulder blades. Also, robots don’t have genders. They aren’t transexual. They aren’t male or female. They just don’t have a gender to begin with.
13. WHY WOULD YOU PUT GAY PORN IN YOUR ARTICLE? Just.. why? It doesn’t add anything, it’s just there like that creepy uncle everyone has at their family reunion.
14. There are only two male characters in the entire game, and they never directly talk to one another.
15. At no point does the game condone same-sex marriage or relations. At no point do they talk against different sex relations or marriage. You have no context with which to base your statements, and you have thus far refused to actually go so far as to play the game before calling it something it may not be.
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5:42 pm
Dude, I’m probably the most perverted 13 year old girl out there and I didn’t think of any of that at all in the game, Seriously how would a ‘holier than thou’ Christian man such as yourself even know of things things when you hear Portal 2? I’m mean seriously? You must be a pretty messed man to think like that for the game. Your such a hypocrite.
As my fave youtube vid (WKUK – The Grapist) would say, “Sir! Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter!” or “Why are you trying to twist this into your sick sort of twisted, pervy….”
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7:01 pm
1.) Misspelled “Christian”
2.) Obviously has gay images in his mind, I’ve played Portal, and while it’s not the greatest game, I didn’t feel the slightest urge to go suck cock in a bathroom….
3.) I’m seriously sick of this website, it’s for dumbass hate filled people to sit around and pretend they aren’t gay.
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4:36 pm
This is why I hate creationists- they stretch the facts to the point where if you described the ACTUAL Portal 2 and compared it to the description here they are entirely different. You make me sick- go back to the primitive tribe in which you illogical idiots came from. Fuck you- creationists are the cancer of society.
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7:46 pm
My god, this is probably the stupidest article I’ve ever seen. You, sir, embarrass me. I hate nothing more than Christian Extremists.
There are no Dildos, no Glory Holes, and sure as hell, no ‘Homosexual Robots’
ATLAS is clearly a Male, while P-Body is a female. If you truly believe that they’re homosexuals, then you really should have done research over every topic on this page, rather than slapping a bunch of crap onto a document and calling this slander ‘Journalism’. If you think this article will ruin the name of this beautiful game, you’ve got another thing coming.
I learned more from this game than anything, it is an intriguing puzzle game with high reviews, and many children hold it in high esteem. School districts are even thinking about introducing it as a learning element, so children could learn creative problem solving through the puzzle systems and elements, such as ‘Repulsion Gel’ which makes you jump higher, ‘Propulsion Gel’, which makes you run faster, along with Faith plates (Catapults), Excursion funnels, and Thermal discouragement beams.
If anything, this game teaches children about trust, and how even your worst enemy could turn out to be your best friend. It’s honestly a heart-felt story, with humor, yet it’s serious at the same time. If you’re not going to let your children play this game just because you think it promotes Homosexual behavior, then I hope your children see past your over-protective exterior and play this game, let them live a little.
I hope you take the time to read this, because this is more informative than the lies this man has written.
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7:32 am
I used to want you dead but now I only want you gone.
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7:53 am
With all the emosexual punks, homogays, and other unsaved dregs that troll this website anonymously clicking “condemn” on anything Godly inspired in the Chris†Wire Comment Section, it would seem to the casual web surfer and those with intellectual curiosity that happen upon this moral website would tend to believe this website is not holy but filled with the worst scum imaginable. It’s unfortunate that the devil has so brainwashed our youth and society to the point that there are orchestrated and heavy-handed conspiracies to undermine this and other moral websites. I propose that those who enter this website undergo a thorough review of their posts and how many times they click on the “condemn” button on any comments by regular moral journalists. I feel this is the only way to prevent these perverts from further infiltrating this website and making good moral people look like filthy sinners.
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