• Paul Ryan’s Favorite Cat Food Recipe Incites P90X Imbroglio

    April 17, 2011 6:55 pm 21 comments

    Cat and Mellon, delicious!

    Paul Ryan, DC darling of the P90X circuit and low BMI, has an amazing mom. Mrs. Ryan offered her son’s favorite cat food recipe as part of one internet magazine’s coverage of the changes to government entitlements for the elderly and the secret to Ryan’s killer abs. Many early criticisms rallied around the high cost of food and the impact of the legislation on the elderly.

    The Daily Caller was highly critical with statements of how many will be left to processed cat food instead of the nutritional benefits of fresh meat called for on a P90X floor exercise regime. “Did I mention that Paul Ryan is standing over your grandma, laughing as she dies on the kitchen floor clutching a licked-clean tin of cat food?”

    Little Paul’s mom shared some of her thoughts with Wisconsin Homemaker, an internet magazine who’s target audience comprises 48% of AARP members. One supporter of the practice gave this statement:

    “This is very lean and delicious meat with more omega-3 than chicken or fish. Of course it is one of Paul’s favorites. I don’t understand the entire hullabaloo about eating cats. It’s natural.”

    The recipe encourages the home cook to soak freshly butchered meat in a combination of spices and dark stout beer. The inclusion of alcoholic beverages is not consistent with evangelical values and is being highly criticized by the left as hypocritical consumption of alcohol. The recipe as followed does not allow dinner to become inebriated. Alcohol cooks off during the slow simmer required to prepare the dish, leaving the rabid critics without fuel for their flames of discord.

    Cat It's for dinner

    1. 3 tablespoons canola oil or very good olive oil
    2. 1 medium onion, chopped into equal pieces
    3. 2 large garlic cloves, minced
    4. 1 whole cat (3 to 4 pounds), cut into serving pieces
    5. 4 carrots, peeled and chopped in even pieces
    6. 1 parsnips, peeled and chopped
    7. 1 teaspoon dried thyme leaves
    8. 3/4 teaspoon salt
    9. 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
    10. 3/4 cup rich stout, such as Guinness
    11. 1/2 pound fresh button mushrooms, cleaned, left whole
    12. 3/4 cup frozen peas


    1. 1. In large skillet, heat oil over medium heat until hot. Adding garlic and onion; cook and stir 3-5 minutes or until tender. Strain vegetables with slotted spoon to offset bowl.
    2. 2. Arrange cat meat in single layer in skillet. Cook over medium-high heat 5-6 minutes per side or until lightly browned. Protip: Dry meat browns more evenly, so pat down with paper towels and dust with light AP flour before placing in skillet.
    3. 3. Add onion and garlic from offset bowl, carrots, parsnips, thyme, salt and pepper to skillet. Pour stout over cat pieces and vegetables. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer 40 minutes.
    4. 4. Add mushrooms and peas to skillet. Cover; cook 10 minutes.
    5. 5. Uncover skillet; increase heat to medium. Cook 10 minutes or until sauce is slightly reduced and chicken is no longer pink in center.
    6. 6. Serve with fresh greens and a few parsley potatoes.

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    About The Author
    Blanche Beecham "Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM

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