Playstation Network Down, Destroyed By God’s Wrath
For the past five days, Satan’s online gaming tool known as “The Playstation Network”, or ‘Playsatan Network’ here at Christwire, has been crippled. Over 70 million children and young adults have been blocked from receiving its liberal and gay subliminal messages and are now safe from further penetration.
Usually when this happens, hacker and terrorist groups are falling over themselves to claim credit. This time, however, even Anonymous, who takes credit for everything else, has denied responsibility. Could this be more of the divine intervention we seen in Sony’s home country of Japan when the tsunamis spilled onto their shores earlier this year?
Playsatan’s official comment states the outage has been due to ‘external intrusion’ and that they have to rebuild the entire structure of the system. Unofficially and off the record, one playsatan worker admitted to Christwire that he believed it may be due to God’s wrath.
“Nobody can be sure why it happened, but we were developing some pretty racy games,” the source told Christwire Saturday. “We still can’t figure out how it happened. The only explanation that I can think of is God did it to punish us.”
While the Playsatan Network has been known to foster homogay behavior in such games as Halo 3 and The Sims, the completeness of God’s wrath may be surprising to some and is definitely unprecedented. Never before has a online system such as this been destroyed by divine intervention. No doubt the prayers of millions of Christians played a huge part as well.
We can only take this as a sign of the future. God is clearly speaking, and what he is saying is that he will destroy any and all forms of blasphemy that man can create to challenge him, including those that are of the digital nature. No doubt we will soon see sites like 4chan and cracked smote as well. In any case, we can always pray for it. See how God answered our prayers and killed Playsatan?
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Alex Keating
Alex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.
8:59 pm
This is a miracle, God is great.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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4:29 am
T̺͓̫̭̮ͮ͛̚͠͡h̴̩̖̺̅̎i̢̦͚͓̠ͣ̏͐̀͛̀̊͘s̶̞̟̻͚̟ͣ̑̾̈́̾́ ̸̢̟̖͎͎̠̙̙̖ͨ̇͆̋̓̔͑ṕ̡̛͈̰͙̐̍̎ͦ͊ͅl̃ͬ̊ͮ͒͞͏̤̰̲̥̲̜̻̥̗e̛̞̤͗̀́̉̉́́ǎ͏͎̼͕̳͚̟̥̜͠sͥͯͧ́҉͚͜e̤͉̥͎̲̣͊̽̽̎̅̀͟͝š͗̾̂̈́͒̃͏̵̬͇̦̕ ̤͖̟̥͓̭̫̀ͪ̏̋̓͐̽̈́͟͞m̬̣̺̜͆̀̈ͦ̈́̅̿̓ͧ͘͢e̶̥̝̜̰̱ͬͥ̽̆ ̦͖͍̩̌̈̾̔͐ͭ̽̀͞c͔̬̬̪͔͐͑́͡ḫ̻͙̩̈́ͥͣ͆́r̷̳͙͐̿̾i̡̨͓̠ͣͫ̂s̶̛̜̻̙͓̯̜͒̈ͤ̄̀t̸̄̄̀҉̩͇̹̫͕̮i̡̢̩̥̫ͧͭ̚ȧ͉̱̑̈̀̒̍͟n̻̲͉̪̒̈̏͋̎̍͜ ̴̪̠͎͎̘̐͆̽̈́̄̌̚̕sͪ̉̑̓̿ͧ҉̛̣̮̼h͔̰̯͚͚ͨͯ́̌̉͌̎̃͑͢e̗̤̤͓̲̺͉͐ͬ́͊̾͡ě͓̻̥̗͝p̳̬̯̬̣̲̦̿̿͊͊̊̃̀
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12:05 am
This is absolutely retarded. All games seriously want to turn kids gay and liberal. This does not amuse His Holiness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. May his noodly appendage touch you all in an orgamsmic way in order to free you all from your stupidity
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9:00 pm
It is so inspiring to see miracles happening in the modern day.
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9:17 pm
I believe you need to be put into a mental institution. THAT would be the true modern day miracle
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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10:24 am
Yeah man u are so cool
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11:09 pm
no ..what would be a miracle is if u could get ONE single fact straight …now let me destroy your backwoods logic ….first off Halo3 played on a system made by microsoft…same company that handles BING ..and those are your boys right? ….so the playstation network has nothing to do with halo in the least… now concerning your comment in the portal 2 debacle that google is communist because they support open source…let me explain something to you real fast….preaching the word of the lord is basically akin to open source…its the freedom of information…how would u like it if when the bible was written it was kept under lock and key and the information contained within kept secret..is that what u want…also the freedom of speach which allows you to rant here and spout this insanity is also basically open source..if u took the time to research something that didnt involve being “homogay” as you call it..u would know that. so whos the communist now ?
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9:56 pm
what if someone hacked this site…now that would be a miracle…
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9:15 pm
I pray that the seXbox network is next
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9:19 pm
I pray that you die next!
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9:26 pm
Susan, these Democrats are always thinking of murder.
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3:56 pm
Robert, these Christians are always weirdos.
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10:16 pm
I think you meant to say sexbox live, not sexbox network, get it right, idiot. I also love to video chat on sexbox live with my gay friends while touching myself with Portal 2′s case
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10:20 pm
i lol for about 3 mins after reading this what you posted…and i myself am a seXbox user..woot woot for the seXbox!!
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3:26 pm
Anybody fancy a late night session of seXbox Live tonight. I feel myself wanting to play hardcore Portal 2 co-op…
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9:35 pm
Everyone knows that this network was originally designed for Hitler to communicate with the empire of the rising sun. As with Volkswagen, not much has changed since.
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10:06 pm
woohh first off halo3 is on the xbox not the ps3. and second whats homosexual about killing aliens!?!
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10:10 pm
Did you mean to respond to me or are you just foreign?
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10:14 pm
sorry i clicked the wrong thing and seriously even foreign people can use the internet its kinda a world wide thing
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10:10 pm
OMG!!! It’s Sheldon!!!
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10:23 am
Except Sheldon is atheist and highly intelligent. And much better looking
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10:15 pm
Sony came into existence after World War 2. If you’re going to spout out bullshit, at least make it plausible.
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10:17 pm
i think they just enjoy stating illogical things
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10:24 pm
Revisionist liberal history. Trying to make the Japanese seem innocent.
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10:31 pm
but i thought this was about hitler..get your story straight man its not helping your cause
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10:57 pm
so ur actually saying that u think that playstation was invented in the 30′s ? or is it that your saying Hitler is still living to this day…u wanna talk about revisionist behavior…the bible was written 400 years after the death of christ ..lets play telephone for the next 400 years and see what happens
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12:05 am
Please try and not be dense. The original network was created then. Kids back then had no need for games and they went outside and enjoyed the company of the other sex.
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11:53 pm
Please stop hating on other races and go spend what little life you have left before god sends you to hell
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9:51 pm
Bless you sir.
But it would be a miracle if the PSN resurrects today. Just as long as you don’t blame the Jews.
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10:16 pm
“Unofficially and off the record, one playsatan worker admitted to Christwire that he believed it may be due to God’s wrath.” The term “Citation Needed” comes to mind.
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11:02 pm
Typical Democrat. Their kid could be in the mouth of some pit bull from the projects, and if you ran to tell them, they would say ‘what are your sources’.
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11:11 pm
Typical Moron
so by this logic i state this…Jesus was “homogay” and that is a fact ..cause i said it and i dont need sources right?
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11:13 pm
Deny facts and logic, the Christian way.
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10:21 pm
Praise Be! An Easter Miracle!
Gay doesn’t work with electricals. You can just have all one charge expect it to work.
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11:15 pm
Giant jello , circus toast reverse jazz cupcakes , toy flip mountain boring, cow fun dingle trolly, bust beat rabbit jack?
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5:15 pm
Quite biscuit bong, having brass bottomed soap. Indeed a momentous crayon carrying contest rubber tish. Not the gumdrop buttons?
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10:32 pm
Don’t forget about my article on the PlayStation:
http://christwire.org/2011/03/homo-gay-agenda-releases-the-gs2-gaystation/
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10:41 pm
“I made my information up about Sony first!”
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9:45 am
Sony is evil, they turned me homogay, they made me like bestiality, Because of them I now worship the devil, after playing Portal 2 I can’t stop visiting aids infested bathouses and thinking of glory holes. SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEHHH
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10:57 pm
How does the playstation network foster homosexuality? Is anything that doesn’t say anything about how god is great automatically run by a bunch of “fags trying to instill the homogayness into today’s youth?” You’re all a bunch of ignorant idiots. Doesn’t your shitty religion tell you to love everyone? You people don’t seem to show that, because the only people you seem to care for are white christians. Also, Halo is for the xBox, idiot. Get your facts right before you try saying such radical statements as this.
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11:08 pm
Why would a Christian want to play a game that doesn’t promote the Lord?
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11:14 pm
To enjoy and express themself? You don’t have to be constantly praising God if you’re a Christian. He gave people free will, he doesn’t expect people to constantly worship him since it’d be nothing short of a dick move.
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11:28 pm
You can’t live by “bread alone”, LN. Feel that empty spot in your heart? That is where Christ used to be.
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11:33 pm
Nope, no empty spot. I’m pretty content now actually. Stop projecting your feelings onto others.
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12:24 am
Dude, seriously,
I’m christian, go to church every week, live by the comandments, and love to the fullest and play on the playstation network. You people are outta ur frickin gord!! I suppose ur the same people who say Harry Potter is evil. Grow the F up into the real world and think about this. Its all fiction made to entertain, key word ENTERTAIN, that means made for people to enjoy, not worship and no one believes its real but you!! Also with all this talk and concentration on Homosexuality its enclining me to think that because you spend so much time thinking about gay people that you are actually closet self-loathing homosexuals urselves. When we all die I think God is gonna kick you all down to hell where even Satan won’t want anything to do with you haters.
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3:08 am
Mark, you may go to Church but you miss the point. You may seek forgiveness but you fail to repent. By doing the same every week, believing your sins to be absolved so that you can just go back to the same sins “it’s okay, church will wash them away so it doesn’t matter, right?”
We can see that the evils of the godless video game manifest themselves in your foul language; coupled with a complete denial of the harm of such Godless activity.
“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete (John 15:11).”
For if you TRULY allowed God into your life, you would have no requirement for the crutch of frivolous entertainment, Our Lord would fill you with His joy.
At best secular, at worst blasphemous, themes of most video games goes against His word
“I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me” (Psalm 101:3).
The time also is wasted time, time which ought be, as a good Christian, used in His praise, not merely indulging in fantasy
“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).
Every time you immerse yourself in a false world you are removing yourself from God, and lay yourself open to suggestion of other evils, without Our Lord to guide you and keep you on the true path. This is where the Gaymakers, Communists and Pagans slowly plant their sinful seeds. Of course they do not make it obvious, otherwise they would fail. Their intent is to disarm otherwise Christian folk like yourself and slowly pervert your thoughts and your mind.
You can choose to cast away temptation; destroy the console. All it takes is to find your resolve.
I suggest the next time you attend Church you truly repent and ask Our Lord for the strength to destroy your “games” console and immediately feel lifted as you remove that path for Satan to reach you.
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2:01 pm
Than dont fucking play moron, and go to fucking churche, to praise u crappy lord who never will listen to an ugly bastard as u.
Why do u even bother about the PSN is down, if u against PSN? God will not forgive u talking about the devil!
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11:04 pm
This is probably one of the worst articles i’ve ever seen in a really long time, Halo 3 + PSN? It’s obvious you’re spouting complete nonsense, and for a fact it’s clear you did no research! You probably heard that PSN was down through your idiotic Christian Network / Neighbours gossip and automatically layed out a detailed rant in your head about how you should go to your computer and write out how you did no research, and why praise easter? Did you know it’s not a holiday in the Bible? Also Ice Van Winkle, I you write about how much you hate Homosexual’s you obsessed homophobic, but your friend Susan there just called it a seXBox i’m positive that you call homosex – HOMOSEX and normal sex between men and women sex, therefore you must be okay with the Xbox? Correct! great job there your idiocy, I applaud your intelligence and pray your children become great Christian Surgeons! So that when they do surgery they can go “Oh dear, that long intestine looks like a very long penis, I must take it out, it’s blasphemy.”
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11:27 pm
I’m sorry, can start back at SexBox again? You lost me there.
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11:44 pm
Of course you wouldn’t get it, I expected nothing less from a well, i don’t know what you would be called because i’m assured that you’re not a human being, someone with no mental capacity at all.
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sexbox? don’t you mean carrots
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11:15 pm
http://chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/memes-fry-can-never-tell.jpg
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11:19 pm
I like dicks.
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12:38 am
Oh my god, this article is hilarious. “Playsatan”… so ridiculous.
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12:50 am
I love the whole damn thing I just laughed until I peed and then laughed some more, actually I think reading this was more entertaining than playing Crysis 2 or Black Ops. I think the guy who wrote this article and the people who agree with him must be stuck back in the 18th century and its funny as hell, write more I needed a good laugh thank you. “Homogay” that killed me.
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2:11 am
You idiots are a bunch of fucking psychos. GOD DOES NOT EXIST
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2:57 pm
Well we never know that, I also dont believe in him, but u never know…..
But talking about playsatan, and gay, on that way, that makes them psycho’s lol
U fucking Lord praisers, get back to your church, and leave us PSN addicted guys the fuck alone!
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2:59 am
This post has further enlightened me!
I am further on my path to taking it in the rear
Halleluiahs
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3:18 am
Just you and all 1 of your friends against the 70 million people who play on “Playsatan”.
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5:54 am
Guys…you…retarded christian fucks, what is this website? you guys trolling or something? “playsatan”. And guess what, fags, the PSN wasnt invented in world war 2, the internet didnt exist in world war 2, stop pulling facts our of your ass
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7:25 am
OK, I’m going to go right into it here and say that I am an Atheist. Want to know why? Well, it is because of hypocritical extremist bs that some, (not all), Christians come up with in order to make them seem right. Some of my best friends are Christian but at least they don’t go around forcing their religion on people.
In my personal opinion, people can have whatever lifestyle they want, just so long as they don’t try to force it onto other people.
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10:00 am
this the best comedy on the net, love it when people are sucked in, (mmmm sucked)!!
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12:13 pm
SO MUcH FUN
Watching all you people shouting bullshit.
Rly? God took down PSN, if thats the case let me make a little list god did:
HE made people gay (No i have nothing against gaypeople, im just trying to make a point against the christian religion/all the other ones)
He created all the people who are fighting in this world
He spreads diseases all over the world (Both my parents are sick atm :/)
If you want to believe in god that, so be it.
But reconsider what he has done, and start thinking about what a life would be without religions.
You may always send me a message on: wwcheat@gmail.com
p.s.
If religions are based on something I would say its a devils plan.
Religion causes people to get together but also creates a diversion betweens people what can start a war.
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12:14 pm
Playsatan:) But it’s ridicilous ofcourse..Especially linking it to the tsunamis in Japan..ah well..
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12:46 pm
Next time you want to smash gaming, do some research. Halo 3 has never and will never be on a Sony console. Why? Because Microsoft owns the rights to it, hence why it is platform exclusive to THEIR console.
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3:57 pm
I’d like to make a few points. The first is that I’m so relieved that the children are now safe from further penetration. I had no idea that 70 million children were being penetrated on a regular basis by the Playsatan (sic) network. Praise Jesus.
Now a question. How will you explain the PSN coming back online, as it inevitably will, in the near future? Please write another article about it. Is the big man upstairs firing a warning shot across the bow of the online gaming community? I can just imagine god’s ‘To Do’ list:
1. Destroy a large area of North Eastern Japan via earthquake (by the way I must point out that the science of Tectonics does provide a highly plausible explanation for the natural phenomena we witnessed there, but I’m sure to the mind of an idiot it seems equally plausible that ‘God did it’.)
2. Temporarily disable the Playsatan (sic) Network, only to allow it to be reinstated in the near future. Again there is a far more plausible explanation as to why the PSN is not currently functioning that doesn’t involve god doing naughty things with LOIC on his laptop (hm, that’s an interesting perspective on ‘cloud computing’.) I’m talking about a malicious attack by hackers, duh.
All hail Richard Dawkins and his crazy notion of asserting theories (please don’t make me explain what a theory actually is, I’m sure you already entertain a misconception of the term that’s firmly rooted in your truly astounding level of ignorance) on the basis of large quantities of measurable evidence!
Do you think the ‘racy games’ that (alleged) employee was referring to included Forza Motorsport 4?
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5:25 pm
Oh, haha, I just got the joke. Good website!
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6:34 pm
Is this part of the onion news network, because these articles are just ridiculous.
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11:06 pm
Anybody else notice that this author’s picture is of President Reagan?
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1:21 pm
Bravo! This site is so hilarious, guys don’t take it seriously. The wiki for this website says it’s satire. The point of this website is to make fun of Christians. I can’t believe so many people think this is real.
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7:27 pm
The thing that worries me most of all about this discussion is quite how many people have assumed it has been written as a serious article.
Pointing out that halo is a 360 game?
Really?
Huge thanks for pointing that out – not sure I could have worked that out for myself, so cheers.
*sigh*
Irony – go look it up in wiki or something.
Check out satire while you’re there too.
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2:59 pm
This is seriously the biggest group of bigots I have ever seen. I am appauled about how ignorant you christians are, and I am saying this as a catholic CHRISTIAN its because of you ppl tht this world has come to what it is not the PSN or POrtal 2 I mean rlly?
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12:50 am
You dipshits are pathetic. Get a job, get a life or get laid. Bible-beating retards
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11:11 am
I am a Christian and this story is completely laughable. Your facts are waaaay off base. Seriously stop posting this kind of nonsense. YOU are the reason that Christians like me aren’t taken seriously in the world today.
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4:00 pm
this is a joke right, this is to ignorant to be real. I think the only thing that matters is that we believe in god. if i want to play final fantasy, or even chose to be side with the gays as a Catholic, the lord will still love me. we are all his children, please stop this your the reason why the world hates Christians/Catholics. your the cause of a lot of hate.
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5:23 pm
you guys have a really huge issue that needs to be worked out. video games are not from “satan”. on a further note, how in the hell are video games turning kids gay when every other M rated game includes naked women and heterosexual sex. You extremists need to get a real job. Maybe you could find a real reason for why kids are violent instead of attacking anything that has to do with technology. If God did not want video games to be put on this Earth then he would have never let it happen. get a freakin clue and stop attacking anyone other than yourselves.
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9:16 am
If you keep this up (and by that I mean using every single event that happens in the modern world to prove to yourself that it is an act of god) you are very likely to make it to the top of the list of many hackers.
You think hackers are god? “God” might be paying your website a visit sooner than you think.
Of course you will dismiss this a an act of satan, but at leats you have been warned.
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10:11 am
Ohhh Your sooooooo wrong! WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! ha ha
It just so happens that this week I presented a presentation of how the PSN network was brought down.
It started with George Hotz, this man had hacked the PS3 which aloud people to freely download games with out paying. This hacker was then brought to justice for his crime.
This law suite attracted a very lethal and dangerous hacktivist group called Anonymous. Anonymous had sent Sony a warning that they where on their target list and have since then engaged Denial of service attacks bringing the network down between the 17th and 19 of April 2011. This caused Sony to shut down the PSN network for 20 days, even though the PSN network is back online, Sony are still being attacked.
It wasn’t an act of god
These people aren’t part of your shitty site, because they are just to cool! ha. act of god, seriously people! stop what your doing, take a good look in the mirror and then have a nice cup of common sense!
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