• Prop 8 Haterz v.s. Poop-Eaterz

    April 9, 2011 8:46 pm 5 comments
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    It’s the dawning of a new era. And what better way to kick it off than Prop 8 gettin’ the boot! These days there shouldn’t be lines drawn. If a man finds something attractive, he can’t help it! Duhhhhh!

    This is a huge step for moral flexibility all over, for differences of all kinds! But hold on there Jethro, we still have a few hurdles to jump before you and Fido can play with the peanutbutter together. Hang in there!

    Many heterosexuals right now, due to their friends and family members eventually turning gay, are being forced to develop a sense of “it’s okay” toward homosexuality to cope with being associated with it. But one thing we are forgetting ladies and gentlemen is one very, very important fact that mustn’t be overlooked……..

    …they’re poop-eaters. That’s right. They eat poop. They dip their dick in poo, they suck dick; they’re poop-eaters! Before we go deciding that we don’t have the right to classify something as ‘gross’ or ‘not gross’ we must first take a look at the origins of ‘grossness’ itself. One thing these poor folks with gay sons, brothers, and cousins, have NOT tried doing in their quest to be okay with whatever gay person in their life(and actually avoid doing) is actually PICTURING that friend of theirs… eating bootyhole. Sucking poo. Pulling two fuzzy ass-cheeks open to give the poop-shoot a nice rim-job. Yes, embrace it. If any straight people’s heads just exploded, I apologize. For those of you remaining, TRY IT. You will be pleasantly surprised by the sudden decrease in desire to be okay with what your friend does with his twisted free-time. The whole thing highly qualifies to be gross, poop-eating nonsense. But let’s not get technical. I don’t want to bore people with facts about testosterone craving estrogen and estrogen craving testosterone and all other “attatchments” within humans being chemically irrelevant, so I’ll just stick to the basics.

    Homosexuals everywhere are feeling like they’re at the top of their game. And why shouldn’t they? They’ve got Queen Gaga backing them every step of the way, constantly reminding them that they were born this way. They’ve been having gay-pride rallies for years in hopes to reach this point. And their pride is unquestionable. Why just the other day I was doing some shit-talking with a fellow hetero. He jokingly called me a crackhead, and I jokingly responded calling him a cocksucker. Suddenly from left field, lil mr. proud gay guy comes prancing up with something to say.
    “You know,” he says, “you can keep throwing around insults like the one you just said, but it doesn’t do anything to stop what people do. We’re proud of who we are and what we do.”
    “Wow,” I said with a straight face. “Way to go man. Way to stand up for yourself. But why’d you come over here? Was it because I said cocksucker?”
    “Yeah,” he answered, “no shit!”
    “So,” I continued, “gays are proud of what they are and what they do, and you’re here to defend that because you’re gay?”
    “Yes!” he responded furiously. “Those are statements thrown around to make gays look bad. But we were born this way and are proud of it!”
    “Well,” I said, “I can totally understand most of that. I can actually relate to most of it myself. I’m straight, and I too was born this way. And, like you, I am rather proud to say that. The one difference I see in us, however, is our different reactions to haters.”
    He stood there in confusion, unsure what gay quote he should be getting ready to resort to next.
    “See,” I begin while I’ve actually got one listening, “I use the term cocksucker, and you waltz right over here to defend it. Meanwhile, you can call me pussylicker, tittyfucker, boobaddict, whatever the hell you want… and I’ll just be sitting here smiling. I won’t confront you about it, I mean why would I? You’re practically bragging about me.”
    “What the hell are you trying to say?!” he exclaims.
    “I’m trying to say that no matter who you are, no matter how you say the two terms, dick-sucker and chick-fucker may rhyme, but ya just can’t fight the fact that one’s a degrading insult, and one’s just not.”
    By now he’s frollicking away to LaLaLaLa-icanthearyou-Land, with a little extra pep in his step, talking with more of a lisp than ever now. He’ll keep pushing it as far as he needs to keep this swag going, because the straight life just doesn’t work out for him, right?

    Now guys, I won’t just pick on you. I totally feel you on a few things here. Like the lesbian thing. I remember being psyched outta my mind about lesbians gettin’ down and dirty… when I was like 14. When you grow your bigboy nuts and run into a chick that can do alot more than 2, or 3, or even 4 girls combined, you tend to let the little boy fantasies go. But that’s still not fair for the time it lasts right? This is where your girlfriend or mom pops in and says, “Oh, so girls can lez-out and it’s cool, but guys can’t just be gay?” Um…. first of all, let me give ALL of you the answer you never got. FUCK NO. One is fucking disgusting and involves a dick in the diarrhea hole, and the other does not. One is two harry, rough, deep-voiced, sweating, stinking dudes with B.O. multiplying with friction. The other is two hairless, smooth-skinned, soft-sounding women fondling each other. Usually(if they’re hot) the intention is to turn a guy on. I mean let’s face it, MOST lesbian films are made for guys, by guys. Otherwise they wouldn’t use stunning, blonde pornstars. They’d use Ethel & Butch you see buying overalls in Walmart. Now let me take a step back!!! I keep mentioning these hairy gay guys with deep voices, or beautiful blonde women who happen to be lesbian… how very inaccurate of me. That was just for the whole “cool for girls not for guys” thing women cling to. Now for reality. Gay guys are not hairy, and don’t talk with deep voices. On the contrary, they shave everything and talk like pippy-long-stockings. It’s almost like the whole manly thing just isn’t a turn on for them……………………………………. um……………………… WHAT? They’re gay! If there were any man who was turned on by manliness, it’d be a GAY one, right?! Skipping ahead, lesbians are usually ugly as fuck. Ethel’s usually fat with extra white skin or something, while Butch cuts her hair short and wears the opposite of a Wonder-Bra to flatten her boobs……………………………………… but, I don’t understand. If there were any woman to like womanly features, it’d be a lesbian…. RIGHT?! FOR FUCK’S SAKE RIGHT?!?!?! Or are all these little bicurious people still just so caught up in God’s will & natural flow of things that their true colors shine so obviously right through their “gay” relationship. The lesbian loves her short-haired, flat-chested butch because she naturally craves some form of masculinity. The only effort is fooling herself into thinking that the space can be filled by a dyke dressed like Paul Bunyon. Do you have the balls to tell me I’m wrong? Or do I really have to get into all the operations people get done in desperate attempts to bring gay sex just a bit closer to the fulfilling experience that all-out, natural sex has always been.

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