• The Lord Smites Reddit

    April 22, 2011 3:11 am 66 comments
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  • An outage at an Amazon Web Services (AWS) has caused service disruptions across the Internet at atheist and liberal sites such as Reddit, Quora, and Hootsuite that rely on AWS for their hosting services.

    According to eyewitnesses, an Amazon data center in Northern Virginia was hit by the Lord’s thunderbolt around 1:41 a.m. PDT on April 21, disrupting the company’s EC2 (Elastic Compute Cloud) service. “The weather was calm,” Paul Smith, 28, said, “When a low rumble and a flash of lightning just came out of nowhere and BOOM! The data center bursts into flames.”

    Denying divine intervention as the source of outage, Amazon obfuscate the matter by saying, “We are currently investigating latency and error rates with EBS volumes and connectivity issues reaching EC2 instances in the US-EAST-1 region.”

    The Internet had seen increasing pollution by non-believers over the past few years, with a website called Reddit being one of the worse offenders. Non-believers congregate in echo-chambers to affirm their wrong-headed beliefs, tout the non-evidence of evolution, and display to one another their private parts in public forums with names like /r/gonewild/ and /r/spacedicks/.

    “The Lord has shown mercy to these young people for a long time,” Reverand Peter Reohm says, “But their hearts remain hardened, and they treat both President Bush and other devout Christians with contempt. It is no wonder that the Almighty chose to warn them by a small display of power.”

    Unrepenting and acting like the socially irresponsible rascals that they are, Reddit deflects the blame to others: “Reddit is in ‘emergency read-only mode’ right now because Amazon is experiencing a degradation. They are working on it, but we are still waiting for them to get to our volumes. You won’t be able to log in.” The site will ostensibly remain down until the Lord shows mercy.

    Christwire, and other godly sites like the National Organization for Marriage, are not affected.

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    About The Author
    William Stephens "This fair land is God's own country, and it's Republican and Free. Its a Protestant land made by God's Perfect Hand, and a Protestant country it will always be." WPS graduated from Colorado University's journalism school and is now making America better one article at a time.

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