The Lord Smites Reddit
An outage at an Amazon Web Services (AWS) has caused service disruptions across the Internet at atheist and liberal sites such as Reddit, Quora, and Hootsuite that rely on AWS for their hosting services.
According to eyewitnesses, an Amazon data center in Northern Virginia was hit by the Lord’s thunderbolt around 1:41 a.m. PDT on April 21, disrupting the company’s EC2 (Elastic Compute Cloud) service. “The weather was calm,” Paul Smith, 28, said, “When a low rumble and a flash of lightning just came out of nowhere and BOOM! The data center bursts into flames.”
Denying divine intervention as the source of outage, Amazon obfuscate the matter by saying, “We are currently investigating latency and error rates with EBS volumes and connectivity issues reaching EC2 instances in the US-EAST-1 region.”
The Internet had seen increasing pollution by non-believers over the past few years, with a website called Reddit being one of the worse offenders. Non-believers congregate in echo-chambers to affirm their wrong-headed beliefs, tout the non-evidence of evolution, and display to one another their private parts in public forums with names like /r/gonewild/ and /r/spacedicks/.
“The Lord has shown mercy to these young people for a long time,” Reverand Peter Reohm says, “But their hearts remain hardened, and they treat both President Bush and other devout Christians with contempt. It is no wonder that the Almighty chose to warn them by a small display of power.”
Unrepenting and acting like the socially irresponsible rascals that they are, Reddit deflects the blame to others: “Reddit is in ‘emergency read-only mode’ right now because Amazon is experiencing a degradation. They are working on it, but we are still waiting for them to get to our volumes. You won’t be able to log in.” The site will ostensibly remain down until the Lord shows mercy.
Christwire, and other godly sites like the National Organization for Marriage, are not affected.
- Sinful
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- Laughing Out Loud
Author: William Stephens
"This fair land is God's own country, and it's Republican and Free. Its a Protestant land made by God's Perfect Hand, and a Protestant country it will always be."
WPS graduated from Colorado University's journalism school and is now making America better one article at a time.
8:31 am
That Reddit is an abomination. I’ve tried to use it for recipe trading and some little peckerwood whacker will post pornagraphic pictures to my cherry smoked butt (delicious with wild rice pilaf).
Hot debate. What do you think?
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12:34 pm
This explains why the misses was late with dinner yesterday.
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5:29 pm
Why didn’t you make dinner for a change?
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6:42 am
I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.
1 Timothy 2:12
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7:05 am
You idiot…. You’re not living in 100 BC. Women have just as many rights as you. The fact that some women cook for their men is a privilege those men enjoy, not a right they have as men.
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7:48 am
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything
It is written plainly yet Jezebels who do not submit as is the Lord’s command seek to destroy Gods order for the world
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12:43 pm
The ladies at group last night were talking about that exact recipe. I had to settle them down.
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1:12 pm
PRAISE TO THE LORD! Next the Almighty will smite the womenfolk who dare not cover their heads (1 Cor. 11:6). Strumpets, your day of reckoning is next.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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4:59 pm
Howard!
I ran into Agnes after Easter services yesterday. She looks fantastic. She seemed pleased to hear you were out of Psych lock down. I let her know you seemed to be back to your old self.
I hope you crazy kids can work things out after the restraining order expires.
BB
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6:52 pm
so you wnat to be a muslim Like nation ??
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12:46 am
That sounds delicious! I would love your recipe! I bet that is a tasty butt!
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11:37 am
Shows you that God controls science and technology.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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7:23 pm
Indeed. The universe is centred on neither the earth nor the sun. It is centred on God, and I tremble for my country when I reflect that He is just.
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11:52 am
You people are so sick and twisted. Oh no – gods must have done this. Nearly 250 religious sites were also affected by this – way more than any combination of atheist or scientific sites yet you don’t mention that. Ignorant hypocrites – the base of all religion.
Praise be to the flying spaghetti monster!!
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1:03 pm
You do realize that this website is just REALLY good satire right?
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4:23 pm
It took me a few moments to realize it as well. Even the first few comments are really great. Why had I not seen this site before.
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7:25 pm
Do not be absurd. It is sad that you stumbled upon the truth, but then pick yourself up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
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8:39 pm
God, I hope so!
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7:08 pm
Atheist Baby Eater, eh? How is babby cooked?
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8:17 pm
I think my name will answer your question.
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12:48 am
Have you never heard of collateral damage? Some times to smite the wicked the good get smited as well.
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12:18 pm
Oh my god. /r/spacedicks?? I didn’t know that existed, thank you for pointing me in the right direction.
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12:28 pm
Surely this entire website is the world’s largest troll.
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7:19 pm
You need to seek help from your pastor.
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3:43 am
I believe sir, it is you who needs to see a pastor. Their is also a /r/christian subreddit where like-minded Christians may gather and condemn atheists. Oh I’m sorry I guess that part of the site wasn’t relevant to your biased perspective of reality. Enjoy your Zombie Jesus Holy Day though!
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12:54 pm
Yeah, I did it. I brought Reddit down. Seemed like a better use of my time than feeding the hungry, stopping genocide, or healing the sick.
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7:19 pm
Satires are not welcomed here on Christwire. Please take that to your Reddit.
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12:50 am
well said brother stephens!
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12:56 pm
People who belive this actually exist?
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1:02 pm
Agreed. I am shocked at the number of people who fail to see the dangers this Reddit pose to our rural way of life.
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2:57 pm
This site has to be satire… It’s too lulzy to be serious.
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7:17 pm
I’m not familiar with the word “lulzy”. Please use proper English.
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3:06 pm
Wow I can’t believe people think this is gods work hahahaha
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7:16 pm
Look around you, and God’s mysteries are everywhere to be found.
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1:20 am
Like why the “PH” is pronounced like a “V.” Mysterious indeed.
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4:06 pm
People like you guys make Christians look bad
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4:07 pm
This is satire, right? Please say this is satire because if my fellow Christians have really become this stupid, I think I need to rethink my faith.
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12:52 am
spoken like a true secret muslim
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5:21 pm
I was not aware of this liberal threat called “Reddit”. But really, the socialist connotations say it all. Thanks for bringing this to my attention.
As for Amazon, they are known to employ Homo-Gays and Muslims both. It is no surprise that they have courting the wrath of Christ for some time.
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7:15 pm
Indeed. The name of their company, Amazon, comes from the Greek myth where a tribe of womenfolk cuts of their breasts to do men’s work. Is it any wonder that they employ people who err in the path of the righteous?
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7:10 am
You must be joking…. Hello, have you ever read the bit where the Bible says to love another? Do you honestly think that being hateful makes you a good Christian?
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11:04 pm
Homo-gays…You don’t even realize what that actually means do you. XD
Also, if the magical thunderbolt was going after reddit why didn’t it hit reddit’s data center? Because causing a disruption in amazons services caused many religious cites to go down.
Also, reddit is a community driven cite. r/christianity exists as well as many other religions.
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5:51 pm
Reddit is back. What now bitches?
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7:13 pm
Repent, child, and be reborn in the image of the Lord himself. Spring is the perfect season for rebirth.
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6:20 pm
You guys are fucking mental.
Reddits back anyway.
WHERES YOUR GOD NOW?
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7:11 pm
The Lord is merciful.
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1:24 am
So God is both merciful and just? A merciful god isn’t just. A just god isn’t merciful. Total nonsequitir. Pick one please. Which do you prefer?
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3:46 am
And clearly you are not. I guess that’s why you’re just a “child” to God.
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7:12 am
apparently, He isn’t, cause then there would not be people like you spreading their venom….
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10:56 pm
Now everyone knows that isn’t true. According to YOUR bible “god” brought plagues on Egypt killing thousands of innocent children only because they wouldn’t let the Israelites leave.
He also destroyed innocent children in Sodom because Lot couldn’t find 10 righteous men. Hey, Lot was no saint. He offered his daughters as virgins to a mob to protect a couple of “angels”. His daughters were married. Oh and let us not forget that he supposedly slept while both his daughters had there way with him.
“God” Destroyed Jobs life only to prove a point to Satan.
Yeah, that’s mercy alright.
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6:22 pm
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7:33 pm
I’m sorry, but your keyboard seems to be in need of repair.
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12:55 am
I would expect that from someone as sinful as a Simpson’s character
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12:13 am
its a web link idiot
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11:13 pm
I must say, if god is so powerful, and “Controls technology” as stated in the comments.. Then why was he not able to take reddit offline? Not even for a short period? The best he could do was “Degraded Service”, “Increased Latency”. A mear man could do this by tripping over a network cable.
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7:50 am
But then was it not God in his infinite wisdom that laid out the network cable in the path of the (presumably Liberal) buffoon?
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11:33 pm
SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT WE BETTER PRAY FOR ZEUS! AND POSEIDON FIRST A TSUNAMI AND NOW LIGHTNING BOLTS THEY ARE ANGRY!
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3:49 am
People like you sir, are why God banished us from Eden. You think you know God so well? That you can define what God is by your mere human intellect? That is simply arrogance sir, which is just pride one of the 7 deadly sins. Good day sir!
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6:39 am
God smiteth the filthy playstation owners because the japanese attacked Pearl Harbor
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8:34 pm
The Lord had nothing to do with it. Long live Anonymous!
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10:43 pm
Is this site serious? I can’t tell.
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5:47 pm
The Lord smites Reddit. As with bees angry when the hive is disturbed, the rabid crowd of immature, virgin-but-desperate teenagers descend upon Christwire en masse. We are undaunted and we will continue to stand steadfast for our Risen Lord, His own blessed country, and conservative values.
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12:15 am
As Amazon’s web services outage passed its third day, the debate on the future of cloud computing is under way. The outage is costing web sites such as Reddit and Quora considerable losses as users turn elsewhere to get their social media needs met.
Amazon’s Elastic Cloud 2 service plays the host to thousands of major web sites that rely upon it to serve pages to users. And users rely upon these services to store their personal accounts and data remotely…
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12:41 am
Those Quora guys are a bunch of homo’s anyway. When is the last time that you found a useful answer there that didn’t involve the four blocks around their office?
The bible is a much better source of answers than Quora will ever be. Also the bible has lasted for thousands of years, but Quora will be gone within 18 months.
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3:19 pm
Indeed – all of science can be found in the Holy Bible: http://www.conservapedia.com/Biblical_scientific_foreknowledge
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12:37 am
bless us one and all
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