• Top 10 Enemies of Chris†: Gay Gateway Moms, Hippies and James Franco – HO NO!

    April 22, 2011 2:28 pm 35 comments

    The rankings of top ten Enemies of Christ (EOC) shook harder than crackpipe trailer trash this Easter Holy week with the debut of a new enemy of Christ providing deep penetration from the bottom 25 into the top three. (Updates later in the story)

    Atheists dropped to number seven due to numerous vacations and a chronic sloth ethic. To no one’s surprise, the anti-God crowd dragged out the dusty corpse of their well-loved “Jesus is a Zombie” rhetoric for Holy week. Ho-hum, booorr-ring! If the scarecrow only had a brain, Dorothy, beggars could ride ponies and let go of the shopping carts. Atheists are losing ground and are too busy looking at their reflection to care. What dolts.

    Entertainment lost footing while Chris†Wire scored on Coachella, saving an estimated 1M souls from Satan’s buttery sphincter scepter. Powerful ministering by both Bryan and Mike to bring word of the degradation and debauchery to the spirit thirsty college crowd also had a positive impact on the eviction of Entertainment from the top 10. Miley Cyrus tried to save the decline with an arm pit tattoo, but it was too little, too late. If you want to commit to controversy Miley, you’ll need to get a face tattoo.

    Jews made their annual exodus from the lower 35 into the top ten with feasts and festivals to Passover Jesus. Predictions point to the populous appeal of bacon and pig products as core drivers for limited appearance of Jews in the top ten. Why is anyone Jewish or Muslim when applewood cure bacon is so delicious? It is insanity.

    White racism and Melanin Rage driven by the feline threat took a knuckle sam’mich to the stomach due to brave investigative reporting and a failed flip off to homosexuality, falling to 10 from last week’s position.

    The Dude abides, Man. Dirty unwashed hippies arrived on the chart in a flowered panel van and left the harlotry of broken marriage in a cannabis cloud of confusion out of the top 10. Subway blunts and a cloud of rocky mountain high over Boulder, Colorado, have largely gone under-reported for the week allowing the dirty hippies to belly crawl into the top ten.

    10. Melanin Rage and Feline Felons (Black on Cat crimes)

    9. The President Born in Hawaii that No One Remembers

    8. Dirty Hippies Cloud Boulder

    7. Atheists: On Permanent Vacation

    6. Jews Passover Jesus

    5. Abortion

    4. M&M’s – Mexicans and Muslims

    3. Evolution – Elitist vs. Real People Common Sense

    2. Homosexual Gay Trading

    1. Gaytway Moms – New!

    BREAKING NEWS! While the internets fell out as an EOC in the top ten, a new foe rode the pale, chocolate pudding horse of sodomy and insidious gayification through the homo-gaytway of feminine hygiene.

    Liberal Mothers, who no doubt exceeded limits for obtaining lunch hour abortions in order to spawn, are exposing their sons to leg waxing and toe polishing in attempt to kibosh the Godly masculine attributes inherent in a boy child. Young girls are stepping up by bullying our young men into the homo-gaytway with dressing room Gay-Dates!

    WARNING! The following videos are very graphic. Those with weakened constitutions or susceptibility to coercion may want to seek Christ-inspired counsel and prayer before viewing. It is not recommended for children under the age of 20.

    This first video shows one mother playfully teaching her son to wax his young, downy legs so he might fetch a premium as a Gay-Date rental. She no doubt needs the money to obtain drugs and fund her lesbian bean-licking cocina escapades. The adorable child is innocent in these games and soon will take part in the diabolical statistic as one child-victim for every four homosexuals.

    The way she mocks the humiliation to his tender legs is too much to bear. His eyes shine with tears, as his mother laughs at his shame. It is a sad preface to the deeply personal violation to come. One has to wonder if Mommy is bleaching his dirty hole to make it more inviting.

    More evidence is available here that I personally cannot watch again due to the graphic nature of the depth of depravity. For those that dare watch, listen carefully to Mommy Dearest tell these two sweet boys to enjoy their “spa day” rather than doing Godly boyish things like swinging a dead rat on a piece of string, building a raft to sail down the Mississippi or peeing off a bridge onto dirty hobos.

    Homo She Didn’t! Will these boys grow up to be princess sissy boys like James Franco and study poetry? If they live through the terror as fragile favors bandied about in sex orgies, poetry study might be an improvement.

    Young girls are also jack boot pimping in the pansification of young Justin or Jebbidya into a fully fledged Nancy-boy. Watch her pimp slap him with blasphemic bombast to “Raise your hands to Je-sus!” as she feminizes him for his next chocolate sauce social with an angry purple suitor. What a disgusting use of Girl Scout leadership counsel values. I’m sure it is all to earn a new gay play patch of valor.

    The rankings, compiled for the week ended April 23, 2011, reflect the moral writings of numerous Christian thinkers, leaders and teachers active on the EOC committee and are a published internationally by Chris†Wire as part of the organization’s outreach ministries. Distribution in whole or in part is strongly encouraged through acceptable standard means and acknowledgement of source. Official mimeographed copies of this list are available from Chris†Wire, upon request, for a small donation.

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    About The Author
    Blanche Beecham "Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM

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