• Top 10 Enemies of Chris† Rankings: Atheists Drop Due to Cannibalism

    April 17, 2011 2:15 pm 13 comments

    For nearly two millennia, Atheists have enjoyed the status and notoriety that accompanies being the number one or two enemy of Christ. New rankings just released show the great debate slipping to number six in the list of top ten enemies of Jesus with a young upstart taking the second position.

    Atheists, the No-it-All Know Nothings™ dropped sharply due to erroneous and questionable denial of Christ combined with allegations of cannibalism during communion. The dual denial and finger pointing has resulted in deep rejection of the No to all deities format of the group and left a void of know nothing hollow comments about how funny unicorns and spaghetti monsters are. Atheists need to regain some level of serious debate and stop whoring around with childish abandon to regain lost footing as an enemy of Christ.

    The Tea Party hijacking of the Republican party from the liberal operatives has also moved “The President Who Is Not President Bush” to the lower bowels of the rankings. A refreshed vigor against Planned Parenthood has smote the beehive of democratic efforts to lead the country into the godless socialist agenda and provided a warm fertile placement in the top five rankings for a former foe, abortion.

    Where's Al?

    Newly found photographs of 3420 Boelter Hall at the University of California, Los Angeles, reported as the birthplace of the internet have jettisoned the internet from 15th in prior rankings to number four. Many have noted the absence of Al Gore from the photographs, but note the crazy facial hair and conservative clothing are a refreshing change from prior preconceptions and stereotypes of IT professionals.

    The recent animated cartoon film “HOP” is a mockery of the Easter passion of Christ with fluffy cotton tails and jellybean scat. Yes, the lead character defecates on the cross with candy sweetness while beckoning children to question the validity of a risen Lord and Savior with a ride in a windowless van. The film is one reason entertainment and gaming industries continue to occupy the top ten for a record 38 weeks.

    As an interesting note, the Entertainment ranking has seen benefit from on missing enemy from the top 10 – The Catholic church. Historically, the classic filth “The Exorcist” with the pea soup of morality served with a ham handed public banning did more to drive the angst-ridden public to churches than the “Left Behind” franchise. With the Catholic Church as a supporting character, the big “C” has failed to enter the top ten enemies of Christ since the film’s release. The Catholic Church has been at position 12 for the last 9 months with little movement in evangelical disdain.

    The top three enemies include some old favorites and a new addition. Immigration used to be a cornerstone for evangelical congregations wishing to increase attendance and growing a following. This has changed with the revelation that rejection of others draws more than acceptance. Evolution and Biblical Illiteracy continues to ratify the top three with intelligent design.

    The newly released rankings reveal a revision from previous placements based upon the published works of evangelicals and televised Christian thinkers.

    10. Entertainment and Gaming Media

    9. The President Who is Not President Bush

    8. Harlotry and ME (Marriage Elimination)

    7. The Uppity Jive of Blacks and Cats

    6. Atheists, the No-it-All Know Nothings™

    5. Abortionists, Women rights that clock block God’s Plan

    4. Interweb-nets, Girdles of Faith

    3. Evolution – Modern Science vs. Biblical Illiteracy

    2. Islamic Immigration and the Mexican Jihad

    1. Homosexual Evangelicals

    Homosexuality is number one for the 100th week in a row and shows no sign of abating in vigor or stamina. The continued messaging through entertainment, internet and atheists regarding the subject allows for homosexual evangelicals additional rank, while efforts such as DADT elimination mainstream this enemy of Christ for many weeks to come.

    Eeeek! Gay Rebels!

    • 2d2dlc2
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    About The Author
    Blanche Beecham "Blanche Beecham lends a soft, learned hand to the fourth estate with incite-full investigations on diverse topics such as Politics, Love, and Lifestyle. Her many years experience as a wife, mother, ladies book club president and financial auditor make her well suited to ferreting out the truth and giving it a sound shake." - Rev. Jackson Lee Whitebelley, Publisher and Editor of "The Incubator" - Follow me on Twitter! @BLANCHEBEECHAM

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