Greetings fellow Christians reading Christwire! This is my first article on this blessed website, and I am glad to have stumbled upon this bastion of Christianity.
When I am not proclaiming the good news either at my local chapel or neighborhood, I like to open my Bible to a random page in my free time. I like to think of it as God guiding my hand and directing my study.
This week I happened to stumble upon a peculiar verse that I thought I might share with you all:
No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
I am open to debate on my conclusions, but I think my reasoning is quite solid.
1. Women may not enter into a Holy Place of Worship
As I am sure we all know, God created man before he created the lesser of the two genders: woman. Woman was actually taken from the rib of man. Yet what was God going to do with the genitals of the woman. The only logical conclusion is that God proceeded to cut off the male genitals in order to fashion the inferior female form. I am pretty sure of these facts.
The rest of the verse, however, is up for debate. Some of my friends have suggested woman should not be allowed on the Church property, while others have suggested that they merely stay quiet throughout the service. Let me know what you guys thing.
2. All sports players should wear a cup, lest they endanger their man parts and cause a shame to the Lord
We have all been there,out on the field, playing some football after the Sunday service, when some Peter or Mathew crushes your man parts. I know realize the mortal danger of not only our ability to procreate but also enter our local place of worship. I propose every sports player (except the liberals and homosexuals) be issued a cup in order to protect their gonads. This way, we can all remain dutiful to the temple God has given us.
Thank you all for reading my post and I look forward to hearing from you.